TRUE ROMANCE2-Scene 5

Scene 5

To the tune of "What's Wrong With Goose Bumps?", we see a backdrop of Grauman's Chinese forecourt. DIXIE ANN and ETIENNE enter from the left in awe of gazing at the cement imprints. Suddenly, a MAN dances on. HE takes one look at ETIENNE and his arms fly up in ecstasy. He points to Etienne, cannot believe her beauty, hands Dixie Ann a card and dances off. As he does, a GROUP of photographers, reporters, cameramen, and makeup people dance on. The glimpse of Grauman's now changes on the backdrop to a motion picture soundstage. DIXIE ANN watches with delight as ETIENNE is photographed, made up and interviewed. Then a poster descends from the flies. It reads LANA TURNER and ROCK HUDSON in DON'T TAKE MY BABY FROM ME introducing the Sensation of the Year, ETIENNE MACCREADY. DIXIE ANN scrutinizes it and shakes her head. That poster flies up and is replaced by a second one reading LANA TURNER and ROCK HUDSON in DON'T TAKE MY BABY FROM ME introducing the Sensation of the Year, ETIENNE COSTELLO. This pleases her, and since she is pleased so are all the OTHERS. The backdrop now becomes one of shooting stars. ETIENNE stands before it as TWO MAIDS appear. One places a diamond tiara on her head; the other puts an ermine wrap around her shoulders. Three more posters descend in rapid succession. The first reads: "You loved her in 'Don't Take My Baby From Me', now see ETIENNE COSTELLO in her first starring role, DADDY'S GIRL, co-staring JEFF CHANDLER and ANN BLYTHE. The second one: ETIENNE COSTELLO, JAMES STEWART and JUNE ALLYSON in VACATION IN ROME; the third: ETIENNE COSTELLO in DADDY'S GIRL GOES WEST with YVONNE DeCARLO and RORY CALHOUN. Glamour photos of 9 year old Etienne flash on the backdrop suddenly replaced by the face of 16 year old Etienne just as lights blink and we are faced with the 16 year old Etienne standing posing before the backdrop instead of her 9 year old counterpart. A final poster descends reading: ETIENNE COSTELLO, ELIZABETH TAYLOR and MARILYN MONROE in TRUE ROMANCE. Then the curtains part and we are in a dingy Los Angeles living room even dingier than the one we saw in North Carolina. It is seven years later. DIXIE ANN sits by the table drawing on a pad with Crayolas. She is considerably fatter than when last we saw her. The 16 year old ETIENNE enters through a door to the left carrying school books.

DIXIE ANN Hi, sweet baby! (ETIENNE goes to her, kisses her on the head and looks over her shoulder.) ETIENNE You haven't done one o' those in ages. What movie am I starring in now?

DIXIE ANN

It's called Love Before Midnight.

ETIENNE

And who are my co-stars?

DIXIE ANN

How about Paul Newman and William Holden?

ETIENNE

Yummy. I love them both!

DIXIE ANN

That's the advantage of signin' with Cotter Productions. You can have any co-star you like. Dinner's all ready. I just have to fry the mackerel. I got it at Farmer's Market on my way home from work. (SHE rises and goes to the tiny kitchenette upstage, turns on the gas jet under a frying pan, places a large portion of butter and proceeds to fry the fish. ETIENNE looks at the paper.) ETIENNE You should have been an artist, Mummy.

DIXIE ANN

Well, everyone wanted me to be an artist, but I said, "No, no! I am goin' to serve humanity and sell garter belts."

ETIENNE

(laughing and embracing her)
You crazy lady, I love you!

DIXIE ANN

That's a wonderful idea for a song!
                                         Crazy lady,
                                         I love you,
                                         And, boy, I am so glad!
                                         Crazy lady,
                                         I love you
                                         Because you're mad.

ETIENNE

                                         Crazy lady,
                                         I love you,
                                         No ifs, no ands, no buts;
                                         Crazy lady,
                                         I love you
                                         Because you're nuts.

DIXIE ANN

You don't have a brain in your head,
But to that I say, "fooey",

ETIENNE

The truth remains when all's done and said,
I love you because you're screwy.

DIXIE ANN

                                         Crazy lady,
                                         I love you---
                                         What else could I possibly do?

ETIENNE

                                         Crazy lady,
                                         I love you,
                                         Because I'm as demented as you. (Through the song, THEY dance while Etienne sets the table and DIXIE ANN puts the finishing touches on the meal.)
DIXIE ANN Wait! I think it needs a verse.

ETIENNE

Oh, Mummy, songs don't have verses any more.

DIXIE ANN

All songs written by the incomparable Cotter and Costello have verses. Now let's see.
                                        I've known so very many ladies,
                                        Some came from Heaven
                                        And some came from Hades.
                                        Some were perfectly lowdown
                                        And some were perfectly ritzy,
                                        But I never met one
                                        So absolutely ditzy.

ETIENNE

That's it, Cotter! Another million seller.
                                        Crazy lady,
                                        I love you,
                                        And, boy, I am so glad!
                                        Crazy lady,
                                        I love you
                                        Because you're mad.

DIXIE ANN

                                        Crazy lady,
                                        I love you,
                                        No ifs, no ands, no buts;
                                        Crazy lady,
                                        I love you
                                        Because you're nuts.

ETIENNE

You don't have a brain in your head,
But to that I say, "fooey",

DIXIE ANN

The truth remains when all's done and said,
I love you because you're screwy.

ETIENNE

                                        Crazy lady,
                                        I love you---
                                        What else could I possibly do?

DIXIE ANN

                                        Crazy lady,
                                        I love you,
                                        Because I'm as demented as you.
(When the number is over, THEY sit down to eat.) ETIENNE So now tell me about Love Before Midnight. What do I play?

DIXIE ANN

A sweet young thing, o' course.

ETIENNE

Well, you know I've been getting some criticism from some of my fans that I've been a little too much of a sweet young thing.

DIXIE ANN

That hasn't hurt Sandra Dee.

ETIENNE

Oh, I'm a much bigger star than she is!

DIXIE ANN

Then I'll just have to talk to the screenwriters. We'll have to make it a little naughtier. I'll tell ya what. Instead of Love Before Midnight, we'll call it Love After Midnight. (THEY BOTH begin to laugh. The laughter builds until it becomes uncontrollable. All at once DIXIE ANN stops and clutches her throat. At first, ETIENNE thinks she's playing. But DIXIE ANN starts to choke.) ETIENNE Mummy? MUMMY!!! (DIXIE ANN gasps for breath. ETIENNE rushes to her, begins slapping her back. But DIXIE ANN struggles for air.) ETIENNE Oh, God! Oh, God! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!

LIGHTS DIM QUICKLY