Scene Seven

 
 
 

During the BLACKOUT, we hear a sudden blast of raunchy music, and when the LIGHTS RISE, we see on a screen still projections of Nome, Alaska in the latter days of the Gold Rush. Everything looks jerry-built and slushy. The last still we see is of a seedy building with a sign announcing: RICH BAR SALOON & DANCE HALL. Beneath it is a poster telling us: DIRECT FROM JUNEAU...MISS TRIXIE DAWN with a photo of a hefty, not-so-young blonde. A POSSE of GRIZZLED and DRUNKEN MINERS lope across the stage, shouting and shooting off pistols. THEY exit to the left. A set slides on representing the inside of the saloon filled with more GRIZZLED MEN and over-painted WOMEN. Directly up center is a small Victorian stage with gas footlights and a red velvet curtain. The MINERS we saw march across stage now enter through the swinging doors to join the others. The orchestra strikes up, the noise gradually subsides and the curtains part revealing a backdrop of a street in a small western town---every bit as tacky as the backdrop we saw in the London theatre. IRENE is now part of a CHORUS of SIX, all dressed in short black satin costumes with black net stockings. Her hair is now platinum, she sports a mole on one of her cheeks and looks harder and older than in the previous scene. CHORUS does a simple, slightly suggestive dance, and the MEN in the audience stamp and whistle. Spotlights falls on stage right, and TRIXIE DAWN appears. She wears a low-cut white satin gown studded with rhinestones, and she resembles the photo in the still, only heavier and older. But from the attention she receives, she is evidently a local favorite. She sings in the loud, raucous style of the period.)
 

TRIXIE
Sarah Smith was very sweet,
She had no wiles or tricks;
But then she met Dakota Jones
And fell like tons of bricks.
Sarah Smith, she loved him so,
She'd gladly give her life;
She'd follow him to kingdom come
Until she met his wife.
She clutched her heart,
She clutched her head
And turned to him
And calmly said:

"Go on, skedaddle,
"Get back in your saddle,
"Go home to your wife and your kid;
"You're smug and conceited,
"You lied and you cheated
"And you ain't shed a tear for what you did."

CHORUS
"Go on, skedaddle,
"Get back in your saddle,
"Go home to your wife and your kid;
"You're smug and conceited,
"You lied and you cheated
"And you ain't shed a tear for what you did."
(As the CHORUS sings, the ONLOOKERS join in, swinging their beer steins and glasses to the rhythm.)
TRIXIE
Dakota said, "But don't you see
"We still can have a life;
"Don't you know, you silly girl,
"A wife is just a wife."
This statement that Dakota made
Was more than she could stand,
She left the room and then returned,
A shotgun in her hand.
She aimed at him
And shot him dead,
Then she looked down
And calmly said:

"Go on, skedaddle,
"Get back in your saddle,
"Go home to your wife and your kid;
"You're smug and conceited,
"You lied and you cheated
"And you ain't shed a tear for what you did."

CHORUS

"Go on, skedaddle,
"Get back in your saddle,
"Go home to your wife and your kid;
"You're smug and conceited,
"You lied and you cheated
"And you ain't shed a tear for what you did."
(ONLOOKERS really sing out this time as they ALL repeat the chorus. While this is in progress a large WOMAN appears through the swinging doors dragging behind her a much larger YOUNG MAN.)
YOUNG MAN
Mama, I wanna go home!

WOMAN

Shut your face, Jeremy Botts! Now which one?

                                                                       (HE points to the stage. The WOMAN storms up on the platform and
                                                                        heads directly for IRENE.)

WOMAN

Give my boy back his nuggets! (WOMAN is so loud, the orchestra stops and so do the ONLOOKERS.)
YOUNG MAN
Mama!

IRENE

                                                                      (now with a Viennese accent)
I don't know what you're talking about, you ugly old cow.

WOMAN

You vixen! I'll get them nuggets if I have to crack your skull open.
  (SHE starts to shake Irene. We see things splatter from beneath Irene's costume. The OTHER GIRLS immediately bend to retrieve them WOMAN cracks Irene across the face. IRENE pulls back her fist and slugs her. THEY start tearing at each other, pulling each other's hair, scratching, wrestling and ripping each other's clothes. Some of the MEN in the audience get so excited, THEY start fighting, too. The stage is a melee of flying chairs and cracked glass. Through it all the YOUNG MAN looks agonizingly embarrassed.)
YOUNG MAN
Mama, I want to go home!
 
  (Lights blackout. IRENE's room slides into view. IRENE is sitting in a negligee, manicuring her nails. She sports a black eye, and wears a bandage on one of her hands. We see a good-looking MAN of about 40 approach the door and knock loudly.)
SHERIFF
It's Sheriff Quinby! Open up!

IRENE

The door is not locked, Sheriff.

SHERIFF

                                                                      (opening and entering)
Miss Montenegro...

IRENE

That's not what you call me when the lamp goes out, Sylvester.

SHERIFF

Yeah, well the lamp is on now...

IRENE

                                                                      (moving to him and pressing her body against his)
It requires one little blow to change all that. (SHERIFF pushes her away. SHE retreats back to the chair and returns to filing her nails.)
SHERIFF
Do you realize that kid was only 14?

IRENE

I never ask for birth certificates. I'm not the immigration office.

SHERIFF

I know that. They refuse entry now and then. IRENE That's where they make their mistake.

SHERIFF

I come here to warn you to pack your bags and get out of Nome.

IRENE

And if I should not?

SHERIFF

You'll be tarred and feathered, that's what. If you're not murdered first. Listen here...
There's no place like Nome, Fritzi,
Greed and vice pollute its aura---
You could not find a worser home, Fritzi,
If you crossed Sodom with Gomorrah.
Evil triumphs, good declines,
And when it comes to skunks and swines---

You take the cake!
You take the blasted cake!
Could anyone be baser?
You're corrupt as hell,
You make Jezebel
Seem just like St. Theresa.

And you take the cake,
You take the blasted cake!
And you look so French and huggy...
 

IRENE
I'm Viennese...and huggy.

SHERIFF

But a whiff of gold
Makes your heart turn cold
And your little eyes grow buggy.

Just take a glance at that innocent face!
How innocent can a face be?
The French, they are a greedy race,
And you're the greediest frog I ever did see!

IRENE
I told you. I'm Viennese.

SHERIFF

And you take the cake,
You take the blasted cake!
You can't resist a nugget---
Poor Ernie Joad,
You grabbed his lode
As soon as he had dug it.
You're a swindler,
You're a fake!
Which is why you take the cake,
You take the blasted cake!
You take the cake!
IRENE
Are you quite finished, Sylvester?

MINER'S VOICE

No, he ain't.
  (IRENE looks up in surprise. TEN MINERS we saw in the dance hall scene march in and join the SHERIFF.)
SHERIFF & MINERS
You take the cake,
You take the blasted cake!
Could anyone be baser?
You're corrupt as hell,
You make Jezebel
Seem just like St. Theresa.

And you take the cake,
You take the blasted cake!
And you look so French and huggy...

IRENE
Austrian, boys.

SHERIFF & MINERS

But a whiff of gold
Makes your heart turn cold
And your little eyes grow buggy.

Just take a glance at that innocent face!
How innocent can a face be?
The French, they are a greedy race,
And you're the greediest frog we ever did see!

IRENE
Vienna happens to be in Austria.
 
 

SHERIFF & MINERS

What about George West?
And how about Tom Shales?
You took him for a sap, too.
And Joe McCabb's
Come down with crabs,
And they think he's got the clap, too.
You're a swindler!
You're a fake!
Which is why you take the cake!
You take the blasted cake!
You take the cake!
                                                             (Through all of this, IRENE has continued to file her nails.)

IRENE

Is that all, Sylvester?

SHERIFF

No. Been a detective looking for you.

                                                             (IRENE reacts for the first time.)

IRENE

Did he say why?

SHERIFF

Robbery, I reckon.

IRENE

He said that?

SHERIFF

He didn't have to say that.

FIRST MINER

How about fraud, smuggling and extortion?

SECOND MINER

Or blackmail, embezzlement and petty larceny?

SHERIFF

He just showed me a photograph of you with black hair all dolled up in jewels and furs. Most likely you got 'em as illegally as you get everything else.

THIRD MINER

You can say that again, Quinby!

SHERIFF

Said he's been searching for you for one helluva time.

IRENE

Did you tell him where to find me?

SHERIFF

Didn't have to. He already knew.
                                                                      (on his way out, loud enough so everyone can hear)
So just remember what I told you, Miss Montenegro.
 
  (MINERS follow him out the door. Instantly, IRENE bolts the door and dashes about the room, tossing clothes into a suitcase to the strains of You Take The Cake. From a secret panel in the closet, she extracts a box filled with gold nuggets and stuffs them in the valise. A MAN now approaches the door. He has a medium build and sports a dapper mustache. He is obviously the Detective Sheriff Quinby has spoken of. HE knocks. IRENE pauses a moment, but does not respond.)
DETECTIVE
Miss Montenegro?
                                                                      (knocks louder this time)
Fritzi Montenegro?

IRENE

I am captain of my ship,
I am master of my soul--
I'll do my best
To gain my quest
Of absolute control.
DETECTIVE
Open up! I know you're in there!  
  (IRENE is now at the window. SHE hoists herself over, then seizes the suitcase and disappears.)
LIGHTS DIM