Let’s get one thing out of the way before we move on to Women’s Day. Why am I, a male, responding to her? Or, in her words, “Why do men insist far more frequently and with far more vigour on paying attention to gender issues and gender equality? Why should [Essop] Pahad fight for my rights?” First, it is a bit over the top to say that men insist far more frequently and with more vigour on paying attention to gender issues. Quite the opposite actually; there are far too few of us around.

While the struggle for gender justice is about the oppression of women, it cannot be regarded as a women's struggle anymore than what the battle against anti-Semitism is a Jewish struggle or that for non-racialism a Black one. Nobody expects the elimination of child abuse to be solely the responsibility of children. Sexual violence may physically be a woman's problem; morally and physically it is men's.

Our participation as men in Women’s Day, challenge and enable us to examine our own fears, priviledges and prejudices. It frees us in the same way that participation in the struggle for non-racialism frees whites. All of us whether in our offices, bedrooms, kitchens, mosques, temples and boardrooms participate in the shaping of the cultural images and assumptions which oppresses or liberates the gendered other - and thus our selves.  Therefore, Oppelt,  in your freedom lies mine and we men participate in the struggles of women so that we may be liberated.

Oppelt speaks about that “one irritating day” when the media will unpack the issues affecting women’s lives” and when “a talk-show host will rope in the unknown head of the still largely unknown Commission for Gender Equality;” She further says that she does not “want respect for a day” … I do not need a special day to remember I’m a woman.”

It is a pity that the media, by and large, only unpack issues affecting women’s lives once a year in the same way that, for deeply spiritual people, it’s sad that God is worshipped only once a week. While that worship does not happen every day, can we meanwhile cherish that weekly occasion and see how we can all build on it? It is also regretable that Oppelt thinks that the CGE is still largely unknown. Has it occurred to her that this could perhaps be in part because her own paper – the country’s largest weekly - has given its existence and achievements the least coverage of all the national newspapers?

The point about National Women’s Day is not about according Oppelt respect for a day or to remind her that she is a woman. It is about remembering the struggles of all our mothers who made our nation – particularly about a remarkable lot of women who refused to be cowed, who stood up to Strydom in 1956, who dreamt dreams beyond polishing apples and carrots to sell to the ‘madams’.  It is, however, more than just about memory, it is about breaking the silence and using memory as weapon.

I agree with Oppelt that Women’s Day is not about Shoprite/Checkers Woman of the Year Awards nor is it about Dions advertising “specials” on washing machines and vacume cleaners. Let not their hijacking and distortion of our sacred days make us abandon them. As I said, it is about breaking the silence and using memory as weapon.

I was about eight years old and clearly remember the deafening silence which fell over our house in Bonteheuwel one night. My late mother was assaulted by a man while coming from work one night.  Until today I have not ventured to ask my brothers what happened or if she was actually raped. It is as if the sanctity of her motherhood cannot admit to this 'blot'. A blot? A deeply cherished mother with an undying commitment to her children gets assaulted and – nearly three decades later - her loving sons pretend that it did not happen.

Throughout the length and breadth of our country the oppressed people are recounting their tales - their 'blots' - of suffering under apartheid and patriarchy. These tales are harnessed in the struggle for a just and humane society. Whatever happened to my mother - and countless other mothers, sisters and daughters - must be appropriated as a part of our history and of a struggle which transcends the cliches of a non-racial democracy; a struggle as committed to destroying the bonds of apron strings around the waists of women as it is to destroying the walls between our labour and our visible income.

Let us remember those struggles and rededicate ourselves to those dreams every day –as countless unsung activist and some ‘unknown Commissioners” do -  if not, at least once a year.