"I'm not scared to die.

"I'm not afraid of Scorpius.

"I've been in battles and have seen my comrades die, but everything I knew has been taken away from me and I don't know my place anymore.

"Everything I was taught and believed to be true and right has been put into question.

"You ask me to talk to you; to share my thoughts and feelings (most of which I'm still trying to get used to). You don't understand that every time I open up, I lose part of myself; part of the person I once was.

"I want to tell you...many things. I want to share what you so openly to give to me, but I'm afraid of losing myself in you. I want to be close to you...to be a part of you, but I'm afraid of getting too close.

"Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I'm not just talking about your Erp sayings—surprisingly I'm actually understanding more and more of them—but everything I've told you...everything I try to tell you...it's all just so...confusing. Thinking about it confuses me even more. What I'm trying to say is, you don't know me at all..." Aeryn sat in a crouched position, hugging her knees with both her arms. John wasn't far. He sat behind her, listening intently.

"Aeryn . . ." John's hand grazed her arm, causing goosebumps to arise. Finally, Aeryn turned to face him. Her eyes were wide with expectation. John realized it had taken a lot of courage on her part to share this with him. This courage wasn't the kick-ass heroics that saved him on the Gammak base or the courage she showed when faced with her own death, but the courage in her heart; the emotions barely showed except for maybe the one time she'd let him see her cry. His eyes met hers as he leaned in to say, "I'm scared too."

Aeryn looked away from him for a microt, dismissing what he had said with an incredulous sniff, but still felt the heat from his hand on her arm. She turned back again, prepared to say something. She even opened her mouth slightly, but nothing came out.

He nodded his head, without removing his eyes from her.

Her eyes darted from him, to the floor, then back to him again, searching. She saw the sincerity in his eyes. Aeryn had no idea how hard it was for him when she seemed to spurn him...or how much he must love her to wait...to let her open up without pushing her. Sure, some days were harder than others, but he was always there by her side and always defended her. She didn't want him to feel rejected. Hesitantly, she lifted her left hand off her knee and reached up to scratch the back of his neck lightly with her fingertips.

John forced himself not to move, though he really wanted to draw her closer and kiss her. He was afraid she'd leave if he went too far, so he stayed there, holding her in his arms, content with their closeness and the smell of her hair.