Carpenter Story : (2000-02-14 from Vicky)
He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.
When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house,"he said, "my
gift to you."
The carpenter was shocked! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.
So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back.
You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. "Life is a do-it-yourself project," someone has said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the "house" you live in tomorrow.
Build wisely! Remember... Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is watching.
Msg from Dalai Lama : (2000-01-28 from Becky)
Happy 2000 from the Dalai Lama. Here is something interesting that I was sent. Imagine this world if people lived this way. I believe that this information is worth sharing.
THE FOLLOWING IS TAKEN FROM A NEPALESE GOOD LUCK MANTRA. YOU'LL FIND IT TO BE WORTH READING AND WORTH SHARING:
Do not keep this message. The mantra must leave your hands within 96 hours.
You will get a very pleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious.
I N S T R U C T I O N S F O R L I F E
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self , Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realise you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
FORWARD THIS MANTRA E-MAIL TO AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE AND YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE.
0-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks.
15 people and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.
I also know that dreams really do come true and you have my Best Wishes and my best efforts in those.
Regards,
Dalai Lama
Warning to Female - New Drug! (2000-01-21 from Vicky)
Pls be more alert and take extra cautious
when come to this issue.... drink offer fm a guy.
Good Guys out there, pls kindly forward this msg to
your ladies frds.
Happy Holidays,
Julia Chua
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There is a new drug that has been out for less than
a year, Progesterex, that is a essentially a small
steriliziation pill. The drug is now being used by
rapists at parties to rape AND sterilize their victims.
My best friend's mom works at a pharmacy and she said
the drug is available exclusivly to veterinarians to
sterilize large animals. But I have heard from several
of my friends that are still in grad school up north
that at frat parties at their schools (Columbia and Penn State)
the drug is being used with Rohypnol(roofies), the date rape drug.
With Rohypnol, all they have to do is drop it into their drink.
The girl can't remember a thing the next morning of what
happened the night before. Well now Rohypnol is not being
used alone. Progesterex, which dissolves in drinks (alcohol
or soda) just as easily, is being used with it so that the
woman doesn't conceive from the rape and the rapist doesn't
have to worry about having a paternity test indentifying him
months later. But the drug's affects AREN'T TEMPORARY.
Progesterex was designed to sterilizes horses. Any
woman that takes it WILL NOT HAVE CHILDREN EVER IN HER LIFE.
All guys have to do to get this drug is just know someone,
like a friend, who is in the Vet school of any university.
It's that easy, and Progesterex is about to break out big
on campuses everywhere. Believe it or not, there is even
a site on the internet for the drug telling people how to
use it.
It's at http://members.theglobe.com/sinister101/index.htm
For more information about "Roofies" go to
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/0884.html
Please! Forward this to everyone you know, especially girls
who might be headed to college or live in college towns.
**************************************
Vision Without Action = A Dream
Action Without Vision = Passing Time
Vision With Action Changes The World
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Lena
INSTALL LOVE (2000-01-14 from Vicky)
Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install love. Can you guide me through the process?
CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART, ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM.
Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF- ACCEPTANCE
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
CS Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most call me God. Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer (Me) suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put it another way, keep in touch!
SOME JOKES (1999-07-17 from Vicky)
After living in a remote wilderness all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that!
Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning beforeleaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the old gal he's runnin' after."
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"Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.
"Watt."
"What is your name, please?"
"Watt's my name."
"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
"That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
"No, this is Knott."
"Please tell me your name."
"Will Knott."
Whereupon they both hung up
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Mom's answering Machine
Hello, this is your mother ... If you want my advice: Press 1.
If you just want to argue: Press 2.
If you want to leave a message: Wait for the tone.
If you just want to aggravate me or borrow more money: *Hang Up*!
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An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed.
Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!
The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes of laughing and whipping his eyes, the doctor said:
"I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is a gynecologist!"
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Old folks are worth a fortune: With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs. I have become more social with the passing of the years; some might even call me a frivolous old gal. I'm seeing five gentlemen everyday.
As soon as I wake, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Then Charley Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. (He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.) After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed - with Ben Gay. What a life!
P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him I do - all the time. No matter where I am - in the parlor, upstairs in the kitchen or down in the basement - I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"
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A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card.
"It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
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Judi reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes / No answers.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, takes a quarter out of her purse. She starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "No" for tails.
Within 30 minutes she's all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period, Judi again frantically starts flipping the coin again.
The moderator, concerned about what she's doing, stops by and asks if she's ok.
"Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago -- but, "explaining the frantic coin tossing, "I'm going back thru and checking my answers!"
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A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The copper said, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"
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