Rating: PG-13 to R. There is a *slight* chance it may go NC-17, depending on where the story takes me. Sorry, girls, I haven't thought this one out yet, I'm just writing it as it pours out of me.
Pairings: Obi-Wan/OFC (two actually)
Disclaimer: Obi-Wan belongs to Mr. Lucas. It's probably a good thing in the long run, else he'd've been tugged apart by numerous women long ago.
Feedback: PLEASE! I really would like to know what everyone thinks about this. Please to be informed that this story is unbeta-ed; it's straight-up stuff, so be careful with the flame gun!
Summary: A young woman brought to the Temple as a Knight's bride takes a hard look into the meanings of love and its boundaries.
Warnings: Angst. A lot of it. Also, if anyone has a problem with a frank exploration of the concept of polyamory (multiple love – different from polygamy, multiple partners), society's definition of infidelity and what defines a loving relationship, stop here.
Author's notes: This story has come out of a basic need of mine to vent on the concept of people caring about more than one person in different ways. As a married female with multiple male friends (and a definite preference for men as close friends over women), it is one of the most difficult things in the world to deal with jealous partners who think I'm out to steal their guy. There are some days I'd like to take these women to task and scream at them, "Just because I care about the guy you're with, it doesn't mean that he's any less with you, or cares about you any less. HELLO! I'm MARRIED!"
The concepts of possession and love are two opposing forces in my mind, and I think that it smothers a lot of things that could be positive in our lives. Just because I love my husband does not mean I cannot love someone else, and if I love someone else, it does not mean I love my husband any less. If it were so, then why do I love my friends so much? Why do I love my family? The more love you have, the more you have to give. And I wish people would stop being threatened by that.
Things have come up in my life lately where it has been again brought to the forefront, and I look to my writing to explore my thoughts more clearly and investigate what I can't in real life. But then again, don't we all?
I hope I don't offend anyone with the concepts I bring up here... and I hope that maybe, by going through the read, it gives us all something to chew on.
Other various disclaimers: Resemblance to people and situations in my life is definitely intentional at particular moments in the story. However, I would like to touch on one particular character who may end up at issue: Je'nara's behavior is not in any way identical to my husband's. I do hold a job (actually, the sole one in the family at the moment) and he is quite liberated, so all those who would be offended by that kind of thought, I apologize, it's just a vehicle to get to a plot point. :)
No animals were harmed in the writing of this story, and no humans suffered any long-term physical or emotional damage (not including the author's own inner turmoil) herein as well. :)
If you think you've figured it out
Tell me, was it just chance, or did his heart choose?
How do you know when hearts are immune to the rules?
- Cirque du Soleil, "Child in His Eyes"I'm sure I noticed him the first time I saw him.
But I can't quite remember those days.
I was fresh-come to the Temple; the young bride, the celebrated chosen one of one of the best-trained Knights of the Jedi. And so we were feted when our troth was pledged; yet, small girl, big place, and way too much for me to learn prevented me from feeling anywhere near at home. Je'nara had met me on my homeworld, courted me, and when the time had been right, proposed; of course, my father could not refuse him. A Jedi, after all - a Knight of the most revered Order in the galaxy? How could he deny such ant honor? How could he refuse, after being plied with pleas from the both of us?
And our love had been new then, and whole.
Je'nara had introduced me to all those he called friend; to his former Master, to his crèche-mates, to those beings he had made a heart-pact with along the way. The faces came in a torrent, and I had no way of discerning one from the other.
I'm sure, though, I noticed him the first time I'd met him.
After that, I had to. Je'nara was with him often enough. They were sparring partners and the bond of the crèche held them close. Though Je'nara had been knighted first, the difference in rank could not be felt. They were /kundai/ - blood-brothers in all but birth.
The bond was fueled by the fact that he was he was also seeing someone, with a young woman who had already migrated to Couruscant. It took some time for me to actually cross paths with her; her life in the city was busy running a small chain of dress shops. However, when the initial meeting was finally forged, the four of us wasted no time in becoming the penultimate double-date; each brought our own unique experiences to the table, and we were comfortable in each other's presence. Our circle was knit with many hours of laughter and shared experiences.
Time passed from days to months to years, and as time and distance does, things changed, eroded, and reshaped. Je'nara and I spent less time together as his duties demanded more of his attention. Our interests diversified; his mind delved deeper into the intricacies of the Force, and mine drew closer to the arts. We found less in common now than we'd had previously; the few moments we did share became embroiled in surface detail, rather than the depths it previously experienced. When he was at home, we spent more time with others then alone. My life had become repetitive jolts of solitude and socialization.
Three years after our wedding, my brother passed away from a disease that had plagued him since childhood. Though he had suffered greatly throughout the span he had spent in that body, I missed him sorely, for he and I had been very close. It made me homesick enough that I went to stay with my family for a short while to mourn; however, the trip found me even more isolated on my homeworld than on Couruscant. My family was wrapped in their own individual grief; all those I had known before my departure had moved on to other things, and newer lives.
So I went back to my rut. And though its familiarity brought a certain odd sense of comfort, the aloneness was loud. Depression and grief were my only constant companions, and my isolation from the rest of the world resounded deeply within me.
One day, I decided to get out.
Though my knotted emotions constantly dogged my heels and dragged me backwards, I began searching for activities that would stimulate my mind and cultivate some activity in my life. I had sat stagnant a good while, and I needed to make myself useful, somehow. Too many days in seclusion brought on too many loud, unhappy thoughts, and that just would not do.
Trouble was, there was very little to do for women like myself. There were few like me in the Temple; not many Jedi took permanent mates, and those who did were nowhere near my age. The last time Je'nara had been home, I had put the idea to him of getting a Coruscanti apartment for ourselves, and a small job for myself; he had shrugged the idea off, stating that the atmosphere was better in the Temple, with the peace and quiet still intact and the beauty of the surroundings unparalleled. With free room and board, why change things? I had conceded the point – a secretly self-annoying habit I had begun about a year prior, when I had lost all urge to argue – and as such had remained in our current quarters, in the same state I had been for too long.
Eventually I came across one of the Healer Masters, and spoke with her about aid in tending to the gardens. I had an interest in herbology and plant life in general, and it seemed something both pleasant and enlightening to fill the hours. And for once, it seemed the gods or the Force had agreed with me on this particular instance, though I had no concept of their motives at that particular time; Master Senara had been looking for such a one for some while now. After a rapid, heavily animated discussion, we had worked out the hours I would train with her, and the hours I would spend cultivating the acres of life that teemed within the temple's bounds.
So it began.
TBC
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