What's the Story, Mornin' Glory?

The plan is you drink a nice tall glass of Shut The Fuck Up!

Dawn of the Dead
(2004)

     At 6:36am Ana (Sarah Polley) and her boyfriend, Luis (Justin Louis), awaken to a neighborhood girl standing in their bedroom doorway. The girl is bleeding from the mouth and Luis runs to help her, but she bites him in the neck, killing him. Ana pulls the girl off him and tries to call 9-1-1. Suddenly, Luis sits up and tries to attack Ana and she barely escapes through the bathroom window. She jumps in her car and drives off finding the whole city in turmoil, watching everyone attacking each other. After she runs her car into a pole, a policeman, Kenneth (Ving Rhames), stumbles across her. Soon after Kenneth and Ana meet up with three others, Michael (Jake Weber), Andre (Mekhi Phifer), and Andre’s pregnant girlfriend Luda (Inna Korobkina) and together they head for the mall. After being attacked by a few people, the group moves to the second floor of the mall. There, guns and three security guards greet them. Their ringleader, CJ (Michael Kelly) is a douche on a power trip and orders them around. They lock him up in the holding cell when he refuses to help a group of people in a van. After finally getting the survivors in, they figure out that the virus infecting everyone is spread through bites. Will they make it out alive?


You Learn Something New Everyday...

No matter the state of emergency, there's always a radio station the plays music.
Some people prefer croquette over crowbars.
Zombies are a result of abortions, sex out of wedlock and man on man love.
When you're completely useless try spray painting something.
Zombies have a sophisticated palette. No dog meat for them.

Zing!

"Not to shit on anyone's riff here, but let me just see if I grasp this concept, ok? You're suggesting that we take some fucking parking shuttles, and reinforce them with some aluminum siding, and then just head on over to the gun store and watch our good friend Andy play some cowboy movie jump-on-the-covered-wagon bullshit. Then, we're gonna drive across a ruined city, through a welcome committee of a few hundred thousand dead cannibals, all so that we can sail off into the sunset on this fucking asshole's boat?" -C.J.

Simon Says...

     I’m sure that I’m committing sacrilege here, but I have something to confess. I’ve never seen the original Dawn of the Dead that was made in 1978. So, you can look at this in two ways. I’m reviewing this movie with no bias, or I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about because I haven’t witnessed the glory that is the original Dawn of the Dead. I’d like to think I have no bias. With that aside, I actually liked this movie. It was the perfect length, they killed off some of the right people, and it wasn’t cheesy. Not that we mind cheese here at the underground, but I enjoyed the lack of one-liners. At first, I totally hated C.J. He was such a friggin’ douche bag, but he totally redeems himself by the end. Plus, he got all the good lines. They couldn’t’ve killed off Steve any faster. The minute I saw him I wanted him to die. Even though he had a few good lines.

One thing about this movie that surprised me was that is was depressing. Who’d’ve thought? It’s nice to have characters that aren’t totally retards (although some were teetering there). They were normal people who didn’t run around like a chicken with its head cut off. You actually want 90% of the long-term characters to live, which is actually totally rare for me. I got teary at the end. They did kill off a lot of people who didn’t deserve it. I’m glad the dog didn’t die too.

Here’s a thought. Why do people think that yelling at someone in a helicopter will get their attention? I’ve only been in a helicopter once, so I have no idea. Can they hear you? I wouldn’t think so. Jumping around may catch their attention, but yelling? The worst part of this movie was the special effects. I guess they spent all their money on zombie make-up and actors because, what crappy special effects! Would it kill them to make it a little more realistic? They could’ve blown something up in a desert and filmed that and it would’ve been better. Speaking of explosions, at the end when the zombies surround their bus and CJ throws that propane tank at them and explodes it…how does that work? The propane bomb clears, like, a one-mile radius…from the bus on. Wouldn’t the bus catch on fire or explode too? Also, these were some athletic zombies. They aren’t dragging their feet one bit. These guys are running full blast and keeping up with shuttle buses. In all, this was a pretty awesome movie. I'll be honest, I actually could've used a few more cheesy lines, but the director was going for something a little more serious. It was good, refreshing even. Also, a million thanks for not being crappy and boring like 21 Days Later. They were both in the same vein.

If you like random, completely useless to the plot nudity, really bad blue screen special effects, canned screams, really fake tattoos, lounge singing of a heavy metal song, a Burt Reynolds reference, gay confessions, Johnny Cash, and a whole lot of blood, this is the flick for you. As for us...we give Dawn of the Dead

No Burt Reynolds! No Burt Reynolds! No Burt Reynolds! No Burt Reynolds!

That Wasn't so Bad Was It?



A Little Bummed Out
I was left Feeling: A Little Bummed Out