The Best Sequels Never Made

Kazaam 2



This film was originally slated to be a summer action adventure buddy flick released sometime in 1999. However, there were script problems from day one and Shaq and Kevin Costner never developed the romantic spark necessary for the movie's production. Also, great difficulties were encountered upon attempting to fit Shaq in a boom box.



Look Who's Talking This Time



Expected to gross more at the box office than its predecessors, largely because an extensive cast of superstar voice-overs, this "Look Who's Talking" sequel wasn't doomed to failure until late into filming, when the fine young spoon actor in the lead role admitted to habitual cocaine and alcohol use. Production halted while he entered rehab. Unfortunately for us, after the spoon's successful recovery, it never resumed, and we'll all be in constant wonder about how Samuel L. Jackson's voice would've sounded over the acting of this brilliant utensil.



JAWS



Late in 1980, an idea to remake the very popular "Jaws" movie (the one with the big killer tadpole) began rolling around in producers' minds. They envisioned a parallel film in which the sheer terror of the first would be tempered with more of an action-adventure-spy feel. The logical conclusion was, of course, to simply change the monster to a super villain. What super villain could fill the role of a man-eating shark, bent on doing nothing more than chewing on every last femur in the world? JAWS!!! (of James Bond fame) A media blitz began. Merchandise of all kinds was developed. Excitement was in the air. Then, Jaws backed out. Why? He felt a moral obligation to not eat humans. For shame. A great idea in movie history was lost, and all the ignorant masses were left with was a few pairs of children's underwear, sporting Jaws's massive head.



Waterworld 2: Fun Island



The formula: A watery hero + massive explosions + a pool toy of pure evil = BIGGEST BLOCKBUSTER EVER. Then...the Fun Island began losing air...and the project deflated.


"My breasts used to be real..." - that chick on TV right now


There is Matrix porn.