Jarvis Cocker's Bargain Hunt
(not in anyway related to that tv show avec David Dickinson he who has the hair. But is less hairy than Robert Smith & Brian Blessed. Fact.)
Ey up all you young whippersnappers.
First of all find a shop. Nowt wrong wi' pound shops or Help the Aged, ( they're just soooo hoobygroovy darlings) I've purchased many clothes and Bucks Fizz records in these shops. Once yer've found what yer loookin' for follow me hip 'n' down wit da kidz checklist.
1. Appearance
2. Hallmarks
3. Shagability
4. Flaws
5. Value
Remember kiddies, it's not where ya buy 'em really, it's how ya wear 'em that counts. Rock 'n' roll, rock 'n' roll ..... ooh wears me pipe gone??.....
One of the many questions I'm asked frequently is , 'how do you look so darn snazzy all the time?' Also, ' why aren't you the new face of Calvin Klein yet?' Well I'm gonna let you ickle'uns in on a secret... the ancient art of bargain hunting...
Very important. Does it look right? I mean, come on, I don't wanna look like a prat do I?
The three L's, Labels, Labels, Labels. *chuh* we ain't looking for any old tat m'dears.
If yer as lucky as me, ye'r could find a top label like Marks 'n' Sparks!! Aaah heaven...
It's not easy being a sex symbol y'know. Yer know ya at yer best and achieved your goal when yer smell like grannies and moth balls. A holy jumper here... old musty jacket there and viola!! Ggrrrrr! Yer're an animal Jarvis!!
From time to time you need to ask, is it in a second hand shop for a reason? Did it used to belong to Michael Jackson? Yer may find a variety of noses and bits of plastic in the pocket. The special price tag of 15p may be a smoke screen, you have been warned....
All together yer outfit should be no more than £1.25. Anymore and yer just getting posh. All stores accept major credit cards and cheques. But I managed to pay wi' a lolly stick, super tram ticket and half penny.