AJ n Cris Trilogy
I heard a cry within my soul
I've never had a yearning quite like this before
now that you are Walking right through my door
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
A sacred gift of heaven
For better worse wherever
And I would never let somebody break you down
Until you cried never
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
At every time I've always known
That you where there, upon your throne
A lonely queen without her king
I longed for you, my love forever
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
*Again* Lenny Kravitz Click to listen to the song.
Again
1
2 3
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*1*
AJ woke up Friday morning with the sun shining through
the large hotel windows and a strange realization. He glanced over at his
girlfriend, Alison who lay naked beside him. God, she was exquisite. Nice
breast, perfect ass, gorgeous blond hair, ivory skin, manicured nails and toes.
He should know, he'd tried and tasted it all. But looking at her was different
this morning somehow.
He couldn't figure it out and it bothered him. He lit a cigarette as he looked at her again. Still unable to figure it out by the time he finished he stubbed it out and headed for the shower. Coming out, his lower half draped in a towel he looked at her again.
Dammit what was it?
Alison awoke Friday with AJ looking her strangely, she
thought. She studied him for a moment. He seemed far, off away from her. She
wondered what was the cause of it. She could bring his focus back to her. She
always could. Alison prouded herself on knowing his likes, and dislikes. She had
toned her body to each of them. "Come back to bed." She suggested
seductively.
He shook his head. "No. The plane leaves in two
hours."
"We can take a later flight. We've done it
hundreds of times before."
He shook his head again as he removed his towel.
"Not this time. We have to get going. The rest of the guys are probably up
by now."
Not wanting to add to whatever he was upset about
Alison quickly got out of bed and headed into the bathroom.
They'd left the hotel and boarded the plane with the rest of the boys, which was not their usual habit. It threw her off guard. It was so the fans could see AJ with the group, so he had said. He didn't want to stay because he didn't want her, did he? He wasn't tired of her? That was the problem with AJ she had no hold over him. He could easily drop her as soon as he wanted to. But Alison kept trying.
For a year now she had been trying. She started with
the little things like things around his house, his hair, cutting down on the piercings.
AJ was his own man and wanted his freedom but gave her hers too. There were
perks. No restrictions, and great sex, she supposed. But none of it was what she
was going for. A nice sized rock, left hand, third finger. What was with all the
waiting? She shot a look at him. Was he pulling away from her?
AJ pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. Alison walked in while he gathered up the bags. The dogs came yapping a welcome home to their master. Home at last. Orlando, it felt good to be back. He sat the bags down by the door; he would get them later. He stepped further inside his home and plopped onto the butter leather couch. Alison had gone somewhere in the house.
The fans were wonderful but this last tour was major
exhausting. Johnny No Name performed tonight at some new club he was booked
at.Only one more major adrenaline rushing before cooling off for awhile. He
walked over to the large windows overlooking his backyard pool. Those Jack
Daniels on the plane had helped to relieve some of the tension he felt. Alison
came and wrapped her arms around him from behind. He quickly walked out of her
grasp feeling trappedin a black widow's web. "I'm hungry. What do we have
in the refrigerator?" He asked to cover up his abruptness.
"I don't know. I haven't looked yet." She
frowned at his strange behavior.
AJ spent the rest of the day putting some normalcy back into things or trying to. By the time came for him to perform, his doubt from that morning was pushed aside and his performance was 100% of him in his best form. The afterparty was held in the VIP room of the club and the media was everywhere as usual. AJ watched Alison milk it all up. She loved the camera and it returned the favor.
To him the lights seemed too bright, almost blinding him as they went off, the reporters hounding more than usual. Once they were finally allowed to get to their booth by the media, more people surrounded them. AJ found the urge to punch out the fake smiles of the people around him. Alison laughed with one of them to a joke he was sure wasn't funny. He ordered another drink and waited until he could leave the damn place for better company. After bitching about it all through the tour at the moment he would've preferred Nick's childish games, Brian's corny jokes, Kevin's fatherly comments, or even Howie's annoying cheeriness.
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Alison was about four sheets to the wind, almost
falling over the guy next to her. She thought his name was Mark but she couldn't
remember correctly. He had just given her his hotel room number when AJ pulled
on her arm. "C'mon lets go." She looked at him. On any other night
like this, he'd be just as plastered as she was. Something about him looked
pissed and sober. Even in her drunken state, she could tell you what a bad
combination that was for AJ. They drove home in silence. He threw his jacket
onto the couch as he headed into the kitchen for a beer.
"What is it?" Alison asked as she followed
him.
"What's what?'
"Why did we come home early?"
"I got bored there."
"You bored? AJ McLean?" She laughed bitterly.
"You're supposed to be the life of the party."
"Yeah well not tonight." He fell on the couch
and began watching TV.
"What's with you? You've been strange all
day." She stood in front of the TV blocking his vision.
He tried to look around her.
"Dammit!" She fought for his attention.
Haughitly she stomped her small foot. "What the fuck is your problem?"
"I'm tired. Can I just watch TV?" He gave up
and looked at her
"Not till I finish. Tired of what?"
"Of everything, every shitty thing about this
business. You want to know what I'm tired of? Fine!" He stood up and got
hyped. "All the fucking reporters who won't let you go anywhere or do
anything without a damn camera in your face. Of the fake 'friends' that are
nothing but suck-ups who kiss ass for a living. Of the asshole critics who write
bullshit reviews. I'm tired of making teenybopper music that gets no respect in
the music world. And especially people that want you to fall in love and marry
them and place some huge ass diamond on their finger because marrying a
Backstreet seems to be in season."
Alison took a step back. She hadn't expected that. It
took her a full minute to even wonder if that last statement was about her.
"Are you talking about me?"
"If the shoe fits darling."
"Well, I, you, I-don't have to take that from
you."
He sat back down. "Then please leave."
Alison stared at him appalled. Did he just break up
with her? Furious she started to screech.
"The door is that way." He pointed at the
large oak and glass door.
She looked back at the door still not getting it. She
wanted to think about that comment about Backstreet being in season because
really Kevin and Brian were married last year, which was a totally different
season but AJ didn't particularly look in the mood to discuss it though.
"Fine" She finally stomped out of the house.
"All I wanted was the money, you could've gotten a divorce."
Maybe she could call that Martin guy. Not sure which
way to go she stopped at the end of the driveway paused and headed left.
AJ sat on the couch feeling he'd just released a heavy
burden off his shoulders. Damn, he would never marry that chick. The blond ditz
had no brains. He almost burst out laughing at the time it took her to realize
he was talking about her. But she was drunk, he defended her. Still, he reminded
himself, sober she had her blonde moments. He laughed at some of them as he
flipped off the TV. What did he see in her to start with? Oh yeah, he shook his
head as he went up to bed. The sex, she never acted dumb in bed, or in the pool,
or on the kitchen counter, or wherever the mood had struck them.
Saturday brought a feeling a being disoriented to AJ.
He didn't really know what to do or where to go. He felt a certain freedom and
didn't know what to do with it. He could hang out with the boys but Kevin and
Kristin would be off populating the world with lil' Richardsons and Brian was
with Leighanne probably in some lip lock and besides he'd just spent the last
months with them 24/7. So, he decided, maybe he would dye his hair. Some color
it hadn't been before. He didn't think it'd been green before. Green highlights?
Nah, not even he was that crazy. Well, yeah, he was but not at the moment. He
didn't really like this not knowing state and wanted to put himself in familiar
settings. He would go shopping. A new pair of glasses or a new hat would make
him himself again.
Back to listing
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Saturday for Cristian was busy. First a visit
to Joey at the children's shelter, then to the mall where she needed to find a
new dress to wear to her sister's wedding. This was her first trip home in a
while and she wanted to change herself a little, make a new Cristian. Although
she wasn't close with her family, this wedding was important to her them. She
snorted, supposedly some big event. Probably because they expected it to be the
only wedding to within the Dane household. Of course, everyone loved Jessica the
cheerleader, Jessica the prom queen, Jessica the beauty pageant princess, the
perfect blond hair, blue eyed angel not Cristian the strange outcast with the
dark hair, green eyes and all black clothing. Cristian laughed. She'd only done
it to freak everyone out, her parents included, not to obtain a reputation. It'd
worked and she'd gotten one anyway. One that pushed her onto a path straight for
Orlando, and the sunshine state. It might be time to go back after about five
years, Cristian speculated.
She watched a guy try on several colored
shades. She liked his style. She could go for the rocker look. Jess would flip
out; it was a frilly lace and chenille garden wedding where all the guest would
surely be wearing pastels and spring flowers not black leather pants and Jimmy
Hendrix halter tops. Her mother would scold and her father might actually have a
heart attack. To them, it was too close to the freak look. Did she really want
to put her father's health in jeopardy? Cristian thought about it. Not really,
she finally determined.
The guy moved on towards the hats and she
headed for the dresses. She could still keep her look, just tone it down a
little. A colorful fuchsia item caught her eye. Or brighten it up some. Among
all the pastels, it would definitely stand out. Not that she would even if she
wanted to blend in. There'd be too many people gossiping about the strange Dane
girl who hadn't been home in years. Picturing noisy pastel people crowding
around her made her paranoid. Just the thought scared her. She couldn't chicken
out now. Jess counted on her. Despite it all, she couldn't blame her for being
the perfect one that everyone loved. The reservations were already made and the
guy on the phone said they were non-refundable. So it was settled, her plane
left tomorrow morning, bright and early. Dammit, she really didn't want to go.
AJ drove his Expedition out of his driveway.
He was headed for the club to check out some of the nightlife.
He'd finally purchased the hat he been eyeing
all afternoon at the mall. It was a bright colorful plaid one. He liked the
funky look it had to it.
That along with baggy black pants and a red
studded muscle tank and black shades completed his look for the night. He hadn't
bought new shades; couldn't find a pair he liked. The club of choice tonight was
full of fuck-ups, and crazy freaks like himself and non-Backstreet fans all
giving him permission to be himself. He figured he's start the night out at the
bar. He gave his order to the bartender. "Gin on the rocks." A girl
pulled up next to him. "Rum and Coke." He gave her the once over as he
took a gulp of his own drink. Dark hair, he couldn't see her face and a nice
body. Drink in hand she turned to lean back onto the bar. She flashed him a
smile. "Hi."
Green eyes. Deep green like the shady green on
the forest floor with golden flecks like rays of the sun shining through the
tree limbs in spring. AJ didn't know where the description had come from but he
found it fit her to T. It was then that his mind was made up. He downed the rest
of the gin with another gulp and placed it on the bar. He stuck his hand out at
her. "I'm Alex."
He could tell he had caught her off guard. She
stared at his hand a moment before shaking it with her own. "Cris."
He wanted to know this girl. Suddenly he felt
his famous bad boy suaveness disappear. He was drawn to her. Instincts told him
to act now. He wanted to talk to this girl, know her thoughts, hope, dreams,
fears, even her favorite color, basketball team, and book to read on a rainy
day. Although all of this scared him, he knew it would scare her more to be
asked by a stranger so he went further without playing Twenty Questions. Just
one question. "Want to dance?" He held out his hand. She placed her
drink down on the bar and took his hand. He led her onto the dance floor. As
they moved to the grooves of the music AJ noted that she was a good dancer.
Almost as good as I am. He found her eyes again and almost missed what she was
saying to him. "Huh?"
"Not exactly with us are you?"
"Not really. Sorry."
"Well glad to know you weren't looking at
my breasts. At least from the direction of your eyes I didn't think you
were."
"No I was looking at your eyes. They're
beautiful."
"Thank you."
They fell silent for a moment. AJ thought
about her earlier question. "What were you saying before?"
"What? Oh. Is Alex short for
something?"
He stared at her. It had been a while since
someone had asked him. "Alexander. What's Cris short for?"
"Cristian."
Back to listing
__________
Cristian sat at the bar and glanced over
at the man beside her. They had danced all night and had had drinks together.
She thought he looked familiar but it was hard to tell in the smoky dimly lit
club. There was something about him. Maybe the bad boy looks that attracted her
but the attraction was something more than physical, something hidden, buried
deep in those chocolate brown eyes. Some time during the night, while she was
searching those eyes she found herself at Alex's house or more specifically on
his couch. It'd only taken one question that led her here. 'Want to dance?'
Cristian looked around herself. It was a nice
house although she had no idea how she got here. She knew she wasn't drugged; he
didn't even try to push her. They just sat and talked. She could see he felt the
same way about her. That same pull to each other from some unseen force. She
didn't know where it came from. The thought seemed so strange that she almost
wondered if she was in fact drugged. But then being there with him felt so right
that she knew this feeling was stronger than any drug could have produced. The
string of words stopped as their lips connected. It seemed natural the flow from
words to kisses.
AJ carried her into his bedroom and laid her
softly down. They made love passionately. This was so completely different from
anything with Alison. Alison was all physical sparks. With Cristian, it was more
like the mating of souls connecting through their bodies. It was soft, and
sweet.
AJ and Cristian felt as though they had just
spent a whole lifetime together. First getting to know each other at the bar,
then becoming best friends on AJ's couch, now the movement from friends
progressed into lovers as they floated into AJ's bedroom.
Floating on wave after wave of emotions being carried away on some higher level was mind blowing for both sides. Cristian didn't know where or who she was anymore. She was mingled with AJ until they became one. She held onto him tightly because she found she didn't want to let go. She wanted to stay apart of him, not leave the security of that place that they were in together. She didn't want to break from him back to herself. She was more herself with him.
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AJ awoke Sunday feeling quite alone and lost.
"Cris?" He searched the house for her only to find her gone and
understood where the feeling of loneliness had come from. Cristian completed
him. Without her he was only half of what made him.
His search ended on the couch where he now sat. AJ thought about how the weekend had gone. First waking up to realize your girlfriend was no more than an expensive prostitute, then freedom he didn't know what to do with, and now it ends with lost. A quote came from the back of his mind. ' It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'
"Bullshit. I had only had one night with her."
"Dammit!" Suddenly AJ was furious at
whoever had power over his life, whoever decreed that this should be so.
"Damn it all to hell" He said again pounding his fist on the arm of
the chair. He got up to take a shower thinking that might help him feel better.
It did help some as the hot water poured over his body. When he came out his
thoughts were less angry and he was calmer.
Afterwards he was dressed he grabbed his
jacket and keys and went for a drive. He drove around Orlando to all the tourist
spots, all the places he'd visited when he was a 'normal' person. He hadn't
really noticed the music playing until now while it wasn't his type of music.
Currently it was on some station Alison had set. He reached for the dial as the
words hit him. 'All of my life where have you been/ I wonder if I'll ever see
you again.' His fingers stopped their path as he realized how perfectly the
lyrics described what he'd been driving at all day.
Cristian stared out of the window at the
clouds twirling a pencil between her fingers. She shouldn't have left Alex like
that with no note or anything. When she woke up that morning she felt anything
in the form of good bye would be inadequate, so she'd just left him sleeping
there. She'd caught a cab, went home showered, packed and headed for the airport
barely catching her flight. Her mind whispered thoughts like love and soulmates
but she shook them away. Last night and the whole idea was so irrational that
Cristian didn't know how to take it. So she ran. 'No I had a flight to catch, I
couldn't let Jessie down.' You ran away as fast as you could with your tail
between your legs. Lenny Kravitz's greatest hits were in her Discman. The lyrics
from several of the songs ran in her head.
'Here we are still together /We are one.'
'I don't wanna lose you baby/ And I don't
wanna be alone/ Don't wanna live my days without you/But for now I've got to be
without you'
'But it's out of my hands/ I'm telling you baby that you got to understand.'
'I belong to you/ And you/ You belong to me
too/ You make my life complete/ You make me feel so sweet/ You make me feel so
divine/ Your soul and mind are entwined'
She thought of Alex waking up alone as
guilt rode hard on her. After analyzing it for so long, she didn't know what to
think anymore. She wondered what Alex's thoughts would be. He'd think she was
some slut after one night stands. "Oh God" she groaned just as the
'Seat Belt' sign blinked on and the flight attendant announced that their seats
should be in the up right position. The plane landed with a soft thud. She
stepped off and was meet by her parents, her sister, and a guy she assumed was
her future brother-in-law. Her mother was emotional, her father grunted. Her
sister was still preppy and quirky as ever. Nothing seemed to have changed in
the years that she was gone. There were still the issues and all the reasons
that drove her away. 'Oh shit. This is going to be a fun week.' Maybe she could
leave before the week ran out.
Back to listing
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*6*
__________
AJ ran out and immediately bought the CD.
Cristian laid on her bed that night and listened to the same CD that lifted her.
Both kept number four on 'Repeat'. Both wondered the same thing.
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
I wonder if I'll ever see you again . . .
The End
Next in the AJ n Cris Trilogy: Whatever You
Want