Final Sunsets

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*1*

~In The Beginning There Were 5

It's kinda hard to think when you're hanging over my shoulder
It's hard to breathe when you're not here
Times get tough
Don't you agree
Makes you wonder when better is coming
Reality gets harsher with each passing day
Somehow there is a way
With you, I know
Without you, I know
Life might not be worth it
Hold my hand
Can you feel how I feel for you

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:*2*

~And Then There Were 2

I get hard every time. I want to touch myself. Many people may not want to hear this; but I can't help it. I see your glances. Are they just in my head?

Taking courage in my heart and my heart in my hands we speak alone, privately as possible. There are no words only the one uttered syllable 'yes'.

The word falls away, nothing but you and me as we touch. Bearing the weight of each other we crumble to the bed. Clothes torn, tossed aside in our haste. I want you so badly my body will not wait. Slowly I plant a design of kisses and gentle bites down your toned body. You squirm and writhe; anticipation never one of your strong points. Waiting for this moment for so long I hesitate as I take you into my mouth. You grow harder and thicker in my mouth, your hand in my hair. Pretty soon you come. I leaned up to your face to kiss you and let you taste what it is that I feel. You hand moves downward to feel me. If I was ready before it was nothing compared to when you put your hands on me. I am so ready I almost explode.

I want to make love to you completely and there is time. Afterwards, after the beginning my hands shake as we redress. The enormity of what we've done has finally hit me. It's not that I'm embarrassed, not at all. I wouldn't exchange what we've done for the world. I glance at you and you look at me. Now that we have each other I don't want to loose this.

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*3*

~Earthbound

The match hisses as the flames come to life. The flames alight to the tip as one becomes two, two one, then two again. The match extinguishes. The small flame is blown out as the smoke starts from the incense. The blue-gray pillared smoke rises to the ceiling, and disappears like angels ascending to Heaven.

They say what we've just done is a sin. I don't care. That the joy of it, not caring. I love you, love the way your body feels up against mine. I lay against the bed contended and satisfied.

You're long gone still the memory remains with me. The smell of your sex mingles with the pungent incense to create a sweet aroma. Idly my hand moves as I fondle myself thinking of you. My eyes are closed in pleasure, my body tense with the coming climax. Until after I am spent, I notice the cloud of smoke is gone, the fire burned out. The angels have stopped their ascent. Did they all make it to Heaven? Or were some of them cast out because they loved too graciously?

And me? Will I too pay for this night? With these thoughts and the taste of you on my lips I fell asleep.

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*4*

~ The beginning of the End

He didn't see it but he heard it, the inaudible sound of heartbreak.
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Things didn't go as planned.

Nothing went right these days.

Hell, nothing was even going on these days.

Nothing to take account for anyway.

It makes me wonder the reason for our lives. I could sit here and ponder or go to sleep.

Is our purpose to eat, drink, and multiply on this earth? God put all these people on the earth for what reason? To continuously bump into each other with astrafabric events along the way? It amazes me. The journey of life.

I find it disagreeable with my tolerance of every day life. What's changed has no recourse for the reversal of the past.

So why?

It's a question I've often wondered. Boggles the mind and ponders the soul.

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*5*

~What's the point?

I've been sitting in this chair
Since you left
Can't seem to move
It's been a couple of days now
I want to show you the beard I'm growing
Somehow to spite you
Remember you never liked the one before so I shaved it
But no what's the point?

You're gone
A little too long
If I would
Try my best
If you could
Come back home

Too long gone
The days too long
I turned you away
I was a fool
Now I ask
Please stay

If I picked up the phone would it ring
Could you be on the other end
Would I have the nerve
To say what my heart felt

If we were to begin again
Could it be our start's end
So I finally called
You never answered the phone
Do you know its me
What's the point?

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*6*

~ Reminiscent

I thought I saw him in the store walking with another woman. Could've been his sister. It is possible. He has a sister, ya know.

A brief affair during the summer tour. That's all that I'd become to him. A month or two of sex, nothing more.

Lying in bed, spoon style, that's what I remember. It almost felt comfortable, that's what we were by the end. Lying in his bed watching the TV across the room. The hall was quiet now that the others had gone asleep. That's what the hot lusty relationship had turned into. Spooning.

Weeks later after the break up, one of the last times I saw him. We were joking around playing, laughing he caught me in his arms and held me there. I saw his head lower and I knew in that instant he was going to kiss me. I didn't know what I was going to do. Push him away perhaps, kiss him back maybe. Who knows? I don't. At the last possible second he released me. I don't know whether anyone else noticed but we had our moment, our second in time. Later that night we talked about it. He called and we laughed it off with shaky notes that should have been merrier.

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*7*

~ St. Regis Hotel Room 3:46 AM

'No one can kiss you like I do. No one can make you feel like I do. And none ever will.'

It was then that he kissed him like he used to, his sensual lips using their full power to show his love for him. Except this time he didn't fall helpless under the kisses he remembered.

"What about when you lips only used to shout the words 'Get out' or 'Leave' because you didn't want me any more. Remember that? I do. I remember walking out the door luggage packed because as far as you were concerned the relationship was over. No more weekend trips, no more making love to you again never to happen again no matter how hard I tried to put things back together. It was you, remember, that refused me. You who believed the lies of others. Now you want me back. I've moved on, forgotten you and started a new life. A happy life with someone I love who loves me. I tried to fix our relationship but you pushed me away. Now you want me back?" He gave a hard laugh. "There's no way I would ever. Why? Never mind, it doesn't matter-"
"Because I realize I made a big mistake when I lost the only man I have ever loved and will love again."
He stopped ranting and raving. He'd lost the cool confidence he had a minute ago. It was replaced with a gentle truthfulness, something he'd never seen in his lover before. It threw him off guard, made him think for a moment. But he regained himself.

"I'm sorry you, pushed your chance out the door. I've moved on, so should you."

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*8*

~St. Epistle's Church 6:57 PM

He stared down at his hand. Left hand. Third finger. A solid wide band made of gold. It was a wedding ring. The best his money could buy. They had identical rings. Only the best for his girl, that's what he said. Placed on his finger at his wedding by the woman he's chosen to spend the rest of his life with.

Had he made the right choice? He hoped so. If he loved both and both made him happy surely it wouldn't matter. But it did. Why? Time would tell.

Things would turn right in time. He'd love them both, the fact voiced itself in his mind. Loudly, very loudly in fact. Too loudly for his tastes. His heart also had voice. It felt worry concern for this relationship. If he loved her why didn't his heart agree? On feels love in their heart. He didn't feel it. That was what scared him.

He couldn't be a pussy about it, he told himself. The thing was, he was. Every time he thought of him he became a pussy, hard and rigid. He just couldn't help himself, no matter how many times he said he'd moved on, no matter how many times he wished it. His body longed for him and he couldn't ignore it. It was just like the beginning but this was the end now. The end of him. His final sunset.

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