Here and Now
__________
11
“Well
what do you think about Vanilla Sky?”
“It
was a good movie.” AJ said with little enthusiasm.
“Oh,
you’re only upset because that girl behind us kept yelling about how good Tom
Cruise looked.”
AJ
nodded. “There are just some things a guy doesn’t need to hear about another
guy.”
“It
was a good movie despite all that.” They entered the lobby of the complex.
“I’m going to the ladies room. Be right back.”
“Yeah.”
Caroline
used the bathroom. She tucked some hair behind her ears as she dried her hands.
She smiled at herself in the mirror. Tonight was going good. They were both in a
good mood and the movie was funny. Things were going great for them. She really
believed this was the transitional date for them. Tonight would determine the
rest. Almost before she reached the lobby where she left AJ someone grabbed her
arm and spun her around.
“Enjoy
the movie, Caroline?”
“Dane?”
“Yeah
it’s me. You know the guy you walked out on after one night of sex. But you
know that doesn’t matter because I’m willing to forgive you for that because
that night was special. You just come back and we can finish our lives
together.”
Caroline
shook her head. “It can’t be that way. Dane it’s over.”
“No,
that night was special, it meant something.”
“It
might have meant something to you, not to me. I’m sorry Dane.”
Dane
jerked her arm harder causing her to cry out. “Are you saying it was
meaningless sex?” He yelled in her face.
“Hey,”
AJ walked over. “Get off my wife.”
“Your
wife?” Dane repeated dumbly. “I should have known. You were hiding
something. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. So where’s he been this
whole time?”
“Come on Caroline.” AJ led her away.
“That
night meant something Caroline.” Dane called after them. “You’ll see. It
was something special.”
She
turned. “I’m sorry Dane.” She repeated lamely before walking away.
AJ
and Caroline sat in silence in the car. Caroline played with the radio. She
absentmindedly stopped on a station and sat back into the passenger seat. AJ
shot her a look.
“What?”
It took her a few moments to get it was a Backstreet song. His husky voice came
through the speakers. She apologized as she changed it to the local rock
station.
Caroline
sighed. “Listen, AJ-”
“You
don’t have to explain. I
understand that guy was part of your life before I came back into it. I know I
can’t just waltz back in and demand explanations.”
“I
want to. Dane was just an old boyfriend before you and before we
decided-everything.”
“How
much of that conversation did you hear?” She asked him after he kept quiet.
“I
heard the part about the night of sex if that’s what you mean.”
“Yeah.
That’s what I was thinking.” She was rather ashamed of it now.
“Just
answer one question. Did you really walk out on him after that night?” He
asked.
“More
like left him in the middle of the night. I’ve been ignoring him ever
since.”
“When
was this? How long before I showed up?”
“About
two weeks.”
They
drove in silence for awhile. Caroline wondered what he thought of her now. She
thought it was taking longer than usual to get to the hamburger joint they’d
decided on.
“One
more thing. Why did you leave him like that? The relationship seemed deep.”
“It
was.”
“So
why? It had to have been a wound to his pride like that.”
“I woke up in his bed that night and something seemed wrong. Dane is one of the nicest, caring men I know. But somehow, he wasn’t what I wanted or thought I needed. He wasn’t you.”
Back to listing
__________
12
Caroline studied AJ across the table as he looked around. He hadn’t said anything after she declared he was the one for her. But he already knew that didn’t he? He wouldn’t be here now it he didn’t believe it himself.
Once at the restaurant they chose
a dark booth near the bar hoping to dissuade any Backstreet fans. AJ
continuously looked around him.
“I see fame has taken its toll on you, it’s made you paranoid.”
Caroline observed.
“You can never be too careful in public. Fans seems to pop up from
anywhere.”
“Isn’t there supposed to be security for that?”
“I gave them the week off, for us. But management probably has them
tailing us anyway.”
Caroline began looking around for security out of curiosity. She didn’t
see any big muscled men that she thought fit the description.
“Caroline, they’re not going to be holding huge noticeable signs.”
“Well I know that. I just thought I might spot them.”
“Let’s just enjoy dinner without having to worry about them.”
Caroline picked up the menu
and considered what she wanted. Their infamous burgers were looking good.
“Hello I’m Cindy, your server for the evening.”
“I
haven’t been to this place before. Order for me Carrie.”
“Um, Ok. We’ll have chili cheese fries to start and two of the
special cheeseburgers. I’ll have a strawberry daiquiri and, um what do you
want to drink?”
“I’ll just have a beer thanks.” Cindy took their menus away.
“How long has this place been here?” AJ said.
“A little under a year, I think. You’ve been living in Orlando all
along, right? This is really your first time?”
“This is not your typical pop star hangout. Do you come here a lot?”
“Sometimes with some friends from the firm.”
“Seems
like a pretty cool place.”
“Yeah I guess so.”
The conversation was paused as their drinks and fries came. “Your
burgers will be out in a few minutes.”
“So,” Caroline popped a fry into her mouth. “Why don’t Kevin and
Brian and Nick know about me?”
“I dunno. I guess because I share everything with them. It’s kinda
hard not to. You were the one thing that was mine. All mine for me to keep for
myself. You weren’t the fans or the media or anything else in this business.
With you I could get away with being the old Alex that only you knew and loved
me for, not who people wanted or expected me to be.”
The
moment became tense and awkward. Caroline wasn’t yet ready for all the
emotional baggage added to this relationship. AJ sipped his beer. “So, um, do
your friends know about me?”
“No, not really.”
“Why not?”
“The news would spread like wildfire ‘Orlando lawyer in secret
marriage to Backstreet Boy’. Imagine all the media, plus the publicity and
the legal complications. I don’t think Jive would be too happy to learn that
the residential bad boy has a wife sitting at home knitting by the fire.”
“That’s not quite what I remember coming home to.”
“You get the point, anyway.”
“Do you knit?”
“Don’t be a dumbass. You know me better than that.”
AJ shrugged. “You could’ve learned in the past five years.”
“Let me put it to you like this: In the past five years I’ve learned
to be domestic about as much as you’ve learned when to quit with the
tattoos.”
“You don’t like them? You love the bad boy.”
"You're not this bad boy image." Caroline touched the heart and
cross on his arm. “I know you, remember, the real
you." She whispered. Their dark eyes met and locked with unspoken words.
Cindy brought their burgers causing Caroline to pull back as the moment
was ruined.
Back to listing
__________
13
“Anything else?” Cindy asked.
“No, not right now. Thank you.”
They watched Cindy walk away leaving them alone at the table again. They
both began eating on their perspective burgers. Both knew that something had to
be said but the right words were hard in coming.
“Not bad.” AJ finally spoke up trying to break into the conversation.
“What?” Caroline was a million miles away.
“The burger.”
“Oh.” She smiled. “I bet it doesn’t compare to your precious
McDonald’s.”
“Not quite. It’s a whole lot better than some of the stuff in other
parts around the world.”
Caroline reached for her drink, which she found empty. Her mouth went
very dry somewhere between the fries and the burger.
“Don’t call that waitress back. Let’s talk some. Have some of my
beer.”
She frowned her nose up. “What is it?” He asked her.
“I don’t drink beer.”
“Since when?” AJ laughed at her.
“Since that time you got me drunk. Remember?”
AJ thought. He smiled. “Tasha Matthew’s party. Ninth grade. Underage
drinking.”
“You were always very fond of underage drinking weren’t you.”
“What can I say?”
“Let me order another drink. I need it.”
“Fine with me.” He motioned Cindy over. “Another daiquiri. Thank
you.”
“Speaking of underage drinking, remember the time you did a strip show
to Madonna and fell on the beach and rolled down the hill?”
“What? When was this?”
“You remember the time we went camping at the beach and you woke up at
the bottom of the hill the next day.”
“Can’t say that I remember that.”
“It’s just like you to forget when you make an ass out of
yourself.”
“Since you’re bringing
up the past, let’s add some of your more embarrassing moments.”
“I don’t recall any.” Caroline said proudly as Cindy brought up her
drink.
“I bet I can think up one or two. Give me a minute. There’s the one
where you tripped in front of Steven Harris whom, I believe you had a crush on
at the time. Oh and let me add on your ass. Oh, yeah. That was very
attractive.”
“That was my first time in heels. In fifth grade, ancient history. And
if you’ll remember correctly I got my man.”
“It might’ve had something to do with that tight skirt you were
wearing when you fell.”
“We stayed together for
three weeks, so what.”
“In fifth grade that’s almost forever.” AJ smiled. “Are you over
your whole here and now complex?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“Good. Let’s order dessert.”
“They have the best banana splits here.”
A half an hour later they sat back full with the empty bowl between them. They paid the check and left. When they arrived home the phone rang before they could unlock the door. Once she got it unbolted, she ran for it.
“Caroline? You sound out of
breath. Did you run to the phone?”
“I
just got in. Dane? Look I told you earlier and I meant what I said. There can be
no us.”
“Where’s
your husband? Is he there now? Where was he all that time?”
Caroline
saw AJ walked into the room as if called on cue. “Who’s that on the phone
babe?”
“I’m sorry.” She said calmly before hanging up.
“Wrong
number.” She told AJ.
“I hate those.” AJ wrapped his arms around her. She smiled wanly.
“Yeah,
me too.”
Back to listing
__________
14
Caroline
awoke sometime the night with AJ beside her. She turned and watched him sleep
quietly. She placed her hand over his chest as it moved up and down slowly. His
heart beat under her hand. Keeping him alive and here with her. She ran her hand
over his chest. He stirred a little then settled back into sleep.
Caroline had to admit it did feel good to wake up in the middle of the
night like this. With this kind of security, as if he’ll always be here and
things will be like this. She cherished it while it lasted. She knew it
wouldn’t though. Things would change. They always do.
AJ
waited for Caroline to wake up. While he waited, he relished the time they had
together. He stroked her face as she began to wake up.
“Caroline,
baby, I have something to tell you. I go back to work Monday.”
"So
soon? You just got here. And we-we just got to know each other again.” She sat
up.
“I
know. Come with me when I go back. You can meet everybody. They’ll love you.
We’ll do things right this time, I promise.”
“I
can’t. I have work. And the Sanderson case on Monday.”
“Tuesday
then.”
“This
case might be drawn out. I don’t know how long it’ll last.”
“When
that’s over then.”
“That
might be weeks or months. I don’t know yet.”
“Carrie!
Stop fighting it.”
She
stopped and looked at him. “You can’t expect me to drop my whole life and
travel the world with you.”
“I’m
not asking you to do that. This is a promo tour, very short, only a couple of
weeks. Take some vacation time.”
Caroline
shook her head. “Alex I can’t.”
AJ
was becoming desperate. “I’m running out of ideas here. Work with me Carrie.
Meet me half way or something.” AJ stood out of bed.
“Tell
me. Tell me how. I’m willing to try almost anything. But I don’t see a
way.”
“There
is one. We just have to find it. I’m not giving up on us, Caroline. I love you
too damn much. Not for the world am I losing you again.”
“It
doesn’t have to come to that.”
“You
could quit.” He paced as ideas ran through his head.
“My
job?! Are you crazy?”
“My
salary is enough for both of us. You wouldn’t have to work at all.”
“No.
No way am I depending on you for income. I don’t care if you have a
billion-dollar salary.”
“What
if you were put on the Backstreet legal team? That could work out. I could pull
some strings.”
“You’d
still be supporting me. Pulling strings for me? How am I supposed to stand on my
own two feet that way?”
“Well
what about what we were saying earlier about you starting your own firm.”
“Yeah
and? What about it?”
“And..
and I don’t know. God dammit!”
“AJ
face it you have your life and I have mine”
“Dammit,
Carrie stop being so stubborn.”
“I’m
being realistic. This is why it didn’t work to start with.”
“Kevin
and Brian can do it so can we. There has to be a way.”
“Their
wives are actresses and dancers. All in the same business.”
“What
does that have to do with anything?” He stopped pacing to frown down at her.
“A
lot. I love you Alex.” She gave him a kiss as she got off the bed. He turned
when he heard the goodbye in her voice.
“A cold day in Hell” He grabbed her arm.
“The temperatures are quickly dropping.”
He
looked at her. “Do you even care?”
“Of course I do. I love you.”
He
kissed her hard on the lips. “Then I’ll quit Backstreet.”
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__________
15
She
stared at him with wide eyes. “Are you serious?”
“As
a heartattack, babe.”
“Is
all that hair dye finally getting to your brain?”
“Not
quite yet. I haven’t given up on us.”
“Why
not? It seems pointless.”
“What
are you saying?”
“We’ve
fallen apart. Is there really a ‘us’ anymore?”
“Of
course there is.”
“I
don’t see it. We’ve disappeared and us right along with it.”
“You
don’t seem to want to put us back together.”
“Maybe
I don’t. Maybe I don’t want to! Maybe I’m scared. I don’t want to be
hurt again.”
AJ
stepped closer to her. “Carrie, I-”
“I
know you would never. But you did before, unconsciously you did. Now I have my
own life. I want to set up my own firm. My own. So that I’ll have something to
support me on my two feet. Something stable. After you left I had nothing, I was
nothing. You had the fame and the spotlight. I despised you for it at first.
Then I moved on to create my life. So
that I’d always have my work or the life that I have now, to pull me back up.
So that I wouldn’t drown in the heartache again.
So goodbye. Have a nice flight back. It’s been fun.”
“Oh
yeah. Right throw me out. That’s smart Carrie. You think it makes it any
easier if you’re the one to end it? It won’t, trust me.”
“You
said that same thing five years ago. Remember? ‘Alex, what about our parents,
or our friends, or Backstreet?’ ‘Don’t worry. Trust me.’ And I did. Fool
that I was.”
“We
were in love.”
“Young
and foolish and maybe in love. Our anniversary is coming up. Do you realize
that?”
“Of
course I do. You’re all I think of on that day.”
“And
tell me how do you celebrate this lawful union of man and wife? I hear you’re
the one the fans can depend on for some fast action. It that what you do on May
first? A fast easy lay? Oops there goes another virginity, right down the drain
given away to AJ McLean, the bad boy wannabe. Why AJ? Tell me how it is. Do you
think of me that day? Do you really? Just hope you don’t call my name out. Oh
that’d be bad. I bet you lose hundreds of fans that way.”
“Caroline
stop.”
“Or
maybe a couple of blowjobs to celebrate that special day. Nothing says ‘I love
my wife’ like a bimbo sucking you dry while you cum. The fans can’t wait to
get some Backstreet cock in their mouth. Do they ever tell you how it compares
to a *Nsync dick? You love these boy band hoes don’t you? Do you teach them
how you like it? Help some teenybopper become a little more experienced in the
field? They could always use that knowledge later when they’re climbing the
corporate ladder or getting into Hollywood. You always saved those special
pleasures for the tour groupies, right?”
“I’m
warning you.”
“I
heard that’s how Brian met Leighanne, on tour. How much did you have to do
with that? Show her the ropes, of how things are on tour. How the men like to
control on top. Oh, and little Nicky, there’s an eager pupil for you. Do you
let him watch? Show him all the proper techniques? And the Latin lover, tell me
how good is he in bed. I’m sure you can give me all the details. Now I’m not
so sure about Kristin. Kevin looks like he would kick your ass if you tried that
one, or maybe cry about it. But who
am I kidding? You get some Krissy pussy on the side. You’re good at keeping
secrets, aren’t you? And you are so tight, the five of you, tell each other
everything. Like brothers is the way you put it. Yet they don’t know about
they’re wives fucking around or even the fact that your own wife is too. The
difference it seems is that you’re the
one with the dick up their asses.”
She
fell against the floor when AJ’s hand resounded against her cheek. She held
her hand up to her cheek. The crack sounded through out the room.
AJ
stared at her; unable to believe that he’d just hit her. In no way did she
deserve to be hit, by his hand especially. He saw her lying on the floor, small
and helpless like the Caroline he wanted to protect by wrapping her in his arms
at night. He reached for her.
“Using
your hand now? Forgot how to use your dick?” No, this was not his same
Caroline.
He
pulled back and walked out, in search of a lawyer. He suddenly had need of one.
He had had enough from the one lying on the floor.
Back to listing
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16
Caroline
laid on the floor face down so that AJ couldn’t see her tears. Those words had
hurt her as she said them. She wanted to her him and knew she succeed when she
saw that hurtful look on his face. She held her sobs as well as her breath while
he stood over her. She’s convinced herself that it won’t work, no matter
what they try or how hard they want it to be. AJ seemed blind to the fact so she
pushed him away. Maybe she pushed too far but he was still here, that was until
she said those spiteful words. She wished she could take it back. She never
meant a word of it. Then he left once again like before. Then she cried, this
time of her own doing.
Monday
morning Kevin and Nick stood talking in the conference room when AJ came in.
“Yo,
Bone where you been man?” Nick asked.
“Taking
care of some past matters of interest.”
Kevin
saw the lines of tension and lack of sleep in AJ’s face. He smelled the
alcohol and smoke on his breath and got the impression he hadn’t been doing
much else. “You Ok, AJ? ”
“Don’t
worry. I can make this tour if that’s what you mean.”
“I
was worried about you, not the tour. That can be cancelled if needed.”
“Thanks,
man. I’m okay.” AJ started to sit down. “Hey Kev?”
“Yeah?”
“Things still smooth between you and Kristin?”
Kevin frowned. “Yeah. Why do you ask?”
“And Bri’s happily in love with Leighanne, still?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Nothing
man. I’m happy for you two. You can do what a lot of us in this business
can’t.”
“What’s that?” Nick asked equally curious as Kevin now.
“Pull off a successful marriage with the woman you love.”
Kevin heard something in his voice but before he had time to question it,
people began filing in the large conference table and the meeting began.
As Howie sat down, he saw AJ across the table. When he hadn’t heard
from AJ he took it as a good sign but now seeing his friend he realized he was
wrong.
“Excuse
me.” A secretary stuck her head in. “There’s a phone call for Mr.
McLean.”
“We’re
in the middle of a meeting.”
“I
know, sir. That’s what I told him. He insisted on speaking with him.”
“Who
is it?” AJ asked.
“He
said your lawyer, sir.”
AJ
stood. “I’ll take the call.”
“Why
does AJ need a lawyer?” Brian asked.
“Give
him time, guys. He’ll explain in time.”
“Howie,
what do you know?”
“In
time.” Howie repeated.
Caroline
walked out of the courthouse, Monday and into the Florida sunshine. The
Sanderson case was a hard one not to mention crucial to Wolfram and Hart and her
legal career. She was not her best in court today but she bought enough time for
court to reconvene tomorrow. Tomorrow she told herself she would be better.
Tomorrow she would stop thinking about AJ, stop counting hours since she pushed
him away. Tonight she said she would go to sleep without crying, she would wake
up without expecting AJ. She would move on with her life for the second time.
She told herself she would but unlike last time, she felt as though she would
die.
She
sighed as she got into her car. She pulled out of the parking lot, only wanting
to get home take a couple of aspirins and maybe sleep away the pain. Pulling out
of the parking a little too quickly, she didn’t see the other car coming until
she heard it right in front of her. She slammed on brakes and hit her head on
the steering wheel.
“Dammit.”
She could positively say this was not her day.
No
one was hurt, if you didn’t count her throbbing headache, and neither car was
damaged but she could hear the other driver yelling. It was safe to say he was
pissed. She slowly sat up.
“Dane?”
She groaned as she laid her head back on the wheel.
Back to listing
__________
“Dane?”
“Caroline?
Is that you?”
“Unfortunately
yes. Is your car alright?”
“It’s just a scratch nothing.” The shouting he was just doing
belied his calm statement.
“I’ll pay for it if you give me your insurance card.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He looked around. “We’re holding up
traffic here in the street. Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“Sure.” She almost crashed into the guy, she thought giving him the
time of day was the least she do.
Dane got back into his car and led her to a coffee shop near by.
“I just want you to know I’m leaving town.” Dane explained once
they were seated.
“Leaving town? Why? Not on my account, I hope.”
“That’s part of it. I’m going back home to Virginia. All this
Florida sun is getting to me, plus I miss snow at Christmastime.”
“Dane, I’m sorry for everything. I know I should have told you about
AJ.”
“That’s okay. And I’m sorry for the way I acted. I don’t know the
whole story but I know you.”
“Thank you. I really would
like for us to remain friends if that’s at all possible.”
“I think maybe so.”
“Good. So do you have a teaching job up there set up already?”
“Nothing for certain.”
“I have a cousin in the Richmond area. He works in the city council. He
might be able to set up something with the school board. I hear they’re always
looking for teachers.”
“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Here, I’ll give you his number.”
She wrote it down and handed it to him.
“Thank you Caroline.”
“Sorry things couldn’t work out between us.”
They rose to leave.
“Me too, Caroline.”
Caroline went home glad to be on good terms with Dane again. She sat down
at her desk and tried to concentrate on her brief for tomorrow. She stopped when
her head wouldn’t let her think any further. She retrieved some aspirin from
the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and a glass of water from the kitchen. She
closed her eyes and it went down. The phone rang. She reached over to answer it.
“Hello Caroline?”
“Yes. This is she.”
“Caroline this is Howie Dorough. A friend of AJ’s.”
“Howie?”
“I was wondering if you
would meet me somewhere later. As a mutual friend of AJ’s, I just want to
talk.”
“What
would you have to talk to me about?”
“I
don’t know all the facts but I do know that AJ has contacted a divorce
lawyer.”
“He
has?” For a moment, she was dishearten to learn AJ moved on already.
“That’s good.”
“Good? I don’t get it.”
“It’s for the best, Howie. This isn’t working between AJ and me.
We’ve tried twice.”
“Third times the charm. It seems we have more to talk about than I
first thought.”
“I don’t see how.”
“Listen, I know how hard headed AJ can be and from what I know of you,
you can too but I also know that you love each other. As AJ’s friend and as,
perhaps one of yours I can’t sit by and watch you throw that away. I hear in
your voice the same thing I see in his face.”
“Are you going to try to set us back up? I’m not so sure that’s a
good idea.”
“Maybe not but it’s worth a try. And if, if
it doesn’t work, AJ will kick my ass for it later.”
Caroline
sighed. “Fine. Where do you want to meet?”
Howie
smiled on the other end. ‘So far so good.’
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__________
18
“AJ, you should come out to Tabu. Get out of that house some. It’ll help you relax before we start the tour. You don’t need all this extra stress.” Howie suggested.
“You’re
right. That’s just what I need to get me out of this slump. Check out the new
honeys.”
“Have
you talked to your lawyer lately?”
“Some.
He’s been cautious about the whole thing. Doesn’t want to cause a scandal.
If the media doesn’t get wind of it, it should be quick and easy. I know
Caroline doesn’t want any of my money. At least I used to know. After that
Saturday, I’m not sure I know her anymore. She’s not the same person.”
“What
did happen Saturday?”
“Some harsh words were said. Some things came out of her mouth that I never thought would have. She might have said it out of anger but still I didn’t it possible some of the things she said. They were harsh, man, real harsh.” AJ took a drag of the cigarette he just lit up.
“She
was the only one with the sharp tongue?” Howie found it hard to believe with
AJ’s temper.
“I
wasn’t exactly the one doing all the talking. But I did have my part in it, I
suppose. I slapped her.”
“What?
You hit her?”
“Hey
don’t go defending her when I was defending you, the rest of the guys, our
fans and my pride. Besides I felt really guilty afterwards.”
“Did
you apologize?”
“I
tried.” AJ walked around his house. After staying at Carrie’s his house felt
like being in a large open field in contrast to her small cozy apartment.
“And
what happened?” Howie asked.
‘Using
your hand now? Forgot how to use your dick?’ Caroline’s cold words came back
to him.
“Howie
man I really don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“That’s
fine. I’ll see you at Tabu Friday night then?”
“Yeah,
‘D, I’ll be there.”
Friday
night Caroline stepped out of the shower. She was meeting Howie at his club,
Tabu. She didn’t know why he wanted to meet there but in any case, that’s
where she was going. Actually, she thought it might give her something else to
think about. She was slacking on the Sanderson case and receiving frowns from
the senior partners. Wednesday, the
third day in court, she finally gave the case over to Jeff Whitman. With Jeff as
his lawyer, Mr. Sanderson might actually have a chance of not going to jail.
Caroline
slipped on her favorite simple black dress. She might only be going to talk to
Howie but she was still going to a nightclub and wanted to look nice.
She
drove up to the club and handed her keys to the valet. She pressed through the
crowd to the doorman. It seemed everyone was trying to get into the place. She
had heard about it before, it was supposed to be very exclusive.
“I’m
on the list.” She told the doorman.
“Name.”
Was all he grunted.
“Caroline
McLean.”
When
he found her name he checked her off and allowed her entrance.
“What’s
up, Jake?” AJ greeted the bartender
“Nothing
much just doing my job to make a dollar.”
“I
hear you man.”
“Howie wanted to see you in his office. He figured this would be your
first stop.”
“He knows me too well.” AJ pushed through the ‘Private’ door to
Howie’s office.
“Yo
‘D. You here?” AJ walked in to find Caroline sitting comfortably on Howie
plush leather couch sipping a drink.
Back to listing
__________
19
“Hey
Howie invited me here to talk. I had no idea you were going to be here. Well, I
thought maybe you might but I wasn’t sure.”
“You
want me to believe you had nothing to do with this setup? Yeah right. With you
wearing your favorite black dress?”
“How
did you know?”
“You’re
admitting to it?”
“No,
I mean about the dress.”
“You told me.” AJ sighed as he poured himself a drink from Howie’s sideboard. "Last week you told me. Tuesday morning when you were getting dressed for work, I suggested the dress. You said it was your favorite that you only wore it for special occasions. It was simple and fun at the same time, you said."
"You remembered that?"
"I remember everything you said. Everything."
"Oh AJ about last Saturday. I didn't mean a word of it, I swear."
“Oh,
come on, Carrie I’m not that dumb. The least you can do is tell the truth
about the whole thing.”
“The
truth is that I was mad and I wanted you to leave.”
“Why?
That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out all week. Why did you want me to
leave?”
“Because
sooner or later things would have ended. It wouldn’t have worked.”
“You
gave up faith in us? After all that you simply gave up?” He moved to sit by
her. “Remember what I said after I said ‘Trust me’? The part you left
out.” Without waiting for answer, he continued. “I said, ‘Trust me. It
doesn’t matter what anyone thinks as long as we have each other. All we need
is our love and our faith in each other.’ Remember that? Then we vowed to
spend eternity together. How could you give up that faith?”
“Oh,
Alex, we were so young that day, we thought we could defy the world to be
together. But I grown up some since then, and the world is too big for us to
take on.”
“I’ve
traveled and seen the world, and baby girl it is big but it’s lonely too. I
was fortunate enough to see it with my boys but there were always times when I
would think, Caroline would love that, or Carrie should be here to see this. I
needed you there to take on the world with me. I know we could have done it
together.”
“There
you go dreaming again. We went through this, there’s no way to do this. And
before you say anything you are not quitting Backstreet.”
“How
did the case go?” He asked out of the blue. “The one you had on Monday.”
“What?
Oh. I passed it on to a colleague of mine. At the rate I was going Mr. Sanderson
would have gotten life plus his original sentence.”
“So
you have no more excuses. You can take some vacation time and come on the promo
tour.”
“I
really don’t know if I can take vacation time right now. The senior partners
are not so happy with me.”
“So
what? Quit that firm. They sound like real tight asses.”
“You’re
talking about my bosses!”
“They
can’t hear me. I’m sure Howie doesn’t have the place bugged for them.”
“Then
what, huh? I travel the world, so we can take it on together?”
“That’s
the general idea. I just haven’t worked out the kinks yet.” He started
thinking.
“What
am I going to do after we see the whole world.”
“See
the whole world? That’ll take a while especially if we stop by all the places
I want to show you.”
Caroline
looked at him, incredulously. “Do you hear yourself? You are out of your
mind.”
“Will
that be a problem?”
“Ok,
say we do go on this tour the world. What then, hotshot?”
“Then you’ll start your own firm where you’re free to take vacations whenever I’m on tour. You’ll move into my house where we’ll do this marriage thing the right way, in every sense of the word. Why would you do that you ask?” He placed a finger over her mouth. “Because, my dear, we love each other. And on May first, we are getting married for the world to know.”
He removed his finger only to kiss her. He pulled back slightly. “And because, well, you should trust me.”
Back to listing
__________
__________
20
“May I have this dance?” Brian tapped AJ on the shoulder.
AJ stepped aside to let Brian cut in.
“I know you want my wife Brian, but you have to remember you’re a
married man. And she’s a married woman.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Brian and Caroline danced in line with
the music. “You know, you were a shock to us. We had no idea Bone would keep a
secret like this, or even that he could keep a secret. But, and I speak for all
the guys, we are glad to meet you. And now that you are AJ’s wife, welcome to
the Backstreet family.”
“Thank you that means a lot to me.”
The music ended and pulled back. Caroline looked around her at the happy
crowd. Just as AJ had said, on their fifth anniversary they got married to the
world and renewed the vows they said years ago in their hearts. She quit Wolfram
and Hart and began to open her own firm. There
were still doubts in the back of her mind, but she learned from AJ to live each
day and not worry about the future until it becomes the present.
She met the rest of the guys and their wives. They all seemed like such
nice people that she felt ashamed to have said those things without having known
them. For their part they welcomed her into the family and accepted them readily
enough.
AJ and Caroline planned to tour the world as the honeymoon they never
really had.
“I want a chance to dance with the bride.” Howie came up to them.
Brian handed her over with a kiss on the cheek.
“Howie I just want to thank you for putting my marriage back
together.”
“You don’t have to. I had my own personal reasons. With AJ acting the
way he was, if he didn’t snap out of it soon, he would have made Backstreet
look bad.”
“Well whatever the reasons, thank you.”
They walked off the dance floor once the music stopped. Kristin came up
to her.
“Congratulations. I know this day means a lot to you. Kevin told me
everything that went on between you and AJ. I just wanted to say never give up
on who you love. Kevin and I started dating way before Backstreet ever came
along and here we are married now after eight years of it. It was hard for us
but we didn’t quit. That’s the important part not to quit when it gets hard.
And it’s going to be hard, trust me. The thing is to always remember that you
love each other. If you’re ever in need of a friend, Leighanne and I both
understand what you’re going through and we’re here for anything. We usually
get together while their on tour off in Europe somewhere, that’s when you feel
lonely the most.”
“Thank you Kristin.” Caroline hugged her. “I’m sure I’ll be
calling a lot.”
“Make sure you do. As Backstreet wives we gotta help each other out.”
“If you don’t mind I’ve come to take my wife back.” AJ said.
“No problem.” Kristin walked over to a group of people.
“I gotta say, you look very beautiful in your white gown.”
“Thank you. You look very handsome in your tux, Mr. McLean.”
“Thank you, Mrs. McLean. Damn it feels good to say that.”
“May I have your attention please.” Everyone turned towards Nick.
“Excuse me everybody. Please get a glass. I’d like to toast the happy
couple. To AJ, I’m glad you finally found what it is you’ve been searching
for. Anyone can see it in the way you act differently. I hope I find that
someday but for now you two should rejoice in your love. To Caroline, I’ve
just met you but I can say that you are one hell of a woman just to put up with
AJ. I’ve never seen him happier and it’s because of you.
You two, keep each other, and love each other for all of your lifetime.
AJ and Caroline. ”
Everyone raised his or her glasses. “To AJ and Caroline.”
After rounds of more toasts and glass refills, AJ stood. “I want to
dedicate a song to my wife.”
He looked Caroline as he started to sing.
One look in your eyes and there I see
Just what you mean to me
Here in my heart I believe
Your love is all I’ll ever need
Holdin’ you close through the night
I need you, yeah
I look in your eyes and there I see
What happiness really means
The love that we share makes life so sweet
Together we’ll always be
This pledge of love feels so right
And, ooh, I need you
Here and now
I promise to love faithfully [Faithfully]
You’re all I need
Here and now
I vow to be one with thee [You and me], hey
Your love is all [I need] I need
Say, yeah, yeah...
When I look in your eyes, there I’ll see
All that a love should really be
And I need you more and more each day
Nothin’ can take your love away
More than I dare to dream
I need you
Here and now
I promise to love faithfully [Faithfully]
You’re all I need
Here and now
I vow to be one with thee [You and me], yeah
Your love is all I need
[Starting here] Ooh, and I’m starting now
I believe [I believe in love], I believe
[Starting here] I’m starting right here
[Starting now] Right now because I believe in your love
So I’m glad to take the vow
Here and now, oh
I promise to love faithfully [Faithfully]
You’re all I need
Here and now, yeah
I vow to be one with thee [You and me], yeah
Your love is all I need
Uh, hey...
I-I, love is all I need
Ooh...ooh...yeah...
Love is all I need
Ooh...ooh...
“I love you, baby. Here and now. Always and forever.”
‘Here
and Now’ by Luther Vandross
Lyrics by Terry Steele & David Elliott