Divorce across Cultures by Fe Hafner

Every marriage requires commitment, dedication and work. An international/intercultural marriage requires even more attention because of the many obstacles that a couple faces.

It isn't easy to deal with the legacy that we've all grown up with in our ethnic, religious and socio-economic backgrounds.  Although there can be many problems in these international marriages, they can also be very successful and others…get destroyed.

I’ve been musing on the cross-cultural dimensions of divorce, having gone through one myself several years back. This hard won “words-of-wisdom” is intended only for those who are truly in trouble.  I know that sharing you what I experienced is not all what you need, but you might know afterwards how to deal with the situation.

Divorce is never a pleasant thing. Unless, that is, the adults involved are very mature. So mature, they know how to grieve the loss of a loved one and never lose hope of a fulfilling future. Divorce is especially painful in cross-cultural marriages, because an extra dollop of commitment went into making the relationship happen in the first place. It’s one of the reasons intercultural marriages are not the norm in societies: if they were easy to build, then everyone would be marrying across the border, as it were.

If you are facing divorce you are probably also facing the "fear factor". Fear of the unknown, most especially because you are in a foreign country. Fear of failure. Fear of being alone. It's so scary that some people would rather stay in a bad marriage than face being alone. And yet, you can be more alone in a bad marriage than you'll ever be by yourself. If you've never been divorced, you don't realize just how capable you really can be when necessary.

If you've been divorced, you're less apt to be paralyzed by fear and uncertainty. Divorce isn't the great unknown. You know you can survive. You know divorce doesn't mean the end of life.

Learning to survive this situation is like anything else in life. When you need to know, you learn to do. Divorce is not a disgraceful place to be. It is a place that you're in because of circumstances that may be completely out of your control. You may not want it, but you may not be able to stop it.

You can dwell on the unfortunate aspects of facing divorce, or you can gather the strength that's deep within you and vow not to let these circumstances destroy the rest of your life.

Divorce will most certainly rock your world. It will push you to the depths and past your limits. It will bring out the best and the worst in you.

It will make you stronger, more self-reliant. You will learn to trust in yourself.

You will learn to be your own best friend.

And you will survive. It's won't be easy. It won't be overnight. It won't be without pain. It won't be without relapses into the worlds of "what if" and "if only".

If you have been trying to save your marriage and nothing help. And now you are thinking about divorce, but you are not certain if you will go on with it because you don't know the next step. Then the links I have here would give you the solution. Whether legal or financial matter, the German government provides social benefits to those who need it. Just try and you will see...they will never let you down.

Goodluck!

It is better to hope, though clouds hang low,
And keep the eyes uplifted,
For the sweet blue sky will soon peep through,
When the ominous clouds are rifted.
There was never a night without a day
Or an evening without a morning,
And the darkest hour, as the proverb goes,
Is the hour before the dawning

Success, whether measured in business, family or love, is often determined by the "right" atittude.  Unfortunately, maintaining that proper form of mind, a positive atittude, isn't always easy. Sometimes, inspite of our best efforts, life just seems intent on bringing us down.

Inspiration, however, is rarely far away - if we are but willing to look for it.

Background music title: All I Ask Of You