Three minutes after you walked away I could still see your face etched in my mind. Your blue eyes showered with the passion of lust. A face warm with anticipation, but gnawing in agony. I could tell by your walk that this was permanent. The left foot slightly drug behind the right. You glimpsed back slightly, possibly hoping that you would see a tear moisten my cheek; instead a river flowed. I sat there remembering your smile, it reminded me of slightly imperfect pearls. The kind that are sold three for a dollar, still have beauty, but not every one can appreciate. Your laugh: loud and brawny. It wasn't a typical laugh, but it was heart felt. To me it was the sound of angels chuckling. Your face seemed to be painted in my soul forever.
Three days later I was watering down a cup of black coffee with my saline tears. Puffy and raw I felt like the crying would never cease. A thought of you seemed only seconds away. Concentration on anything else was pointless. I could still see you face, but somehow those crystal blue eyes that I thought I use to know were fading into only a smear of blue crayon on a child's palate. I wiped away another tear remembering the pain of separation; feeling as if tomorrow would never come, only to have it come with dread. Each breathe I breathed in icicles, cutting the raw skin down my throat and leaving me cold inside. The tears still rolled. What was it about you that was so hard to let go of? Your eyes were already beginning to fade. Was forgetting your once beautiful eyes the solace that I was suppose to find in misery?
Three weeks later I was standing in the shower. As the water ran down my back, I realized that it had been a few days since I had thought about you. My stomach flinched at the prospect that I might have forgotten the one that I had once loved. I started remembering the times that we were together. The laughter when we would make jokes at each other, the conflict within bitter disagreements, the love as we sat cuddled in the silence of your room night after night was nothing between us but skin. I tried recalling your face. I could only see a blur where you face was. I remembered that you had blue eyes, but for some reason I forgot if they were deep blue or pale blue. I tried remembering your features. Did you have a big nose or a small one? One thing I couldn't forget though was your intriguing smile. Eventually after moments of concentration I was able to piece together a picture of you in my mind. The picture I saw was more an image of pain than of life though. Your skin was the color of despair and your mouth the texture of grief.
Three months later I was talking to a friend of mine. We were discussing past relationships and of course you came up. "Yes, he was perfect. He had a wonderful sense of humor and a heart of gold. He treated me like a princess every day we were together. I only wish the situations could have been different, that we could have loved each other for eternity. He didn't mean to hurt me, I don't think he really even wanted to. But you never go into a relationship with the intention of pain, sometimes it just happens." She asked me what you looked like. I searched desperately for an image of you in my mind. All I could remember was you had sandy brown hair, you had a nice smile and I thought you either had blue or green eyes. But I did remember feelings. I remembered that I had loved you, but I couldn't find the love for you anymore in my heart. I remembered that I was angry at you, but that anger has now subsided. I remembered that you had hurt me badly, but now I just remember you, and smile.
Three years later I look back at our relationship. I'm with someone else now. I can't seem to think of any of your features. I could strain my brain for weeks and still couldn't even get a silhouette. But I do remember what you taught me. I learned that I was beautiful from you, that I shouldn't let anyone put me down. I learned that sometimes relationships bring pain, but out of every heart break comes the beauty of a new heart. Most of all, I learned what it truly means to love. I learned that love isn't a feeling or an emotion: it's an action. You loved me. You cherished me. You were patient with me. You were constantly seeking my happiness. You were always honest with me. You respected me. You were kind and considerate. Now I take these lessons that you taught me and I move on in my life. Tomorrow I marry a man who not only fulfills all my expectations, but surpasses them. But before I do, I wanted to let you know that I appreciate you leaving me that night. Though I cried then, I now rejoice. For from it I learned who I was and that pain is the end to the beginning of a new life.