i watched
as
you lay
there
helpless
defenseless
almost
abandoned
you wanted
me there
to support
you
and you
wanted
me there
to care
but i
was selfish
and cruel
thought
only of
myself
and wished
you were
not there
i thought
that
if i
ignored
you that
your disease
would go
away
i thought
if i
pretended
you were
not in
that cold
white
bed
then
this tumor
would leave
you and
my life
would
return
to normal
for a
while the
doctors
gave hope
of recovery
and i rejoiced
...for when
i neglected
to love
you
the pain
of cancer
left
then i
went away
to college
thousands
of miles
away
you were
left
alone
to fend for
yourself
i don't
think
i even
cared
and then
you called
me
and said
it had
come back
but not
just in
your breast
this time
the cancer
has
consumed
my lungs
my liver
my head
i cried
for weeks
for mercy
on you
i cried the
tears
of mourning
for when
my dear
mother
you first
needed me
i wouldn't
be there
for you
but now
that it's
time to help
you again
i can't
because
of
geography
why lord
does this
happen
to such a
wonderful
person
she was
wholesome
and true
she believed
in love
in me
in family
and in you
tears
rolled
down my
ignorant
selfish
cheeks
for i
wanted to
be there
so bad
to hold
your hand
as you face
the end
to be with
you till
your last
breathe
but i
wasn't there
to support
you
and my heart
aches
out in
anguish
for now i
must live
without
the love
that you
give
and i must
face the
fear that
someday it
will be me
in that
bed and
my daughter
will not
come and
visit