THE FELLIP NECTAR STAND Edition 1.3: Chiana Meets NIBB

Disclaimer: I do not own Farscape or anything associated with Farscape.

Introduction: NIBB contacted me and wanted to be in an edition. So I came up with a list of questions for Chiana to ask him, and he provided the answers. I did not alter his words in any way so it comes straight to you. Kinda hard but this is what we came up with. Enjoy!

*****

[NIBB walks into the Fellip Nectar Stand and looks around. He notices two aliens who look as though they are about to pass out, at the far side of the bar. Not seeing Chiana anywhere, he decides to wait for her at the bar. As NIBB sits down, the bartender walks over to stand in front of him. NIBB is stunned to see that the bartender bares a striking resemblance to Scorpius!]

Scorpius: “Know anything about wormholes?” [He activates the ‘Aurora Barstool’, using a switch under the bar. NIBB feels compelled to stare at the bartender and says nothing as he detects a numbing sensation in his mind. NIBB feels as if he can no longer think for himself.]

Scorpius: “Oh, you’re here to meet Chiana. You need not worry about that.”

Chiana: [Enters bar to find NIBB sitting at the bar, staring straight ahead. She doesn’t notice the bartender’s similarity to Scorpius.] “What the frell is wrong with him?” [Walks around NIBB, who’s frozen in place.]

NIBB: [Speaks suddenly, causes Chiana to jump.] “Hello Chiana, I’m NIBB.”

[Chiana stares at NIBB and ducks her head around to look him in the eyes. He doesn’t blink.]

Chiana: “Well of course you are.”

NIBB: [Scorpius silently mouthing the words as NIBB speaks…] “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person, I’ve been a big fan since your first appearance on the show.” [NIBB still staring straight ahead.]

[Crichton walks into bar. Chiana motions for him to come over.]

Crichton: “What up Chi?” [Pauses, noticing strange behavior from the scaper, but not the Scorpiesque bartender. Waves hand in front of NIBB’s face and then looks to Chiana with raised eyebrows.] “Mind control?”

Chiana: “Maybe. What should we do?”

Crichton: “Ask him something.”

Chiana: [Shrugs.] “Might as well have a little fun with this! Hello NIBB. What the frell do scapers do for fun? I can’t see what the deal is about this bb thingy.”

NIBB (Scorpius): “Well, we enjoy gathering with other scapers for conventions, chats, visiting each other’s websites, posting the BB….”

Chiana: “Ok, ok! I get the point. Do you guys really have gatherings for watching us on those little crates that Crichton refers to as TBs?”

[Crichton frowns at Chiana. He takes a swig of some fellip nectar he ordered and awaits NIBB’s answer.]

NIBB (Scorpius): “TVs. Yes, we like to watch episodes over and over, looking for things we may have missed the first time. Especially the episodes with you in them. We can’t get enough! And yes, even the re-runs. Do you think the programming staff at SciFi heard that?”

[Chiana and Crichton glance around, wondering whom he was referring to. There were only two other aliens in the bar and they were beyond drunk.]

Crichton: “Well, hate to leave you hanging, Pip, but I gotta go. I hope you can snap him out of it.” [Downs rest of drink and exits bar quickly before Chiana can object.]

Chiana: [Looks back to NIBB with increasing interest.] “Let’s try another question. Crichton tells me scapers are in another realm of sorts, somewhat like his Earth. Do you all have crazy sayings like him?”

NIBB (Scorpius): “I don’t know about ‘another realm’, but I think we like to believe that being scapers puts us a cut above ‘normal humans’. We do use a lot of sayings that can be confusing, but the people from a place on Earth called Australia, when it comes to sayings, really have a language all their own.”

Chiana: [Wrinkles brow at the monotone actions by the scaper.] “Enough of this interview dren, let’s have a Raslac. Do you like Raslac?” [Nervously chuckles.]

NIBB: “Why not? I’ll buy! Raslac, sounds like strong stuff…or is it named after the sound one makes after tasting it?” [NIBB answers, regaining slight control of his mind just long enough to crack a joke. Chiana giggles. Barkeeper places two flasks of Raslac in front of them.]

Chiana: [Moves closer to NIBB, placing a hand on his thigh.] “You know, D’Argo and I really aren’t together anymore. Maybe we could get together more often?”

[NIBB’s eyes blink several times and NIBB jumps as he realizes Chiana is standing VERY close to him.]

[Scorpius is bewildered. Ducks quickly below bar and begins to pound madly on the hidden controls of the ‘Aurora Barstool’. All manners of cursing can be heard coming from behind the bar.]

NIBB: [NIBB, looking confused for a moment, regains control of his faculties and laughs nervously.] “Does D’Argo know it’s over between you two? Cuz the last thing I need is to be on the receiving end of a Luxan’s temper! And…How far from here is he, exactly?”

Chiana: [Smiles and leans back slightly to give NIBB space.] “I knew that would work! So tell me, now that we can continue with this little interview…you know I was supposed to do that for Zhaan, she wanted to know you guys a little better. Let me ask you, Scapers seem to know a hezmana of a lot more than I even do at times. Where to they get their information, Scorpius? The PeaceKeeper’s Guide to Frelling You Over in Less Than Nine Hundred Microts? I would like to know!”

NIBB: [Chugs down some raslac.] “Scorpius? Frell no. PeaceKeeper’s Guide? Sounds interesting…you wouldn’t happen to know where I could get one of those?”

Chiana: [Smiles mischievously.] “No, but I’m sure Aeryn would be the one to know!”

NIBB: [Smiles.] “Really, even I’m surprised at how much scapers seem to know at times. Where they get it exactly, I don’t know. Maybe we’re just so into Farscape that some times we can think like the writers.”

Chiana: “Ok, so you’re a frelling fan…Ooh, ignore that last statement!” [Winks at NIBB.] “Tell me one more thing before you go. What is with that cute little handle? Is it Nebari?”

NIBB: [Turns full attention to Chiana with a huge smile.] “You tell me. What does it mean in Nebari?”

[Chiana whispers something into NIBB’s ear. NIBB looks surprised.]

NIBB: “In English, it means ‘the point of a quill pen’…a writing instrument. I added the second B.” [Smiles with pride. Then turns slightly serious.] “You really think it’s cute?”

Chiana: “Come on, let’s go to the booth over there!”

[Tugs NIBB’s collar and drags him away from the bar.]

[Scorpius remains below the surface of the bar muttering in the background at his failed ‘Aurora Barstool’.]

*****

A HUGE thanks is in order to NIBB for having to go through that strange bout of mind control and then snapping out of it to find Chiana hitting on you! She’s quite unpredictable, wouldn’t you say? (And also the help with the Scorpius deal. BTW-NIBB invented the Aurora Barstool!]

That’s it for this edition of The Fellip Nectar Stand. If you would like to see a topic discussed or would like to join in on the discussion, please contact me and we’ll arrange something.