THE FELLIP NECTAR STAND Edition 1.8: The Great
Drought of 2000…the end is near!
Wow, the last normal edition of 2000!
Author: LeatherGirl
Disclaimer: I do not own Farscape or anything associated with Farscape. I just write for fun, okay?
Warning: Suggestive comments and descriptions.
*****
[John and Aeryn are seated at the bar drinking Raslac. Yep, just taking a break from the daily beatings of the Uncharted Territories. Enjoying each other’s company.]
Aeryn: “Would you please just stop that?” [Slams hand down on counter. John stops flipping a coin-like object around his fingers.]
John: [Laughs and slaps the coin onto the bar.] “You’re just jealous because you can’t do that.”
[John smiles with a teasing glance at Aeryn. She sends him a glare.]
Aeryn: “Thank you.” [Takes a sip of Raslac, looking forward angrily.]
John: [Picks up coin and continues to flip it over his fingers.] “Well, the drought’s almost over.”
Aeryn: [Glances around in question and looks to John as if he’s lost his mind.] “Crichton, we’re in a bar. We’re not on a planet. I think you’ve finally lost it.”
John: [Turns to Aeryn with a frown.] “Aeryn…I’m talking about the Great Drought of 2000. You know, the three monens of no new episodes where scapers literally go crazy?”
Aeryn: “Oh.”
John: [Nods head.] “Yeah.”
Aeryn: “So, what’s the big deal? Three monens is nothing. I once spent nine monens in solitude on the planet Vira during training to strengthen my survival skills.”
John: “I don’t even know what Vira is, what’s your point?”
Aeryn: “I was nine.”
John: “Oh.”
Aeryn: [Takes another sip of Raslac and smiles.] “What do scapers do to keep themselves sane during these three monens?”
John: [Raises eyebrows and takes deep breath.] “Let’s see. There’s the two month old Great Drought Relief Bash…5750 posts and counting…and that’s just one of the bashes. There’s been one each for birthdays for Ben, Gigi, Lani, and Claudia. Even a daily countdown until our new episodes in January.” [Winks at Aeryn, throwing her off guard. She looks away distracted and then back to John.]
Aeryn: “I honestly don’t think those translator microbes are working half the time.” [John laughs as Aeryn looks at him seriously.]
John: “There’s more, Aeryn baby. There’s more! There are groups that have formed, like the Shameless Hussy Posse. A lot of scapers have become friends, and some even a little bit more…” [Winks again at Aeryn and she frowns at his motion.] “There’s the Chainmale Trivia to keep scapers guessing on little things they never even noticed on episodes. And I’m guessing for sure that every one of those scapers has seen all of our episodes at least once or twice more since they originally aired.”
Aeryn: “What about the UK scapers? They’ve finally gotten to see the new episodes.” [Notices John’s expression at her comment and tries to cover her tracks.] “I, um, heard from Rygel.”
John: [Laughs.] “Ha! You’ve been lurking on the bb, haven’t you? I knew it! Yeah, I’ve noticed the big upset about spoilers, too. I wonder how many of the US scapers actually survived so far by ignoring all those juicy, wonderful spoilers. I don’t know if I could resist.”
Aeryn: “You sure can’t resist a lot of things, I’ve noticed.” [States flatly and takes another drink of her Raslac. John looks to her with a hurtful expression that quickly passes.]
John: “Well, same goes for you…read any fanfics lately?” [Implying that Aeryn has been less than faithful in the past few monens. Aeryn glances sideways nervously.]
Aeryn: “Speak for yourself!” [Turns to face the human in anger. John leans back.]
John: “Ha. Sorry, Aeryn. Forgot you were once a PeaceKeeper. You are one frelling bitchy woman…but I love that about you.” [Smiles, leaning forward, thinking he would perhaps get an award. Instead, he feels a stinging slap across his face. He opens his eyes to see Aeryn’s angered expression.] “I meant it in the nicest way!”
Aeryn: [Shakes head and looks forward across bar.] “They’re all the same.”
John: [Raises an eyebrow in question but instead concentrates back on their conversation.] “The great drought may almost be over, but unfortunately in a month, there will be another one.”
Aeryn: “Who decides when to show these episodes anyway?” [Asks in a pissed manner.]
John: “Yeah, well this drought will be shorter and more tolerable. Unless, that is, our season finale is so mind-blowing that the scapers will just have to start another bash. And maybe some more groups to save my ass…ooh, and maybe another wave of fanfics where you and I can….”
Aeryn: [Stops John before he can say another word.] “Humans.”
John: [Wraps arm around Aeryn’s waist.] “Come on, baby. I know you feel the same way I do.”
Aeryn: [Smiles warmly at John.] “You’re right.” [John smiles and draws Aeryn closer to his body.] “I do think the season finale will be mind-blowing.” [Aeryn takes a long drink of her Raslac and sets the flask harshly onto the bar and turns to John.]
John: [Looks disappointed.] “Aeryn. Why do you put me through all this dren?”
Aeryn: [Leans in close to John, extremely close.] “I like my men strong and tough. Able to react in less than a microt and kill in even less time.”
John: [Smiling and giving Aeryn a look that she returns.] “Hmmm. And I like my women smart and quick. Wanna go to the storage facility?” [Nods head towards the door of the storage facility with a flirtatious look.]
Aeryn: “Honestly, is that all you ever think about?” [Backs off and orders another Raslac for herself and John.]
John: [Shrugs shoulders.] “Aeryn, I’m a guy.”
Aeryn: “Three weekens. They’ve got three weekens. Do you think they’ll make it?”
John: [Takes drink of Raslac.] “We’ve made it this far and I’m still alive. That is, you haven’t killed me yet.”
Aeryn: [Motions towards her pulse pistol strapped on her thigh. Her expression is light however.] “Don’t tempt me.”
John: “Three weekens, Aeryn. A lot happens in three weekens…especially when the answers are right at their fingertips. Man, I envy those scapers with enough self-control not to spoil the surprises we have in store for them. Let me just say that the wait is well worth it!”
Aeryn: [Sips some Raslac thoughtfully.] “Let’s just hope the season premiere is just as well anticipated. Some scapers may be very upset.”
John: [Leans forward.] “Have you been peeking?”
Aeryn: [Tilts head at John.] “Crichton…we just started filming season three. You know what happens.”
John: “I know. Just trying to build some suspense.”
Aeryn: [Smiles mischievously.] “Well then, let’s build some suspense….” [Embraces John in a long, passionate kiss. John warms up to her and wraps his arms around her. The two roll off their barstools and fall to the floor, still kissing and breathing heavily. John rolls on top of Aeryn. The bar begins to shake. Lights flash and sparkle. John and Aeryn then begin to….]
*****
Oh, would you look at the time? Hmmm. Guess we have to go. Such a shame…you really wanted to know what was going to happen, didn’t you? I hope these final three weeks are nice to us all. WOULD THE FRELLING EPISODES GET HERE ALREADY!!!??? Whoa, gees, settle down, huh? Ya think some of us would have a little self-control….
Wow, next week is the Christmas edition. Can’t believe it’s that time of year already! And another thing, I watched an episode recently with closed captioning and discovered that Raslac is really spelled Raslak! Augh. No way am I changing it now! Especially after all that advertising dren damn it!
That’s it for this week’s edition of The Fellip Nectar Stand. Would you like to see a topic explored or even show up at the bar, yourself? Send me an email and we’ll see what we can do! fellipnectarstand@yahoo.com