THE FELLIP NECTAR STAND Edition 2.5: Improv Night

author: LeatherGirl

Disclaimer: We all know this one. I'll save the bboard's space/memory.

*****
[Rygel is busily stuffing his face with Hynerian modules...and counting out his money at the stand. He is oblivious to the world around him. John and Aeryn are happily involved with each other in their own booth while Chiana, Jothee, and D'Argo are having a "family" meeting in the main booth. Pilot and Moya are catching up on some R&R outside while Zhaan and Stark are nowhere to be seen. All seems well once again in this chaotic universe.]

Bartender: "Sorry, guys, we're out of Raslac. And for that matter, we're out of Fellip Nectar too. All we got left is Kylian Fectar. And that's a little on the ancient side, too."

[Groans throughout the slightly crowded bar.]

John: "Aeryn, baby. Would you pass me my flask here?" [Flask is barely two inches from his free left arm. Aeryn smiles flirtatiously and leans over generously to help John out.]

Aeryn: "Oh! I'm going to freshen up in the...what do you call it? Ladies room? Strange, never been there before." [John gives Aeryn a strange look as she backs off and disappears into the crowd. He anxiously looks for her but cannot see her any more. He turns and nearly slams his face into the large chest of a Wookie. John stumbles backward, knocking over a few barstools in the process.

D'Argo: [Jumping up from the table in alarm.] "Hey!" [Walks up to Wookie and feels slightly intimidated by the eight-foot creature.]

[Wookie looks down at D'Argo and grins, baring large dagger-sharp teeth.]

John: [Tugs at D'Argo's shoulder as he stands.] "Come on D'Argo, let's get the hell outta Dodge while we can still run!"

Wookie: "WHOOOOAAAAGGGGHHHHH!" [Reaches for both the frightened creatures. John and D'Argo take one glance to each other and make a run for the door. Chiana and Jothee remain in the booth laughing their eemas off.]

Rygel: [Looks up from his meal at the bar.] "What is that nonsense? Can't a Hynerian eat in peace?"

[Wookie, after a slow reaction time, begins to chase after John and D'Argo. Aeryn reenters the scene, stepping back to let the raging Wookie past. She gives him a bizarre look and turns back to the bar to hear Rygel release a loud burp.]

Aeryn: [Approaches Rygel.] "Where's John?" [She looks towards the booth where Chiana and Jothee are presently enjoying each other's company with a long, deep kiss. Aeryn rolls her eyes. Rygel continues to chow. Aeryn impatiently grabs Rygel by the neck.] "Again, where is John? And D'Argo if you don't mind my asking."

Rygel: [Coughs.] "I don't know what you're talking about. I was simply enjoying my meal when this inconsiderate fur ball walked past leaving behind a fowl odor and a rather large hairball in my modules!"

[Aeryn drops Rygel back onto the bar when suddenly she hears a commotion coming from the center of the stand. She rushes over to find John and D'Argo facing off with the Wookie in the center of a crowd. Aeryn prepares to step in.]

John: [Laughing but nervous.] "Whoa, Aeryn. This is a guy thing!"

D'Argo: [Also giddy but growling at the same time.] "Yes...what he said. Go on back to the bar or whatever...."

[D'Argo swings at the Wookie with his left arm. The Wookie counteracts and flings D'Argo head over heels onto the ground.]

John: [Straightens and laughs down at his friend.] "D'Argo, this thing has to be an ancestor of yours or something. You should really...." [The Wookie grabs him by the shoulders and hoists him up two feet off the ground. The Wookie is grinning at him with his face mere inches away. John swears he spies a glint shine off those white daggers for teeth. John laughs nervously.] "Did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like Chewy on this little Earthly movie called...." [John is dropped onto the floor alongside D'Argo and the Wookie roars above them, growling and stomping its feet in victory.]

D'Argo: "This is not how I envisioned our deaths."

John: "Oh really? And you think about that a lot huh?"

D'Argo: "You know what I mean. We should face death with bravery and strength. Not lying on the floor smelling that fowl odor of a being you call chewy. How did you come up with such a name? Chewy. Ha!"

John: "Well, I didn't think I'd be lying here talking to you while we waited for death either, *D'Argo*, but we've gotta do "something"."

[Wookie howls more and the accumulating audience around them cheers on. They begin to place bets amongst themselves.]

D'Argo: "I've got an idea."

John: "What? Tell me! We don't have much time!"

D'Argo: [Glances at John ridiculously.] "We had an entire conversation...we had time."

John: "Just...spit it out D'Argo!"

D'Argo: [Pauses as he ponders that last statement. John rolls his eyes.] "Talk to it. Talk to it so long that it wants to kill itself. You've already accomplished that many times on Moya."

John: [Offended.] "Gees, D'Argo, thanks for the appreciation. After all we've been through, I know I can count on you. Fine." [Hoists self up but pauses and turns back to D'Argo.] "What should I talk about?"

D'Argo: [Rolls his eyes.] "Anything...you're good at that. Aeryn, Earth, your whole life from birth to now. I don't care!"

John: "Fine...but if he rips my arms off, I'm gonna have to tell him who's idea it was." [Stands up to the Wookie who is facing away from him. John taps the Wookie on his back. The Wookie stops howling and the audience quiets considerably. Aeryn, Chiana, and Jothee join the crowd. The Wookie turns around and growls at John. John nearly passes out from his bad breath.]

John: "Let's talk, shall we?" [Smiles, patting the Wookie on his right shoulder. Wookie growls and John steps back slightly.]

Wookie: "Brragghh?"

John: [Glances around at onlookers to see if anyone could interpret. Everyone looked eager for a kill.] "Food?"

[The Wookie tilted its head and John nodded his head.]

John: "Meow Mix, Tofu, Eggnog, Dog Chow...ooh baby...Baby Back Ribs. Hmmm. You look like you'd enjoy red meat, am I right?"

[Wookie tilts head in other direction. John rubs his chin thoughtfully and begins to lead the calmed down Wookie towards the bar. D'Argo stands and joins the others. The onlookers break up and the usual buzz begins once again.]

[John orders up a Kylian Fectar for the Wookie and they sit at the bar.]

John: [Watches his friends sit back in their booth. He winks to them and turns his full attention back to the Wookie, now immersed in his drink.] "Are you a pilot by any chance? Ever run into somebody named Han Solo?" [John feels the creepiest of feelings and glances around the bar.] "Nah, no way in Hezmana...."

Wookie: "Brrraagghhh!" [Slams fist down on table.]

[Rygel approaches in his throne sled.]

Rygel: "Hmph! Says he can't find his ship. Pitiful creature. The hair must make up for the lack of a brain."
[Laughs at his own remark.]

John: [Bewildered.] "You understood him? Rygel, can you speak his language?"

Rygel: "What do you think I am? A translator? Just because we may share a few ancestors does not mean that my Hynerian blood could ever create such a hideous creature."

[The Wookie is served a plate of Hynerian modules and begins to wolf down the food crazily. John backs away in disgust. He looks back to Rygel to find Rygel speeding away quickly. John looks back to the Wookie and decides to leave. His job was done.]

Aeryn: "John! Over here!" [Aeryn and the others were staring out the window of the stand in awe.]

John: "Yeah, I'm coming." [He approaches them and looks out the window as well. To his surprise, the Millennium Falcon is hovering just outside.]

Jothee: "What kind of primitive ship is *that*?" [He and Chiana share a look and laugh.]

Aeryn: "Not even PeaceKeeper civilians could build such dren. Where's the hetch drive?"

D'Argo: "It reminds me of something. Anybody else getting that?"

Chiana: "Yeah, yeah. Like something we've seen around here even."

Jothee: "I know what you're talking about. It's completely something we've seen on Moya."

Aeryn: "I see a slight resemblance here to something of John's. John, do you know what could be?"

John: [Looks around at his friends in bewilderment. First, the Millennium Falcon, now his friends didn't even remember his own module. What next?] "Guys, guys! My module? Remember? For superiority, I think I still rule that department."

Aeryn: "No, I don't think it's your module we're reminded of."

D'Argo: "She's right John. Not much resemblance there."

John: [Lets out a sigh.] "Whatever. What the frell is that doing here anyway? I've definitely seen it...in my own solar system."

Chiana: "D'Argo, give me some space! You're hair is scratching my neck."

Aeryn: "Rygel, if that's you, I'm going to shove more than dentics down your throat!"

[All turn to face the Wookie staring down at them with its arms on its hips. They all scream and race for the door. The Wookie shrugs and sits down in the booth. He waits patiently. A tall figure dressed completely in black steps forward. He is breathing rather heavily.]

[Farscape crew returns to the booth after John recognizes the newcomer.]

John: [Sits down across from the leather-clad being.] "You've gotta say it. For me, please. Just humor me. They're all gonna think I've gone completely crazy now. Just say it and I'll leave you alone." [The Wookie growls. Aeryn, D'Argo, Chiana, Rygel, and Jothee stand impatiently beside the booth, waiting for the blabbering human. Darth Vader, as we all love to hate and hate to love, leans forward, breathing heavily.]

Darth Vader: [Hoooppeeerrr. HHooooppperrr.] "Luke, I am your father."

[John howls with excitement and slams his fist down on the table. He laughs uncontrollably as the Farscape crew shakes their heads and mumbles, walking away. The scene fades and we are left with John's continuous laughter, the Wookie's strange growls, and...hooopppeeerrr. Hooopppeeerrrr.]

*****