THE FELLIP NECTAR STAND Edition 3.3: Captain Crunch Goes to McDonalds

Author: LeatherGirl

Disclaimer: I do not own Farscape, Captain Crunch, McDonalds, or anything associated with these franchises. Good riddance.

*****

Alien McD: “How may I serve you today?”

Captain Crunch: [Shakes head and looks to John 1 and John 2 smiling at him behind him in line.] “I demand you give me some food.”

[John 1 and 2 walk up to either side of Captain Crunch and each put a hand on his shoulders.]

John 1: “Let us order for you, please.”

John 2: “Luxan sized Happy Meal with a Leviathan sized Fellip Nectar. And a couple hamburgers with fries, please.”

Alien McD: “Would you like Keedva with that?”

John 1: [Rolls his eyes with John 2.] “NO!”

Alien McD: “Sorry. Anything else?”

John 1: “Yeah, I’d like the same, save the Leviathan sized Fellip Nectar.” [Turns to Captain Crunch for a moment.] “They always gotta add a local delicacy to the place, don’t they?” [Turns back to Alien McD.] “And two orders of fries please.”

Alien McD: “Okay…now, would you like Keedva with that?”

[John 1 and John 2 stare at Alien McD, sending him the idea that they don’t want to be asked again.]

Captain Crunch: “And all that food is for you two? There’s another difference in our physiology. I would simply like the Keedva, please. And a flask of Fellip Nectar.”

Alien McD: “Leviathan sized?”

[John 1 and 2 walk away, disgusted.]

Captain Crunch: “I suppose I will be paying.”

Alien McD: “PeaceKeeper style or Trade?”

Captain Crunch: “I’m beginning to see why the humans can’t stand this place.”

[Alien McD receives the appropriate payment from Captain Crunch and soon brings out a huge tray of piping hot food for all to enjoy. The humans and Captain Crunch take a seat at a large booth and begin to enjoy their meals.]

Captain Crunch: “So this…chain establishment originated from your planet? Why all the way out here?”

John 2: “Believe me, man, they are everywhere. Don’t even bother asking why. What you should be asking is how so many people can stand in line to wait for a not-so-great McDonalds meal even after a news leak informs them that the chicken nuggets aren’t really chicken.”

John 1: “But there’s no place like home!” [Hungrily chomps down on a small hamburger from his Happy Meal.]

Captain Crunch: “I’m quite intrigued by these…fries.” [Takes a few nibbles off of one and instantly becomes addicted, stuffing a fistful into his mouth all at once.]

John 2: “I knew Captain Crunch would like them, I told ya!” [Nudges John 1.]

Captain Crunch: “Why do you call me this despicable name? I prefer Crais!”

John 1: “Oh, so now he’s a one-namer huh? Geesh, thinks he’s so important.”

John 2: “I’m green with envy.”

Captain Crunch: “You are not green, you are…”

John 1: “Get the wax outta your ears, Crunch…it’s a metaphor.”

Captain Crunch: “There is no wax in my ears…I’ll have you know I cleaned them twice this morning!”

John 2: “Clean as a whistle, eh?”

John 1: “I’ll be six feet under before my momma’d get me to clean my ears TWICE!” [He and John 2 laugh. Captain Crunch grows even more frustrated.]

Captain Crunch: “You idiots! Is there nothing your race is better at than talking nonsense? I don’t even know why I bother….” [Rolls eyes as the two humans continue to joke around.]

John 2: “Hey, Crunch, pass me the Budong Sauce, will ya?”

Captain Crunch: “I refuse to. There isn’t such a thing.”

John 1: “Not even for a Scooby Snack?” [Both humans laugh again.]

John 2: “The ketchup, Crunch, sorry!”

[Captain Crunch rolls his eyes once more and passes the ketchup.]

Captain Crunch: “Would you please stop calling me that?”

John 1: “Hey, we’re sorry, Crunch. We promise we won’t call you that anymore.”

Johne 2: [Snickers.] “Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head.”

John 1: “Tell you what, Crunch…er Crais. As soon as we’re done eating, we’ll leave you be and go on with our business.”

Captain Crunch er Crais: “Good. I do not know how much more tolerance I have for either one of you.”

John 2: “Like I’ve never heard that one before.”

[Crais glares at both Johns and proceeds to eat his Keedva. He suddenly begins to choke. John 1 immediately comes to his rescue and Crais spits out a disgusting chunk of meat. John 1 and John 2 turn their mouths down in a sour look, losing their appetites.]

John 1: “Hey, don’t bite off more than you can chew, my friend.”

Crais: “I think I can handle a frell of a lot more than you can swallow, my friend.”

[John 1 and 2 instantly shut up; beat at their own game. The three continue to enjoy their meal, with happy little elevator music playing, Alien McD sweeping the crusty floors, and three pulsars shimmering onto them from nearby the restaurant. Scene fades to black and we once again hear the Johns rolling off metaphors…this time with Crais joined in.]

*****

Once in a blue moon I like to use a lot of metaphors. Guess I got carried away. Sooner or later everybody goes to the zoo. :) Hehehe

Check out some new updates at both sites!

http://www.oocities.org/fellipnectarstand --Miniature sneak peak at what the new FanFic Resource Center will look like; Comms Café received a new look

http://www.oocities.org/fanficawards2002 --Many pages updated, just have a look around and read some good old award-winning masterpieces!