Author: LeatherGirl
Disclaimer: I do not own
Farscape or anything associated with Farscape.
A reference is made to an existing band from Star Wars as well.
Please Note: The Fellip
Nectar Stand Word Play Challenge is going on now! For more details, please click on the “What’s New” icon on the
main page of this site.
Setting: The Fellip Nectar
Stand…where else? Oh, and John Green is
on “vacation”, obsessing about wormholes on Moya.
*****
Chiana: [Rubs nose, trying
not to sneeze.] “Draz out of
Hezmana! Why did you have to order the
Sasferell Keedva Chops, Rygel?”
Rygel: [Munches annoyingly louder on his delicacy placed before him.] “Hehehe! Just wait an arn from now and you’ll really want to plug your nose!”
D’Argo: [Crinkles nose and
slides down a ways in the group’s usual booth.] “That is really disgusting.”
[John Black and Aeryn come back from the Storage Facility,
grinning from ear to ear. Aeryn has
John’s boots on and John has Aeryn’s vest on.
Neither notice as they take a seat besides the rest of the group. Jool and Stark approach from the bar, with
flasks of Raslac in hand for everyone.
They take their seats and all turn to watch the new band at the Stand:
Evar Orbus and His Galactice Jizz-wailers.
Several strange aliens and even stranger instruments play an ultimately
strange tune. But the general
population of drunks in the stand are enjoying the music anyway, swaying their
flasks in the air and shouting with glee.]
John Black: [Whispers to
D’Argo.] “Hey, keep an eye out for John
Green…he might get jealous if he sees Aeryn with me.”
D’Argo: [Shakes head and
whispers back.] “You two are headed for
a Snarapper’s Pit. I’d keep a DRD on
the prowl.”
[The four-armed waitress passes by, inserting a holo-chip into the
side of the booth so it will display a brief advertisement. The crew takes notice and watches as an
image of LeatherGirl appears on the holo-image. She begins to explain The Fellip Nectar Stand Word Play
Challenge.]
LeatherGirl: “The Fellip
Nectar Stand Word Play Challenge is the contest to stretch your fingers and
bend your brain matter. I’m on a search
for the ultimate original metaphors, Tongue Twisters, jokes, and
Crichtonisms. Think you can handle this
challenge? You can submit a single
phrase or even a small ficlet. If you
write a ficlet, please include an alcoholic drink of your own creation, with
all ingredients and how it is served.
The winner of this challenge will receive a spit-shined virtual trophy
and the top five winners will be featured in an FNS Victory Interactive
Edition. Send all submissions to the
Fellip Nectar Stand where I’ll be awaiting anxiously!”
[Transmission ends.]
Jool: [Wrinkles
brow.] “Those Scapers frelling live
here. I don’t see why they don’t
simply live in their own little worlds in happy domination. Then again, I don’t see why my species
doesn’t appear to populate this part of the universe. We’re known as quite the alcohol absorbers.”
Stark: [Snorts.] “You wouldn’t know the top end of a flask
from the bottom!”
Jool: [Glares at
Stark.] “And I suppose you do…with a
two-dimensional field of vision?”
Stark: “I can see 46.73
vector five! That’s more keen than the
average Prowler Pilot!”
Aeryn: [Shakes head.] “I’ve got 80 precise five.”
[Both Stark and Jool become quiet instantly in awe of Aeryn’s
perfect vision.]
John Black: [Nudges
Stark.] “Hey, don’t worry. I’ve got 20/20 vision and I still can’t find
the bathroom in the dark.”
Rygel: [Finishes plate of
chops and proceeds to order another.]
“Word Play, huh? My father was
quite fluent in the master of languages.”
Chiana: “You had a
father? I pity him.”
Rygel: [Ignores
Chiana.] “Hover high hover far; your
goal the throne your aim the stars.”
D’Argo: “Translation….”
Rygel: “Royal Hynerians
never hover below point six and always expand the rulings. A young Hynerian Royal would often look up
to the words of wisdom as a positive reinforcement. Succeed and continue to succeed.”
Chiana: “We get the
point.”
John Black: “My father
always said to fly by the seat of your flight suit. Of course, I’ve learned that using the good old noggin works
too.” [Receives the usual strange looks
as he taps his forehead. The band at
the stage tunes into a new, catchy song.]
Jool: “Why do humans enjoy
such frivolous exchange of communication?”
Aeryn: “They like to hear
their own voices.”
Rygel: “They don’t have
intelligence.”
Chiana: “I like their play
of words!”
D’Argo: “Maybe we should
simply remove John’s vocal cords.”
Stark: “Are we talking
about John or humans in general? I’m
sure there’s a difference somewhere.”
John Black: “You guys are
worse than an infomercial. And you
thought I chit chat too much!”
Jool: [States slowly, as
if to try to understand.] “Chit…chat?”
Aeryn: “Obviously another
imaginary word of his.”
John Black: [Glances at
Aeryn.] “Hey, whose side are you on,
anyway?”
Stark: [Shakes a
finger.] “You know, if we analyzed
Moya’s memory banks, we might be able to compile a translatable language from
all of John’s sayings and inject translator microbes with this knowledge into
our bodies. We would understand every
single frelling thing he says!”
Jool: [Nods head in
agreement.] “I like it! Then we could include your fahrbot reasoning
and we’d all be one sane mind!” [Shakes
head in disgust as Stark glares back at her.]
D’Argo: [Claps hands as
band finishes last song before taking a break.] “Evar Orbus and His Galactic Jizz-wailers are great. I wonder if they’d allow me to play a song
with them…”
[D’Argo tilts head in deep thought, rubbing his chin. Chiana instantly pushes him out of the booth
and leads him to meet Evar Orbus by the side of the stage. The rest of the crew continues on with their
conversation.]
John Black: “Okay, humor
me, people, er, aliens…give me a metaphor from your heritage and let’s prove
that I’m not the only one with fahrbot sayings.”
[Crew sits for a moment, thinking deeply. Chiana returns alone, taking a seat beside
Rygel.]
Rygel: “Never stoop to
scoop.”
John Black: “And that
means what???”
Rygel: “Don’t get off your
throne sled for a fallen mojule.”
John Black: “Okay,
okay. Chiana?”
Chiana: “Smooth moves and
good grooves lead to…”
John Black: “Whoa whoa
whoa! This is not appropriate for
children’s ears, is it?”
Chiana: “Since when are
there children at the stand?”
John Black: “Humor
me. Got any others?”
Chiana: [Thinks for a moment before answering. Smiles.]
“Nebari Contari”
John Black: “Do I want to
know?”
Chiana: “It’s a saying…if
a Nebari is going to meet with a mate in private…Nebari Contari. It’s a wild…”
John Black: “Please,
Chi! Ah, Aeryn, my sweet. Have any words of wisdom from your PeaceKeeper
upbringing?”
Aeryn: “A wise opponent is
one who dies without contesting to a PeaceKeeper interrogation.”
Jool: “That’s not very
catchy.”
Aeryn: “Fine. Death comes quicker when your pulse
cartridge flickers.”
John Black: “I’ve noticed
a death theme amongst your people.”
Jool: “Well, my
species is more positive. Never allow a
Hynerian near your plate. If one should
approach, use him as bate. Open an air
lock of course and shove him out to watch him disperse.” [Glares right at Rygel who leans back in
fright.]
Chiana: “D’Argo has
mentioned one that states ‘Hyper Rage is easily forgiven but those you harm
have never forgotten.’”
Stark: “My species always
believed that a Shimmering soul shone light onto the path of the spirit world.”
[Looks into the distance dreamily as
others shake their heads.]
John Black: “Well, those
are all nice when said and done, but I have the ultimate words for you to
contemplate.” [Crew leans forward with
interest.] “Supercalifragilistic
Expidaliocious.”
Rygel: “What does it
mean?”
Jool: “Super Cali what?”
Chiana: “You made that up,
right?”
Stark: “I think I’ve heard
that before!”
Aeryn: “Now I’ve heard
everything.”
John Black: “Odemodepia.”
Aeryn: [Becomes
defensive.] “What did you call me???”
[Crew begins to fight over the word play and suddenly, Evar Orbus
and His Galactic Jizz-wailers begin to play again on stage. D’Argo is playing his beautiful Shilquan to
the left of the band. The aliens are
trying to keep up with his fast-paced tune but are failing miserably. They grow angry and all charge at D’Argo,
causing him and the crew to race out of the stand for Moya and Talyn as fast as
they can.]
*****
Okay, if I really tried and squeezed my brain matter, I probably
could come up with some really good sayings and all that dren. But like I’ve said before, the FNS Word Play
Challenge is exactly that…a challenge!
To enter submissions to The Fellip Nectar Stand Word Play
Challenge, please submit all entries to fellipnectarstand@yahoo.com. More detailed information can be found below
this edition.
LeatherGirl
http://www.oocities.org/fellipnectarstand
http://www.oocities.org/fanficawards2002