THE FELLIP NECTAR STAND 50^th Edition: The Golden Food Cube

Author: LeatherGirl

Disclaimer: I do not own Farscape or anything associated with Farscape so help me God.

FNS Regulars…you know you are one when you find yourself drinking a Raslac in the Storage Facility with no…ah, hehehe, just check us out: http://www.oocities.org/fellipnectarstand/regulars.html

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Setting: Think hard.

Characters: Have you been watching the show lately?

**

[Crew is wallowing away in the booth, drinking Tulva Draslac Nine, care of Pilot. They are all staring intently at an extraordinary large golden food cube that has been placed on the center of their table. No one dares touch it. Many aliens inhabiting the bar this evening have already decided the crew has gone fahrbot. The bartender has stopped all orders of drinks to their table. And the Scapers have just begun to pile in through the door for an evening of relaxation. They look quite distraught, despite the celebration and the free drinks on the Stand.]

John: [Blinks several times to wet his eyes.] “Why are we in such a trance? What’s so frelling special about a golden food cube anyway? It’s not like the things taste good in the first place.”

Jool: “You don’t understand, Crichton. This food cube is 50 cycles old. Once they reach that stage, they mineralize and become quite valuable in the monetary systems.”

Aeryn: “Where did this come from?” [Leans over to pick it up but her hand is smacked by Chiana. The two snarl at each other briefly.]

Chiana: “Don’t touch it! We’re frelling rich, don’t you see? We’ve got to get it stored away safely before anyone else sees it.”

D’Argo: “Girls, have you noticed that everyone in the Stand has already noticed and don’t even care? Just give it to me and I’ll keep it safe until we get to a depository.”

Rygel: [Laughs, nearly shooting Shrellup out his nose. (Hey…he didn’t like the Tulva.)] “Why should we trust you? You’d probably lose it on the way. Give it to me. I’ve always had a gift for handling valuables.”

Jool: [Mutters.] “That surely doesn’t include your mivonks.”

Crais: [Stares down at his Tulva.] “I agree with Crichton. We should simply forget about it and move on. By now, we should have learned that everything seems too good to be true.”

Pilot: “Do you realize how heavy this golden food cube is? Talyn wouldn’t even be able to transport it for very long.”

John: [Snorts.] “Pilot, what are you talking about? It’s a food cube…it’s practically a cube of cheese. I wouldn’t even break a sweat taking it back to Moya.” [Just to prove his point, John attempts to lift the cube but to no avail, the cube will not even budge. John widens his eyes in bewilderment. He then takes out his pulse pistol. Aeryn and D’Argo both instantly grab it and lower it.]

Aeryn: “Are you frelling insane?”

D’Argo: “That thing is flammable!”

John: [Stares at others in disbelief but settles down just the same.] “How did it get here then?”

Chiana: [Closes eyes.] “I believe it dropped in from space.”

John: [Scoffs.] “This is worse than the time you guys tried to make me think my module had been damaged.”

Jool: “Believe it or don’t. I don’t really care. I just want another drink.”

Pilot: “Already done.” [Places another flask before Jool and she instantly gulfs it down.]

Rygel: [Covers face with hand.] “Don’t look now, but I think I see a group of Scapers headed in this direction.”

Crais: “Quick! Cover the food cube!” [He and Jool throw several FNS coasters onto the golden food cube and then try to present themselves as the Scapers approach.]

PKLibrarian: “Hey guys! How’s life in the good old UT?”

GBBarb1: “Hey Barkeep! Order us up some Fellip Nectar, will ya?”

Unohoo: “Anyone seen Scorpius around lately?” [Nervously glances around.]

[Scapers grab chairs and tables and drag them over the FS crew.]

CommanderSun: “You know you guys should really hang out here on weeknights. Us Scapers like to hang out here because all the bad guys don’t show up until Fridays.”

Grammykins: “Yeah, but then where’s the excitement? Gotta be here on Fridays! That’s the best night of the week!”

Giggling_Star: “At least it’s easy to get here. I always thought the ferry on the English Channel was dreadfully long.”

NIBB: [Leans over to warn fellow Scapers as he winks at Chiana.] “Beware of the barstools, guys. There’s this one in particular you really don’t want to sit on.”

_player _: “Anyone see a phone around here?” [Glances around frantically.] “I have to call Bama.”

Missee: “This place is a riot! Where do you guys keep the hot tub?”

JulietEcho: “Hey, here comes the Fellip Nectar!” [Four-armed waitress brings large tray of flasks for everyone.]

Scape_pusher: “Am I the only one here who thinks that we should really get a bigger booth?” [Rygel snorts. The booth is already beginning to stretch at the seams as some Scapers forget the chairs and tables and try to squeeze in between some of the FS crew.]

Xenajules2: [Yawns.] “I don’t know how you guys tell time around here but I know its way past my bedtime.”

EowynAeryn: “Hey, any chance I get to be near John.” [Bats eye lashes at John who in turn blushes. Aeryn pretends to ignore them both.]

Fireflash: [Glances around at crowd near the dance floor.] “I’m new…where’s the bathroom around here?”

GreenPixi: “Can I try some Kylian Fectar? I’ve heard some great things about that stuff.”

BigNoseBob: [Downs Fellip Nectar and begins another flask.] “So this rabbi walks into a bar…” [Other Scapers who begin to talk all at once drown his voice out.]

LeatherGirl: [Walks up to group with a tray of mini flasks of Shrellup and passes them out to everyone.] “Hey! Glad to see everyone made it!”

[Disturbance amongst the FNS coasters covering the golden food cube immediately captures everyone’s attention. A yellow glow sprays out of the crevices and a low buzzing noise begins to play. The table starts shaking as well. All onlookers stare on in disbelief and worry. Should they run? Suddenly, before anyone can react, the coasters explode upwards with the golden rays of light and streamers, balloons, sexy aliens, flasks of booze, Fluffables, laser light show holo chips, and free flask chips. As the party favors and aliens float down onto everything and everyone in the Stand, Pilot and the Leviathans begin to play onstage with their debuting tune “Rock the Stand Tonight”.]

NIBB: “Ah…was that supposed to happen?”

Rygel: [Shrugs as he finishes his fourteenth flask of Fellip Nectar.] “It’s the Stand. Nothing normal ever happens here!”

[The FS crew grabs the stunned Scapers from their chairs and drag them onto the dance floor. Everyone at the Stand parties well into the next solar day, enjoying each other, the alcohol, and even a little fun with one another in the infamous Storage Facility.]

*****

CONGRATULATIONS to the FELLIP NECTAR STAND!!!