THE FELLIP NECTAR STAND Birthday Edition: Ben’s UT Bash Surprise

Author: LeatherGirl

FNS Archive and More: www.oocities.org/fellipnectarstand

Disclaimer: I do not own Farscape or anything associated with Farscape and I am waiting IMPATIENTLY for the final four episodes of the season!!! I had no permission for using Ben Browder in this fan fic…he appears fictionally, so please, Ben, for the love of scapers everywhere, please don’t do anything drastic to me!!!!

And Ben, if you ever happen to read this, I gotta tell ya you’re one extremely handsome man. I have great respect for your talent as an actor. You are a gentleman and you will always have a countless number of women drooling over you! (Yuck, huh?) Have a beautiful and fun birthday and don’t party too hard! Gotta get up to work in the morning, ya know!

*****

[The Fellip Nectar Stand is loaded with tons of decorations…strange symbols of Earth. Lava lamps, black lights, drinking games, Earth foods like chips and dip, and even party balloons and streamers. An unbelievably tall pile of carefully wrapped gifts from both scapers and UT aliens alike rests in a corner near the storage facility. There are scapers literally climbing the walls in the crowded bar of UT aliens, waiting for the guest of honor in angst. The smaller amount of decorations shielded over by these Earthly reminders are the UT gang’s own displays of appreciation for their friend. There are trays and trays of foods Chiana prepared, mostly consisting of Hynerian, Sebacean, Delvian, Luxan, and Nebari dishes. The taps are filled to the brim with Raslac, Fellip Nectar, and Kylian Fectar. D’Argo is busy carving something in solitude at the usual booth while Zhaan is preparing a special concoction of herbs for the purpose of relieving John’s frequent headaches. And as always, Rygel was snarfing down lunch at the bar, upsetting Chiana’s display as she worked on the final touches.]

Chiana: [Grabs Rygel by his ear.] “Rygel, if you don’t stop eating my food, I’m going to make certain that your Hynerian family jewels will never function normally again!” [She releases Rygel in a harsh thrust. Rygel shivers, speechless, and zooms away in fright.]

Zhaan: “I pray Aeryn will be successful in distracting Ben until we are ready.” [She drops some blue glowing liquid into a vile of white powder. A small puff of smoke rises and Zhaan shrieks in delight. She hands the vile of milky solution to a reluctant John, seated beside her at the bar.]

John: “What exactly is in this again?” [Stares at vile in disgust as he holds it up to the black lights in bar. The vile glows gloriously.]

Zhaan: “It’s better if you do not know. Drink up, my dear.” [Smiles sweetly.]

[John looks at Zhaan with weary eyes and drinks the contents of the vile, his gaze set on Zhaan. Zhaan continues to smile. John finishes and places the empty vile back in her hands. He smacks his lips a couple of times, smiles, stands up, and walks off to mingle with others. Chiana finishes the display and orders the bartender to keep an eye out for Rygel. She walks over to D’Argo and takes a seat next to him, snuggling up to him warmly. D’Argo disregards her and continues carving.]

Chiana: “Whatchya doing, D’Argo?” [Playfully twisting her fingers onto his tendrils.]

D’Argo: “Chiana, please. I’ve got to finish this gift for Ben. He’ll be here any microt. I would have gotten this done sooner if you hadn’t started the galley on fire.”

Chiana: [Lets go of D’Argo and allows some space between them.] “Hey, I said I was sorry. It wasn’t my fault Rygel dropped some food cubes into the heat simulation vent.” [D’Argo scowls.]

Chiana: “So, what are you carving, D’Argo?

D’Argo: [Smiles with pride, holding up his sculpture for Chiana to observe.] “Don’t you see? It’s Crichton’s Module, with a miniature version of his home world rotating around it.”

[Sure enough, the sculpture is a working model made completely from freeze-dried Raslac mixed with solidifying components that would make the final product stronger than Rocknite.]

Scaper in the crowd: “He’s here! He’s here!!!!” [The crowd begins to buzz as scapers flock to the entrance of the bar, awaiting Ben Browder.]

[The door slowly opens. The scapers are leaning forward, the drool from their mouths nearly touching the floor. A few teeter and drop to the floor. Standing in the doorway, are the meanest, evilest of them all…Scorpius and Crais. They smirk at the disappointment, fear, and hatred mix of emotions displayed on the scapers’ faces and make their way to the bar. Just as everyone turns to return to partying, Ben and Aeryn walk in, Aeryn’s arm wrapped around Ben’s elbow.]

Scapers and UT Gang: [In a spoiled, half-energized unison.] “Surprise.”

Ben: “What is this? I thought we were going to party?” [Holds out hands and looks to Aeryn, who only shrugs.]

[Loud music begins to boom through out the stand as a DJ from Earth starts to rock the stand. The scapers smile and brighten up. They each run up to Ben, planting kisses on him, hugging him, or simply shaking hands with him. Then they return to the dance floor and dance wildly. Ben and Aeryn head for the booth where D’Argo and Chiana are currently seated. D’Argo and Chiana quickly hide D’Argo’s sculpture, nearly crushing the delicate piece as they shove it under the table. D’Argo winces, hoping his gift is not ruined.]

Ben: [Eyeing the tall stack of presents in the corner of the stand.] “Hey, where is everybody? Pilot, Zhaan…John? I can only assume Rygel is off stuffing his mouth by now.”

Aeryn: “Don’t look now, but I think Crais and Scorpius are here.” [Everybody turns to look. Aeryn kicks each of them under the table with a glare set on her face.]

Ben: “Dren. That’s the slang, right? Ignore them, maybe they’ll go away.”

John: “I’ve already tried that one.” [Walks up, shakes hands with Ben and sites down next to Aeryn. Now she’s stuck between both of the charming men. She glances at both of them, her face set but her eyes displaying excitement.] “Here, drinks on me.” [Snaps fingers and a four-armed bluish-green waitress approaches with several flasks of Raslac. Zhaan and Rygel approach the booth. Zhaan sits down next to Chiana.]

Zhaan: “Happy Birthday, Ben.” [Smiles and hands Ben a small, delicately wrapped gift. Ben smiles at her and accepts the gift graciously. He takes a quick drink of his Raslac before proceeding to open the gift.]

John: “Finally, you got it right.” [Shakes head, thinking of the many ways his friends have interpreted the saying in the past few monens.]

[Pilot enters bar, squeezing through the entrance and spying his shipmates. Several DRDs are zooming in a trail behind him. They spread out and investigate the stand. Pilot goes to the booth and slides himself down next to John. Now Aeryn is really squished…but happy! Ben hits his leg on the sculpture D’Argo is hiding underneath the booth but only looks to D’Argo with a raised eyebrow, instead of checking it out.]

Ben: [Unwraps gift finally.] “Wow, Zhaan. It’s um, it’s great...what is it?” [Twirls the small object around his finger.]

Zhaan: “A peaceful collection of pleasant sights observed by Delvian explorers in the Uncharted Territories long ago. All on one holo chip. I thought you’d like a little reminder of the good things on this side of the universe.” [Smiles and takes a drink of the Raslac before her.]

Ben: “Oh! Kinda like a documentary of the UT, Delvian style. Thanks.” [Nods in appreciation.]

D’Argo: “I might as well give you my gift next.” [Drags up his sculpture from underneath the table, a part of the left wing has been snapped off. D’Argo scowls.] “If Chiana hadn’t insisted on hiding it so quickly, I could have finished applying the Rocknite, and the ship wouldn’t be damaged!” [Looks to Chiana angrily as she glares back at him.]

Ben: “Wow! This is awesome, D’Argo. Thank you.” [Ben observes the little details of the sculpture…right down to the IASA symbols carved onto the side. The globe that was supposed to represent earth was simply a round ball, with the letters E R P carved into it. Aeryn had previously given him the spelling of the words.]

John: [Takes a look at the sculpture with a disappointed expression.] “Hey, I wanted one of those!”

Aeryn: [Rolls her eyes.] “You’re the same person, what’s the problem?”

Chiana: “At least it isn’t a sculpture of Talyn…like so many of us have already received!” [Chiana looked to D’Argo. D’Argo looked at her and the two immediately excused themselves from the both, disappearing into the storage facility. The group spaces out more evenly, allowing Pilot more room to stretch all his limbs.]

Aeryn: [In soft, jealous voice that no one seems to notice.] “I didn’t get one.”

Ben: “Okay, who’s next? Rygel?”

Rygel: [Nearly drops fuzzy orange morsel in his fingers and looks to Ben, startled.] “I got you a shipment of Raslac, seeing that you humans have become so fascinated with it!”

Ben: “A surprise show of thoughtfulness from the green slug? I’m honored.” [Ben and John laugh, their chuckling in tune with one another.]

Aeryn: “Here, I got you a pulse pistol…well, two. I like knowing that you have some protection with you at all times.” [Ben blushes as Aeryn pulls out two pulse pistols and places them on the table. Both are polished by hands of great care and fully loaded.]

Pilot: “Here, Ben, this is from Moya and I, with the help of the DRDs.” [Pilot hands Ben a big, oddly shaped gift, wrapped airtight with a material unfamiliar to Ben. Ben proceeds to open the gift, nearly standing to slit open what appears to be the top of the gift with a knife.]

Ben: [Surprise on his face.] “What the…a DRD? It’s a little bigger than the others, isn’t it?”

Pilot: “This is a DRD that Moya produced to collect information on anything you require to bring back to your home planet. Unfortunately, the fluids needed to run the DRD are no longer available. So we decided to give it to you as a sculpture…like D’Argo’s gift.” [Pilot smiles triumphantly. Ben forces a smile and sits back down. He takes a drink of his Raslac.]

[The four-armed waitress returns with a flaming cake-like substance on the platform she carried. She places it down in front of Ben and leaves. John smiles as Ben and the others look at the cake with interest.]

John: “Here is my gift to you, Ben. A cake, UT style, of course, with well, since the over the hill thing out here doesn’t really apply, I decided to put another death symbol on the top…Scorpius.” [Smiles as an image of Scorpius forms onto the top center of the circular, white frosted cake. Four tiny holo chips are placed near the edges of the top of the cake to produce the image.]

Ben: “Scary, John. But definitely a treat!” [Proceeds to blow out the candles. The flames flicker and dance. Ben blows harder.]

John: “HA HA HA!” [Starts to lose control of laughter, hitting one hand on the table and holding his stomach with his other hand.] “Trick candles! Gotchya!”

[Ben laughs but throws John a frustrated glare just the same. Zhaan, Rygel, Aeryn, and Pilot exchange confused glances, dismissing this strange play of events as another human tradition.]

Zhaan: “Allow me to cut the cake.” [She proceeds to slice the cake with Ben’s knife. The cake is hard and crusty, with green bits and yellow chunks falling out from the center of the cake. Ben’s smile turns sour as well as John’s.]

John: “Well, what do you expect out here?”

Voice from edge of table: “Definitely not this pleasant surprise.” [Group turns to see Scorpius grinning evilly at Ben, his fingers tapping one another in delight. Crais stands behind him, holding a pulse pistol up with a grin.]

John: “Scorpy, not now!” [The party on the dance floor begins to grow wilder, with colored lights flashing everywhere, scapers pounding on the floor with their feet in spirits of the fun. The Raslac tap is nearly drained at the bar…no alien in the stand having not had at least one serving of the favored drink.]

Ben: “Oh shi…!” [He and John scurry out of the booth, climbing over the back and running into the crowd of scapers as Scorpius and Crais advance towards them. Aeryn and Zhaan immediately grab the pulse pistols lying on the booth and confront the bad boys. Unfortunately, the bad boys ignore them and chase after the humans. Aeryn and Zhaan pursue them.]

John: “Is that IBD?” [As he runs through the crowd, the women scapers clawing at his body. He spots the IBD in the arms of Stevepalmer.]

Ben: “Then who’s that?” [Running in front of John, spots IIBD, traveling above the heads of the crowd.]

Scorpius: “I cannot have the both of them running loose with the knowledge they possess!” [He pauses before the crowd, scanning impatiently for any sight of the humans.]

Crais: “Give ‘em a break, it’s Ben’s birthday!” [Catching up to Scorpius. Scorpius looks at him in anger.]

Scorpius: “I’d choose my allegiances carefully, Captain Crais!” [Starts off into the crowd. Crais tightens lips in frustration and heads in a different direction to find the humans before Scorpius does.]

Zhaan: [Shouting over the maddening crowd to Aeryn.] “Maybe they escaped out the back.” [Aeryn shook her head.]

Aeryn: “There is no way out except the entrance!”

Nearby scaper: “What kinda bar has no way out the back?” [Stops dancing and looks to the women with shock.]

Aeryn: “You’re right…Zhaan! I’ll go check the back. You stay at the front!” [The women split up and the scaper returns to shaking her hair wildly to the music playing. The music sounds conveniently like chase music.]

Rygel: “Hmmm. Who do you think will win? My bet goes to Scorpius and Crais.” [Places a bet of one Raslac Free Flask Chip down on the bar. Pilot eyes it wryly and places two Kylian Fectar Free Flask Chips above Rygel’s bet. Rygel leans back in surprise.]

Pilot: “Raslac’s getting low. I’m for the humans.”

Ben: [Shouting over the loud music to John, who is trailing behind him.] “They’re gaining on us! We’ve gotta find a way out of here!”

John: [Breathing heavily.] “Hey! You spend two cycles out here, running for your life, and see how long you last in a chase scene!” [He is briefly distracted when he thinks he sees Jenovia dancing in the crowd, smiling at him.]

Ben: “You got me there. Hey! There! We can hide in there!” [Points to the storage facility, far off on the other side of the bar. Ben and John stop at the bar and look behind them. Scorpius is being pushed around among scapers, struggling to dench his way towards them. Crais is bombarded by scapers who are obsessed with him. Ben and John smile at each other. Just to make things fun, they decide to spice things up.]

Aeryn: “Behind you!” [Scorpius and Crais advance.]

Zhaan: “Be careful!”

[Ben and John jump onto the bar and skip over the food hastily, avoiding the drinks and limbs of aliens sitting at the bar. Something slimy grabs Ben’s foot briefly, but he shakes it off, not daring to look down to see what it was. John nearly slips on spilled Kylian Fectar, but somehow manages to keep his balance. The two can see the door of the storage facility close at hand. Scorpius and Crais are now running towards them along the bar. Ben and John widen their eyes and swiftly break into a slide across the final hundred denches of the bar and flip down onto the ground. They glance back just in time to see an alien stick his foot out, tripping Scorpius. Scorpius flies to the ground, letting out a high shriek in surprise. Crais shrieks as well, unable to avoid Scorpius and topples down on top of him. The bad boys do not get back up. Several DRDs begin to circle them, poking them and pointing laser weapons at them.]

Ben: “Whew! That was close!”

John: “Damn straight.”

[Storage Facility door opens and out clambers Chiana and D’Argo, dazed but looking quite physically refreshed. They smile at the humans as they pass them by with satisfied grins. Ben and John share a look.]

Ben: “Really close.” [Eyeing Chiana as she walked away.]

John: “Yeah!” [Also watching Chiana leave.]

[The humans pat each other on the back and head back to the booth to join Pilot and Rygel. Pilot is drinking in a glory of alcohol as Rygel regrettably shovels forward his lost Free Flask Chips. D’Argo and Chiana cuddle close to each other and scoot in next to Pilot. Zhaan, Aeryn, and the humans take their seats as well. The cake had been smashed and smothered over most of the tabletop and their drinks had been spilled. More drinks were ordered, courtesy of a growling Rygel.]

Ben: “This was one hell of a fun birthday, thanks guys! Can’t wait to see what you guys do for Christmas.”

All Farscape Characters in unison: “Crisp mass?????” [They groan at the thought of yet another crazy human celebration.]

John: “Drink, please.” [Rolls eyes at his shipmates.] “Ben, here’s to another year, another wonderful reminder of how great life can be!”

Ben: “And to the hope that the Fellip Nectar Stand Security finally realizes that Crais and Scorpius should not be granted access!”

[Ben and John tap their flasks and down their drinks…perfectly in unison. The UT gang drinks along and soon, everyone is sloshed. Scapers begin to approach them and eagerly await Ben, who is bombarded with opening their gifts. All the groups are there: SACC, JCAA, the Shameless Hussie Posse…(if I’m forgetting anyone, and I know I am, sorry!) A happy Aeryn, drunk by Kylian Fectar, plants two sloppy, wet kisses on both the humans surrounding her. The music rocks on, the lights glitter and glow, and the taps are refilled. All is well…and the bad boys are thrown out of the stand!]

*****

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN!!! Was that confusing enough for you?! All this in a night at the Fellip Nectar Stand. Where crazy things happen…and nobody really cares (after a few drinks, of course)!