THE FELLIP NECTAR STAND Birthday Edition: Lani’s Birthday Bash UT Style

Author: LeatherGirl

Introduction: This is a very special edition of the Fellip Nectar Stand dedicated to Lani John Tupu in honor of his birthday. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Farscape or anything associated with Farscape. And, Lani, sorry for using you in the fic without permission. Please don’t send any PeaceKeepers to my home!

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Scorpius: [Sitting at booth at the Fellip Nectar Stand with all other Farscape characters, including Pilot and Crais. Everyone is donning party hats.] “Well, were the frell is he? I will not tolerate such display of truancy.”

Crichton: [Grabs a plate of strange rice-like delicacies and passes it to Scorpius.] “Relax, Scorpy, it’s his birthday. The man can do what he wants. Give him some time and chill out will ya?”

Scorpius: [Snarls at Crichton. Zhaan places a hand out to motion for the two to stop bickering.] “Chill out? Is that some sort of insult?”

Zhaan: “Please, you two, I’ve had enough of your bickering today. Lani is not going to be happy to see everyone in such dispirited moods. Now please put a smile on your faces and shut up!” [Zhaan smiles brightly, to demonstrate her point.]

Chiana: “I know just the perfect gift to give him.” [Chiana smiles playfully and catches a stern look from D’Argo. The smile on her face melts away quickly.]

Crais: “Honestly, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. I need to get back to Talyn.” [Crais takes a swig of fellip nectar and glares at the other characters around him.]

Pilot: “I agree. Moya is probably wondering where I wondered off to by now.” [Pilot holds two flasks of raslac in two hands, and a party horn in another. A tiny party hat is situated oddly on his head, nearly dwarfed in size compared to his large shell like head.]

Rygel: [Had been stuffing his face with the delicacies spread across the table until now.] “He’s good.”

Crichton: [Nodding in agreement with a chuckle.] “Damn, how does he do it? Lani isn’t even here and these two are acting like their typical selves. I bet he could even make them both talk at the same time!”

[Crichton and Rygel laugh together.]

Crais: [Growing angry.] “What the hezmana are you talking about Crichton?”

Pilot: “Commander Crichton, we are both very different alien species. How could we both be controlled by one man?” [Tilts head at Crichton who’s sitting across from him. Crichton raises his eyebrows at Pilot. He then exchanges looks with Rygel.]

Rygel: “At least they haven’t switched roles yet. We wouldn’t want to see a PeaceKeeper Pilot and a Pilot Crais!”

Zhaan: “Please, will you just smile and shut up for once?” [Her smile begins to fade.]

Aeryn: [Approaches booth and sits down next to Crais. She helps herself to a cracker and places her pulse rifle carelessly down on the table.] “No sign of him yet.”

D’Argo: “Aeryn, you’re supposed to be keeping guard.”

Crichton: “That means no breaks.” [Crichton looks to Aeryn expectantly. Aeryn grumbles, grabs a party hat and snaps it onto her head.]

Aeryn: “Fine. I just wanted to be in on the festivities.” [She picks up her pulse rifle and stalks off.]

Pilot: “What did you all get Lani for his birthday?”

Scorpius: “I thought giving him Talyn would be enough. Fortunately, I’ve decided to give him the PeaceKeeper’s Guide to Frelling You Over in Less Than Nine Hundred Microts. I figured he needed a little help in that area.”

Crais: “I wanted that!” [Pouts, looking to Scorpius.]

Crichton: “Ah, hello? You’re him he’s you. You’ll be getting the frelling book, okay?”

Chiana: “So what are you getting him, Crichton?”

Crichton: [Glances at Chiana with a mysterious smile.] “You’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?” [Chiana frowns.]

Rygel: “I got him a handsomely large selection of Hynerian delicacies.” [Smiles dreamily.]

Chiana: “Hey, frog boy, that’s only something you could enjoy! Be a little less selfish next time, will ya? I’m getting Lani a big kiss and a free meal.”

Zhaan: “That’s very thoughtful of you, Chiana. I will be presenting Lani with a special selection of my herbs. As well as some spiritual guidance, which I’m sure he does not need.”

D’Argo: “No gift is better than the one I’m giving him. I decided to carve a miniature version of Talyn out of food cubes.” [Smiles with pride, thinking of his hard work on the sculpture.]

Crichton: [Rolls eyes.] “You should’ve just carved a statue of all of us hugging and kissing for him to place over his mantle!” [Chiana giggles at his sarcasm.]

Pilot: “I decided to give him a piece of myself. After all, Lani is the voice of my reason. Does that make any sense? I think it does.” [Pilot receives strange looks from everyone.]

Scorpius: “Crais, are you going to give Lani anything or are you going to steal something from him, too?”

Crais: [Frowns at Scorpius and kicks him under the table. Scorpius lets out a yelp.] “Well, if he’s anything like myself, I’m going to give him a few days off. He deserves a break for all that hard work!” [Smiles with satisfaction at quick answer.]

Crichton: “I could think of a few other individuals around here who could use a break!” [Stares straight at Scorpius. Scorpius yelps in surprise once again, after receiving a kick under the table from a close-by Chiana.]

Aeryn: “I don’t think he’s coming.” [Sits back down at booth to join others.]

Pilot: “Oh, but he’s here!” [Pilot states and rips off head to reveal Lani underneath. He smiles and pops out of his disguise. The real Pilot enters into the bar to join the others at the booth, being in on the surprise the entire time.]

Pilot: “Whew, I thought they’d be on to us for a microt there.” [Squishes into booth, though there is barely room for him. Scorpius is unfortunately crushed between him and D’Argo.]

Lani: “Surprise! I thought it would be fun to sit in on the conversation before revealing myself to you. Tricked you, didn’t I?”

Crichton: “What else is new? This frelling universe doesn’t surprise me anymore. Happy Birthday Lani! Here’s to many more and hoping that your characters stay resilient as ever!” [Taps a flask of Raslac with Lani and they both down the whole flask in a micron.]

Lani: [Eyeing the beautifully wrapped gifts at the center of the table.] “May I open them?”

Chiana: “What’s the point? You just found out what everyone’s gotten you.”

Lani: “But I like to open presents. Please?”

Zhaan: “Oh, all right. But be careful. I don’t even want to think of what’s in that carelessly wrapped one leaking that strange goo over there.” [Points to a brownish, terribly wrapped gift with a soggy bottom sitting in a pool of greenish blue liquid. A tag on the present reads: To Lani, From Rygel the XVI.]

Aeryn: “Open mine first!” [Shoves a black box in front of Lani’s face. Lani looks to Aeryn in surprise. He carefully tries to open the box but finds it impossible. He glances around at all the awaiting looks and finally just grabs a pulse rifle from Crais and blasts the box open. The others duck in response and slowly straighten, watching through the falling splinters and debris to see what’s inside the box. Lani smiles and looks to Aeryn in thanks. He slowly picks up a shiny new polished pulse pistol from the box and turns it around, admiring its beauty.]

Lani: “A souvenir from the UT! Thanks!” [Aeryn nods and smiles. Crichton pushes his small present over to Lani and smiles mischievously. Lani ignores the look and tears away at the material wrapping the small gift.]

Crichton: “Just a little reminder of home.”

[Lani reveals a small box with a lid. Smiling, he opens the box. BOOM! A long, snake-like object shoots out of the box into Lani’s face. Shocked, Lani regains his composure and looks to Crichton. They both begin to laugh instantly. Lani tucks the object back into the box and shakes Crichton’s hand. The aliens all look at the two with confusion.]

Lani: “I’ve missed those little Earth jokes! I needed that! Where did you come up with one of these?”

Crichton: “I made it myself. I just had to do it to someone. But I realized only a human would take the joke without blowing my head off in response!” [Lani and Crichton start to laugh.]

D’Argo: “Humans.” [Shakes head and turns attention to Chiana.]

Zhaan: “That’s the spirit.” [Smiles, enjoying their laughter.]

Scorpius: “I don’t see what was so funny about having a creature nearly take your head off. Perhaps it’s an illusion of some sort.” [Pulls the box over to his side of the booth to study it.]

Lani: “Thank you all for making my birthday so special! I can only hope that we can gather more often without conflict.”

Zhaan: “That would be quite the accomplishment.”

[All characters chuckle in happiness and drink to their birthday guest with fellip nectar and raslac (water for Zhaan). Sound and lights fade and Lani can be heard trying to impersonate Crais and Pilot at the same time.]

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY LANI!