| "Et Tu, U2?" I guess what goes up must come down. |
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| The Bono-bomber |
| Boy. War. The Joshua Tree. The Unforgettable Fire. It really was unforgettable. Or so I thought. I used to be U2's biggest fan. Not in that oooh-so-cuuute TRL sense, either. I loved the music and bought into U2's earnest save-the-world enthusiasm. I scoffed when the critics blasted Bono for his Messiah complex, and I defended The Fly to people who just couldn't understand his 180 from religious kneel to rockstar swagger. I thought their "alright, screw you, we'll play along" game was brilliant and innovative. I know tons of useless trivia about the band and their personal lives. I even bought Zooropa and POP, y'all, feeling disappointed but holding out the hope that they'd eventually revive some of their former glory. By the time the boys shat out All That You Can't Leave Behind-- And what kind of title is that, anyway?! -- I knew my luck was out for good. What? I heard that. I don't give a turd what the critics (or you) have been saying. I know this is supposed to be exactly what I was asking for. Everyone keeps saying, "Oh yes! They've returned to their roots! Gone back to what made them so great in the first place!" If you mean it's not totally overproduced, then yes. Great. We agree on that fact. It's a lot like their old stuff, except for the fact that IT'S TERRIBLE AND PEDESTRIAN. I'll give you a quick run-down on just a few of my many problems with this CD. (see-dy.) Let's start with "Beautiful Day," a song I've heard even Bono refer to as less than stellar. I'll go one further and call it "absolute crap." Even though it's cute that they let us hear Larry, Edge, Bono, and Adam counting sheep with the tapes rolling, I'm baffled at how it has managed to land numerous prestigious music awards for being the "best new song" of a time frame I can't quite grasp, since it seems to still be considered "new," when I know this album was released around the time I was in the third grade. But here it goes, winning again. Over and over. And over. Seriously, guys. Why don't you just kill me? They're like the dude who won't just break up with you, but has to keep annoying the shit out of you in hopes that you'll dump him first. Well that's it. CONSIDER US THROUGH. You're not getting off that easy, though. Let's move on, shall we? "Peace on Earth?" Awww. Pretty. And not cliche. Not at all. Next. "Elevation..." "Walk On..." "When I Look at the--" I'm sorry, were you saying something? I fell asleep. And as for "Wild Honey," I'll be nice and admit that it's catchy. I'll also let you in on a little secret: cheesy self-indulgent metaphors don't interest me unless they're MY cheesy self-indulgent metaphors. Nice of you to show your appreciation for the Beatles by semi-ripping off one of their song titles, though. Seriously. I really don't understand what everyone who likes this album, or still loves U2, is smoking. I think it may be TRL-type, everlasting devotion like I've seen for other bands. You know what I mean. There are plenty of pop groups and celebrities whose fans are so "devoted" that they would seriously faint with adoration to hear them release the sounds of their belches. I guess that's what's going on here. I just don't know how else to explain it. Sure, there is much worse on the airwaves right now. MUCH worse. This album, by comparison, is not a complete assault on our senses in the fact that it *is* at least vaguely musical. That's not what I want to be able to say about U2, though. That's Creed. Hey. Did you smell that? The last of the Joshua Tree's burning embers have completely died out. And U2 has taken a dump on top. L.K. Boren 3/11/02 |
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| "Braaaap!" |