First Desire
First desire. First awareness that desire may not be told. First awareness that another is gay or lesbian, perhaps without having words for this yet. First time being called a lesbian--or lezzie or dyke or queer. First time naming oneself lesbian--0r femme or butch, bisexual or transgender, outlaw or "not sure,but...." First kiss with a woman. First time making love to a woman. First time getting caught. First affirmation by another. These can mean a long, constant struggle or a single moment of remembering early stirring, before they were labeled and censored. To risk ostracism, violence and loss. To embrace one's core sense of self--whether through rebellion, defiance, mourning, laughter, relief or tenderness.
Natalie Clifford Barney
When she lowers her eyes she seems to hold all the beauty in the world between her eyelids;
when she raises them I see only myself in her gaze.
When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of
the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her
like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks.
~ Natalie Clifford Barney