30-Aug-2000
Title: Demons
Authors: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com) and vonceia (vonceia@yahoo.com)
Archive: GW Addiction and if she chooses, Darkflame
Category: yaoi, angst
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 1x2, 6x5, various
Warnings: LEMON. Angst. AU - we do not guarantee that our interpretations of characters or events will agree with yours, so a general OOC warning.
Spoilers: Series, EW
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here. As with all our fics so far, while our goal is to stay as in character as possible, any discrepancies are our mistakes.
Feedback: Any and all comments, feedback, critiques welcome, be they short or long.
Notes: This is part of the Frozen Colony Arc, and takes place following The Hunt. If you are not familiar with the timeline and are curious, you can find the stories on GW Addiction and on DF's site. On GWA on the Bonne&Von page, there are numbers denoting which stories are FC Arc and should be read in what order.
Duo's demons appeared first in Down Time in Hell, and reappeared in Dancin With My Mirror. This is a fic to explore their existence and origins. Liberties are taken with Duo's history and original characters from ESO appear.
A few moments later, the door opened and Father Thomas walked inside. "The Monsignor is back from prayers. He'll see you now Duo. Heero would you like to wait here or in my office? It's just outside of the Monsignor's office." he said.
Heero looked at Father Thomas directly. "I'm coming in as far as I can," he said, then looked at Duo.
Duo simply reached back and clasped the Japanese boy's hand tightly. "He's with me," he said.
Heero felt the Duo's hand close around his own and understood the significance of the gesture at soul level. To do so and to accept Duo's hand was a declaration to the world at large that this was his accepted mate in body and soul.
Father Thomas smiled slightly, a warm flush spreading across his cheeks. "Come this way, then," he said.
Duo winked at Heero, still clasping his hand, and followed the priest.
Heero placed the palm of his other hand over Duo's briefly, but securely enough to let him know without words that he was there to protect him. Following Duo out of the Chamber, he did not let go.
Walking through the grand, yet eerily quiet sanctuary, Father Thomas led the way to his office. A step or two before they arrived, music could be heard and the sound of voices singing filled the hallways. Thomas nodded to himself, feeling a sense of excitement in the air. He felt the energy of the two young men behind him radiate through him in waves. Whatever happens, he thought. For this short time, I feel a sense of hope.
"Wait here for a moment," he said, walking to the arched doorway that separated his office from the Monsignor's. He tapped lightly on the door and opened it.
"Your Grace," Thomas said quietly, looking at the imposing figure of Monsignor Elvay at his desk. "Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy are here to see you."
The Monsignor stood up from his chair. His expression, was unreadable and something between thoughtful and composed. He nodded. "Show them in, please." he said, preparing for what was to come.
There was a millisecond of hesitation in Father Thomas' step, but he recovered quickly. He felt the darkness of doubt edge to his consciousness, but pushed it aside in favor of a newly born belief. Returning to Heero and Duo, he smiled genuinely and opened the doors wider. "His Grace will see you now," he said.
Duo glanced briefly at his lover and stepped into the room. His eyes moved around quickly, going to the figure that stood behind the large ornate desk. There were no surprises, this was the man from the vid, but for some reason Duo felt a purely physical impact as he faced the tall, darkly handsome older man. His nostrils flared - something... some scent seemed to tickle the back of his throat, something rich and powerful and ultimately unpleasant. He swallowed quickly, his hand tightening ever so slightly in Heero's.
Heero targeted the man behind the desk immediately and for a moment, he saw nothing else.
"So you're the guy who wants to grant absolution to a terrorist," Duo said, looking directly into the man's eyes.
A slight smile darted over the Monsignor's lips. "And you are the terrorist who saved the world, so that we might know peace. Yes, I would grant absolution for that," he said. "Duo, it has been a very long time. You have grown to be a very fine young man."
The Monsignor moved towards the two young men as his eyes took in everything in one sweep. "And, you, young man, Mr. Yuy. It is a pleasure to meet you." he said, with a slight bow.
Heero returned the bow, but said nothing.
A crease appeared between Duo's expressive eyebrows, only slightly hidden by the fringe of bangs. "Let's get one thing clear," he said. "I didn't save the world. Heero did that. All I did was try to defend the colonies and what they stood for. But I did anything I had to in order to accomplish my missions. And I... I don't know you."
The Monsignor smiled. "I understand, Duo," he said. "You were very young when we met at Maxwell's Church. I am not surprised that you don't remember me. Of course, that you did what you had to do during the war, is why you are here. I admire that you stood, like Daniel, in the den of lions and prevailed. You cannot begin to understand what your actions have brought to bear, or how many lives the Gundam pilots have touched and made better. And please, do not get me wrong. I know that lives were lost and taken by your hand and yours, Mr. Yuy. There are no words strong enough or substantial enough to wash away deep sorrow. We can only do what we can from moment to moment and try to be the best that we can for the sake of all. This absolution, Duo, is, in the grand scheme of things, but a small gesture, a gift that I have been given the power to give to you. Again, it is never enough... but perhaps a beginning."
Duo felt the man's words move around him like something sweet and viscous... like honey dripping. The voice was deep, persuasive, pleasant to listen to, commanding respect... Duo's nose twitched, again with the strange feeling of an elusive scent, a hint of cinnabar... He found his eyes wandering to the shelves of books that lined the room. Rows and rows of books... his eyes skipped across them as if looking for something.
Duo swallowed, trying to gather his attention back to a clearer focus. "I want to speak with the Council," he said. "Do I get to do that?"
The Monsignor clasped his hands together. "Yes," he said. Reaching up, he touched Duo's shoulder. "Come and sit with me and I will explain what is to happen. After that, you may choose to accept the absolution and we will proceed from there."
When the man's hand dropped on to Duo's shoulder, the violet-eyed pilot looked up at him sharply, and in a voice distinctly unlike his normal one, said, "Read any good books lately?"
Monsignor Elvay's eyebrows rose and then he smiled fully to cover the quick flash of adrenaline in his system brought on by Duo's remark. "Yes, I have," he said, "Still as inquisitive as ever."
"Have what?" Duo said in his normal voice, slipping away from the touch as if not noticing it was there. He glanced at the priest, his eyes appearing puzzled.
Heero watched the exchange like a hawk to prey. The disparity in Duo's statements didn't bother him, he had accepted that part of Duo. The good Monsignor, however, he noted, seemed a bit taken by surprise.
Monsignor Elvay frowned, then glanced at Heero and back to Duo. "Read some good books," he said. "Several. The holy book being one of them. Come and sit." He looked at Duo as his mind raced for answers.
Duo gave the Monsignor another glance at the 'book' explanation, as if he were a little crazy. "Um, yeah," he said, glancing at Heero and shrugging slightly. He waited for the man to show them where to go.
Monsignor Elvay turned and walked to his desk. He gestured for Duo and Heero to sit in the chairs in front of the desk. "Now," he said, sitting himself. "The Absolution consists of two parts. One being a short litany and confession, which can be done in this office. The second part consists of speaking to the Council and receiving the combined blessing of seats. Do you understand these things, Duo?" he asked as a matter of formality.
Duo had seated himself in the chair indicated. He stood up again abruptly and paced around the space. "You mean I don't get to meet with the Council until I'm all clean and absolved, right?"
The Monsignor leaned back in his chair. "Not exactly, Duo. The absolution is yours to accept or reject. The only contingency upon appearing before the Council is confession. Otherwise, you would have to make an appointment and the waiting list is very long," he said.
Duo stopped pacing and looked at the man, his face open. "I'm sorry. I know I sound like an as... like an idiot. The truth is, I have something I want to say to the Council, and something I want to ask. The absolution..." He shrugged. "I don't mean any disrespect, sir, but the truth is I don't think you or anyone can absolve me of what I've done in my life. I know... the Church teaches that Our Lord can wash away all your sins, but I'd be lying if I said I believed that, and I don't lie." He faced the man. "It would be nice to be forgiven... to think there's a god who might be willing to accept me. But as nice as it is..." he shrugged. "So maybe I've wasted your time and mine."
The Monsignor shook his head. "You have not wasted my time or, I hope, your own. I can see that whatever you have done or have had to do in your life, you have become a stronger person and remain a good person at heart, Duo. You have done what most men have chosen to avoid. You have looked into the darkness and fought what demons you found there. I would be grateful and honored to receive your confession, even if it is to be your last with Mother Church."
Duo took a deep breath. Looking into his heart, he realized that this was the one thing Father Maxwell would have asked, if he had been able to. He swallowed again, not noticing the silence from the darker regions of his mind. For Father... for Sister Helen. "All right," he said softly. "Last confession." He went to where Heero was sitting and knelt beside him, taking his hands. "I... I think I need to do this. I think this is what... I left undone. Are you all right with it?"
Cobalt blue eyes looked into Duo's violet ones for a long moment. "I am here for you," he said quietly. "Always close by," he added, raising an eyebrow.
Duo nodded. He stood up and faced the priest. "Fine. Let's do it."
The Monsignor stood and nodded. He looked down at Heero. "This will not take overly long. Would you care for something to drink? I can call Thomas to bring something for you," he said.
"I'm fine," Heero said, looking into the man's dark eyes.
Monsignor Elvay nodded again, then looked at Duo. "Come this way," he said, walking to a side door.
Something tickled at Duo's mind. He couldn't quite get a grip on it. "You said we could do it in this office, right?"
"The absolution," the Monsignor replied. "The confession booth is here," he said, with a small smile, as if reminding Duo how the ceremonies worked.
"Ah," Duo said, and nodded. He still felt there was something he wasn't sure of but mentally shrugged it off. Whether he believed or not, this wouldn't be entirely easy or pleasant for him and he was aware of that fact.
The Monsignor opened the door to the small antechamber and walked through to the confessional. He opened the door to his side of the booth and sat, listening for Duo to do the same. Locking the door, he opened his robes and pushed them back off of his shoulders. Time had only seen an increase in his body mass. He was as fit as when he had encountered the young Duo Maxwell on L2 years ago. He settled back with a feeling of triumph.
Duo entered the confessional, closing the door and sitting, his hands moving to cross himself without conscious volition. He felt almost as if Father Maxwell was with him in the small dark room. Suddenly it all came back.
Monsignor Elvay listened as Duo settled in the booth. The boy had surprised him. He had grown to be a very smart and handsome young man. The young man with him, Heero Yuy, he noted, served as more than a good friend and he guessed that the two were lovers. It would be something to use. Reaching up, he pulled the cord to part the small curtain between them. The latticework served as a visual mask between confessor and priest, but it was not a true barrier. A smile appeared at the corners of Elvay's mouth as his eyes captured the vision of Duo's face obscured as it was by the partition.
Duo took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. "Father, it has been eight years and nine months since my last confession," he said quietly. "I've done many things your god thinks of as sinful, and many things I believe to be wrong. I've stolen to feed myself, I've had... impure thoughts," Duo couldn't quite suppress a slight note of ironic humor saying those words. "I've had sex with many partners. I've killed in war. I took the lives of soldiers in my way and of civilians when I could not avoid it. I..." Duo faltered for a moment, took a breath and continued. "I caused the death of the only two truly good people I have ever known. Father..." he said softly, forgetting for a moment where he was and who he was talking to. "Father... forgive me... for the pride that made me believe I could get them to go and leave you alone. Forgive me for going to steal that mobile suit... because I know that's why they came to the Church... why they killed everyone... why they took your life, Father, and Sister Helen, and everyone else..." Duo forced the words out, forced his voice to steady as the tears leaked across his cheeks unheeded. "I'm sorry, Father," he said, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Please... forgive me."
Monsignor Elvay listened closely. He could hear the pain and sorrow in Duo's voice. His brow furrowed into a deep crease as anger rose within him. He could not help thinking that for all of Duo's pain, the most he could hope for was the further manifestation of that pain in recalling and reliving it over and over again. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he leaned his head back against the wall behind him. It begins here, with him, he thought.
"My... son," he began, knowing that the word son was woefully inadequate. "My warrior. You have faced many trials in the name of those you did not know. You are forgiven. Place your hand on the partition please."
The voice was slightly jarring, so deep in memory was Duo at that moment. His hand moved, obeying the instruction. Would the priest assign penance? What penance could possibly be sufficient for the God of Death? Duo asked himself these questions silently, but at the same time he felt as if Father Maxwell were still with him, sitting on his other side. Patient and wise. And silent.
Feeling his breath deepening, the Monsignor placed his hand at the latticework and pressed against it where Duo's hand was. Through the wood, he could feel the warmth of the braided pilot's palm against his own. "Close your eyes, Duo. Your time is at hand. I will help you find the strength and power that lies inside of you. A true absolution awaits," he said, evenly.
Duo's eyes closed reflexively at the words and he felt as if he were some distance away from his body. The power that lies inside me? he thought. A laugh welled up from inside him at the thought. "You fool," someone said, and the voice sounded like his, and yet different. "Do you have any idea what is inside me? I am Shinigami..."
His hand moved suddenly, splintering the latticework with a clean, powerful blow and fastening on the priest's throat.
The Monsignor's eyes widened. He felt a moment of panic and then tried to pry Duo's hand from his throat.
A low chuckle emerged from Duo. "We're watching you," the odd voice said. Then the hand unclenched and withdrew.
Duo found himself sitting in the booth, and noticed that the lattice had a large ragged hole in it. He rubbed his knuckles absently and blinked.
"Sir?" he said quietly, his eyes wide.
The Monsignor's eyes were wide as well as he felt his heart beating inside his chest. For a moment, he just stared into the violet eyes as he mind struggled for an explanation of what he had just witnessed. A slow, sinister smile crept across his features. "Does that happen to you often, son?" he asked.
"Does what happen?" Duo asked, feeling very uneasy.
"Your... loss of control," the Monsignor replied, touching the shattered latticework for emphasis.
Duo heard the words and saw the man indicate the broken lattice. It hadn't been like that a moment ago. He frowned. He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking. After a moment, he grasped a picture... saw himself strike, heard the words on his lips. He took a deep breath. Opening his eyes, he looked through the hole at the man on the other side.
"What did you do?" he said, his voice cold.
The Monsignor's eyebrows raised. "What did *I* do?" he repeated. "I think a more appropriate question would be why did you do that? Who... lives inside Duo Maxwell? Are you aware that you spoke in a voice that was not your own? How often does this occur?"
"The voice you heard *is* my voice," Duo said. "It came out of my mouth and from my vocal chords, therefore it's mine. As for who lives inside Duo Maxwell..." Duo's eyes narrowed. "You answer that question for yourself and maybe I will too."
The Monsignor's eyes flashed for a moment. He realized that Duo had grown past most of the barriers that he had implanted years ago.... Or had he?
"I see your point," he answered. "Here is mine. I know who I am. I have embraced my duality. You still seem to be struggling. Here," he said, extending his hand. "Take my hand if you wish to know what I did."
Duo found that his heart was beating very rapidly. "You don't talk like a priest," he said abruptly. "Not a bit like one. Embraced your duality... no sirree that does not sound like a priest to me." Duo stood up. "I've made my confession and you've heard it. This is over, now."
He turned and emerged from the confessional.
As Duo left the booth, large hands grasped his shoulders, and whirled him around. The Monsignor then pressed the young pilot back against the hallway wall, a short distance away from the doorway. "No, Duo," he said. "This is just the beginning. You have information that I need, you naughty little boy. You will tell me what I want to know."
Duo scowled like a thundercloud. "Are you crazy?" he said. "I could kill you with my bare hands. You'd better let go of me and I mean now." He felt a flush rising in his skin and felt the edge of a massive rage building in his mind.
The Monsignor moved closer, pressing his body against Duo's. "Not until we're done," he said, then leaned his head next to Duo's ear. "Don't you remember the game Duo?" he added, reaching up and touching Duo's cheek with his fingertips.
"G-game?" Duo whispered, feeling his muscles begin to lose energy. "What...g-game...." The rage continued to build, while his body felt like a Gundam that was losing power. "Heero," he said distinctly.
"The game of dark secrets," the Monsignor whispered. "You remember. We fixed things that weren't right. You were afraid of the pictures in my special books. You were so very curious. Are you curious still, Duo? Take my hand," he coaxed.
Duo felt himself retreating from the words, from the presence. He closed his eyes and looked around the darkness, to see them all watching him, silently, waiting. Then Astaroth came forward and lifted his great wing, enfolding Duo in its comforting shadows.
'Not yet, darkchild,' the master demon said, his voice almost kind. 'Not yet... but soon you'll be freed. Soon will we all. But for now... sleep.'
Duo obeyed the demon's calm commanding voice and slid into darkness.
Violet eyes opened with a distinctly knowing expression. "What do you want of him, Magister?"
The Monsignor smiled, cupping his hands around Duo's face. He looked into the violet eyes. "I want to know what he saw out there in space," he said, quietly. Leaning down, he brushed his lips against Duo's briefly.
In the Monsignor's office, Heero Yuy's nerves were singing like the choir. He had a look of fierce concentration on his face. Something was going on and he knew it. A noise from behind the ornate door snapped his head around and brought him to his feet. He heard and felt his name on Duo's lips, which brought him just outside the door. He leaned back as his body prepared itself to kick in the door and take out the cause of his lover's distress.
As he did, the door to the office opened and the Monsignor appeared with Duo draped over his shoulder. "He was a bit overcome, I think," the Monsignor said with concern. "Here, we can let him rest on the sofa there."
Heero only half heard the words the older man said. He moved quickly to Duo's other side and lifted him off the ground. He then carried Duo to the indicated sofa and sat down next to him, putting his body between Duo's and the Monsignor's.
Duo blinked several times and opened his eyes. He sat up abruptly, looking around. His hands fastened on Heero's shoulders.
"What... what's going on, Heero?" he asked quickly.
"The Monsignor said you fainted," Heero answered, quick scanning Duo.
"Would you like some water, Duo?" The Monsignor asked.
Duo looked up, a scowl pulling his eyebrows together. He tried to remember exactly what happened. Images were jumbled in his mind. He remembered giving his confession, feeling as if Father Maxwell were sitting next to him... then something... dark...
Suddenly he wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. But he hadn't done what he came to do yet.
"No," he said. "I've done what you asked. Now I have a question of my own. I want to know why... why the Maxwell Church mission was abandoned."
"Hmm," the Monsignor remarked as he sat in a chair opposite the sofa. He knitted his fingers together in his lap and looked at Duo. "The Maxwell Church was abandoned because it was considered to be non-viable. Father Maxwell held certain beliefs and principles that were not quite in step with the Church at that time. Unfortunately, it cost him his life as well as the lives of some of his parishioners."
Duo stared at the man with dislike and something deeper. "Father Maxwell's beliefs didn't kill him. Alliance troops did that. However, since there is no longer a war going on, I would like to know why the Church doesn't seem to care enough about the people of L2 to send them a priest."
"Ah," The Monsignor remarked. "You are seeing this time in history from one perspective, Duo. Alliance troops did destroy the Church on L2 and good Father with it. But it was Father Maxwell's decision not to cooperate with the mandates set forth by the Council, which included cooperating with the Alliance and not opposing the leaders. As far as L2 not having a priest at this time, I believe it is up for review," he added, leaning back in his chair.
Duo stood up, his hands flexing into fists and then relaxing. "I would very much like to know upon whose testimony the conclusion was drawn that Father Maxwell did not cooperate with the authorities. He cooperated in every way he could. It wasn't his fault rebels took over the Church and took he and Sister Helen hostage. The record has to be set straight!"
"Then, I suggest that you stand before the Council and make your appeal," the Monsignor replied. "We will be assembled in half an hour. Father Thomas will show you the way."
Duo took a deep breath, wanting to get out of the building and off the planet if possible. He clamped down on his urge to run. "Fine," he said through his teeth.
Heero stood and moved closer to Duo. "We'll wait in the room we were in before," he said, then took Duo's arm. "We know the way."
Duo clasped Heero's hand tightly and relied on his lover to lead him to some kind of momentary safety.
The Monsignor nodded. "I will see you shortly then," he said.
Heero led the way out of the office, pulling Duo along with him. He saw Father Thomas outside and made eye contact. "Duo's going before the Council. We'll be the Waiting Chamber," he said, noting the concern in the priest's eyes.
"Fine," Father Thomas said. "Can I get you anything?"
"Just a little space," Heero said and saw the priest nod in understanding.
Duo stopped and looked at the young man. "Father Tom," he said.
"Yes," Thomas answered.
"If there were a church in L2, that needed a priest, would you go there?" Duo asked.
"In a heartbeat, Duo," Father Thomas responded.
Duo nodded. "That's kinda what I figured," he said. He took a deep breath. "Well who knows what might happen."
Father Thomas looked at Duo for a moment, then nodded. "I'll keep that in mind," he said. "You two rest and I'll come to get you when it's time. In the meantime, I've some work to do," he said.
Duo turned but he stopped one more time before following Heero. "Father Tom... sometimes it isn't enough to ask God for what you want. Sometimes you have to fight for it."
Then he turned and nudged Heero playfully, settling back into a more familiar demeanor.
Father Thomas watched them go with a small smile on his face. "Yeah," he said quietly, "I'm finding that out Duo. I get it now." Turning, he went to gather what he needed for the meeting.
Heero did not stop until they reached the Chamber. Once there, he pulled Duo inside and locked the door. Turning, he walked up to Duo, first looking him over, then looking into his eyes. He then cupped Duo's face in his hands and kissed him deeply.
Duo's arms went around Heero's neck tightly and he fell into the kiss like a thirsty man into an oasis.
Heero guided Duo to the sofa in the room and sat down. Leaning Duo back against the brocade covered furniture, he kissed Duo again for a short while, then moved back. "Tell me," he said, simply.
Duo lay back, staring up at the ceiling. "I dunno, man," he said, shaking his head. "Something happened in there. I wish I could remember what is was though."
"Hn," Heero remarked. He reached for Duo's braid, and pulled the length of plaited hair forward. He felt around and inside of the band holding the end of the braid together and removed a small object. "Bug," he said, showing the object to Duo.
Heero then stood and removed the cushion to the chair that they had occupied before, retrieving a small square box. Bringing everything over to the sofa, he sat back down and fit it together. "Try this," he said.
Duo's hand shot out, clamping on Heero's wrist. "Not here," he said quickly. "When we leave, okay?"
Heero nodded once and then put the device in his pocket. "You were right when you said something happened. I think it's got something to do with the Monsignor," Heero said. "By the way, Alfa says you're not crazy."
Duo dangled his braid in front of Heero. "Put it back." he said nicely. Then, "Alfa... it's like the pot and the kettle, Heero. How could she know one way or the other?"
Heero quickly worked, replacing the bug. He looked back at Duo, putting the pieces together. Heero chuckled. "So you think my mom's crazy," he said.
"I didn't say that," Duo said with a twinkle in his eyes. "I did not say that. Your mom... suffers from something that she probably shares with me, though."
"What's that?" Heero said, with a twinkle in his eye.
"An excess of personality," Duo said fervently.
"You're a lot like her," Heero said. "But I understand. You're kinda like her like Zechs was to me awhile back."
Duo raised his eyebrows. "Say... what?"
Looking into Duo's eyes, Heero smiled a bit. "Like Zechs, you don't wanna believe the one person who might understand you and what you're going through. It's ok, though. Sometimes the hard way is the only way."
Duo punched Heero in the midrift. "Hey, you're supposed to be on my side," he teased. "I knew this would happen eventually..."
"Hey," Heero said, making himself a few inches away from Duo. "I'm all over you. And as soon as we get this done, I'll show you just how much," he added, kissing Duo briefly. "With my lips," he said, before plundering Duo's mouth with his tongue.
Duo sighed and relaxed into the kiss, feeling that Heero was magically bringing him back to himself again.
Leaning forward, Heero moved Duo back flat on the sofa. He then moved over Duo, covering him with his own body. Breaking the kiss, he bent down to take Duo's earlobe in his mouth. "We don't have much time before they come and get us. Then we can go back to Zechs' place and have a nice nap."
Duo laughed, shivering at the touch of Heero's mouth on his sensitive ear. "Nap... yeah...."
"That's after the nice, long hot bath," Heero murmured into Duo's ear, before kissing the braided pilot's neck.
Duo sighed. "I love you, Heero Yuy," he said softly.
Heero sighed as he slid his arms around Duo and settled around him as much as possible.
End of Part 7 - TBC
What do you think?
bonnejeanne & vonceia
Please send comments to: bonnejeanne@yahoo.com or vonceia@yahoo.com