Title: ESO
Author: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com) and vonceia (vonceia@yahoo.com)
Archive: GW Addiction http://www.oocities.org/fenris_wolf0/
Category: yaoi, AU? Epic Saga...
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, 5x? 6x?
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Warnings: LIME. Yaoi. Old guys. Original characters. AU? You decide... OOC? Same.
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Spoilers: Everything. I mean it, everything, series, EW, Ep. Zero, etc.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here. While our goal is to stay as in character as possible, any discrepancies are our mistakes.
Feedback: Any and all comments, feedback, critiques welcome, be they short
or long.

E.S.O. - by bonnejeanne and vonceia -

Part Nineteen: Epilog 2 - Zech's personal demons...

Zechs Merquise/Milliardo Peacecraft, stood in the shower with his eyes closed and felt the water pour through his hair and over his body. He sighed deeply, letting whatever thoughts that might, come to him unrestricted.

‘Documentation of remote mobile suit operations completed. The experience was worthwhile and fulfilling. Though different from battle experience, there is something to be learned from remote operations. Perhaps, a system designed with virtual reality capabilities or better remote viewing capabilities would be optimum..´ he thought as points of the submitted report drifted through.

Ice-blue eyes opened and closed languidly again. A vision, deep pools of dark, dark brown looked back at Zechs and he felt an instant response in his entire body. He moaned softly, then opened his eyes again.

‘….Self-esteem problems,´ he heard the ghost echoes say in his mind as he remembered. ‘What did he mean by that?´ he asked himself and thereby awakened a debate in his mind.

‘He means that you are hiding from yourself, again.´ Zechs thought. ‘No…´ another part of his mind said, rationally. ‘ I am fine. There is nothing wrong with me.´

‘If nothing is wrong with you, then why are you standing in the shower alone, with a massive hard….´

‘Decorum´

‘Forgive my crudeness…. Erection… wishing that ‘he´ was here with you.´

‘That is absurd. I am not Treize. I do not…´

Mental chuckle. ‘Seduce young men?´

“Seduce” Zechs said out loud as he leaned his arm on the shower wall. He looked up at the ceiling, moving away from the head of the shower. “Treize´s forte.” Wiping his hand over his face, Zechs swallowed hard. “Oh god..Wufei..” he said, feeling a sharp pain in the center of his chest. His fist connected to the hard surface of the compartment and Zechs felt the reverberation move through his arm. He shook with rage, fear and remorse. ‘A year..´ he thought. ‘He has been doing this for an entire year.´

Zechs blinked as he recalled bits and pieces of the conversation. He had been concentrating so hard on the fact that Treize Khushrenada was still alive and what that meant to him, that the fact that this lone kid had kept Treize… occupied.. for an entire year of his short life had nearly swept past him. “Innocence in those hands.” Zechs continued. “Treize would have no mercy. He would be angry, hungry for something to substitute for the entire victory he had lost with the one act of kindness from a young man´s large heart. Treize would make him pay, make him enjoy the moments and hate himself afterwards. “

Zechs looked up. ‘How did you break free?´ he thought. “What…” he said aloud and the answer came instantly. “Wufei´s spirit, his strength and his intelligence. When the heart is broken and body cannot be trusted, the will to live survives..” he said aloud, suddenly feeling his admiration for the young pilot grow.

Impatiently, Zechs shook his head to move the long, heavy blond stuff over his shoulder. Reaching down, he turned off the spray of water and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and wrapped his wet hair in it. Then he walked into the cabin naked and collapsed on a couch, exhausted.

‘Get in touch with Lady Une..´ he thought, draping an arm across his eyes. ‘And then finish it.´

Zechs took a deep breath as he felt the exhaustion catch up with him. He had not slept in three days and not had a good night´s sleep in a long while before that. He soon felt all emotion drain from him and the tumbled thoughts settled down. A picture formed in his mind and Zechs fought it.

‘Who is to know?´ the Hyde-like creature within him whispered.

His muscled stomach rose and fell as the Jekyll voice spoke. ‘It is not right, nor fair. Wufei does not need another man to take what´s left of his soul away.´

‘Is that what you want?´ Zechs thought. ‘No…´ he answered himself.

‘Then what?´

Zechs shook his head and the towel around his wet platinum hair loosened and fell to the floor. ‘To… touch… to hold… to give´

‘And Luca? Lucrezia?´

“I´m sorry..” he whispered into the darkness of the room. “You deserve something whole. Something not covered in blood.”

‘And Wufei?´

‘The world.´

Pictures flashed through Zechs mind. Noin, first and then the forbidden and lurid pictures of Treize and Wufei in every position his imagination could conjure up.

‘You are damned..´ Zechs heard a softer voice say.

‘I know..´ he replied and gasped as his hand curled around the hardness below his flat stomach.

Zechs groaned as the voices stilled in his head. Other pictures filled his mind. These had no Treize Khushrenada or sorrow. He felt his breath deepen and his hips began rocking with the rhythm of man´s oldest dance. Pleasure asserted itself, dulling thought. Zechs soon felt his body flush with heat as his hands guided him towards ecstasy. Suddenly, he felt his body shudder and the warm liquid of his body coat his hands, his stomach and thighs. Breathing hard, he opened his eyes in the darkness of the room and soon felt his body begin to settle. He lay for what seemed an eternity, and then slipped quietly to sleep.

After a couple of hours, Zechs woke up in the darkness. He shivered slightly and sat up, making a face. 'Great,' he thought and stood up. 'Lot of good the shower did.'

A few minutes later, he was dressed again and made his way to the control room. Sitting at one of the consoles, he contacted Lady Une.

"You look a bit better," Une said. "Though you could not be fully rested. We had not expected to hear from you until the end of the return trip."

"Something came up." Zechs said, looking back at Lady Une. "We need to talk. It's important."

Une looked at him closely. "Of course," she said. "Can you tell me what this is about?"

Zechs took a deep breath. He tapped in his code to switch to secure channel and then looked back up at Lady Une. "I'm sending you and encoded message.

Zechs took a deep breath. He tapped in his code to switch to secure channel and then looked back up at Lady Une. "I'm sending you and encoded message." he said and then used a keypad to type in the words. 'Treize Khushrenada is alive.'

Lady Une received the message and decoded it. Her eyes widened. She blinked, and then looked sharply at the monitor. "That's not possible."

Zechs nodded. "I'm afraid that it is. I have it on the authority of a reliable source." he replied.

Eyes narrowed, she said one word. "Who?"

"I will explain later when we can talk face to face." he said, and then sent more encoded information. 'Chang Wufei.'

Lady Une decoded the answer and her eyes widened again. She looked up at Zechs, then back down, then up again. Then she nodded.

"Very well. You are correct - a reliable source indeed. Perhaps the only one I would consider believing in this." She took a deep breath, trying to order her thoughts. Treize alive... for over a year, and he'd not contacted her?

Looking at Zechs' face on the monitor, she wondered what this would mean. "You... feel this represents some kind of... threat, don't you?"

"Yes." Zechs said and then typed in another message. 'He is now alone and will strike if given a chance to do so.'

Une watched Zechs. "If that's true, why hasn't he done so before now?"

Zechs typed in his reply. 'Chang Wufei.'

Une blinked. Then she frowned. "What do you mean, Zechs? Be clear."

"I wish to make it very clear. This was given to me in confidence with the assurance that I would not abuse it."

"I understand that," Une said impatiently. "You should know that the Gundam pilots are at the top of my priorities in all things. Are you concerned about my loyalties? If so, it was probably not the smartest thing to tell me in the first place."

Zechs smiled a little. "Your loyalties I do not question. It is myself that I question at this time." he replied and then typed the message, 'Treize was having an affair with Wufei.' Zechs looked up at the screen.

Une read the message and her eyes closed. When she looked up, her expression was a bit sad. "Yes... I suppose I understand now." She shook her head. Then she rubbed her eyes. Looking at Zechs, she said, "I need time to think about this. Please return to this ship as soon as possible - that should be when Mantasail returns to the vicinity of the station. " With a slightly sad smile, she said, "We have been celebrating here, in a quiet way. We were all so very relieved that the impossible mission succeeded."

"I will pass that along to the pilots." Zechs said and then looked into Lady Une's eyes. "I am sorry, Lady. I felt that you should know. You have my word. I will return as soon as possible."

Une nodded. "I am... honored that you trusted me enough to tell me now. We have come a long way, you and I. We must make sure that this does not impair the understanding we have gained of each other."

Zechs nodded. "True. I will work to make certain that it does not," he said. "I will see you very soon. Please tell Noin that everyone is fine."

The lady's eyes tilted slightly. "I will tell her... though I expect she would have rather heard it from you."

"Then, if she is available, I would like to speak with her." Zechs replied.

"I'll call her," Une said. Zechs, don't you understand how much it would hurt her to know she is simply an afterthought, Une thought. She transferred the link to Noin's station.

Noin smiled. "Hello!" she examined his image. "You look tired... you should be resting."

Zechs chuckled. "I have just woken up." he said. "The hair is still damp. How are you?"

"I'm fine, now that I know the Earth is safe!" Noin said. "I even slept a bit myself, though I doubt it needed it as much as you did. Zechs, that was incredible. We watched most of it from the Manta's input channels. That... cloud..." she shook her head. "I can't honestly say I know what actually happened. Whatever ended the battle seemed to be beyond the range of our sensors. We were not allowed input from Wing or Tallgeese... was that a malfunction?"

"I don't believe so. At a guess, I would say that it was to ensure that the enemy did not pick up the transmission. However, I did not pilot the Tallgeese. I did a remote from here on the Manta." he said.

Noin nodded. "I guess we'll get all the data when we pick you up. Till then, why don't you try and get some more rest. I suspect there will be plenty to do when we get back... and you know Relena will want to be briefed. When she knows you were actually there..."

At the mention of his sister's name, Zechs closed his eyes. "Yes." he admitted. "I had almost forgotten. Noin do you think I suffer from low self-esteem?" he asked.

Noin blinked, and then she actually smiled. "Yes, yes I do," she said. "Who had the nerve to tell you that?"

Zechs frowned a little and then sighed. "Wufei." he said.

Noin's smile became a little sad. "Of course, I knew he was there. How is he?"

Zechs smiled a little. "He is well," he said. "He and the other pilots are resting."

Noin nodded. "Well so should you be. So go do that. I'll see you when we get there."

Zechs nodded. "I will see you then," he said.

Noin nodded and signed off.

When the call was disengaged, there was another one from the internal line. "Zechs, are you busy?" Oma said.

"No, not at all." Zechs replied.

"Would you come down to sickbay?"

"I'm on my way." Zechs said and left the control room.

In a few moments, he entered the sick bay and looked for Oma.

Oma gestured for him to follow her. In a small alcove, Alfa was sitting at a slight angle, propped with pillows behind her and a keypad next to one hand. She looked up when he came in. There were faint bruises around her eyes, which made her look like a hurt child.

"Come, sit," she said without preamble.

Zechs did as requested. "You should be resting." he said.

"Time enough for that when I'm dead," Alfa said with no emotion. "I have things to do that need doing. Soon I'll be able to rest, from everything. No, don't look at me that way, I mean real rest. The first vacation in twenty years. That's why I wanted to talk to you. When we get back to L1, yu will be getting off. That may very well be the last time either of us sees the other."

Zechs looked at Alfa and frowned slightly. "Why is that?" he asked, sitting down.

Alfa looked into his eyes with her cobalt blue ones. The intensity was still there - probably would always be. "Because I am going to disappear. I've given my life to this thing and now that it's over I don't intend to spend another six months answering questions of the Earth Sphere's government."

"That sounds wise." Zechs said. "What would you like for me to do for you?"

"I have put together a set of data packages. A great deal of what we recorded on the ESO is there. Not everything. One of the packages includes historical information about things that have happened in the past two decades, which has been misrepresented or outright rewritten. This is to set the record straight, but I won't be around to verify any of it."

"I will take care of that." Zechs said.

"Good," Alfa said. "Now for what you will not find. There are no records or references at all to the pilot project. There are no records of information on the Gundam pilots. That information, as far as the Earth Sphere is concerned, does not exist."

"All right. That is what they will be told," Zechs said.

"Now about the Gundams," she said. "I haven't spoken to the boys about this yet, they're still mostly resting. But I do not want to turn the Gundams over to the Earth Sphere, not even to the Preventers. Tallgeese, of course goes back with you - what is left of it."

Zechs chuckled. "What do you want done with the mobile suits?" he asked.

Alfa looked at him, then looked away. "If I could wave my magic wand... I'd want them used as they should have been used: for the exploration of space. But with a twenty year history as a weapon, it's too late to remove that connotation from them... probably. I suspect I will store them. Somewhere no one else can find them. You may hear that they've been destroyed." She shook her head. "That would be a waste. If they were for nothing but shedding blood... certainly. But perhaps in time humans will outgrow these childish ideas and remember what brought them out here into space."

"We can only hope." Zechs replied. "I will confirm the destruction of the mobile suits. Is there anything else?"

Looking at him, she said, "You tell me."

"Do you plan on destroying the base?" Zechs asked.

"Spoken like a warrior," she said. "It's not a 'base'... it's a research station. If the scientists want it, I'll give it to them. I won't be there."

"Then apart from the manner which you disappear, I think that should cover any questions that should arise." Zechs said.

"Manner I disappear? I don't. I was simply never here," Alfa said. "Romefellar wiped me off the planet. I'll just let it stand. The recording of the battle? That was you, in the Tallgeese."

"Hn.." Zechs muttered, mentally noting to speak to Lady Une and Noin. "I'd like to say that from what I was able to see, I thought you flew wonderfully well."

"Gee thanks, sonny. You're about ready to take the training wheels off too," Alfa said dryly. "Too bad I'll never get to show you what I can really do. There's so much more to a mobile suit than you have discovered. You could learn more. You'd have to convince Earth Sphere that they have other uses. I won't be there to do it. But..." she shrugged. "Whatever. My crusade is done. Use it or waste it, it's your future not mine."

"I will definitely keep this in mind. I admit, the thought of exploring the mobile suit sounds very good to me." Zechs said.

"That's all I have, then. I'll send the data to Earth in your name. You can pick it up when you get back," Alfa said.

"Thank you." Zechs said and then looked at Alfa again. "I do have questions. I don't know if you can answer them, but what can you tell me about your visit to the Sank Kingdom and our home?"

"What do you want to know?" she said. "I was there for... six weeks... maybe a little longer. You were a toddler - cute... but you had a scowl on you even then that made everyone in the house jump to get you whatever they thought you wanted." Alfa closes her eyes for a moment. "Your father was a kind man, and he wanted to help me. But he had so many others to take care of, and so many pressures to deal with. And he was mourning the loss of a good friend... Heero Yuy."

Zechs nodded again. "I don't have many memories of that time. I recall being sick a lot." he said.

Alfa smiled. "Yes, you were. So Auntie fixed you a nice series of vitamin supplements. They seemed to work very well..."

"Now that I do recall. They tasted like oranges." Zechs said. He smiled at the memory and then his eyes widened as he looked up at Alfa. "What did you give me, or more specifically, what did they do?"

"You were sick because of genetic flaws, Milliardo. These things are worse in the 'artistocracy' than anywhere else... it's a simple form of mild inbreeding. I spliced your genetic code with a healthier one, which provided you with a chance for a more robust life. I also set certain things as latents. Had you never been severely tested, they'd have remained inactive. But once you began to push yourself past your limits, these latent factors began to kick in. You are healthier than a normal human now. A year ago? No. Enjoy the benefits." Alfa said, watching him with a slight smile.

Zechs smiled as he recalled his recent heart attack. "I will and thank you," he said. "Did it do anything of a sexual nature?" he asked.

Alfa laughed. "Why do you ask?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

Zechs closed his eyes for a moment. He had had confirmation that he was possibly suffering from a low self-esteem problem, but that was nothing to with genetics. He looked up at Alfa. "I have had a wonderful friend and confidante for a number of years now. Yet, I have not been able to get past certain issues." he said and then lowered his head. "I have been attracted to men," he added honestly.

"Milliardo... not everyone who is bisexual in this world is my fault," she said. "I'm afraid I'm not responsible for this one. The pilots... well that's none of your business. However, I suppose Auntie can give you some advice. Don't sweat it, kid. Love is where you find it, and in whatever form. I loved a man... a wonderful man. Now I love a woman. Should I be ashamed?"

'Bi-sexual' Zechs thought and the word ran through his mind. "Hn." he muttered and then looked up at Alfa. "No," he answered. "Not at all. In fact, I think that you have answered a major question for me. Thank you again, Alfa. I will remember what you said."

Alfa chuckled. "Poor Milliardo," she said. "You are probably the most attractive man on Earth, are you aware of that? Of course, when my son is grown he will smoke you, but by then you won't care. Beauty like yours carries responsibility. Try and remember that. Now give me a kiss - on the cheek - Prince Charming, and go take a nap. You always did get cranky when you didn't have your rest."

Zechs smiled. Standing up, he moved close to Alfa and kissed her cheek. "I do remember you now. You were the only person who dared to say 'no' to me. I appreciated that even then," he said and kissed her again.

"Try and have a decent life, kid," she said. "You've been through way to much, but you're far from alone in that. Maybe someday I'll see you again. I doubt it."

Zechs hugged her gently. "I hope that I'll see you again, Alfa," he said. "We will all be fine."

"Ha ha, tell me another good one," Alfa said. "Just try and keep it below world-wrecking level okay?"

"Been there, done that," Zechs said. "I have one more thing to do and then I'll take on some personal chaos."

"Best of luck, Peacecraft. Auf Wiedersehen."

"Take care of yourself." Zechs said and then looked up at Oma. "Or Oma will."

Oma walked by, tugging on his hair. "See you around the solar system," she said.

Zechs smiled and impulsively grabbed Oma, kissing her cheek. "See you both." he said, and then looked at Alfa. "Make her rest. She gets a little testy when she hasn't slept."

Alfa rolled her eyes and Oma simply smiled.

Zechs left the sick bay and walked back to the room he had been occupying. He had a lot on his mind, but Alfa's words were something of a post-hypnotic suggestion. He crawled on the couch and fell back asleep.

Next... More Epilogs ... Zechs gets a visit...

Comments eagerly welcomed!

bonne & von

Comments? Email bonnejeanne@yahoo.com or vonceia@yahoo.com

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