P>Title: ESO
Author: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com) and vonceia (vonceia@yahoo.com)
Archive: GW Addiction
Category: yaoi, AU? Epic Saga...
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, ?

E.S.O. - by bonnejeanne and vonceia -

Part Nine: Heero's questions...

Heero led the way to Alfa's quarters. He had a working knowledge of the layout of the base due to the fact that he had been sneaking around it for a great portion of the time that Alfa had been talking to the other pilots. Stopping at Alfa's door, he knocked.

"It's not locked."

Needing no further invitation, Heero opened the door and stepped inside. Duo followed.

Alfa was sitting at a small table, typing into a laptop-sized computer. She glanced up, then back to what she was doing, frowning at the screen.

"Something's not right about these signal tracks," she muttered. Then, "What do you need?"

Duo closed his eyes briefly. This chick was just too much like...

Heero frowned and resisted an urge to go to Alfa's laptop. "We need to talk to you. There are questions we need answers to and you have the answers." he said.

Alfa glanced up, then back. "Okay, talk."

Duo rolled his eyes. This was going to be fun.

Heero took a deep breath and then crossed the room. He walked over to Alfa, taking her shoulders and turning her slightly. "Do you know who Duo's parents were? What can you tell us about them? Who... who was my father? Who was Trowa's parents and did you have anything to do with Quatre being psychic?" he said, asking all that he could think of in a rush.

Duo goggled.

Alfa's eyes blazed cold fire as he turned her around, but she didn't open her mouth. As all his questions poured out, her expression became less deadly, but the frown did not go away.

The last thing he said elicited a raised eyebrow.

"Psychic..." she said. "Hmmm..." She glanced back at her laptop, then hit a key to save whatever she'd been working on. Then she turned back.

"You really want all this now? I had been thinking maybe afterwards would be better..." she said looking at Heero.

Heero nodded. "I'm sure that sounds sensible, but just in case things don't go as planned, I would rather you answer them now." he said.

"Hn," she said. Glancing almost longingly at the laptop, she turned her chair more to face them and leaned back a little. "Then sit down, don't stand over me. I don't like being crowded."

Heero slid down to the floor and patted the space beside him for Duo to join him. He kept his eyes on Alfa as though she were a mirage that might disappear from sight if he glanced away.

Duo would have preferred to stand, and a bit further away, but he swallowed his sigh and planted his butt beside the Japanese boy's. 'I do it all for you, Heero,' he thought.

Alfa glanced at the Deathscythe pilot, and her expression flickered. It was an odd one... a combination of annoyance and a rather too personal understanding. Duo pulled his knees up, wrapped his arms around them, and nibbled his thumbnail absently.

Alfa looked back at Heero.

"Yes I know who Duo's parents were," she said. "I have a file on them. You can have it. They were good people. They gave me shelter when I had lost everything, and no one who knew me dared to help. They had no reason to believe me and every reason not to, but they were compassionate people - a young couple with a baby on the way. I don't know how they died - I was elsewhere by then. I don't know if they were simply victims of the brutality of the Alliance, or if it had something to do with their sheltering me. I was nine months pregnant when I was with them. I was too sick to travel. The young woman was only a month behind me." Alfa looks from one of the boys to the other. "The two of you shared a house for almost three weeks before both of you were born."

Duo gasped, his eyes widening. He shook his head, trying to accept this simple story as the answer to the great mystery of his life, but the words dropped into his consciousness like small rocks in a well, going to the deepest part of him.

Heero listened carefully. His mind filed away the information. He placed a hand on Duo's thigh, something to connect them and reassure Duo. He also made note that Alfa said they could have the files later. "What about Trowa?" he asked. "That's not his name, we know."

Alfa closed her eyes for a minute, letting the memories come back from the past. "I have very little information about your Trowa. I did not find out his mother's name, and I do not know if she ever gave her child a name. I was only with her for a short time. We were both held together in a refugee camp... one where those considered mental patients were put. It was before I managed to escape. I remember her clearly. She was a beautiful woman, and a very sensitive one. She was not crazy, but she had been the victim of an abusive relationship, and her mind drifted from time to time. She either did not know much about her own identity or she chose not to tell anyone, including the guards. But she had one thing in her life that gave her happiness... her unborn child. She knew it was a son, somehow, even though we had minimal medical care. I was able to confirm this on my own. I wish I could tell you Trowa's real name, or where she is probably buried, but I had a chance to escape and I did. I tried to take her with me, but she would not come. She said I would do better on my own, and that she would need to stay in one place for the sake of the child. He would have been four or five months older than you, Heero. I called her May, but it was not her name, just one I gave her."

Heero nodded and took a deep breath. The news of Trowa's beginnings hit him a little harder than he would have imagined. "You knew the Winners and the Changs too?" he asked.

Duo wiped his face, feeling as if he could not deal with the things he was hearing. It was all so simple, so clear... biting his thumb, he remained silent, committing each detail to memory so he could offer it later if it should be needed.

Alfa made a sound that might have been a sigh on another person. "You were born by the time I reached L5," she said. "I could shelter you there for a while, since your features were much like those of the residents. I worked for the Changs as a housekeeper for a short time, and studied martial arts with a man named Lian Jie. Wufei was born while I was there. But L5 drew more visits from the Alliance than I wanted to deal with, so I found another situation, answering a general message issued by the Winner family. The lady wanted to have a child, though they had many daughters already through artificial techniques. I convinced them that I could make it possible. I never hid the risks from them. Her will was stronger than his and the child was born, as you know."

"And his psychic abilities? Did you have anything to do with that?" Heero asked.

Alfa tilted her head, and answer with a question. "So something has manifested?"

Heero looked down and then back up. "Yes," he said. "Quatre is having these attacks. He says he can see things and feel things, but they are not human."

Alfa closed her eyes for a moment. "I hardly dared to hope it would be that successful," she said. Then her eyes opened. She looked directly at Heero. "Yes, I had something to do with it. My methods have been unethical, I won't deny it. I did what I thought I had to do. I was a soldier in a war no one else was fighting. I used what materials I had to hand. Each time fate brought me an opportunity, I took it. Would you like to know how I did it? My body is my lab. I have type O blood. I gave each of the mothers some of my own genetic material, altering when and where I could, as I had the materials to do so."

"I see," Heero said. "That's simple." He looked back at Alfa. "Thank you. That helps."

Alfa looked back. "If it does, then fine. These were not secrets I intended to keep from any of you. I didn't really expect to be alive to tell you, most of the time. Every extra year that was granted, I tried to push the plan further. But too many things went wrong. After leaving the Winners, I was discovered by Romefeller operatives. I had to run, and I could not keep you with me, it was too dangerous. So I gave you to the man who owed me the greatest debt."

"Odin Lowe," Heero said, remembering the first father he had known and the man who had taught him the skills of an assassin.

Alfa nodded slowly. "It was a devil's choice. I knew it would not be an easy life for you. I hardly dared to think about how difficult. But I knew no other way to keep you alive. I didn't trust Jacob to do it. He'd failed me once before when I needed his help. I chose a man who had no sense of trust, no honor... but he did have one thing. He had an unshakable ethic. And I held a marker he could not refuse to pay."

"So Lowe wasn't my father," Heero said, almost disappointed.

Alfa simply shook her head, watching him.

Heero glanced at Duo and then back to Alfa. "Well, he did have an ethic." he said. "Do you know who my real..." he began, then stopped himself. 'Of course she knows, baka!' he thought to himself. He took another deep breath to rein in some of the emotions that were leaking out.

"Ok," he said, finally. "This does help."

Duo watched Heero intently through this, listening to each word, and letting his mind work over it. He wanted to put his arms around the other boy, but held himself back from it. He waited to see if Heero would take the next step.

When the Japanese boy seemed to stop, Duo took a deep silent breath, and turned to the woman, pulling Shinigami over his face, cool and nonchalant.

"What was the marker you had on Odin Lowe?" he asked.

Alfa's eyes flicker to him, and her lips curved very slightly. Sharp little bastard. "He owed me for killing my son's father."

Heero looked up, feeling his chest rise and fall as his heart raced. He kicked himself first for failing to ask the question and cursed himself for being weak. 'Maybe I just didn't want to face it,' he thought. It did not help. Following that, the impact of Alfa's simple explanation hit home and Heero remembered the countless times he swore what he would do if he ever met his parents. 'Plans of a child.' he thought.

"Odin killed my father," he said softly. "So, I'm the ultimate baka. I ... I loved him." he added and then blinked as he realized that he had spoken.

Duo cursed himself inwardly for opening this up. Clenching his jaw, he placed his hand on the small of Heero's back - just that, hoping he could somehow give the boy he loved something, some kind of strength.

Alfa moved from the chair and got on her knees in front of Heero. She did not touch him, but her eyes forced him to look at her.

"He could have done much worse by you," she said softly. "I *did* do worse. What he did wasn't an act of hatred or cruelty. You knew what he was - it was a job, nothing more. But it was a job he disliked. I think in the end it was something he hated himself for. I think it was an act that forced him to face the flaw of his lifestyle. I was told he tried to make it up, in the end. If you want to hate someone, hate me. I'm the cause of all of this, from start to finish. It won't break me. I've hated myself for too long for your hatred to do that. I'm not important. You are. You asked me who your father was... if I have nothing else to give you, I have that. Because everything your father was, was good. He was the best man, the best human being I have ever known and I loved him more than my life. When he was taken from me I had nothing left to exist for except my mission. He'd been my partner and the only hope I had of succeeding in that, so I did what a woman would do - I didn't revenge his death. I ran. I ran, heavy with you. I fought to stay alive and keep you alive. And I supposed that somewhere along the way I did loose my sanity. But that doesn't matter either. All that matters is that you are, in every part of you, your father's son. If I ever lost sight of that, you proved it over and over again. When you placed yourself between the Earth and that falling piece of death... that was something he would have done, child. It was something he did do, in his own way. You are his and no one can take that from you. You have your father's name. child."

For the first time in his life, Heero felt as though he was truly cornered. There was no way to escape or turn away from the eyes that were so like his own, or the words which caused little pieces of his soul to shatter. Listening to every word, he felt the comforting touch of Duo's hand on his back and knew that it was the only thing that kept him in the room.

He shook his head from side to side as Alfa told him the things he had wanted to know for most of his life. "No!" he whispered. "I... Not him. I'm ... I have killed so many." he said, trying to make Alfa understand.

She stared back, trying to find words to lift the pain she saw. He had to understand.

"Did I say it wrong?" she asked. "Did I make it seem as though he was a saint, some holy icon? I don't wonder you'd think that, they was they speak of him now. It begs the point. Your father was a man! He had anger and stubbornness in him, he made mistakes. He got lost from time to time when they flattered his ego. He was human! But he was a good man. He wasn't an icon, Heero! We loved, and at times we fought like cat and dog! But he never judged others on their weaknesses, only their strengths, because that was what he believed was fair. You've killed? You had to! I gave you to an assassin to raise, for god's sake, that was my crime, not yours. If you were nothing more than a killer, you would not be here at this moment. And neither would anyone else. Earth would be gone and the Colonies would be dying. Accept it. If you can't then you are refusing to accept him, and that...." unable to find words, Alfa stood up, turning to cross the room. She cocked her first to slam it into the wall, then stopped, holding herself. Softly, not turning around, she said, "That is the one thing, the only thing left in this life I could not bear."

Heero stood and moved before he thought. He saw Alfa raise her fist and stop. Finally, he had the piece that made the difference to him. "How can I accept him without accepting you too?" Heero asked, feeling surprisingly strong now, even though his body was trembling. He walked up behind Alfa and placed his hands on her shoulders a little tentatively at first. "I hated weak people once, and then I found out that I was weak too. We're all weak. That's a part of being human. Please understand me. I think I understand you. Don't hate yourself because of me, or what you did or didn't do for me. I will accept... Heero Yuy... but only if you let me accept you too." Heero stepped around in front of Alfa. "He's dead. You're alive. I'm here. Duo's here. Do you understand ?" he said.

Alfa looked into her son's eyes, ignoring the water on her own face. She reached out, and placed her hands on either side of his face, and he could feel the mobile suit calluses even though the touch was light. She looked into his eyes and he saw simply a woman looking back... a woman who was completely open to him.

"He's not dead, child," she whispered. "He looks at me with your face. I hear him in your voice. Even your words... yet you are more than he was. Do you hear what I am telling you? I knew him better than anyone, and you are more. I wanted you to have it, that you were his son, because I thought it would be a gift to you. And because I loved him and you bear that love in you. But more than that, I want you to have yourself. You want to... accept me?" she laughed, a little hysterically. "Fine! Do as you will. Don't you realize I have no power over you? That you are who and what you are is my single reason for not hating myself completely. Does that help you? If not, have a little patience. I'll find something that will."

Heero looked back at Alfa steadily. Then he smiled a little. "That's what I meant." he said. "You said it yourself. You'll find something to help me. You're my mother. You carried me around and took care of me in ways no one else could have. I know who I am. I'm not lost anymore. You've given me all you need to give." Moving closer, Heero placed his arms around Alfa, holding her against him. "Now it's my turn."

Alfa closed her eyes, placing her arms around his body also. She held him tightly for a little while. Then she relaxed, opening her eyes. "Baka," she said softly. "Come to your sense some day. Just whenever you'd like."

"Sure," Heero replied. "And you stop scaring Duo. I love him. You had something to do with that too."

"More than you know," she whispered for his ears only.

Duo wiped his face, trying to compose himself. He'd been holding his knees hard enough to bruise them while this went on, knowing he couldn't do anything about any of it.

"She may be your mom," he said, his voice a little rough, but aiming for his old tone. "But that doesn't mean she scares me."

Alfa flickered a look at him. "Fine," she said. "Although I suspect you won't believe me, scaring little boys is not my favorite pass time."

"Who are you calling a little boy?" Duo returned with as much spark as he could muster. It was marred slightly by the water still leaking from his eyes, which had at least slowed to a trickle.

"You... boy," she said, and then her lips curved slightly and Duo felt a sudden, rather intense feeling of shock. 'Damn,' he thought, feeling the bottom drop out again. 'She... she actually like me... damn.'

"So what's wrong with your data?" Heero asked, looking down at Alfa.

Alfa frowned, looking down at the laptop resentfully. "There's something... off... about the signal echo we've been monitoring. It's just a slight fluctuation but it looks like a program glitch. There shouldn't be one there. That system has been checked and rechecked. I can't quite track it down."

Without asking, Heero went to the laptop and turned it on. He began a diagnostic on the program, checking and rechecking. "Anyone else have access to this?" he asked as his fingers flew over the keyboard.

Alfa looked at him. "Yes, just about everyone on the station."

Heero shook his head and continued his work. "Scientists," he muttered.

Duo groaned, watching Heero dig into the laptop. "This could take a while," he muttered, and got up, flopping on one of the two beds.

Alfa looked over her son's shoulder. She pointed out one or two things that the program was supposed to do.

Heero looked at the results of his diagnostics, and suddenly got a hunch. He typed in a series of commands, and suddenly a message came up, "Skew in progress, 234957395.59583627 nanoparsecs..."

Alfa's eyes flew open and she felt an invisible blow hit her gut. Turning abruptly, she slammed her fist into the table, then pushed Heero out of the way and typed in a query. The results came up and she grabbed the laptop and threw in across the room.

"NO!!!" she yelled. "Someone has ghosted the signal. We've been monitoring where they *used* to be! They are twelve hours ahead of us! They've already passed the rim!"

Turning she ran out of the room, yelling for Oma and Doctor J.

Next... Explosions...

Comments eagerly welcomed!

bonne & von

Comments? Email bonnejeanne@yahoo.com or vonceia@yahoo.com

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