15-Jun-2000

Title: Reclaiming Quatre
Author: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com) and vonceia (vonceia@yahoo.com)
Archive: GW Addiction
Category: yaoi, AU
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Various
Spoilers: Series
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here.

Reclaiming Quatre by the Bonne-Von project

Part Five

Trowa adjusted the levels on the surveillance equipment for optimum recording. On the screen in front of him was the picture of Quatre and Wufei entwined in each other's arms, resting quietly. Trowa took a sip of his tea and then touched the screen. For hours, he had been deep in thought and watching as Duo's plan unfolded. Thoughts traveled through his mind as he recorded the events. 'You're a sick bastard, Trowa Barton.' he thought. 'So what?' he answered.

In those hours, Trowa searched for answers to try and help Quatre. With each person that entered the room and interacted with Quatre, Trowa learned more and more. Each pilot had something to offer and with each experience Trowa saw Quatre slowly emerge from his private darkness. "Yes, Quatre Reberba Winner. We need to talk," he said softly.

Then Trowa's eyes widened slightly as he saw Quatre slowly stand and dress himself. He nodded as he saw clarity and purpose slowly return to the Arabian pilot. As Quatre moved to the door, Trowa hit the comm to alert Duo. "Duo, Quatre is leaving the room," he said, evenly.

Duo heard the message at his station on the sub-bridge where he'd been taking a turn at duty watch. "Leaving?" Duo started up from the console. "Is he... how is he? Do I need to... I better go there, unless.. Trowa?"

"I got it," Trowa said. "And thanks again, Duo. I'll contact everyone later. Don't know what's gonna happen, but this is right. I think he's back. Let Heero know. I'm out."

Trowa then cut the connection and stood. He walked out of the room to go and meet Quatre.

The corridors on Peacemillion were as familiar to Quatre as the hallways of the Winner house on L4 had once been. When he'd come aboard, this last time, everything had seemed strange, distorted. It did look a bit strange still. As if things weren't quite back in their old shape. Maybe they never would be. But Quatre looked around and oriented himself. Trowa's cabin was across the hall, not far down, this way. He stood in front of the door for a moment, then shook his head. He raised his hand to the doorchime, stopped, then tried it. No answer. Trowa was probably on duty on the ship somewhere. Quatre took a breath and tried to figure out where he might be. Trowa had three main areas where he preferred to work, but he was able to take any duty on the ship. It might be a long hunt. It would be easy to go to a comm and try and call him. But Quatre shied from announcing his presence in such a way. He decided to try the mobile suit bay first.

The corridor floor was cold under his bare feet and he made no sound, padding quickly. As he went, things seemed to settle in a bit more. Why had it all looked so menacing?

A crewman entered the corridor from a cabin, stopped, staring at Quatre. Quatre ducked his head but kept moving. As he passed, the crewman suddenly saluted. "It's good to see you back, sir," the man said very softly.

Quatre stopped, closed his eyes, then turned.

"Thank you... Jackson," he said, remembering the man's name. He turned away, then stopped and said, "H-have you seen Trowa... Barton recently?"

The man shook his head. "Sorry sir, I've just come off a six-hour duty shift."

Quatre nodded. "Thanks." Then he resumed heading for the mobile suit bay.

Trowa made his way down the corridors to find Quatre. If it was as he suspected, Quatre would be trying to find him. From the surveillance room, he walked back to his quarters and looked inside. Not finding Quatre there, he then left and headed towards the two places he thought Quatre might try to find him. His first choice was the mobile suit bay.

Quatre entered the bay and looked around. There were people there, working, repairing and refitting the suits. He tried to spot the tall boy with the distinctive bangs but did not see him immediately.

The activity in the bay began to still slowly as people became aware of the blond standing just inside the inner entrance.

Quatre eventually realized what was happening and felt a flush burn though him. Embarrassment, shame... they knew... they knew that he'd been captured. Held. That he'd come back... maybe they even knew that Zechs had let him go. What kind of speculation must that suggest?

His still fragile and hard-won resolve began to shiver under the pressure of these thoughts. He backed up a step.

A hand touched Quatre's shoulder, holding him in place. "Hi, Quatre," Trowa said, softly. Glancing up, he called out to one of the mechanics. "Tony can we get the specs to Sandrock sent to my quarters for review?" he said.

Quatre jumped at the hand on his shoulder and turned very quickly - and stopped just as quickly, staring into Trowa's face. He was just frozen for a few minutes. He heard the green-eyed boy say something to someone but the sense didn't filter through.

"Yeah, sure thing, Trowa," Tony answered, and everyone in the bay turned back, realizing variously that they'd been staring at the blond. Something approaching normal activity resumed.

Quatre realized his mouth was open and closed it.

"T-trowa..." he managed to say. "I was... I was looking for... you." His heart was beating like a triphammer. Even his cherished mental pictures were no comparison for the real thing - the real Trowa, in front of him, his hand on Quatre's shoulder.

"I was looking for you, too," Trowa said, then glanced around. "Come on. Let's go to my cabin. We can have some privacy while we talk. If, that's ok with you."

Quatre swallowed. Then he nodded.

Turning, Trowa led the way back to his room. He could feel Quatre next to him. All of the words he had thought to say to Quatre had left him. 'This is Quatre,' he said. 'Really Quatre.'

Quatre entered the other boy's cabin slowly, looking around to find something to anchor himself with. The room was spare, military-neat, and included a work-bench where weapons and equipment could be cleaned or assembled. Quatre had been in the room before, knew it almost like his own, but everything seemed to take on a greater significance now. Quatre moved to the chair by the work-bench and sat in it tentatively.

Trowa sat down on the work-bench, facing Quatre. For a moment, he looked Quatre over, not saying anything. "I'm sorry," he said finally. "I guess I should ask you how you feel and all. I was just glad to see you back, Quatre."

Quatre looked up, his eyes wide and as open as ever. The difference though... there was a difference. There were things in those eyes, depths that had never been there before. "Thank you, Trowa," he said softly, feeling suddenly very calm. "I'm fine, I guess. I wasn't hurt. I'd almost be happier if... I had been. But I wanted to see you. To tell you that... I've been a terrible coward, Trowa. I was afraid... to face you. So afraid I asked... Heero to k-kill me," he said, and his voice conveyed a great deal of self-condemnation for his actions. He bowed his head. "That was wrong. Life is precious... I have no right to waste it, not when I've been so lucky, and so many others have not."

Trowa sighed deeply. He felt sadness grip his heart. Reaching out, he tilted Quatre's face up. "You are not the only one who has been a coward, Quatre. Now that I think about it, I might be bigger one."

Quatre blinked. Then he shook his head violently. "Not you, Trowa. You are the most courageous person I have ever known. I'll never forget the day we met. You were out of ammunition, facing down a whole Oz base, and an unknown enemy on top of that. You saw that my Gundam was every bit as powerful as yours, and my arms were fresh. I had support troops in mobile suits backing me. Yet you never flinched or hesitated. I knew the moment you turned to attack that you would have gone down fighting no matter what the odds were. And never from that moment forward did I ever see you flinch from anything." It was almost true. But the moment when Quatre had found him in the circus, during the time of his amnesia, was like a moment out of time to Quatre, more than equaled by the sight of the shuttle which had followed him out into space to join a battle Trowa could only barely understand at that moment.

"No," Trowa said quietly, shaking his head. "That is not entirely true. You saw me flinch that day at the circus. You saw me scared as hell. What you did not see was the time when I ran away from you. At your compound and after that battle, the time I walked away from you and you asked me my name," he said, "And when you asked me to stay... I walked away. I did not stay because I did not have the courage to accept you as my friend. I think that counts as well."

Quatre shook his head. "At the circus... when you had your amnesia... you weren't yourself. I did understand that. And even then, you were willing to come and try to help me, though you didn't remember it all." Quatre thought about what else Trowa said. "I don't believe when you left after our first meeting that you were afraid. I believe you were cautious. As a soldier must be. I'm sure I must have seemed naive and foolish to you then. But that wasn't important to me and it still isn't. I wanted to be worthy of your respect and trust... but... I've failed you Trowa. Once I almost killed you. And now..." he swallowed. "Now I don't know what to do any more, so I've failed as a Gundam pilot and as a comrade in arms."

Trowa took Quatre's shoulders in his hands tightly. "Stop," he said softly. "You are trying to make into a saint or something noble. I am not what or who you think I am, Quatre. I am not some clean, upright soldier... some ideal. I'm just someone who's trying to stay alive." Trowa looked down for a minute. "You want to be worthy of my respect and trust," he said," Now that is really something Quatre, because I have respected and admired you for a long time now and I have failed you by not telling you everything you need to know about me."

Quatre looked up and shook his head firmly. "I *know* everything I need to know about you, Trowa. I know that I..lo.. love you."

It took everything Quatre had not to bow his head or look away. He maintained himself, his eyes neither pleading nor expecting anything. The only thing in his mind was that he owed Trowa the honesty, whatever would come of it. He'd come so near never being able to have another chance to say it. What happened now didn't matter as much as the act of speaking those words.

For a moment, Trowa simply looked into the beautiful aqua eyes. He felt tears form behind his own eyes, but knew they would not spill. "I love you too," Trowa said, softly. "That is why I have to tell you about me." He moved close and wrapped his arms around Quatre's shoulders, hugging him hard. The contact made Trowa shiver slightly and awakened a need deep within him.

Quatre held perfectly still in Trowa's embrace for a moment. His heart was beating unbelievably fast. 'How... how can I... without... soiling him...' Closing his eyes he did the only thing he could think of to do. He reached out with his feelings. It was something he'd never allowed himself to do with Trowa. With Trowa it had always seemed too much of an intrusion. Now he had to have guidance or he felt his heart would stop.

He felt anguish... fear... shame... even a bit of desperation... no... those were his own feelings. It wasn't working. He felt an awakening spark of something warm and needy... that *must* be... his own feelings. Oh... he was going to fail at this. Without any way of knowing what to do, he would founder.

The words fell softly on his ears. 'I love you, too.' Oh, Trowa... if only my love were pure... I thought it was... but perhaps it never was. The next words came. '...I have to tell you about me...' Have to? Why? Why was there a sense of fear in the words? What could cause Trowa such fear?

Suddenly Quatre put his arms around Trowa. His voice was low, but calm and reassuring somehow. "All right, Trowa," he said quietly. "Tell me and I'll listen."

Trowa closed his eyes and for a moment, enjoyed the full physical contact. His nostrils flared breathing in Quatre's scent and remarkably, he felt secure and at peace. Taking a deep breath, he did what he needed to do.

"I have been a soldier since I can remember," Trowa began. "And I have not lived a very pretty life. As far as sex, I am not innocent. I spent a period of my life on my knees sucking cock for a battalion, because it was all I was good for. Later, I learned how to be useful standing up, but it didn't change the other's opinions of me. When most of them got blown up, I found another group and fought with them. For some reason, people trusted me. I used that to get close... to obtain my objective." Leaning back, Trowa looked at Quatre to see his reaction.

Quatre felt the simple words drop into his soul. Somehow, nothing was unexpected, even though he had never, ever considered some of the things Trowa was talking about. There was a sensuality inherent in the green-eyed boy and Quatre felt that it came in part from these things he was talking about. A knowledge way beyond his years. He could feel that these events allowed Trowa to devalue himself... the same way what he had been through with Zechs had opened his eyes to certain things, forcefully... things that he now understood and knew that only distantly. "... all I was good for..." So wrong, yet so easily understood, now.

Quatre felt his breathing slow and he continued to look back steadily. He nodded, acknowledging that he had heard everything, but his eyes showed only the same openness.

"There is also another side to this," Trowa said. "After being abused, I learned how to abuse. I've done that too." Trowa looked into the aqua eyes again and shook his head. "So the form my cowardice takes is that I am closed off to people. Even people I want to let inside, I can't. I go cold soldier and it's nothing more than hiding." Moving a little closer, Trowa said, "I have wanted you for a long time. I don't feel I deserve you, but I love you and I will die defending you." Leaning forward, Trowa pressed his mouth to Quatre's and kissed him softly.

Quatre felt everything in him surge into the kiss -- and stopped it. He held himself tightly and returned only what he was given, letting it increase or decrease as Trowa did. It was incredibly hard. There was something in all this that was beginning to tug at a place inside he didn't want to go and he shut that away for the time being as best he could. As their mouths parted, he swallowed, licking his lips.

"You... wanted me?" he said softly. "I... wanted you. I didn't... always know what I wanted but I know now," he said, unable to control the flush. "I wanted you... any way at all. Could you... could you still want me? Even after... what I've done?" He held his breath a little.

Trowa slid his hands around the back of Quatre's neck, feeling the blond pilot's smooth skin under his fingertips. He pulled Quatre to him, kissing him deeply and thoroughly. After a few moments, Trowa leaned back, brushing Quatre's face with his own. Leaning his lips next to Quatre's ear, he said, "Quatre, I am so incredibly hot, hard and aching right now, you have no idea. I've been watching you, carefully controlling myself for four fuckin' hours now. I've been waiting for you, love and like my lions, I have been patient." Trowa kissed Quatre's ear and nibbled his lobe between his teeth. He sucked the warm flesh in his mouth, then licked the side of Quatre's face. "Quatre," he whispered. "I am hungry. I'm very, very hungry."

Quatre trembled openly now, Trowa's words, his voice, and the touch of his lips, tongue and teeth was destroying his careful control. "Uh... is that a... yes?" he said hoarsely.

Trowa smiled. Leaning back, he looked into Quatre's eyes. "Yes," he said.

Quatre nodded, unable to look away, though his cheeks burned with a flush that was spreading over his body as well. "Please... take whatever.. you want," he said, standing up to move closer to Trowa. He began unbuttoning the big shirt, licking his lips, and then biting his lower one.

Trowa's hands moved to Quatre's pants. He unfastened them and pulled them down Quatre's long legs. Then, Trowa smoothed the skin of Quatre's legs all the way up to the curve of his rear. Leaning forward, Trowa kissed Quatre's bare thigh and wrapped his arms around Quatre's legs. Looking up, he saw the shirt fall and smiled as he got an up-close vision of Quatre's beautiful body.

Quatre shed his clothing without much thought. He was so excited by the thought of being with Trowa like this that his skin tingled. When the Heavyarms pilot knelt, wrapping his arms around Quatre's legs, the blond felt his body burn wherever they touched. He reached down and, hesitantly at first, touched Trowa's soft hair, running his fingers through the long bangs that flared outward so. Suddenly Quatre smiled.

Trowa closed his eyes, enjoying the touch of Quatre's fingers in his hair. When he opened his eyes, he saw Quatre smiled a relief washed over him. He let Quatre go long enough to remove the shirt he was wearing and to lower the suspenders from over his shoulders. He then slid his arms back around Quatre's legs and stood slowly, lifting Quatre off the ground.

Quatre's smile widened in sheer delight as he felt lifted in Trowa's arms. It made his breath go short for a moment. He was very still, but not a bit tense, trusting the strong arms around him implicitly. He bent and dropped a kiss on Trowa's hair.

Trowa carried Quatre over to his bed and sat him down on his feet. Sliding his arms around Quatre's waist, Trowan said, "Welcome home, Quatre." He kissed Quatre hungrily, holding him tight and rubbing slightly against Quatre's body.

Quatre gasped, and slid his arms around Trowa's neck, feeling the wondering sensations of Trowa's body... Trowa's strong, beautiful body against his. He felt Trowa's cock, already pushing up and out against his pants, radiating heat, and rubbed his own set of matching equipment against it excitedly. He leaned up and kissed Trowa's neck, nipped at it gently. "Trowa," he murmured. Saying that name seemed to please him just by the sound of it.

Trowa felt his breath deepen as he held Quatre. He moved a hand down between them and unfastened his pants. Impatiently, he pushed the material off his body, then took Quatre in his arms, kissing him deeply again. Trowa moved his hands around Quatre's rear, squeezing him rhythmically as he plundered Quatre's mouth.

"Quatre," he moaned, deeply, grinding his pelvis against the blond pilot's body.

Quatre sucked Trowa's tongue hungrily, responding to each touch with some little movement, into the touching hands. He pressed forward, into the heat, arching his back sensuously as he felt the other boy's hands on his skin. His hands played along Trowa's neck and the muscles of his upper back and shoulders.

A short while later, Trowa moved his head back, breathing hard. He moved Quatre down to the bed and stretched out beside him. Looking down the length of Quatre's body, Trowa slid his hand up the blond pilot's leg and inner thigh. A baser part of Trowa's mind thought. 'Natural blond', as he reached under and cupped Quatre's balls, feeling the twin round testicles in his hand. Leaning over Quatre, Trowa licked and sucked Quatre's nipples, feeling them harden. His hand moved up to grasp Quatre's cock and then began caressing Quatre with long, smooth strokes.

Quatre moaned softly, his body twisting a little in a reaction to the stimulation of Trowa's touch. His cock was very hard, aching, and his eyes closed as he writhed in the pleasure of being touched. Trowa's hair tickled his chest and Quatre's hips moved, rose, and rocked with the motion of Trowa's hand. "Ohhh... Trowa!" Quatre cried, his body shivering under the assault.

Trowa felt his own cock ache in response to Quatre's body moving under his touch. He moved his mouth to Quatre's other nipple, licking and sucking it to hardness. Then he moved down to kiss Quatre's stomach and even lower still. "Your Trowa," the emerald-eyed pilot replied. "Here is how your Trowa sucks cock, Quatre Reberba Winner," he added. Licking his lips, Trowa bent his head over Quatre's cock. He licked the tip, swirling his tongue over it. Then, forming his lips into an *O* he moved his mouth down and over the throbbing flesh, taking Quatre all inside before moving back up and repeating the action.

Quatre cried out, feeling the amazing sensations, hot and wet, around his aching flesh. He buried his hands in Trowa's forelock and his hips moved in tight little jerks. Quatre's head went from side to side as he moaned, unable to do anything to prevent his body from quickly building, and submerging him in a wave of pleasure and release.

Trowa tasted the hot flesh in his mouth as he licked and sucked Quatre hungrily. His own body ached and the hands in his hair provided enough of a distraction to keep Trowa focused. He had wanted to taste Quatre for a long time, but had placed it among the millions of other things that were not destined to be. Now that it was a reality, Trowa felt overwhelmed by the taste, sound and touch of Quatre's body. He felt Quatre's hips move in time with his mouth and then held him in his mouth as Quatre released. Trowa swallowed repeatedly, not willing to give up a drop of the precious liquid. After a short while, he lifted his head and kissed Quatre's thigh. "You taste very good, Quatre Reberba Winner," Trowa said.

Quatre gasped, his body slowly easing down. Suddenly his hand tightened in the soft hair he's been feathering through and he drew Trowa up to him, wrapping his arms around the boy's neck and kissing him deeply, sucking his tongue, then invading Trowa's mouth. The kiss conveyed his passion, which was far from satisfied. Releasing Trowa's mouth he rubbed his cheek against Trowa's face. "I want to taste you!" He cried softly. "And I want... to give you pleasure inside me... is that... do you want that?" he asked hopefully.

"Mmmm," Trowa growled. "Who do I have to kill to get that?" he said with a small smile. "Frankly, I think you were reading my mind. My body is yours Quatre. Taste and then... then I want to fuck you," he added, leaning down to kiss Quatre deeply.

Quatre smiled brilliantly. He turned on the bed surface, placing his body the opposite way as Trowa's, and leaned over the other boy, drinking him in with hungry eyes, then bending over to breathe on the small tower of Trowa's erect shaft. One hand closed around the base and he licked his lips, opening his mouth to begin his first tasting of Trowa.

Trowa gasped as felt Quatre's breath on his aching erection. He groaned as he felt Quatre's hot, wet mouth close around him. "Oh god, Quatre," he breathed, feeling his body transported into the world only contained his blond love. Reaching up and around, Trowa rubbed the soft skin of Quatre's legs and thighs. After the initial shock, Trowa's body settled and his hips began to rock on the bed.

Quatre purred in his throat as he let his lips slide around Trowa's cock... it's size, shape, taste and smell were being imprinted onto Quatre's psyche with loving relish. He moved up and down, swirling his tongue around and sucking, gently at first, then harder. Everything Zechs had done to him... taught him... was suddenly ready to use to pleasure the green-eyed boy, and he immersed himself in doing just that.

Trowa licked his lips as he felt both absolute pleasure and joy he had never experienced before in his life. Feeling Quatre's mouth, hands, and everything the aqua-eyed boy was bringing to bear in pleasuring him, Trowa smiled. 'Must remember to thank old Zechs,' he thought wickedly. "Quatre, my love," Trowa breathed, "That feels so good."

Quatre smiled around the hot flesh. He lifted his head, flicking his tongue across the tip.

"Trowa... this is how... Duo does it," he said softly, and began to replay an almost perfect memory of what the braided boy had done to him.

Trowa's mouth opened as he felt Quatre's interpretation of Duo Maxwell's cocksucking technique. "Oh fuck!" Trowa exclaimed, as one hand gripped the side of the bed. Trowa pumped upwards faster, feeling the delicious sensations drive him to climax. He cried out as he felt every cell of his body scream. Gasping, he felt his cock throb and coat the back of Quatre's throat with his milky release "Mmmm, Quatre," he breathed, feeling his body shudder.

Quatre choked only for a second, and then swallowed happily, licking the last of the salty stuff from the corners of his mouth. He laid his cheek on Trowa's thigh, resting for a moment.

"That was wonderful, Trowa," he said softly. "Mmmm... next time I'll show you how Heero does it..."

Trowa breathed heavily, chuckling a little as he heard Quatre's voice. "O..ok," he managed, "But really... my cock is yours. Do what you want with it, but *please*, I beg you, just do it!" Trowa opened his eyes and felt his body begin to relax.

Quatre stroked his thigh softly. He sat up and looked down at the beautiful boy. His expression became more serious. "Trowa... how did you... manage to handle it? The things you told me... being... used... it must have been horrible... yet you don't seem to mind what we are doing..."

"Come here," Trowa said, opening his arms to Quatre. " First of all, it was a long time ago when the battalion happened. Time has a way of softening the edges. Doesn't mean that you totally forget, because it becomes a part of you. Basically, I was scared to death and I felt like shit. No too long after, I started to like it... I mean it was sex, after all. And you know the weird part about it, Quatre? You can't share your body with someone and not develop some kind of affection for them. Of course, the guilt associated with that I still carry with me. I used war, drugs, booze whatever I could to help numb out the pain. In the end, I kept living. Until I piloted the Gundam, and during the time I've known you, I'm not waiting around for death to take me so much anymore."

Quatre put his arms around Trowa's neck and hugged him tightly. "Oh, Trowa," he whispered. "I was such a child. I had no idea what you were feeling, what you had to deal with. I felt pain in you, but I couldn't haven even imagined what it was about."

Trowa stroked Quatre's hair. "It's all right, Quatre. I hope you can feel this incredible feeling I'm having right now. I don't think I've ever felt like this before. And no recriminations, Quatre. If it had not been for that childlike quality and curiosity of yours, I would have never been quite as attracted to you as I am. I found myself not telling you things because I didn't want to spoil the moment or taint you. Now, of course, I know that my rationale was a bit off base," he said.

Quatre sat back, looking down. "I *am* tainted now. I know it's not the same as what you went through but... I'm... Trowa I think I'm... wanton!"

Trowa smiled and chuckled. "Oh Quatre," he said, touching Quatre's face. "I hate to say it like this, but, Reberba, join the fucking club. Besides, you're still you, wanton or not. Does this mean that you look down on wanton people? I mean, I'm pretty wanton myself and what I have in mind when I think of you or look at you, well, it's not a thing I could pull off in the presence of say, Relena Peacecraft."

Quatre's eyes widened. "No! I don't look down on... anyone," he said. "Circumstances make us what we are... but Trowa... it's one thing to be... wanton with just anybody... or with someone you care about... but I was with... the enemy," he said, his voice dropping.

Trowa shook his head. "Enemy is an intellectual distinction. It's got nothing to do with animals, bodies, or humans. You were with Zechs. You were surviving to stay alive and get back to me. That doesn't make you a traitor. It just makes you a survivor," said Trowa.

Quatre shook his head. "I wasn't surviving to come back to you, Trowa," he admitted with a weight of unshed tears. "I was just... living. He didn't hurt me, or even threaten to kill me. He said he didn't have to murder children to accomplish his purposes. I told him I wasn't a child and he laughed at said I soon wouldn't be..."

Trowa shrugged. "He was right. And for a time, he obtained his objective. He brought you down. He tied you in knots in a way that confused the hell out of you. I think you're just beginning to unravel some of those knots now. But you have to know that he lost too. He lost big time. Sure he broke the boy inside of you, but the man remains, Quatre. I would hazard to say that you had the final blow, though. Because if I had to face losing you forever, I would rather die." he said.

Quatre looked uncomprehendingly at the last thing Trowa said. "I... I thought he had succeeded too," he admitted, going back to something he understood. "Do you... do you really think I can... fight again?"

Trowa looked up at Quatre and brushed his lips with his fingertips. "Oh yes," Trowa said. "You must, Quatre. See, Zechs isn't stronger than you are. You are a Gundam pilot, Alpha type all the way. We are out here for a reason. And frankly, Heavyarms needs Sandrock out there... We all need you out there. We are incomplete without you."

Quatre frowned slightly. "But Trowa... I'm afraid... if I hear his voice..." he shivered slightly. That voice had not haunted him as much in the last few hours but if he heard the real thing... "What if he does have the power to control me? I'd be worse than useless - a liability. I'd rather die!"

Trowa took Quatre's hand and placed it around his cock. "Who's stronger for you, Quatre? Me or Zechs? You have to decide," he said.

Quatre trembled slightly. The he nodded. "I understand," he said, and his voice was a tone that Trowa remembered. Then he looked into the other boy's green eyes, brushing his hair back. "That isn't really the question either, is it Trowa? It's who is stronger... *me* or Zechs."

Trowa smiled. "No," he said. "The question is, who do you belong to? Me or Zechs."

Quatre tilted his head. "Belong... I'd... I'd like it to be you..." he said softly.

Trowa slid his hand up and around Quatre's neck, bringing him down to kiss Quatre deeply. A short time later, Trowa moved back and looked into Quatre's eyes. "Then so be it," he said softly, "Because I am yours. I will be your anchor, Quatre. You are my heart and soul. Is this something you want?"

"Yes," Quatre breathed. "I want it very... very much.." He lay against Trowa, pressing his body. "Will you... will you take me? So I can belong to you?"

"I will take you, Quatre Reberba Winner. You are mine. I am yours," Trowa said. "Ok, now here is the deal. As an official unit, we are now faced with a few things that we need to discuss and accomplish. The first is to try and clear up some misconceptions concerning a certain blue-eyed, screwed up, military leader named Zechs Merquise. Can you tell me how you *really* feel about him?"

Quatre ducked his head, then looked up. "I'm not sure," he said, troubled. He tried to continue to meet Trowa's eyes. "I.... I hated him... and I keep trying to keep hating him. But I used to admire him... and he... he's..." Quatre twisted his hands together. "He's... very skilled..." he managed.

"He's gorgeous and hot," Trowa said. "I can see doin' him. Ok, as far as the hating thing, I'd recommend just getting over that. You aren't a hating, grudge carrying kind of person. All it's doing is tearing your heart out, so stop. Gotta find another angle. He fucked you and you have feelings for him. Not surprising. He's probably hurting and you're sensitive enough to pick up on that. How are we doing so far?"

Quatre placed his hand over his face. "Oh Trowa..." he whispered. "He is hurting... so much. I tried so hard to fight it but I could feel him... everything was so wrong... someone... did something to him... maybe long ago, I don't know. And more things... I couldn't get it all there was too much. And he turned all that pain into a desire to hurt someone else... it was like he was seeing me, and not seeing me at all..."

Trowa nodded. "Sounds about right. I think he knew what he was doing was wrong. Maybe he saw it as the only thing he could think of at the time, but he's a man who has a conscious and it's kicking his ass about now. I had a couple of therapy sessions before. I think they call it projection or something like that. Anyway, bottom line, he's in pain and it's most likely compounded now that you left him. Hmmm..." Trowa said, thinking.

Quatre wiped his face. "Heero... Duo and Wufei... all want to kill him. And, Trowa, we have to stop him. Whatever he thought he was doing, it isn't working any more, I could tell that too. He's trapped in something he doesn't know how to get out of."

"I agree. Strategically, I think we should prepare for an attack. Hey, I just had a thought. You've been worried that you'd be the weakest link, but I'm thinking that the weakest link is sometimes the strongest weapon. Quatre, you know him. You know how he feels, how his body works, and how he thinks. If he's doing something against his will, you might need to help him see that. Of course, we keep the bloodthirsty three away from him long enough for them see what's going on...Did I ever tell you how much I love you? You're a genius Quatre Winner... besides being a great fuck as well," he said.

Quatre sighed. "I'm not a genius," he said, then his mouth curved in a tentative smile as he left the rest of the sentence un-contradicted.

"Of course, we've only completed the first of the requests," Trowa said, "I still wanna fuck you, Reberba. You got a problem with that?"

Quatre shook his head violently from side to side and leaned forward. "How... do you like it best?" he asked softly.

"Since I've been fortunate to have experienced both positions, giving and receiving, I would recommend the classic doggie style position, with you on all fours and me behind you. That way you will have the benefit of comfort and I will enjoy... maximum... penetration," Trowa said "Your thoughts?"

Quatre gasped and then smiled brilliantly. "Yes!" he said simply, and turned, offering himself in the aforementioned position, looking back appealingly.

Trowa felt his cock stiffen at the sight. 'Zechs you idiot,' he thought. 'Maybe you're not as smart as you look, if you could let this walk out of your life. Oh well, my gain...' Trowa sat up and then stood. Unable to resist, he ran his hand down Quatre's back and down over the curvature of his soft rear, appreciatively. He then opened his beside table and withdrew the tube of lubricant, opening it and showing it to Quatre. "Just in case..." he said, then winked. Spreading some of it in his palm, he then smeared it over his rapidly growing erection, watching Quatre as he did so. "You are such a great looking, hot guy, Quatre, love," he said, softly and bent down to capture Quatre's mouth in a deep but brief kiss.

Quatre shivered, his body heating up quickly, as Trowa prepared. His own organ was swelling rapidly and he reached down, easing it with a touch as he braced his upper body on one arm.

Trowa broke the kiss and smiled as he saw Quatre touch himself. "Here, let me," he said, and reached between Quatre's legs, to grasp his cock with a slippery hand.

Quatre gasped, back arching as Trowa stroked his aching cock. He rocked a bit on his hands and knees. "Oooohhhh," he moaned softly. "Ooh Trowa..."

Leaning down again, Trowa kissed Quatre's shoulder, nipping at the warm skin with his teeth. He then moved down Quatre's back as he let the hard shaft reluctantly go. 'I'll make you feel so good, later, my little loved one,' he promised and then got on the bed and behind Quatre.

Taking some more of the lubricant in his hand, Trowa spread it down and into the valley between Quatre's thighs, coating him. His fingers moved over the little puckered area and then inside without preamble. Trowa smiled as he nodded to himself confirming that Quatre was ready. He pumped his fingers inside Quatre, feeling his own cock move and react in response.

Quatre moved back into Trowa's fingers, eyes closed. He felt his lover graze the place inside him that Zechs had shown him first. It felt so good that he moved back, wanting more.

Trowa did not make his Arabian lover wait long. He moved closer against Quatre's thighs, enjoying the touch of his skin against his own. He place the tip of his cock at the entrance and moved forward all of the way into Quatre's hot, tight body. "Oh, Quatre," Trowa purred, "Mine..."

Quatre arched his back, tossing his blond hair. It felt so good to him to be filled by Trowa. To take pleasure and give it in the same act... he moved his hips around in a circle getting the feel of the hot, hard flesh inside him all around, purring low in his throat.

Trowa placed his hands on Quatre's hips, clenching his teeth as he felt the delicious sensations of his cock being 'stirred' inside Quatre's body. Finally, Trowa slapped one of the round hips solidly, feeling the echo all through Quatre's body and his own. Grasping Quatre's hips, he move out a little and then back inside of the blond pilot. Moving forward and backward, Trowa bounced Quatre against his thighs, giving him a taste of what was to come. Finally, he moved a little faster and pumped back a little harder until he could feel Quatre slap against him in front.

"Your body is a temple for me to plunder," he growled softly in Arabic.

Quatre gasped, the words sinking into him as deeply as Trowa's cock was doing. He answered immediately, crying, "Yes! Yes!"

Unable to do more than submit to Trowa, and wanting nothing else, he gave himself over to the amazing sensations that pulsed between them, increasing the intensity with each thrust.

Trowa threw his head back and laughed deep in his throat. He slapped Quatre's rear again then braced his knees against the bed as he rode Quatre faster and harder. Soon, Trowa was lost in sensation and motion. He could only feel the glorious blending of his body to Quatre's. In his mind they became one being, giving and taking.

Breathing hard, Trowa opened his eyes. 'No...,' he thought, 'Not yet.' Exercising his legendary control, Trowa slowed the pace down. He placed his hand flat against Quatre's back, urging him down against the bed further. As Quatre moved down slowly, Trowa's half-lidded green eyes watched as Quatre's rear lifted slightly. Taking Quatre's hips into his hands again, Trowa moved inside, striking different spots inside his blond's body seeking the angle of maximum pleasure for Quatre.

Quatre suddenly cried out, pushing back uncontrollably as Trowa found the perfect spot. His body was almost vibrating with need as he begged for more with a low whimper.

Everything within Trowa cried out, 'Yes!' as he heard and felt Quatre. "Yes, my golden one," he managed, "All for you." Trowa moved inside of Quatre touching the gland inside over and over again as he pleasured the Arabian pilot and himself by extension.

Quatre let out a wild cry, holding his body still as Trowa pummeled him in the perfect place. His cry became an uncontrollable scream of pleasure and his body shuddered as he released his seed beneath him. His body clenched around Trowa as the hard tremors shook him like a storm.

Trowa closed his eyes and gasped, feeling Quatre's warm, tight space convulse around him. His grip tightened on the golden pilot's hips as he thrust twice and came inside Quatre's body. Looking down, Trowa felt and saw Quatre sink to the bed and then felt his own body give. He managed to get his hands up in time and missed crushing Quatre by inches. "I love you, Quatre," he said, turning slightly and landing on the bed next to the blond pilot

Quatre lay trembling, then turned, as he felt his lover's shrinking organ fall from his body, and slid his arms around Trowa's body, holding him tightly. He kissed Trowa's neck and settled with a deep sigh. "...love you.."

"Very... very convenient, Mr. Winner," Trowa replied. "Because I think you're stuck with me for something like...forever." Trowa stroked Qautre's bare arm. "That was fantastic by the way," he said. "It also makes me think of something. How do you feel about the other guys? For that matter, how do feel about a pervert named Trowa Barton, umm... recording you with said other guys?"

Quatre looked at Trowa and blinked, then smiled slightly. "How... can you even... *talk* after that?" he said, trying to make his breathing more normal. "You recorded... you mean you bugged Heero's room?" That part hadn't quite sunken in from earlier.

Trowa smiled and nodded like a nine year old. "I did," he said. "And I've got the only copies," he added.

Quatre shook his head, touching Trowa's face with a fingertip. "You.. watched," he said, thinking about it. Then he looked into Trowa's eyes. "You weren't mad? Or... or hurt?"

Trowa turned his head and captured Quatre's finger in his mouth. He sucked on it for a moment, then said, "I was rather uncomfortable, hot, horny. I could tell that they wanted you and you were absolutely terrific, of course. Why should I be mad? I had plans on stealing something much more that your sweet little ass, Quatre. I was aiming for your heart."

Quatre's arms tighted, squeezing the other boy hard enough to make him short of breath. Then he relaxed with a sigh. He blinked, his aqua eyes wide. "I was afraid that... either you wouldn't care at all or you would be hurt or mad... well, I kind of hope you might be hurt or made because that would mean you cared, but then I felt guilty about that..." He looked down, then up again. "Trowa... would you ever... have done this... before?"

"Done what before? Loved someone?" Trowa asked.

Quatre shook his head. "Fucked... me."

"Fucked... me.... oh," Trowa said, understanding the question better, "Would I have fucked you before? Yes, I would have fucked you in a millisecond. Anywhere, time or place."

"Why... didn't you?"

Trowa sighed. "The honest truth is that was a big coward. I knew you weren't as squeaky clean as an angel because of how you fight. But you are a decent person Quatre, and me? I don't even have a name, let alone parents I can point to. I think they call it 'wrong side of town' syndrome. You're somebody, I'm just a circus clown. We're equals in the mobile suits, but in real life, you're more on a social level with Miss Relena and I'm like somewhere underneath Heero Yuy's left toe."

Quatre kept staring into Trowa's eyes. "No..." he said simply. "None of that matters. You know that. Trowa... we're old souls... I always felt I'd known you before. I knew when I first saw you that you were the other half of me, something I'd been missing. It doesn't make any sense. But I thought... especially after you left the circus the last time and came with us, I thought you felt it too."

"I felt it," Trowa said. "I heard your voice. Freaked Catherine out, but I had to come to you. However, that is a long walk from fighting at your side to stroking your hide," he added.

Quatre shook his head. He placed his fingertip at the corner of one eye, then moved it across the few inches separating them to the corner of Trowa's eye. "That far."

Trowa smiled. "You're fucking incredible, man," he said, then leaned over and kissed Quatre deeply. "I surrender. I was totally wrong. I should have acted," Trowa confessed and then a smiled a little sadly. "If I had followed my instincts, my heart, then Zechs wouldn't have been your first time. That will be the one regret I'll have for eternity."

Quatre tilted his head, looking at the other boy. "Maybe... it was best. I'd have been inexperienced... and you'd have been... would you have been afraid, Trowa? Afraid of hurting me?"

"Yes," Trowa said, looking into Quatre's aqua eyes.

Quatre ran his fingers along Trowa's jaw. "Then... it's okay," he said, and there was a deep release of guilt and a sense of relief in his voice.

Trowa released the breath he didn't know he was holding inside. His body relaxed as he heard Quatre's words. "You are the love of my life, Reberba, the Keeper of my heart, my cock and my peace of mind. I know that now," Trowa said.

Quatre sighed, and his hand stole down to wrap around the aforementioned organ possessively. "Oh Trowa," he said. He rested his head next to Trowa's, touching cheek to cheek. Trowa could feel a light brush as Quatre's eyelashes fluttered. "I love you with all my soul," Quatre said. "And everything that comes with it."

Trowa took a deep breath. "So if you want me to get a tattoo on my ass that says 'Winner's Property', just let me know. I know a guy who can do it for free." he said.

Quatre giggled. "No..." he said. "Your... ass is too lovely the way it is.... but, have you every considered getting an earring?"

"Hmm," Trowa said, "I hadn't thought. I'll do it, but you choose the ear."

Quatre smiles. "Okay," he said, visualizing a pretty drop earring with a diamond or a deep emerald.

After a little while of just laying quietly, Quatre sighed again. "Trowa, I hate to get up, but I think... no, I know I have to." He sat up reluctantly. "I want to talk to everyone. I know what I have to do now." He looked at Trowa and his wide eyes were very intense. "Zechs has to be stopped."

TBC

Comments eagerly welcomed, flames accepted. Although as time has proven, I will whine about it and cry and make everyone feel sorry for me... er... ah.... ^_^

bonnejeanne & vonceia

Please send comments to: bonnejeanne@yahoo.com or vonceia@yahoo.com

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