18-Jun-2000
Title: Reclaiming Quatre ()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()() Notes: As with all our fics so far, while our goal is to stay as in character as possible, any discrepancies are our mistakes. Feedback: Any and all comments, feedback, critiques welcome, be they short or long.
Author: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com) and vonceia (vonceia@yahoo.com)
Archive: GW Addiction
Category: yaoi, AU
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Various
Spoilers: Series
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here.
A thinly veiled excuse for LEMONade (that means graphic sex stuff). Zechs completely OOC. Possibly other characters OOC - People having sex with more than one other person... implied Non-Consensual (in flashbacks and references), Also LANGUAGE. Watch out! I really mean it this time!!! And now... SAP WARNING!!!
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This is set in an Alternate Universe. The premise is the same as the original series universe up to a point. The point is that at the time of the final confrontation between White Fang and the Alliance (and the Gundams), Libra's big cannon goes out of whack and instead of ramming Earth with Libra, Zechs decides on an extended guerilla war with Earth. Peacemillion becomes the base for a small group from the Colonies opposing White Fang, including (of course) the Gundam pilots. This has been dragging on for some weeks. Things have gotten a bit weird. Zechs is totally out there in this one, we know, we're sorry, sort of, and we'll try to make it up to him. He's just so pretty... This is NOT an epic!! Just may have a couple more parts after this.
Quatre watched, feeling so many things... he was aroused - very aroused. How could he not be? Zechs was incredible. He was physically beautiful, but there was also the sense of something incredibly rich about him, incredibly full, as if he had lived three lifetimes in his eighteen years, and all of them had been fraught with conflict and struggle. Placing his hand on his heart, he looked around the room. They were all watching - how could they help it?
Wufei glanced around the room to the others and smiled slightly. Slowly, he removed his hand and placed it on Zech's lower back. Then he moved to the side of the bed and took the blond man's hand. "I have gotten what I wanted," he said, interlacing his fingers with Zechs.
Quatre picked up Zechs' shirt from the floor and laid it lightly over him, like a short cape. He looked at Duo, who met his eyes, and suddenly flushed. He looked at Heero, who looked back. He went to the other side of the bed from Wufei and touched Zechs' cheek tenderly, and took his other hand. "Please," he said softly, "Sit up."
Zechs squeezed both hands, which held his own and then sat up. He didn't quite understand what was going on, but looked over at Quatre.
Quatre looked back, his aqua eyes shining a little.
Zechs blinked, feeling tears sting behind his eyes and then looked down. He glanced over at Wufei who had carefully brought the shirt back over Zechs' lap. "Why?" the former White Fang leader asked.
Quatre took a breath, trying to calm his body and his heart. "We almost did something... we shouldn't," he said softly. "It was tempting... so tempting. For me, especially. But I've showed you... what I wanted to. Maybe it was wrong, maybe it was vengeance. But I showed you how I felt. I wanted that... because I can't help feeling what you feel... here," he said, touching his chest. He sighed deeply. "You opened doors in me... Now I guess I have to take control of them. Milliardo... someone... did that to you, too... didn't they?"
Duo gasped slightly, and suddenly his expression changed from wicked to a slight shock.
Zechs Merquise/Milliardo Peacecraft shut his ice blue eyes tightly. Once again, he was in that place, feeling those feelings and experiencing what was for him, the most horrible and defining moments of his life. He had once believed that his heart could not have possibly been broken as much as it had been at the death of his parents and all that he had known of family and security. He had dedicated himself, his life to finding the killer of his father and exacting justice. What he had not reckoned with was the overpowering assault on his senses and his person. It was a thing which had changed him and kept him stringent and apart from love.
He opened his eyes and looked down at Quatre. "Yes," he answered, simply. "And .... I swore that I would never...." he began again and then dropped his head.
Heero looked at the man on the bed and then down to Duo.
Duo shuddered slightly. "Oh god, Heero," he whispered, his arms tightening. He kissed Heero on the cheek, and then moved to the side of the bed. He knelt there, looking up at Zechs.
"I shoulda known," he said, his voice thick with self-loathing. "Of all of us, I shoulda known. That's the way is goes, isn't it? They do it to us and we do it to others. And I wanted to... I did. I was thinking of myself. Okay, Zechs. There's about a hundred things I don't agree with you about. What you did to Quatre was wrong... but I was... damn, I will never learn. I was ready to do it to you. I wanted to. For my selfish pleasure and because I... I have my own anger inside. But I'm sorry. If Quatre hadn't have been here... Wufei... I'd have gone over the edge. I'm admittin' it. So you got debts you owe, no mistaking that. And now here's another one on my account. I have plenty too."
Trowa looked up at Zechs as he listened to Duo. He smiled a little in understanding.
"We're none of us clean," Quatre said quietly. "We've killed for causes we thought were right. We've followed orders without thinking. I... I took it on myself to destroy a colony, because I believed that the people of the colonies had become evil, and that I had the right to judge them for it. I was insane. Someone almost gave their life to bring me back," he said, looking at Trowa. He looked back at Zechs. "If I were such an innocent... in *all* things... I could not have felt what you felt and understood it."
Zechs took a deep breath, feeling the outpouring of sympathy and understanding. A part of him was assuaged, but there was still a deep well of emotion within him and his need to control fought with his desire to be free once more. Reaching for the calm coolness of right, he found it to be gone. He had breeched a line. He had gone to the other side. He was not right. Right was not on his side. Have I given up all possible chances to be right anymore? he thought.
"You blame yourself, don't you?" Trowa said and smiled as the former White Fang leader snapped his head up to look into his eyes. "It happened to me too," Trowa said. "You didn't do anything to cause it. You might have enjoyed parts of it, lived with it later, fantasized about it, but you did not bring it on yourself, Milliardo. I've been working on that one for years. I guess I'm no better than any of us. I wanted you, too."
Zechs looked down at Quatre again as he thought of Trowa's words. Because he had never admitted it, he had no choice to feel the power of those words 'you did not bring it on yourself' or hear them spoken. In some ways, hearing them along with the rest seemed to calm him.
"None of us are right," Quatre said softly. "We try to be. We do our best and find it isn't good enough. Then we break into pieces with our failures. I had to stop you... this time... because I felt... that you didn't know how to stop yourself. Because someone did exactly the same thing for me. And even now I may be wrong. We're all guessing about sides, aren't we?"
Zechs took a deep breath and released it. "You were not wrong Quatre," Zechs said. "I did what I did out of desperation and boredom. I probably should have either detonated the Libra or surrendered. It would have been cleaner."
Heero came and sat by Duo, putting his hands on the braided boy's shoulders. "Yeah," he said. "It would have been. Death is always cleaner. Does that make it better?" He looked at Zechs, tilting his head. "You... thought you were doing something to... end war, have I got it? Trying to do something right. Like I was... when I destroyed that Oz shuttle and murdered Marshall Noventa and the others who wanted peace. What I did turned out to be wrong. I live with that. I guess you can live with yours."
"I suppose it does not matter that you were set up. The outcome was the same," Zechs said.
"Remember those words of justice, Milliardo. If you apply them to yourself, then I believe you have the way back to your soul," Wufei said, still holding Zechs' hand.
"I can live with that," Zechs said.
Quatre found himself releasing a breath in relief. Those were words he had been waiting to hear. Knowing his own desire to die, not so long ago, he had been trying not to think about what Zechs might do. Quatre put his arms around Zechs and hugged him tightly.
"I'm glad," he said softly, trying not to let his voice tremble. "You may not believe this but I don't hate you... I... I can't." He couldn't say any more just yet. There were too many events, terrible and just tragic, that were still fresh for all of them now.
Zechs gasped, feeling Quatre's arms tighten around him. He felt his own arms respond by pulling the blond pilot closer against him. Again Zechs felt the familiarity of touch and his heart ache a little more at Quatre's forgiving words to him. "I know why I can't hate you," he said. "I just don't understand why you're not hating me.."
Quatre nodded. "That... that may take time," he said quietly. "It took time for me, and my hurts are more recent than yours, and perhaps... perhaps not as great. If we're lucky, we may all have the time that's needed." He kissed Zechs tenderly. Then he looked from one to the other of his partners. Each one gave him something, as they had done before. He nodded.
"Milliardo Peacecraft, your debt is not paid or cancelled. It's suspended... like the debts each of us carry for what we have done in this war. In time we will all work to pay for the lives we've taken. For now, I'm going to place you in the custody of someone who understands both justice... and forgiveness. Someone who gave me the great gift of his courage. Wufei... can you accept this? We will all work together to try and mend the scars of the war... but will you have custody of Milliardo, until sometime he can return to Earth, and make his peace with the government there?"
Wufei's dark eyes widened slightly as he heard his name called. He looked over at Quatre and then to Zechs. Then he sighed and stood. He bowed deeply. "I accept the custody of Milliardo Peacecraft," he said and then bowed again, this time not so deeply. He felt his face flush and then Wufei returned to his position next to the bed.
Quatre looked into Zechs' eyes. "Is this, also, something you can live with?" he asked softly.
"Yes," Zechs replied. "I can."
Quatre nodded, then kissed him one last time. "I'll be closer than you know," he said, touching Zechs' chest lightly. Then he got up, his hand finding Trowa's.
Duo stood up too, and Heero with him. "I know I've had better moments, but... sometime... maybe you and I.. well maybe we should talk. Might be a stupid idea, I dunno." He ducked his head and made for the door, looking back once, nodding to Zechs and then looking at Quatre. "I knew you were the best of us," he said to the Arabian. Then he left.
Zechs closed his eyes for a moment, still feeling Quatre's kiss on his lips. He smiled a little as Quatre stood and looked down as he saw Quatre's hand. Duo's words brought his attention back up and Zechs nodded, watching as Heero and Duo left. A puzzled frown creased his brow for an instant as he wondered about the braided pilot.
"Hey Zechs," Heero called from across the room. "I knew you were distracted because you never were that easy on me in a fight before. Ya owe me one... a real one, next time," he said.
Zechs looked up and nodded. "Consider it done, Heero Yuy," he said.
Heero nodded once and then looked down at Duo. "Suddenly, I am very hungry," he said.
Duo nodded and they left.
Quatre moved to go also, with Trowa beside him. "I'm sorry, for what almost happened," he said softly. "I'm leaving because you need rest and peace for a while. But I'll be back. When I do, we have a lot of things to talk about. Please... just... forgive what you can. Both you, and us."
"Yes," Zechs said, looking into Quatre's aqua eyes. "You do the same."
Quatre nodded. Then he looked at Wufei. His look was one which said, I know you will do whatever can be done.
Wufei nodded back to Quatre, in understanding. "You rest too, Quatre Raberba Winner. Replenish yourself."
Quatre smiled. Then the door closed behind them.
Wufei watched as the door closed and then looked down at Zechs. He came to sit on the edge of the bed and took one of Zechs' hands in his, massaging it.
Zechs closed his eyes for a moment feeling a different kind of touch. "What now?" he asked, watching the Chinese pilot.
Dark eyes looked up at Zechs. "I do not have the answers yet. I suspect that we will formulate those at a later time. Right now, Quatre is correct in that you have been through a great ordeal. You need rest and recuperation. Later, some exercise.. But that is for later."
Zechs sighed, as he thought of what had happened. "You have a very strong bond between you," he commented.
"Hai," Wufei said and massaged his other hand. "How it was forged is a very long tale. But all of the Gundam pilots have something to bond them to each other."
Wufei gasped as he felt Zechs take his hand and hold it suddenly. The blond man did not say anything, but the look on his face was one of deep thought. After a few moments, he felt Zechs slowly release him.
"Perhaps so," Zechs said and then looked back to Wufei.
Wufei placed his hands on Zechs' shoulders and gently pushed him back on the bed. "I'll get you a blanket and then you can sleep. I will be here in case you need something. Is this all right with you?" he asked.
Zechs leaned back against the bed, feeling suddenly very tired. "Yes," he said. "Would you mind not being very far away?"
"No," Wufei responded and then found a blanket. He threw it over Zechs' body and the bed and then pulled up a chair.
'The war has ended,' he thought.
bonnejeanne & vonceia
Please send comments to: bonnejeanne@yahoo.com or vonceia@yahoo.com