GINYU
FORCE ADVENTURES
PART 1: GENESIS OF THE GINYU FORCE!
PLANET
FREEZA, IN THE YEAR-UM,- HANG
ON, WHAT YEAR IS DRAGONBALL SET IN? WHY HAS NOBODY EVER MENTIONED THE YEAR IN
ALL THE TIME IT’S BEEN ON??
–ER, ANYWAY, A GOOD DEAL OF TIME BEFORE DRAGONBALL STARTED…
1
FREEZA IS STANDING IN A BIG ROOM, LOOKING OUT A BIG WINDOW; ZARBON, DODORIA AND KEITH THE EXPENDABLE HENCHMAN ARE DOING WHAT THEY ALWAYS DO; STAND BEHIND FREEZA IN A SMUG “SUBSERVIENT MINION” KINDA WAY…
Freeza: sigh…loyal Zarbon, there is something that has been deeply troubling me for some time now. I’ve tried to deny it, but it’s time I faced up to the truth-
Zarbon: Oh master Freeza, I knew it! I love you t-
Freeza: I mean that there is someone on this planet who could defeat me!
Zarbon:GASP!
Dodoria:GASP!
Keith the expendable henchman: What, you think I’m gonna go “GASP!”!? I’m blatantly going to be killed in the next couple of lines! F&@k you all!!
Freeza: I’ve had enough of your insolence, Keith!! (blasts Keith into oblivion.) I’m talking about Captain Ginyu.
Dodoria: But master his power level is far below yours!!
Zarbon: Isn’t “Captain” kind of a weird first name?
Dodoria: I guess. By the way, why did Keith say “F&@k” just before he died?
Zarbon: Oh, that’s because the writer is a namby-pamby little ponce who’s afraid to swear, even in writing which can’t be traced back to him! Ha!!
Dodoria: Hey, great! So I can tell you to £$%^ off and go£&%^$$£$ yourself to a goat-driven !”£$%^&*, and kids can still read this!!? What a wuss the writer is!!!
Zarbon: Yeah!
Zarbon and Dodoria both look up through a conveniently open skylight; the sky is blue, birds are singing…writer-caused vengeance unaccountably fails to fall from the sky…
Zarbon: well, that was unexpected.
Dodoria: Yeah. This might actually be a fanfic where the writer doesn’t put himself in it, or appear in any way whatsoever!
Zarbon: But hang on, isn’t the sky on this planet usually Mauve!!?
Dodoria: Yeah, and I hear birds singing! What the heck is a “bird”!!?
Freeza: (slightly irritated at being interrupted so his henchmen can have a two-hour conversation on fanfic writing) AHEM!!! As I was saying, Captain Ginyu may be weaker than me, but he has the ability to swap bodies with me!! Fortunately he hasn’t figured this out yet, as he spends all his time trying out for the planet Freeza all-star posing team. We have to get him out of the way before it’s too late. Suggestions?
Zarbon: Kill him.
Dodoria: Kill him.
Bob: Send him away on a false mission, which will result in him getting into a huge amount of hilarious and zany adventures, whilst steadily increasing his power and skill!!!
Freeza: Great idea, Bob!!
Zarbon: Bob!? Who the F@$k is Bob!!?
Freeza: quiet, you. Now go, my minions, and fulfil my plans!!
Dodoria: Oh, and master? On a totally unrelated topic, the other soldiers have been complaining that Gurd is stopping time and then nicking their stuff, Butta’s name lends itself far too easily to innuendo, Jheese keeps leaving hair in the shower cubicles, and Reacoom smells funny.
Freeza: Well, send them along too.
THUS THE
GINYU FORCE WAS BORN!!!
Zarbon: Hey, who said that!!?
Dodoria: Dunno. Anyway, we have to choose someone to replace Keith as Freeza’s third lackey; It’s down to “Superstrongius”, “General Toughness”, or “Expendable Colin”.
Zarbon: Hmmmmm…
2
Zarbon: -And so, you five elite warriors have beeen chosen to partake in a mission of vital importance! (Dodoria holds up an empty bottle) We’ve run out of milk!!! You must go to Tescos and get some more! Make sure it’s semi-skimmed, though, and don’t get one of those six-pint bottles, they’re murder to fit in the fridge!! Any questions!?
Dodoria: pwwfhmmhmhmhhhmha…
Butta: Er…Was that a suppressed laugh?
Dodoria: What? Oh, no. I was …er… whimpering in fear at the thought of how much more status you’ll have than me, after you return from this perilous mission!
Butta: Oh…Okay then. Count me in!
Jheese: But hang on…the nearest Tesco’s is twenty seven billion light years away! Why can’t we go to the local newsagent planet?
Zarbon:
I’m glad you asked that, Billy. Newsagents are convenient, but only Tesco has
the wide choice, quality and value that today’s shopper deserves. They also
have a slightly insane old woman doing adverts for them! So remember, when
it’s time to shop, think Tesco!!
TESCO: every little
helps.can
I have my bribe now? … Thanks.
Jheese:
Well, my name isn’t Billy… but the slightly insane old woman sounds
entertaining! I’ll do it!!
Gurd: Can we spend any change we have left on sweets?
Dodoria:
…yes.
Gurd:
Okay, I’m in!
Reacoom:
Me too!!
Captain
Ginyu: If I go, can I be the leader, and
name the team after myself, and force everyone to partake in ridiculous synchronized
posing!!!?
Zarbon:
Sure.
Captain
Ginyu: WOOHOO!!
Jheese:
Awww, son of a b$%^@!!…What!? I can’t even say “b$%^@” !!? This fanfic
sucks!! The writer’s crap!
The newly formed Ginyu force aren’t leaving the room until I receive an apology from Jheese…sniff!
Jheese:
Okay, okay, I’m sorry!…stupid
little !^%$@)*%$££^&$£%^&&@@@$%&^^$ !!!!!
Dodoria: HAHAHAHAAA!!! What a bunch of morons! (holds up the empty bottle) This one’s empty, but there’s still half a pint left in the fridge!
Zarbon: HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
Dodoria
throws the bottle away, just as someone walks through the door…
Expendable Colin: Hi there, I’m-URK!!
The bottle
smashes across his neck, cutting his head off.
Dodoria: Oh, s%&t.
IN THE NEXT "GINYU FORCE ADVENTURES", THE TEAM SET OFF ON THEIR FIRST MISSION! BUT WHAT CHALLENGES WILL THEY FACE!? EH? EH!!? YOU DON'T KNOW, DO YOU!? HA HA!