Seph Visits The Gold Saucer... For The First Time!
By Laria
"So, what's this place called again?" asked Seph. He was preparing a suitcaseto go to the Gold Saucer for the first time with Cloud and co. Vincent was helping him pack.
"It's called the Gold Saucer. It's kinda shiny there, except for the Ghost Hotel. We'll be staying there. Very dark and creepy, my kinda place." explained Vincent as he helped pick some casual clothes for Seph for the trip.
"Ummm... Ok..." said Seph, trying to stuff as many things as he could into his suitcase. "One other question." asked Seph as he tried to close his overfull suitcase. "Why exactly are we going?" He got his suitcase closed, picked it up and looked at Vincent.
"It's an excuse for Tifa and Aeristo go with Cloud on this gondola thing. It's called the Round Square. Come on, let's go. The Ghost Hotel is waiting for me." replied Vincent as he picked up his own suitcase and walked out the door.
"Oh great..." sighed Seph as he followed Vincent out of the Villa and onto the Highwind.
"Ready to go?" asked Tifa to Seph, as she hung onto one of Cloud's arms. The other arm was being squeezed to death by Aeris.
"Yup! This is going to be so cool!" exclaimed Seph as he jumped up and down like a little girl while everyone else facefaulted.
"Don't get too excited, Seph, or you'll be too tired to do all the neat stuff there." said Yuffie, sidling up to Seph and stealing his Super Nova summon.
"Yes. I must remain cool, calm, confident." said Seph as he calmed down and smiled a very bishonen smile. But it was spoiled because Cid started up the Highwind with a jolt and made him fall flat on his face.
You deserve that!
"Why? What did I do?" ashed Seph, getting off the floor and rubbing his head.
You're becoming too narcissic.
"Hey, I didn't know this was going to be one of those fics." commented Vincent.
It's not, I just felt like bugging Seph. ::snicker::
"Nothing wrong there!" piped up Yuffie, who was stealing Red XIII's Materia, as usual.
"All right, we're on our way!" shouted Cid as he launched the Highwind into the air in the direction of the Gold Saucer.
***
"This is so cool!" exclaimed Seph as he got off the Ropeway. All the colorful lights were shining and music was playing.
"Gangway to the Round Square!" shouted Tifa and Aeris, flattening Seph and dragging Cloud in their hurry to get to the Round Square.
"Help me!" cried Cloud, being dragged off. Seph was getting off the ground when he was flattened again, this time by Vincent.
"A bucket! I need a bucket!" screamed Vincent, hand over his mouth as he ran as fast as he coud towards the Ghost Hotel where he could jump for joy, or sulk for joy, or something. Yuffie, closely followed by Red XIII ran over Seph. (surprise, surprise!)
"Yuffie! Give me my Materia!" shouted Red, following Yuffie down a tube to the battle Square.
You could hear Yuffie shouting, "Come and get it you Lassie wannabe!"
"And this is just the beginning." commented Cid, patting Seph on the back (who had managed to stand up) and propelled him towards the Ghost Hotel.
***
"So what do I do here?" asked Seph to Yuffie. They were both in the Wonder Square, in front of the Mog House game.
"Well, you feed Mog nuts and he flies. Try it out, it's not that bad." said Yuffie, trying to get Seph to play so she could steal his Materia.
"Ummmmm... Ok. Here we go!" said Swph as he put 100 gil into the machine. He was having fun playing until he realized that Yuffie wa gone with his Materia and tat he didn't get anything for winning. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" cried Seph as he took out his Masamune and vented his anger on the Mog House game. Gold Saucer dragged him away, injecting him with tranquilizers.
***
"Whaddaya gon' and do now, foo'!" demanded Barret to Seph, who was sitting sheepishly in a chair in the Gold Saucer security office. Dio, Aeris and Barret, as well as over 20 scurity guards surrounded Seph.
"This, this, lunatic has derstroyed the most popular game in the Wonder Square! That game cost me well over 10,000 gil!" shouted Dio, totally enraged.
"I apologize sir, but he's never been to the Gold Saucer before and was provoked by one of our... ummmmm... group! So will you please let our Seph go? Pretty please? With cherries on top?" said Aeris, making her cuteness factor go up by 10 and making Seph gag.
"Well... I guess he can go... but any more trouble and you're all outta here!" replied Dio, thinking, What a kind, gentle and extremely cute girl!
"We won't! Thank you Mr. Dio!" replied Aeris, all sugary sweet.
"You' very welcome, miss." said Dio, as he left to do some kind of Gold Saucer work.
"Come on foo'! You comin' wit us!" said Barret to Seph, picking him up by the collar and walking out of the room with Aeris in his wake.
"Hey! Put me down you Mr. T wannabe!" shouted Seph as he struggled in Barret's massive grasp.
"Whu't you say, foo'?" said Barret, pointing his gun arm at Seph.
"Uhhhh... Nothing, nothing!" said Seph as he and Aeris sweatdropped.
"Relax guys! I don't want to referee you two. I've already used up all my energy on persuading Dio! It's hard work to be so cute!" said Aeris, pale with exhaustion. Barret took Seph to his room and dropped him there.
"You stay up here, ya hea' me, foo'?" demanded Barret.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. For how long?" grumbled Seph. He wa still angry because he had just remembered that Yuffie still had his Super Nova summon.
"Fo' as long as I say so, foo'!" said Barret, leaving the room. He called Cid over who was in the lobby. "Keep an eye on dat foo' Seph." he said as he left the Ghost Hotel.
"Boring!" said Cid as he sat on a chair outside. He soon fell asleep. Seph peeked out the door. There was only Cid snoring away.
"Now, I shall have my revenge!" he whispered, not wanting to wake up Cid. He tiptoed down the stairs and out of the Ghost Hotel.
***
"Hey Cid! Where's dat foo' Seph! You were supposta watch him!" shouted Barret at the now awake Cid. Barret had com back to find Seph gone and Cid sleeping.
"Don't be yellin' at me! It's your fault you lefty me in charge!" shouted Cid, readying his spear. Suddenly, the TV in the lobby cut in with a Gold Saucer news report.
"This just in! A lunatic mad man with a large black cloak, weilding an extremely long sword is chasing a young girl believed to have stolen his Materia. Live on the scene at the Event Square is our reporter, Dan. Dan, tell us how the situation is going."
"Here on the scene, Steve, is a man, believed to be the dreaded villan Sephiroth, chasing the notorious Materia theif, Yuffie Kasaragi. Here is live footage of the situation." said Dan. The camera zoomed in to the center of the Event Square.
There was Seph, chasing Yuffie who was holding a bag full of peoples' Materia. In the process, Seph was destroying the benches with his sword, as well as anything else in sight. Just a Yuffie was turning around a corner, a summon Materia fell unnoticed out of her bag and rolled towards Seph. Seph tripped on it and fell flat on his back. Yuffie didn't notice and kept running.
"Super Nova! How I've missed you!" cried Seph, hugging his beloved Super Nova summon. "Now, I shall have my revenge! SUPER NOVA!" shouted Seph, as he started to summon the Super Nova. Yuffie had enough time to jump behind the stage and esape all harm, as did any other people in the vicinity. The TV screen went blank and a "Gold Saucer Technical Difficulties" sign went up with a picture of a dizzy fat chocobo.
"Now look what you've done, idiot! Now the whole Event Square is totalled because of you!" shouted Cid at Barret. Barret pointed his gun-arm at Cid.
"Who's da idiot now, foo'!" said Barret as there were audiable clickings from his gun-arm.
"Ah, never mind!" sweatdropped Cid.
***
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Couldn't even fry me with your stupid, precious Super Nova Materia!" shouted Yuffie mockingly from behind the charred stage.
She and and everyone else had miraculously survived by hiding behind various pieces of set and stage. The whole Event Square was now a charred crater, barely holding up. Charred pieces of set and costumes littered the area. And there, in the middle of it all, stood Seph, holding his sword aloft.
"No! Why can't you just die!" shouted Seph, totally enraged.
"Because the author likes me! Hahahahahahaha!!!!!" shouted back Yuffie, pulling a strawberry at Seph.
"I'm suprised anybody likes you, Yuffie!" countered Seph, creeping up on Yuffie. Yuffie didn't notice and kept hurling insults.
"You pond scum! You can't even catch me! You old geezer! Ancient wannabe! Jenova lover! Urrrk!" continued Yuffie. But her tirade was cut off by Seph picking her up by the collar of her shirt and walking out of the Event Square before the Gold Saucer security got there.
***
"I think it would be a good idea if we cut our vacation short..." said Tifa. She, Cloud and Aeris were on their 100th round of the Round Square. They saw the whole episode from the gondola.
"Yeah, let's go before they make us pay for all that!" said Cloud, jumping out of the gondola, which had stopped. As they ran to the Ghost Hotel, they met everyone else, except Seph and Yuffie, who all had the exact same same idea as Cloud, Tifa and Aeris.
"Let's get out of here!" they chorused. They ran up to their rooms to get their stuff and met back in the lobby.
"But what about Seph and Yuffie? Shouldn't we wait for them?" questioned Aeris. Everyone thought for a moment.
"Nahhhhhhh!" they said, leaving Seph and Yuffie to their fate.
***
"Shut up, stupid! You want us to get caught?" demanded Seph. He was talking to Yuffie who was hiding behind a barrel in the Gold Saucer basement. It was dark, stinky and full of rats. Yuffie was whining about her predicament.
"Why'd I ever get stuck with a dope like you! I could be having fun, not stuck in a dump like this! This place has huge rats, you know! If it wasn't for you, I'd be blah blah blah..." went Yuffie, on and on until Seph threatened to shut her up permanently, when the door ws kicked open.
"Hah! We've got you now! Hands in the air, no sudden moves!" shouted the Gold Saucer security officer who had kicked down the door. Seph and Yuffie walked out, hands in the air.
"Now look! We got caught! If you hadn't been complaining, we would've been fine! This is all your fault!" said Seph angrily, putting all the blame on Yuffie.
"Please sir, I'm just a poor little ninja... I mean girl! No, don't put those hand-cuffs on me! Noooooo!!!" cried Yuffie, who was going to pay for making Seph angry.
"Heh heh heh..." chuckled Seph evilly, as he and Yuffie were led down to the Gold Saucer security office, the place he knew so well.
***
As this fic ends, you can see Yuffie and Seph, who are hand-cuffed together, running away from Dio and 100 Gold Saucer security guards. Yuffie is screaming at Seph for thinking up suc a dumb escape plan and Seph was shouting at Yuffie to shut up.
THE END
(finally!)
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