"Can we just get on with this story?" complained a very annoyed Vincent.
"Yeah! Start the $%?@ fic!" shouted Cid to the author, smoking his stupid cigarette.
"Hey! What're you callin' %^&*$ stupid! Hey!" cried Cid as his cigarette disappeared into thin air.
You should stop smoking and swearing. You better quit or I'll make sure you miss Dukes of Hazzard.
"Ok! Ok! Jeez. #$%&..." muttered Cid as he got whacked in the head by a large mallet that came from nowhere.
There. That should teach you...
Cid, rubbing his head, grumbled, "Now what'm I gonna do… need a cig..." as he went off to find a TV but, of course, couldn't find one because the author hadn't made up a setting which was that they were at Clod er Cloud's Villa and the whole cast was there, standing around and waiting for the author to get to them.
Ok, Tifa was in the kitchen cooking, Aeris, Cloud, Cid and Yuffie were watching some kind of dumb show like Melrose Place or Party of Five or *SHUDDER*Friends. Barret was off somewhere with Cait Sith beating the crap out of each other and Red XIII was in the library that conveniently appeared for him to read something or other about history. Sephiroth was out doing some kind of evil like making prank calls or ordering pizzas for other people and giggling like a schoolgirl. Oh yeah, and Vincent was standing there, waiting for the author to finish her really boring monologue to put everyone in there places.
"So what exactly is this story about?" asked Vincent testily, tapping his pointy elf shoes.
"They're not pointy elf shoes! They're… Ummm…" said Vincent, trying to think up a cool name for his stupid pointy shoes.
I think you need a change of clothes. Vincent's usually drab and weird clothes suddenly morphed into a blue Turks suit, with black sunglasses perched on top of his head. Trés cool.
"Well I'm glad you think so!" shouted Vincent because the rest of the cast in that room were giggling because the author had forgotten to change his pointy shoes (oops) and he looked very ridiculous but then the author changed them to black shoes and then he looked extremely handsome and then decided to smile a dashing smile to make the author's heat swoon but she recovered quickly because Yuffie had spilled pop all over Cid's lap that looked like he wet his pants so she could steal his Materia. The author decided to let it be because she couldn't stop laughing at Cid who was now chasing Yuffie with a big wet spot on his pants and everybody else was laughing they're heads off too except for Vincent who was going to go sulk in a dark corner because his feelings were hurt. Suddenly, Sephiroth appeared in the room and tried to stab Aeris but the author wouldn't let him and a frying pan appeared out of nowhere and knocked him out.
"Well that was pointless." pointed out Tifa, gazing at Cloud, trying to get him to notice her.
"Not as much is this is." said Sephiroth, who had now awakened and was pointing to a large lump on his head.
Ok, ok, it's gone now, satisfied? Sephiroth's lump disappeared as well as getting a large chocolate ice cream.
"Yay! Ice cream!" cried Sephiroth as he licked the ice cream enthusiastically.
Suddenly, Vincent came back because I wanted him to and said, "Let's have a cooking competition!" while everybody else did facefaults because of the big smile on his face and for the fact that cutesy female things are not on Vincent's to do list.
"Besides, wouldn't Tifa automatically win? I mean, she the best cook around!" pointed out Yuffie, slyly pocketing Tifa's mastered "Cooking" materia.
Hmmm… You've got a point there Yuffie. Ok then how about a fashion show?
"YEAH!!!!!!" cried Cid, Cloud, Vincent and Sephiroth, all thinking I hope it's a swim suit fashion show!
Ok! Ok! You can have a swim suit competition but you guys will have to have to participate too! Who ever wins in each category, girls and guys, will have to go out with the person that wins in the opposite category!
"Let's get started!" cried everybody, except for Sephiroth who had disappeared to miss the fun so the author could bug him later, running to the newly appeared change rooms.
Hmmm… I don't think there's enough people. I'll zap in a few more. Suddenly, Rufus and the Turks appeared and ran into their respective change rooms. You girls will be going first but don't worry, you'll have time to choose what you want to wear cause I gotta make up the setting.
Suddenly, (there's been a lot of those suddenly's going around, must be an epidemic) a large runway appeared in the middle of a room, with curtains at the back. All around were chairs for the male part of the cast to sit while the girls were onstage. The walls had beach scenery and some surf music was on. This took about five minutes to set up.
Vincent poked his head out of the doorway of the guys change room and asked, "Hey, is it ready out here?"
Take a look for yourself. What do you think?
"I think it's too bright." He pointed out, but the author didn't really pay attention because everything was too bright for Vincent.
Here, have some shades. A pair of cool Turk shades floated in front of Vincent's face until he put them on. Ok, the girls will be coming out so, call the rest of the guys out will ya? Oh, yeah, there should be some track suits there, put them on. You don't want to give the girls to get a preview, do you? Vincent popped back inside and five more minutes later, all the guys came out wearing track suits except for Rufus who wanted to show off because he feels like he's special. Ok, girls, are you ready?
"Yup! We're just deciding who gets to go first." Shouted Tifa from behind the curtain. Suddenly she burst out in a white string bikini, strutting her stuff and winking to the guys. A bunch of photographers popped in and started taking photos of her. The guys were all hooting, whistling and having fun, watching Tifa. She walked back behind the curtain.
Next, Aeris came out in a pair of tight pink cutoffs with a pink string bikini top. She walked gracefully to the end of the runway and then walked quickly back behind the curtain because all the guys had their mouths on the floor, being a close rival to Tifa.
After that, Yuffie came out in a green and blue striped bikini. She had let her hair out and walked nervously down the runway. Then she ran back.
Finally, Elena came out. She was wearing a blue and orange bikini skirt with top. She had more confidence as she got to the end, to wink at Tseng and then walk back.
Ok, the winner of the contest is, Elena!
Elena came out blushing as a crown appeared on her head. She blushed harder.
Ok, now for you guys! Girls, take your seats where the guys were. The cast switched places.
All the guys had chosen cutoffs (How original). The first guy to come out was Cloud. His cutoffs were blue. He had a matching blue bandanna. When he smiled at the girls, Tifa and Aeris fainted and had to be revived by Yuffie slapping them back to consciousness.
Next was Rude in black and yellow cutoffs. He was also wearing his trademark Turk sunglasses. All the girls were busy whispering and giggling and fainting throughout this whole thing, by the way.
After that, was Tseng, serious with his camouflage colored cutoffs. His hair was in a ponytail. He winked at Elena who fainted with little red hearts around her head.
Next was Cid. Everyone laughed at his goofy Scooby Doo cutoffs.
"Hey! Why're you all laughin'? You have no $#%%$ taste! Ow!" The 'ow' was a large baseball bat, whacking Cid on the head for swearing.
Stop it, or next time you'll be unconscious. Cid rubbed the back of his head and stalked back to behind the curtains.
Next up was Reno. He pranced in with Bugs Bunny cutoffs and his trademark Turk sunglasses. The girls were laughing their heads off.
"Humph!" he grumbled, also stalking back behind the curtains.
Second last was Vincent. He was wearing black cutoffs (surprise, surprise). He was wearing his usual red bandanna and Turk shades. He looked cool. The girls gaped. He had a six-pack to match. Just as he was thinking he was going to win, he tripped over a wire (I wonder how that got there…) and fell flat on his face. Everybody laughed hysterically as Vincent stormed off to find a dark corner to sulk in.
Last was Rufus. We was also wearing black cutoffs. He smiled and flipped his hair.
Ok, the winner is Tseng! Congratulations Tseng and Elena! You're going on a dinner date! See you later! Tseng and Elena disappeared.
"So what happens now?" asked Reno.
Ummm…
"YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!?!" shouted everyone in unison.
I'm thinking! I'm thinking! Jeez… can't you guys give me a break?
"How about we go to the beach? I mean, we're in Costa Del Sol, we're wearing bathing suits, what could be better?" suggested Aeris.
Good idea! Have fun, I've gotta go write your next "adventure". Everyone rushes out of the Villa and down to the beach to finish this fic.
"WAIT!" shouted Vincent, down at the beach.
What?
"You forgot something!"
Oh yeah… And they lived happily ever after. Satisfied?
"Yes." replied Vincent, jumping into the water.
Will he learn that he can't swim?
"HELP!!!"
Too late…
THE END (really this time)
Finished? Good! Now you can get back to All Around Anime!
