Jokes

How is lightning like a cellist's fingers?
   Neither one strikes the same place twice.

How is a cello case different than a coffin?
The dead person is on the outside.

What's the definition of "Perfect pitch"?
Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.

Why do so many take an instant dislike to violas and cellos?
It saves time.

How do you tell when a cellist plays out of tune?
The bow is moving.

How was the cannon invented?
   A violist and a cellist tried to play a passage in unison.

What is the range of a viola?
    As far as you can kick it.

What's the difference between the cello and the viola section?
   Half a measure.

A violist and a cellist are on a sinking ship. The cellist cries out, "I can't swim!" The violist says, "It's alright. Just fake it."

Why do violists stand in front of people's houses?
    They can never find the key, and they don't know where to come in.

A comedian and a cellist are on an airplane. The comedian says, "Wanna hear a cello joke?" The cellist replies, "Sure, but be warned, I'm a cellist." "That's alright," Says the comedian. "I'll tell it reaaaally sloow!"