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![]() post Buffy s4 Xander - the funny, loyal, sometimes foolish member of the Scooby gang. He can show incredible bravery (see a href="hero.html">Angel & Xander: who's the real hero?) and has saved the life of every member of the Scooby Gang at some time or another. He's also displayed flashes of perception and maturity. I like Xander - but I'm not convinced he's a true friend to Buffy. The major reason (there are others) for this is his attitude to Buffy and Angel's relationship. I dare say we've all had friends who have been in relationships with people we didn't like or think were good for them but Xander's response to this is somewhat on the extreme side. Right from day one, Xander was attracted to Buffy, and not happy that (a) this wasn't returned and (b) that she liked the mysterious stranger Angel. At first, it seemed this dislike wasn't all that serious and of a wry, humourous, even self-deprecating nature. However, it seemed to became something darker as the series progressed, especially once Angelus returned (or maybe he just felt he could articulate it more once Angel(us) was 'out' as the enemy?). His comment in Passion when they're all at Giles' apartment after finding out about Jenny's death is very telling "Let's not forget I hated Angel long before any of you did...". We all know why of course - jealousy plain and simple. It's not called the green-eyed monster for nothing. It is these negative feelings that cause Xander to bring up Jenny's death at *every* available opportunity - as if anybody has forgotten about it!. He doesn't seem to care that his constant reference to this terrible event is painful to Buffy who is carrying an enormous amount of guilt over it. Okay, so she made a mistake. She couldn't kill the body of the person she loved despite the fact that the demon was in charge. Is it really so hard to understand why that might have been difficult for her? Is it really necessary to keep beating her over the head with it? She's 17 and literally carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. As a friend to the slayer, shouldn't he be helping her carry this burden rather than add to it? But no, he's far more interested in using Jenny's death as a weapon in his anti-Angel(us) campaign. Furthermore this focus on his own agenda makes him oblivious to the fact that his behaviour is painful to Giles and Willow who were much closer to Jenny than he. Look at the conflict between him and Giles in the library after Buffy and Willow have brought the restoration ritual to show them in Becoming I. Giles points out that restoring Angel does seem to have been Jenny's last wish. Xander's flat "Jenny's dead" enrages Giles. This tears Buffy apart and just makes the whole situation much more painful to her. We've seen time and time again that Buffy hates it when people close to her are arguing - presumably a result of having seen her parents shredding each other for years before they got divorced. [As an aside: none of the Scooby Gang who are in favour of restoring Angel's soul use the far more powerful and pragmatic argument that doing so will remove one of Sunnydale's most vicious, and cruelly-inventive killers *and* increase the number of whitehats (assuming Angel wouldn't just stake himself once he remembered what he'd done of course). Had they had done so, it might well have taken some of the wind out of Xander's sails. The emphasis seems to be rather on discussing whether it's right for Buffy to get her boyfriend back. It's only later that Buffy says Willow should try the restoration so they have another chance at stopping Angelus if she fails.] All this can, (with a very charitable mind!) be dismissed as petty teenage angst but he crosses the line in Becoming II when he is sent by Willow to find Buffy and tell her they're going to try the Restoration ritual again. Xander finds Buffy on her way to the mansion and starts to tell her the message - "Willow...", he considers - and instead of giving Buffy the message replaces it with sentiments of his own "She said to kick his ass". He changes the whole tenet of what Willow wanted Xander to say to Buffy on her behalf. Wrong, Wrong, WRONG! This was not his decision to make. He lies to one friend and misrepresents another. The look on his face immediately afterwards shows he knows he has done wrong. There doesn't seem to have been any fall-out from this yet but I do wonder how Willow and Buffy are going to react if/when they ever find out. It hasn't come out yet only because Buffy doesn't want to dwell on the events of that day (look how long it took before she told Willow and Giles she had to kill the newly ensouled Angel in Faith, Hope and Trick) so it's not a big topic of conversation amongst the Scooby Gang. While it's true that in Amends he offers to help Buffy and Giles research what is happening to Angel, I don't believe this balances the books, especially given his asking Faith if he could go along while she staked Angel just a few episodes earlier in Revelations. I do think his recent experiences with Willow and Cordelia have made him appreciate that matters of the heart are not as straightforward as maybe he previously thought. Buffy is somewhat taken aback by his offer and by way of explanation he says he hasn't been a good friend to Buffy when it comes to Angel (and the award for stating the obvious goes to...). This is the least he can do following his previous behaviour. I'm not saying he should turn into president of the Angel fanclub, but his duplicity with regards to one of his supposedly best friends is deplorable. In fact, Xander has treated Buffy shabbily on a number of occasions. As long as she is fighting monsters and being her usual self(!) everything is fine and dandy, but as soon as she acts outside of her 'normal' behaviour (often as a result of the very abnormal things that have happened to her), Xander is the first one to start being judgemental. Look at his actions in When She Was Bad "If Buffy's about to lose it, I think we should be reaching minimum safe distance" and in Dead Man's Party he couldn't *wait* to pile in when Buffy and Joyce were having their stand up row. In both cases, he reacts to Buffy's out-of-the- ordinary behaviour with criticism and unwillingness to even try and understand the reasons for it (because he's such a well-balanced personality who's never slipped up). Ironically, I think that it's *because* he has such a high opinion of Buffy that he takes it so hard when she makes mistakes. His attitude is almost one of personal affront that 'the Buffster' should have fallen from the pedestal he insists on placing her on. It's a no-win situation because Buffy is only human. She *will* fall from time to time - we all do and it does mean that instead of being there for her as one of her closest friends, he has added to the hurt she feels in a spiteful and underhand manner. It's tragic really. It's true that in Season 4 we haven't seen much of this side of Xander (though he still makes his feelings towards Angel quite clear to Riley in The Yoko Factor "It's not that I hate the guy, just the guts part" and he sounds very bitter when he's explaining what makes Angel feel happy and turn into Angelus). However, given that Season 4 was very much about showing the members of the Scooby gang each doing their own thing, I don't think that's surprising. Personally, I think Xander's jealousy is just dormant, lying in wait...
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