Willow:
The army?Xander: Yeah, the army, whaddaya think?
Willow: Think? Think? What do I think? I think thinking is good and… were you doing any? That is, thinking, cos a lot of people think they think about things but actually they’re not thinking at all when they think they are… that’s what I think.
Oz: What she’s trying to say is, what do you think you’ll get out of it?
Willow: Exactly, exactly, that’s how I think you should think about this thinking thing, how everyone should think…
Xander: What?
Willow: Their thoughts should be clear. It should be… weighed.
Oz: Like the scales.
Willow: Yeah, in this hand there are pros, and they’re good, but in this other hand are the cons and they’re not so good. Say for the pros you have…
Xander: All of life’s necessities: clothes and food and a roof over your head, sometimes.
Oz: He’d get a free haircut.
Willow: Which are all… good, in their own way. Then you have the cons <death voice> like war, war’s a biggie. Like people shooting at you <mimics bullets flying over head> people, lots of people, trying to kill you. And then that moment…. WHAM ~ you’re on the ground. No idea what happened. Then you feel, you feel it, that little alien thing inside you. The hot lead that burst through your jacket… You see the hole but you can’t quite believe its real, cos it doesn’t look real. It doesn’t look like you ever imagined it would. You put your hands over it, trying to cover it up, thinking that that’ll make it all right. And when you take them away you see the blood, the blood on your hands, and its your blood, nobody else’s its yours. It’s your blood and you’ve been shot and you’re dying. You’re lying there and you’re dying. It’s you’re blood and you try to shout, to call for help, for your friends, but they can’t hear you cos they’re not there and then you realise that you’re not making any sound at all. You’re not even breathing. And you try to remember how to do it, how you did it but you can’t cos it’s not working cos you’re DEAD and everything, everything about you is gone. All your memories, all your hopes and your dreams that you clung to so you can bear to live your life day-in day-out, all the things that you’ve been putting off because there’ll always be time tomorrow, everything you’ve thought, everything that’s you is… gone. Gone. Like its never been. And it’ll never come again, that’s it. That’s it. That’s it…
Oz: That’s the not-so-good. <comforting Willow> Hey… shhhhhh
Xander: <alarmed at the state she’s in> Will, WILL. It’s not… I’m not… I’m okay. I’m here.
Willow: <recovering> I know you’re here. Of course I know you’re here. Only a crazy person wouldn’t know that. And I do. So I’m not.
Oz: If we could just bring her down to the ‘extreme agitation’ setting…
Xander: I haven’t signed up or anything. I’m just giving it some thought. It’s just an option. Cos… well you guys all have something, Oz has got his band and Buffy’s got her whole ‘warrior of prophecy’ ticket and Cordie wants to be an actress. I haven’t got anything like that.
Oz: What about the car?
Xander: The car was an appropriate life-style choice at the time. I have no regrets in its relation. But I realise now that I am not a person who is defined by his mode of transportation.
Oz: That would be walking, at the moment.
Xander: Yes, but I’m not defined by it. I am not a walker, I am merely a pedestrian.
Willow: What are you two talking about? You don’t have to have a plan. I don’t have a plan. I didn’t hear you mention my name.
Xander: I thought you were going to fight evil?
Willow: Well, yes, I am. But I was thinking of that as being a more extra-cirricula activity.
Oz: Sort of like… woodshop?
Xander: That’s my point. You have a cirricula for it to be extra to. You have college. You don’t have to decide for another four years. I don’t have that. And… and… when I was commando-boy, at Halloween, with the Judge and… and just now at Graduation. It’s the only time that I’ve felt, that I’ve felt that this is something that I could do. In my gut I know this is something that I could be good at.
Oz: This is why people shouldn’t allow other organs to make their decisions for them.
Willow: … Apart from their hearts… <smile at Oz>
Oz: What? Oh… yeah <smile back>
Xander: * Oh god *