PART SEVEN

    Three days had passed and Justin was like a zombie. The guys had tried countless things to try to get him to open up again. Justin did however start seeing Rae, and tried to talk about everything with her. It was just really hard for him to finally admit to someone, and to himself, that he had a problem. The fact that Annie had left him didn’t make any of what he was doing any easier either. He almost felt like he was fighting for nothing.
    “I don’t even know why I am trying so hard,” he told Rae.
    “Because you know that you need this help Justin.”
    “But I have no one to show my accomplishments to now,” he uttered in shame. “I was doing this for Annie, hoping that she would come back to me, but nothing. I haven’t even talked to her since that night she hung up on me.”
    “Justin you may think that you are only doing this for Annie, but you are doing it for you. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have ever come.”
    “But Rae you don’t understand how I am feeling.”
    “I never will know how you are feeling. The most I will know is how you tell me you feel. What it’s like for you.”
    “I just really miss her.”
    “And the guys miss you Justin.”
    “I just can’t function right without her.”
    “Try Justin. You have to try.”
    “Everyday I have to try. I have to make myself get out of bed Rae. This is ridiculous. I didn’t think it would actually be this hard. I’ve been with her for so long, she’s like air to me.”
    “You never thought it’d be taken from you.”
    “Never.”
    “But right now, she’s gone. You’re going to have to deal with it and turn to the guys too Justin. They aren’t whole without you.”
    “I know. I just need to speak to her.”
    “I wouldn’t recommend trying. When she’s ready, she’ll call you.”
    Justin sighed and fell onto the chair. “A person can’t breathe without oxygen,” he mumbled just loud enough that Rae could barely understand him.
    “And a person all too often takes the air they breathe for granted Justin.”
    “And they die when it is taken from them,” he tailed back in their discussion.
    “And they survive when someone comes to their aide. Justin, help yourself. You have so many oxygen tanks here willing to provide you with all the air you need.”
    “But none of them fill my lungs the way that Annie does.”
    Rae just sat there staring at the blank expression left on Justin’s face. She never knew that someone could care about someone else so much.

    The next morning, around ten, JC jumped out of his car and ran up the hill and knocked on Justin’s door. “Justin,” he yelled when no one answer the door. He rang the doorbell and still nothing. JC knew the keypad number to Justin’s house so he punched it in and then turned the door knob slowly. “Justin,” he yelled again.
    Still no answer.
    He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. “J, are you here?” he yelled as he walked into the living room and then into the kitchen. “J this isn’t funny. All your cars are here so you can’t hide from me. JC turned the other way and headed to the stair case. He stood at the bottom of it and yelled up the stairs waiting for Justin to scream back down at him.
    “Jesus,” JC swore as he went up the stairs two at a time. “Justin wake up,” he said as he got closer to the top of the stairs. As he got a little closer he could hear water running in Justin’s room. It almost made his heart jump because he was actually getting worried as to why Justin wouldn’t answer him. “J, you in the shower?” he asked as he walked into Justin’s room.
    Sill no answer.
    JC looked at Justin’s bed and the covers were everywhere. “Must have had a rough night,” he said to himself. “Justin,” he said again and stepped closer to the bathroom. The door was barely cracked open. JC turn sidewise and yelled Justin’s name through the cracks. “Justin, answer me man.” Worry hit JC again.
    Slowly JC pushed open the door and he heard the shower water even louder. “Justin, you in here?” JC asked. He stepped into the overly large bathroom and turned towards the shower. The shower had a door on it that was all fogged up because of the heat from the shower water. “Justin,” he said and took another step closer to the shower door. He could see the shape of Justin’s body through a small patch in the door.
    “Justin, this really isn’t funny,” JC said through his teeth. “I know you’re in there. You can’t jump out and try to scare me or anything. I’m not Chris. I won’t scream.” JC was really worried now.
    He took the last step to the door and opened it. There stood a cold and naked Justin. When JC opened the door Justin slowly turned his head to look at JC. His face was a deep shade of red and blue mixed. His hands were wrinkled like prunes and his teeth clattered. “Jesus Justin,” JC yelled and grabbed Justin’s arm. Justin just starred at him and didn’t move an inch. “Shit,” JC said and grabbed the towel from the shower side and wrapped it around Justin’s wet body. JC wrapped an arm around Justin and pulled him out of the shower and carried him to his bed.
    “Justin talk to me,” he said. Justin slowly blinked his eyes, yet continued to shiver. “Justin you are ice cold buddy,” he said and threw the comforter on top of him. “Justin talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
    Finally out of no where, “I can’t breathe,” Justin said in a soft moan.
    “You can’t breathe? Why? What’s wrong?”
    “No air,” he said quaintly.
    “Justin there is air. I’m breathing air. You have air all around you.” JC knew exactly what Justin was talking about.
    A tear fell from Justin’s eye. “Help me JC.”
    “Justin we are all here for you. Don’t lock up your emotions again. You know where that got you last time. Let it out Justin. Yell if you want to. I won’t care. I won’t tell if you break down buddy.”
    “I’m a mess and it’s all my fault.”
    “Justin, you’re getting help. You’re not a mess. You just had a few problems.”
    “I hit the only girl I’ve ever loved. I let my anger get the best of me, and make the worst of me. I threw Annie out of my life, scared her away. I don’t want to do that to anyone else.”
    “Justin, we aren’t going to leave you. The guys and I are here to help you get through this. Forget Annie, she’s gone now. We’re here though.”
    Still wrapped in blankets Justin’s body stopped shaking and his teeth no longer clattered. “I can’t forget her. I won’t forget her. I just need to know she’s okay. I need to know that I didn’t kill her insides like she did to me by leaving.”
    “You can’t make her out to be the bad one Justin.”
    “She’s not bad. I deserved it. I knew I needed help before that night. It wasn’t the first time I got angry like that. I just hadn’t ever done it in front of anyone.” Justin pulled his arm out from under the covers and whipped his eyes. It was the first time he had admitted that he had done something like this before. “I threw a bunch of glass at the wall, and broke that old chair in the kitchen. Annie walked out one day and said that she wouldn’t come back.”
    “Justin I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell us that you were so angry?”
    “I didn’t want it to effect us, as a group I mean.”
    “But you needed help and you knew it,” he said as he was on his knees at the end of Justin’s bed.
    “I know it more now, and I’m going to get the help I need. I need to realize that I can go on without Annie. She’s not my only life source.”
    “Get dressed Justin. We’re going out. You need fresh air. Real air. We’ll take out the boat and go fishing.”
    Justin tried to crack a smile. “Okay,” he said.
    JC stood and cracked his back and then walked out of Justin’s room leaving him to pull himself together, so they could go hang out, like old times.

    “So how are you doing?” Lance asked Justin as they walked out of Justin’s appointment. Lance had picked him up so they could go straight to the studio for their last meeting. The tour was coming up pretty fast and they had one more meeting before all the set list plans were set.
    “I’m doing great. Thanks Lance,” he smiled with the appreciation that Lance cared enough to ask.
    “That’s good. Hey what do you think of Larissa?”
    “She seems really sweet. I’m glad that JC met her. They are so perfect for one another.”
    “I know,” Lance smiled. They pulled out of the parking lot and the both read the sign as they left. “So what do you do in there?”
    Justin had been going to real anger management classes over the last month and a half that had went by. “We just talk really. They teach us to talk things out.”
    “Well that’s a good thing.”
    “Better than throwing things and yelling. Yes,” he chucked. After a moment of silence he asked, “Lance have you heard from Annie at all?”
    “No, not really. Have you?” he asked and took his eyes off of the road for a brief second to look at Justin.
    “No.”
    “And do you like... talk about her in your meetings?”
    “Yeah, sometimes. She was a part of my anger. I’ve had to learn that it’s okay for me to miss her, but I needed to know that I could go on without her. People leave your life sometimes, and sometimes it can’t always be helped.”
    “Very true.”
    “I miss her a lot though.”
    “So do I Justin. So do I.”

    Another week passed by and Justin found himself driving down a road that he hadn’t been down in a long time. He followed the curves of the road until it dead ended near a small bank overlooking a body of water. He sighed as he got out of his car and walked to the edge. He looked over at the crystal blue water splashing it’s waves into each other. He heard the sweet sound of a few birds singing, and noticed the complete stillness of the clouds.
    He was sitting at the very spot that he first told Annie that he loved her. He had just given her a birthday gift after they had a picnic while listening to the water hit the bottom of the cliff. The emotions that filled him that day were one’s that he could never put into words. But the emotions he felt when she left him were. Justin faced the water and started to hum. A beautiful tone escaped his tender lips and then he began to sing.

There’s a thousand words that I could say
To make you come home, yeah
Seems so long ago you walked away
And left me alone
And I remember what you said to me
You were acting so strange, mmhmm
And maybe I was too blind to see
That you needed a change

Was it something I said to make you turn away
To make you walk out and leave me cold
If I could just find a way
To make it so that you were right here, right now

    Justin folded his arms over his chest as a gentle breeze started to blow.

I’ve been sittin here, can’t get you off my mind
I try my best to be a man and be strong
I drove myself insane, wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains, you’re gone.
You’re gone, Baby you’re gone, girl you’re gone
Baby girl you’re gone, you’re gone, you’re....

    He took a hand and whipped a single tear that fell from his blue eye.

I don’t want to make excuses baby
Won’t change the fact that you’re gone, no no
But if there’s something that I could do
Won’t you please let me know
The time is passin’ so slowly now
Guess that’s my life without you
And maybe I could change my everyday
But baby I don’t want to

So I’ll just hang around and find some things to do
To take my mind off missin you
And I know in my heart
You can say that you don’t love me too, please say you do.

    Justin repositioned himself and looked into the sky and smiled when he saw a cloud in the shape of what looked like a teddy bear. He and Annie always used to try to make animals out of the clouds.
I’ve been sittin here, can’t get you off my mind
I try my best to be a man and be strong
I drive myself insane, wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains, you’re gone
You’re gone, you’re gone, you’re gone
You’re gone, you’re gone.....

    He stared at the water.

What will I do
If I can’t be with you
Tell me where will I turn to
Baby who will I be
Now that we are apart
Am I still in your heart
Baby why don’t you see
That I need you here with me

Ohhhhhhh ohhhhhh
I’ve been sittin here, can’t get you off my mind
I try my best to be a man and be strong
I drive myself insane, wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains, you’re gone
I’ve been sittin here, can’t get you off my mind
I try my best to be a man and be strong
I drive myself insane, wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains, you’re gone
You’re gone, you’re gone, you’re gone
Baby girl you’re gone, you’re gone
But the truth remains you’re.....

    Justin rubbed the tears from his eyes and tried to clear his thoughts again. He turned around and was about to stand when he was shocked to see a figure standing before him. A beautiful woman with the sweetest eyes and the most precious lips; The softest hair and silkiest skin; Annie.
    Annie stood before Justin with tears filling her soft brown eyes. Justin didn’t know what to say to her, or why she was there. He just looked at her and watched the tears fall from her eyes. Watched her tears fall as his had been doing since she left him. Justin didn’t stand, nor did he move at all. Annie slowly took a few steps closer to him.
    “I hoped I’d find you here,” she said softly.
    Justin just looked at her.
    “Justin?”
    Still nothing.
    “Please talk to me.”
    “You didn’t want to hear what I had to say last time we talked,” he finally said.
    “Justin you have to understand what I was going through.”
    “Like you tried to understand what I was going through right?” he snapped back very calmly.
    Annie then didn’t know what to say.
    “I’ve been in counseling for almost the last two months.”
    “You have?”
    “Yeah, I have.”
    Another tear fell from Annie’s flashy eyes and Justin made no attempt to feel sorry for her.
    “I know that what I did to you was wrong and that I probably didn’t deserve to be forgiven, but at that time you did. I built myself back up because you forgave me right then. I finally figured out that I needed real help and you weren’t here for me after all. You forgive me and then leave me. You toyed with my emotions and left me high and dry when I needed the most help. I didn’t let anyone into me for awhile and now you’re here again. What do you want from me?”
    Annie’s tear became more constant. “Justin,” she started. “This is my cry for help. I need you. I love you. I have been so, so... I don’t want to be without you Justin. I couldn’t breathe without you near me.”
    A big tear then fell from Justin’s very own eye. “When I cried for help, you ran.”
    “Please don’t run from me.”
    Justin saw the pain and fear in her eyes. It was the exact same look at he had in his eyes the entire time he was without her. He knew how she felt. Justin wanted her more than anything, but he was afraid. He had just learned how to live without her.
    He studied her face once more and then decided that he’d rather learn to live with her. Justin wanted to breathe fresh air again. He slowly stood and walked towards her and whipped a tear from her face with the pad of his thumb. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered and then gently pressed his soft lips against hers. He ran his hands through her hair and breathed in the sweet air that filled his lungs like none other. At that very moment, they both answered each others cry for help.

The End