He pinched his arm, letting out a sorrowful sigh when he felt the shot of pain. This couldn't be real. Somehow, he had to be dreaming. He opened his eyes only to stare up at the bright, overly joyful sun. It wasn't a dream. it was real. Everything up until this point in his life had been perfect. There had never been any tears of regret. He had always been warm, but for some reason he was cold. His blood was frozen, and he shivered violently.
It was becoming harder to breathe and his heart was no longer beating regularly. All he felt was cold. All he saw was blue, and all he heard was the shrill sound of the telephone. He was lost somewhere in the vast universe. His entire life was gone.
"Oh God, oh God, oh God…" Joey mumbled. He pulled himself together, holding his legs and resting his chin on his knees like a tiny five-year-old. His stomach violently flipped, and the bile shot up onto his taste buds. He swallowed and shivered violently. This was not possible. He had felt the pinch and he tasted the bile, but he was not yet convinced. He was determined that his life was not supposed to turn out like this and he was going to change it.
Slowly, in a childlike manner, Joey stretched out his legs and stood. The weak limbs shook underneath his weight, and every step he took was a struggle. He blinked his eyes while the land around him became blurry and stopped several times, leaning on the trees for support, to stop the world from spinning out of control. Never before had anything effected him so much. He had never expected this to hurt so much, but it did hurt.
A single tear began to fall but froze on the bridge of his nose like an icicle freezes during the winter months. His hand shook as he brought it to his face and wiped the tear away. He was not going to show any weakness. He was going to handle this like the man his parents had raised him to be. He was going to be strong even if it killed him.
As the light turned green, he placed a foot on the road. One-step closer, then two. As he walked, he could feel himself slipping away. He could feel everything kicking in. Three more steps to go. All he had to do was reach the other side and then he could let go. As long as he made it across he could go home... all he had to do was make it across.
One more step. As his toe hit the sidewalk, everything went black.
His eyes fluttered open. White surrounded him with lights shining down on him. He was home, finally home, away from all the terrible thoughts, feelings and words. He was home where he belonged.
He blinked. Something wasn't right.
Joey sat up and turned, his legs hanging over the side of the bed, and he saw her. He grew enraged. She was not supposed to be there. It was all her fault, but she was there, looking at him, longing for him. It almost broke his heart to see how upset she was, but he no longer had a heart. She had stolen it away.
There were so many broken promises. She had left so many words unsaid. She had hurt him, killed him emotionally, and he had finished the job for her. But now, she was crying. Crying for him? No, that was impossible. She would never cry for him. She had never loved him, but he had loved her. He had given everything he had to her, and she had killed him, watched him die, and never tried to help him. She always had an excuse, a reason to push him away.
Infuriated, he stood from the bed. His legs were strong and he walked over to her. He wanted to slap. He wanted to hit her and force her to feel the pain. He wanted to kill her just as she had killed him, but she didn't see him. She looked through him and at the bed while tears silently fell down her cheeks. He rolled his hands into fists and hit them against his sides. His eyes narrowed down at her, and he stared, his face obviously covered with hate. "Look at me," he whispered angrily. "Damnit, look at me!" He said with his voice rising, but she didn't look at him.
She only stared at the bed.
"God damnit, you bitch, look at me not the fucking bed!" He pulled his hand up and threw a punch at her, but it went through her; and she shivered. He tried again and again to hit her, but everything went through her. And all she did was shiver from cold. Shiver and cry. Shiver and cry.
Slowly, Joey turned and looked at the bed. His eyes widened as he stared at himself lying alone and lifeless. Tubes ran into his nose and an IV was attached to his hand. His face was pale and bruised over. A pink blanket covered his body. His eyes looked all around, hoping for a way out of this. This was not what he wanted. He didn't want limbo. He only wanted death. The pain was too much to handle, and he wanted out.
He sucked in a deep breath as she walked through him shaking. As she approached the bed, he tried to scream, but no sound came out. He wanted her out. He wanted her to leave. She didn't deserve to see him still alive because he wasn't alive. She deserved to see him dead. He wanted her to see him dead. He wanted her to know that there were consequences to hurting someone. He wanted to hurt her and make her see what pain does.
"Joey, I am so sorry."
No you aren't! Don't say that! I'm NOT listening, he screamed internally as his fists began to beat at her back.
"I never meant to hurt you."
Shut up! Just shut up! Go away! I want you away from me, Christine! You killed me, god damnit! Aren't you happy? You should be! You got what you wanted now leave! He stopped beating his fists on her back and let a loud sob erupt from his broken and dying body.
She shivered and placed a hand on his forehead. "I just...God, I am so sorry, Joey. Please, don't... don't die." She turned away from him and looked out the window. "The sun is shining. You can't die when the sun is shining." She walked to the window, shivering. "It's so cold in here. Joey, I need your loving arms to wrap around me and keep me warm."
He walked towards her and placed his hands around her neck. He began choking her and shaking violently. "And I need to die, Christine. Just let me die. Look at me and say you hate me. Let me fucking die!" He screamed at her. His voice was high-pitched and breathless. His chest was rising and falling rapidly. It was becoming nearly impossible to breathe. He could feel himself slipping away. He could feel his body turning colder.
"I love you, Joey." She turned from the window and walked out the door. The heart monitor went flat, the door slammed shut, and he fell to his knees.
The pain was finally over.