Then, he came into my life.
The moment I looked into his sea green eyes, I knew that he met all of my standards. He was genuine, honest, and unafraid of fighting for the things he wanted in life. He had class and respected me. Never once in my long list of men had I met someone like him. He kept me guessing, and somehow, he was always one step ahead. Looking back on it now, I still don’t know why he felt that it was important I let my guard down. After all, I was simply a choreographer, and he was simply another client just like his other four friends were.
I wouldn’t admit it then, but now, I will shout it from the mountaintops. I was completely wrong about him, about all of them. Instead of being on ego trips, they were down to earth, and for the first time in my life, real people who weren’t out to hurt me or steal my innocence away surrounded me. Of course, I didn’t see that right away.
When I first met them, I was reserved. I kept my distance, taught them dance moves, and ate lunch alone and left as soon as rehearsal was over. One day, I came in early to prepare myself, and to my surprise, he was waiting for me, leaning against the mirror with a smug smile on his face. He was watching me and silently laughing at me. I was furious. Here he was a male and he was laughing at me. Completely disgusted with him, a fire was lit inside of me, and beginning the next day, I came out of my shell. I wore loose dance pants that hung off my hips and a sports bra to rehearsal everyday. I hung around and talked to them, flirted with them.
Expecting them to be like the rest of the men in my life, I figured I would be able to pick up and leave, but I was wrong. Again, I openly admit that I was wrong. It still makes me angry to know how right he was, but I am moving on from that anger. No longer do I allow it to plague me day in and day out. Sometimes I want to, when I am angry with him, because I know the words revolving around the early situation hurt him, but I don’t use it. Instead, I cry in front of him. I openly cry.
In a few words, he changed my life.
It all began, well ended I guess, the night he cornered me. Justin, JC, Joey and Chris had left already, and I was gathering my things. Lance had been down the hall showering, and when he walked back into the room smelling of Ivory soap with nothing but a pair of blue jeans on, I fell for him. The confidence he exuberated knocked me to the floor, persay. In reality, I dropped everything I had been holding onto the wooden floor, and he smiled.
He pressed me up against the mirror, his hands resting at the side of my head so I wouldn’t be able to run away. Not that I would have run away if his hands hadn’t of been there. After all, I had fallen, and as I stood, pressed against the mirror, trembling, he kissed me with an amount of passion I never thought existed, especially in a man.
Eventually, his hands slid down the mirror and onto my hips. He pressed himself against me so that every spot of our bodies were touching. His tongue found it’s way into my mouth, and I succumbed to the need I had for being held close. That night, we stayed in the dance studio for hours, talking, kissing, laughing and crying. For one night in my life, I was completely at peace with myself. Someone whom loved me was beside me, and I lost myself in his sea green eyes. I forgot who I had been and welcomed the new person he brought out in me.
It took me a long time to warm up to him after that night because I was scared of him, of myself, and of the new feelings I had for him, but Lance was supportive. He gave me space and let me figure things out on my own, for the most part. I could tell that he wanted to move into a relationship right away, it was all too evident, but I wasn’t prepared to love him just yet. I needed more time, and I got it. I got months of time. Those months were full of sleepless nights and afternoons spent sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. My best friend teased me about it incessantly because I was acting like a teenager in love even though I was twenty.
After arguing with myself, I was ready to open up to him, so one night I went over to his house as a surprise. I got a surprise, but he didn’t.
When I rang the doorbell, a strange girl opened the door, her hair messed up and her blouse partially unbuttoned. She invited me in, smiled, and called me by name saying Lance talked about me an awful lot. I was confused, to say the least. Here I was entering the house while a strange girl was telling me I was hard to live up to. Naturally, I felt the need to ask her who she was, but before I had the chance to wonder, Lance was standing in front of me.
He took my hands, smiled at the girl and led me outside. Underneath the stars, we talked, and I was open with my feelings, telling him about my sleepless nights. He stood, looking at the moon and stars with his hands in his pockets, while I talked to him about how I felt. Never once did he say anything to me until I was done. Once I had spilled my heart out to him, he turned and looked at me, a sad smile on his face.
“I waited so long to hear you say everything you just did. I was willing to wait, but I couldn’t wait forever.” He took my hands in his and led me around the pool. We sat, side by side, on a lawn chair and looked into the clear water. “I had to move on. Now, I wish I hadn’t because I wanted you, I still want you, but there is someone else in my life.” He smiled, and the smile was genuine, the kind of smile he had given me on our first night together.
Then, Lance turned to look at me and rattled off all the details. How he had met her, when he had fallen in love, and he finished the story by telling me that she had moved to Florida just for him. She had left everything she knew behind for him and because of the love she held for him. While it hurt to know that he loved her and not me, I was happy for him because he deserved the sort of love she would provide him with. He deserved so much better than I would ever give me.
He was given my blessing, and before I left, I kissed him one last time hoping there would be love in his kiss. There was no love, only friendship. When I left, I was crying, but I knew it was my own fault for losing him. I think that was what hurt me the most. I could have been with an amazing man, but I was too afraid to look past all the hurt in my life. It took me too much time to realize he wasn’t just another guy.
And I wish I could say he dumped his mystery girlfriend for me, but he didn’t. He stayed by her through everything until she passed on after a long battle with cancer. We’re still not together, and we never will be. Lance and I are nothing more than the best of friends. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for everything he has done and does for me. Years ago, he taught me how to love, he opened my heart and tore down the indestructible wall I thought I had built. Through him, I learned that it was okay to love someone with every portion of your soul. He showed me that not everyone is out to hurt other people. My faith in life was restored because of him.
I owe him everything.
Now, things are different. Lance is a widower and a father. I am a wife to a wonderful man. I may never love my husband as much as I loved Lance, but he is my husband, my soul mate; and he understands my love for Lance because he experienced it with me. He was there to see the change Lance brought out in me. Maybe that’s why I can love him because if he did not understand the love I have for Lance, our marriage would never last.
I smile and I roll over to look at my husband. He is so beautiful when he sleeps. His eyelashes fall onto his soft skin with so much delicacy, and the chiseled features become illuminated by the moonlight. I always watch him sleep, and I fall in love with him all over again. When the smile begins to show on his face, I know he is awake, and I stroke his cheek until he opens his eyes.
“Watching me sleep again?” I shake my head. “Then what are you doing?”
I shrug and snuggle close to him, inhaling his scent. As his arms encircle me, I feel my body relax against him. “I was just thinking about when I learned to dance from Lance.” I giggle. “That rhymed.”
He giggles with me and kisses the top of my head. “Remind me to thank Lance for teaching you how to,” He mumbles before falling back asleep.
I nod and trace my fingers over his beautiful lips. “Always, JC. Always and forever.” I kiss his lips softly and close my eyes, murmuring I love you before falling asleep in the arms of my soul mate, the one who polished my dance steps and brought music into my life.