dogsbody

<<<Dogsbody>>>

Dogsbody is a non-periodical that is put out by the boys in Tripod. You can read other Dogsbody's on their site (www.3pod.com) and you can also give your address and get it delivered straight to your door!

Welcome to my nightmare! Only joking. We would never do that. Although Scod did have a nice dream last night (see the section entitled 'Brooke Satchwell and Me" also in this issue) Anyway, I digress. Welcome aboard for issue 27 of the world famous Tripod non-periodical called…DOGSBODY

Other Miscellaneous Announcements:
Big News! Tripod's second CD is finally out!Yes it's the long awaited Tripod-Open Slather!!! Recorded live during the 2000 Melbourne Comedy Festival, this is a bloody good listen and a top effort from all involved! Get one now! If you don't I may have to overuse my exclaimation marks!!!
TRIPOD:OPEN SLATHER-AVAILABLE NOW ON 3POD.COM AND AT GASLIGHT MUSIC, BOURKE ST MELBOURNE.

Another announcement-Last one for this issue I promise- look out for Tripod's first foray into big rock recording- A Christmas single. We've recorded it, it exists, we love it-we borrowed Meatloaf's Backing Band and by God it rocks. Out soon. Novelty song/Dirty Ditty Stardom here we come.

And here's the Good News…
Here's a tidbit (you know it's spelt that way. Titbit would be rude) of information: We're going on a bible show! It's called Good News Week, and we're happy to be invited on it since our regular gig on King James Week fell through when we made an innappropriate remark about Jesus having opposable thumbs…Anyhow, I can't tell you when your bit goes to air, cause I don't know. Soon. Hey, lay off, I don't know. Well if I knew it wouldn't be a tidbit would it?

Movie Discontent: Yon laments Current state of movies
How hard is it to make a good movie these days? I mean what have you got, sound, cinematography, design, direction, acting and scripts. Can't you just get the best person in each field and there you have it! An ace movie! For example, you could get William Shakespeare to write it, I dunno, Sir John Guilgud to act, John Williams could do the music, Alfred Hitchcock could direct, and who's a good designer?- Baz Luhrman's mate, you know the credit card dress chick, could design it, and that guy who shot (That's movie talk to cinematographer) Man from Snowy River! Obviously because Shakespeare's dead you would have to use one of the things he's already written. You could even splice Macbeth with Shakespeare in Love (my favourite!) Also, I think John Guilgud's deadtoo, so you would have to lift all of his scenes from his already existing movies. You'd need to make him a butler character so you could splice in (there's splice again, it must be the key word here) a lot of his scenes from Arthur. Again you would have to use Alfred Hitchcock's work- or maybe you could get the cinematoagrapher guyto just copy shots from Psycho and the Birds so that the direction was just right. Maybe that's what young producers need to do now: splice stuff. Yes I think that's it. Kind of like how Moby cuts lots of music together to make his songs- he splices the music. In fact, maybe he should do the music to the film and not John Williams.

Ways in which 'Dogsbody' is not like the Age
1. It does not come out everyday
2. It does not come out everyday
3. Red Symons does not write for Dogsbody
4. You cannot find out about current affairs in Dogsbody
5. You can not find out about Tripod in The Age. Except in "My favourite weeked dog meal'-type 'living' section which I'm sure they'll ask us to do when we get famous enough
6. This is free
7. Even thoughwe sort of sound like we're kidding around, this does not come every day/week/month or any otherstandard time. So stop asking.

Guide to being in Tripod
1. Sing songs
2. Call each other a fuckknuckle

Riffin' Poetry Jam by Dr Yonny

How can I compete?
How can I compete with Jamie Oliver
His cooking is really good
How can I compete with Brad Pitt?
He's really good in Fight Club
How can I compete with Ian Thorpe, the Thorpedo?
He's a really good swimmer
How can I compete with a cheetar?
It's a really fast runner
How can I complete…Oh sorry I mean compete
Oh no, hang on, I do mean complete.

Gatesy craps on
I was stumbling through the make up floor of DIAMARU ( which incidentally is Japanese for 'like MYER but fancy-sounding), when I noticed a jar of coffee beans sitting on one of the counters. Apparantly, the scent of coffee neutralises your sense of smell. So it's nice to know that as you are bombarded by dizzying, acidic fumes and other lung burning horrors, our humble coffee bean friend saves the day. Fact: I hate perfume and aftershave for that matter. I hate shaving too. And getting out of bed. A also hate shin-high coffee tables with those sharp corners. They suck. Oh coffee- I love coffee. Scod and Yon are great coffeemakers. I don't knowif they are good love makers coz they always seem to be too tired at the end of the day. I reckon they should make coffee smelling perfume! Maybe even getthose odd women behind the makeup counter to serve coffee wheile you are sampling the latest Mocha or Expresso fragrances. Shit, why don't they just ditch the whole cosmetics thing. They could just place a jarof melting moments on the counter, over play some Massive Attack CD over the PA and serve you with the bitterness and contempt we expect at any of our fine Melbourne inner city café's. Anything to get those weird-freaky-make-up-smiles off their faces anyhow. Yeah. Oh, gotta go, the boys just got home. Wish me luck.

More bits coming soon…(when I type them up)