Lonely Love: Chapter 8

~~~

"I use to be in love with him."
Setsuna stared at him.
"And I still might be."
She began to retell the story of years ago and what had 
drawn 
her away from her home.

~~~

Stuck between a romance that is ongoing...and 
never-ending.
And a passion that might not lead to anywhere...a dead 
end.
My heart aches. I'm stuck between two lovers.
One really isn't a lover.But I'd like him to be. Would 
he 
love me back, if he knew, that I loved him so passionately?
I cannot help but wonder, is this the right path that I 
am 
taking? Should I continue this road I am taking, the road that will 
always 
be paved in gold, always sunny and beautiful?
Or should I risk that chance of losing everything to 
follow 
my heart? To possibly be rejected, turned down - shunned for life? 
But if I knew right now, that the chance of us being 
together 
is a slim as one out a hundred, I would push away all reason
And go forth - To you.
Love makes the person so blind. I am beyond that point. 
Everyone 
says I'm very smart.but under the hands of love - I am far from it.
I am but a fool - That's why I'm in love with you.

~~~

The urgency of telling that information to Michirure was 
a strong one, and she knew that she had to say it - for ever since she 
had 
returned to Japan, that was the only thing that stayed upon her mind 
after 
the first run in with Tokiya. She could no longer be a frozen statue - 
she 
had to say what she had felt before her courage had then to be lost as 
she 
would retreat back into the whole of hers.
Was she still in love with him?
She had loved him so intensely in the past - Too much, 
actually.
She had given love for two people, when he could not 
even 
manage to return the love of half a person. 
It hurt.
She had loved him to the point when she was blind to 
everything 
- and everyone - around her.
Ignoring all rational thought.
But.wasn't that what a person in love was?
A fool.an idiot.But at least it would blind you - .and 
happiness 
would seep through.
If, of course, the love wasn't one-sided.
If it was, you'll see how a touch can burn.
How the sweetest voice brings words that sting.
When you hear the voice of the one you love, giving 
words 
of their love to another.While you were standing there the whole time.
A hole in your heart.
Happiness draining from every fiber of your body.But 
then.just 
a smile from his face would make everything okay, again.
Make all the hurt go away. And then the cycle would 
repeat 
itself again.
It stung.it stung so much.
She didn't like the feeling but, then again, she guessed 
that no one did. It was the feelings that an older brother protected 
their 
younger sister - she didn't have an older brother.
Only the man who she loved as a brother, as a lover, as 
a 
soul mate, as a friend.
He was but so many things to her, but she was only one. 
His 
imouto.
And now, filled with angst, she cannot but wonder - did 
she 
still love him? Did she still want to fall into this death trap once 
more?
She really didn't want to know the answer to the 
question.
But she already knew. 
So what if she did? What would the answer truly do?
The last time she had confessed her feelings to him, she 
had been drunk. Yet that was when she was able to speak so much truth, 
when 
she finally found the courage to tell him - but he was un-accepting. 
Closed-
minded. Hard-headed. Un-seeing. And any other word you'd like to use 
for 
stubborn.
He was practically blind. In fact, he had been.
But still - even if she did love Tokiya, she would never 
be like him. She'd never bring the pain that Tokiya had brought her to 
Maruko. 
He was her savior, the one that helped melt the ice around her heart. 
The 
one that had taught her that it's never too late to love again.
Even if he isn't Tokiya.
Tokiya destroyed her. 
He tore her to shreds and then returned back and did it 
again.
Although, as much as she would like to hate him for 
causing 
her to be the way she is right now - she could not.
She would not.
Why hate him for something he can't do? Why hate him for 
being unable to love her?
It wasn't his fault that she was unable to meet his 
standards 
- that he was held back with her. He was but the CEO of a booming 
business 
- and before he was nothing but a researcher. 
But still.
His indifference acknowledgement has caused the whole in 
her heart to swell with bitterness and ice. 
And now, years later, it still hurt.
The pain of the thorns on the bittersweet roses of 
memories 
still cut in her deeply.
The thorns seemed to attach themselves, not ever wanting 
to leave.
Lost forever.But it wasn't surprising.Rejection hurt. 
She 
knew first hand. She knew all so well.
"Oh Fuu-chan." the compassionate woman in front of her 
breathed,
as Fuuko smiled woefully, "I never knew.you always seemed so content 
with 
Maruko, I never knew all the pain that you 
had been in before!!" 

Fuuko sighed, "The past is but that past.but still.I 
cannot 
help but wonder sometimes - would he have had a changed of heart and 
began 
to love me if I had stayed?" If she had not ran away like she had, 
would 
Tokiya had accepted her? Would he have broken 
up with Naoko to be with her? But most importantly.
Fuuko smiled at her friend, "I am content with Maruko. 
He 
helped me heal.he helped me understand that I can move on with my 
life.that 
Tokiya isn't the only person who can love me.
"But sometimes.I cannot help but wonder.would he have 
had 
a change of heart and begin to love me if I stayed? If I have not left, 
would our relationship had turned out the way that I wish it would be? 
Would 
he have accepted me as a lover instead of a sister? And."
She sighed, she couldn't help wonder 'the what ifs' and 
the 
'if I's'. would he had loved her in the years that went by if she had 
stayed?
Her heart pulsed.
She knew that if Tokiya did feel the same way about her, 
she would break up with Maruko in an instant. But.then again.there was 
always 
her conscious. What type of person would she be- if she just broke up 
with 
her lover, just to be with another?
A horrible person.
Maruko was such an innocent in this game.He didn't even 
know 
that.that. 
Fuuko shook her head.
"But. it would never be. I have Maruko.I'll always have 
Maruko. 
I can always depend on him.he loves me, and I love him. It is as simple 
as that. It is a simple relationship that can keep me happy for another 
lifetime." Her voice was devoid of emotion - just as her eyes were.
Michirure looked at her, her face hard.
Her friend was giving up the beliefs that she had.
She remembered her solemnly giving her advice about a 
relationship 
that she had with someone but a year ago.
She said that no matter what happens in a relationship, 
what 
makes it strong is the problems that it faces and how it is able to 
deal 
with it.
And how love isn't just about making you happy, it's 
about 
making you feel as if you can forever look back and know for sure that 
this 
was the correct road to take.
"But is that enough?"
"Nani?"
"Is this enough? Is this love enough? Or is this love 
just 
trying to replace the void you left for Tokiya's love? Are you sure you 
love Maruko? Or do you really love Maruko or are you just loving him 
because 
of the fact that he's loving you - something that Tokiya didn't do. Is 
he 
just a support, and nothing more?"
"So he loves you, Fuu-chan.And maybe you do love him 
like 
you think you do.
"But, don't you think you should take another chance.To 
see 
if Tokiya really does love you? You never know, Fuuko.I think that you 
should 
go for it. Maruko would understand. If Maruko loved you the way that 
happiness 
is all he seeks for you, he'll 
understand.
"Because God knows you deserve happiness. I don't want 
you 
to look back ten years from now and think, 'what if.', did you know 
that 
those words can drive you crazy? Look at you, two years only and you 
cannot 
stop yourself from thinking such things.
"You owe it to yourself to give Tokiya another try." 

She stared awestruck at her friend.
'Or are you just loving him because of the fact that 
he's 
loving you'
'Something that Mamoru did not do'
'Two years only and you cannot stop yourself from 
thinking 
such things'
'Or are you just loving him because of the fact that 
he's 
loving you'
'Something that Tokiya did not do'
'Something that Tokiya did not do'
'Something that Tokiya did not do'
Michirure was right.
Tokiya did not do that.
Tokiya did not love her.
Instead he had painfully wounded her.
'But, don't you think you should take another chance.'
She should take another chance- it would be worth it.
But Tokiya hadn't loved her. Why would he now? She was 
probably 
a coward to him, anyway, leaving two years ago to escape him. To escape 
the imprisonment that she knew she would be in because of his dreadful 
words. 

'A little too fabled.'
'You were playing right?'
You were playing right? What type of words were those to 
a person that just confessed their never-ending love? She remembered 
his 
words like it was yesterday. 
To take another chance was like to have those words 
repeated.
To have her heart broken once more.
She shook her head in confusion as she whimpered out, "I 
don't know - I just don't know." 
"Fuu-chan, just stop thinking for once. Listen to what 
your 
heart has to say."
Her heart.
Yeah, the heart had told her that Tokiya would love her 
in 
due of time so long ago.
A mirage.
An un-doubtfully stupid thing to believe.
Fuuko shook her head furiously at that comment. "Iie.I'm 
afraid.I can't.I won't.the last time I did so it brought me to a dead 
end. 
Why would time cause something to change?"
"Tell me Fuuko, have you changed during the past two 
years?" 
Michirure asked wisely, as Usagi nodded. "Then tell me, what makes you 
think 
Tokiya has not? You say you lived with him for 14 years of your life - 
what 
makes you think that your disappearance meant nothing?"
"I. Don't. Know."

~~~

Maruko sat at his desk, his handsome face brooding. He 
was 
thinking about Fuuko.and Tokiya.
He knew.
He knew that there was more than to this 'friend-friend' 
relationship. 
They lived together for nearly fifteen years, after all.
It would only be natural for Usagi to have fallen in 
love 
with him.
But.had she fallen out of love?
He was not stupid. He knew that Fuuko was hiding 
something 
from him. He had known her long enough to figure it out how she 
presented 
herself. And even though she had described her and Fuuko's relationship 
from before.
She was leaving out details. He could tell. Some parts 
just 
didn't fit into the story. She said their relationship was a very 
strong 
one, growing up together in the environment that they did. 
Then why did she not keep in touch with him? He knew 
whom 
she had kept in touch with because of her giddy self would become when 
a 
letter arrived. There was a Recca-san, Domon-san, and a Yanagi-san? 
And 
other than that, she would always be chatting to Saicho-san, who had 
actually 
been the one to introduce them together.
But other than that.
He sighed, he couldn't help but to wonder.Exactly why 
had 
she left France?
And when he had first met her.she was cold - unloving. 
He 
had melted the icy glaciers that surrounded her heart.
However, something- or, rather, someone - had to have 
had 
put those walls around her. She had to have been hurt before, in the 
love 
area, in order for those walls to have been put up.
Who had hurt her?
He was willing to bet good money that it had been 
Tokiya. 
The way her eyes filled with this bittersweet sorrow whenever she 
talked 
about him. Or when she would think of the days in Japan.
But Tokiya was a decent man. Maruko had to admit. Tokiya 
was full of ideas, self-confidence, and charm. 
It didn't take a blind person to see that.
However, Tokiya, too, had walls around his heart. Just 
like 
Fuuko had. He rejected numerous offers for date, and never went out 
with 
anyone, or so he had heard from the gossip roaming around.
So maybe, Tokiya felt the same way? Was he in love with 
Fuuko?
He shook his head, and then buried it into his arms. He 
loved 
Fuuko, truly he did. With his heart and soul. He knew that she was 
something 
special - what man wouldn't?
Apparently, Maruko.

~~~

In his office, Tokiya was thinking. Very hard. He was 
debating 
with his head and heart whether or not to tell Fuuko that he loved her.
'She used to love you.what makes you think she still 
wouldn't 
now?'
'But she has Maruko, now. A new love...She would reject 
you.'
'She loved you since she was a young teenager.how could 
her 
love just stop?'
'It can. It will.'
He buried his head into his arms.and made his decision.
He was going to tell her that he loved her.And no matter 
what her decision, he would be happy, just knowing that she finally 
knew.
Finally.

~~~
Author's notes:

Okay, so I know should've made Maruko into Raiha's name but then, I 
really 
didn't want Raiha to get hurt or something like that. I like him too 
and 
I think their perfect together (Fuuko and him I mean) So, I don't want 
Raiha 
to be heart broken and suddenly be framed with a frown!

HORRIBLE!! 'Boom!' 'Ratatatatatat'

Uh-oh, I've caused another war between my neighbors and myself! Isn't 
that 
fair? Numerous against one? Horrible! Really horrible.

I think I can do better than that and since I couldn't think of any one 
else, I made two, yes two! Original characters (::CRICKETS / SILENCE::)

Michirure and Maruko, are mine! So, I'll haunt you down if you get 
them!!! 
Yeah!! Oops! Sorry, did I scare you? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Never mind, 
anyway,
I still have a hard time to get the last part, so I think I'm gonna 
have 
a tough time doing so! BE PATIENT!!!!!!!!!

Flame me, commented me, complimented me here: chi_chan1012@hushmail.com 

<Chi-chan>