First Baptist Church of Vineland, NJ

Welcoming, Witnessing & Winning for the Kingdom of God

LOU

I have a short story to read this morning.  The author is unknown.  I find it to be a very compelling story and a very convicting story.  I have read it many times and each time I read it, I break down. 

"In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.  There were no outstanding features, but one wall was covered with small index card files.  The files stretched from floor to ceiling endlessly in each direction.  All had different headings.  The first file to catch my attention was one that read 'People I have liked.'  I opened the file and flipped through the cards.  I quickly closed the tray, shocked to realize I recognized the names on each card! 

Without being told I knew exactly where I was.  This lifeless room with its many files was a full catalog of my life.  Here in the cards were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, good and bad, in such detail my memory couldn't match.  A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began to explore their contents.  Some brought joy and sweet memories.  Others, a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. 

One file was marked 'Friends' alongside of one that was marked 'Friends I Have Betrayed.'  The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird.  For example, 'Books I Have Read,' 'Comfort I Have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed At,' 'Lies I Have Told.'  Some were almost hilarious in their exactness.  Such as 'Things I Have Yelled At My Brother.'  Others I couldn't laugh at, such as 'Things I Have Done In Anger,' 'Things I Have Uttered Under My Breath To My Parents,' 'Things I Have Coveted.' 

There were many more cards than I expected. Could it be possible I had written all of these cards in my short life?  There were thousands of cards too numerous to count.  But yet, each card confirmed the truth of my action.  Each was written in my own handwriting and signed by me.  

Then I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts.'  Chills ran through my body.  I opened the drawer and pulled out a card.  I shut it and it's detailed contents.  I felt sick and ashamed to think such a moment had been recorded.  A fierce, almost animal rage broke on me.  One thought raced through my mind 'Destroy the files.  Burn the cards.  No one must ever see this room.'  In a frenzy, I yanked the file out.  I had to burn the cards.  I pulled out the cards, they were strong as steel.  I couldn't tear them away, they wouldn't burn. 

Defeated and hopeless I leaned against a wall and sighed a self-pitying sigh and then I saw it.   This file bore the title 'People I Have Shared The Gospel With.'  The door handle was brighter than the others, almost unused.  Almost like new.  The box was very small.  I could count the cards in one hand.  Then the tears began to come.  I began to weep and sob.  Sob so deep, the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me.  I fell on my knees and cried.  I cried out of shame from the overwhelming shame of my life.  No one, no one must ever see these cards.  No one must ever see this room!  I must lock the door of this room and hide the key!  

But then I brushed away the tears to lock the door.  I saw Him.  No, no, please not Him.  Not here, anywhere but here!  Anyone but Jesus!  Oh my shame!  I couldn't bear to watch His response.  Slowly and with shame I looked at His face.  I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.  He seemed to intuitively go to the worst files.  Why did He have to read every one?  Finally, He turned and looked at me with pity in His eyes.  A pity that didn't anger.  I dropped my head in shame and sorrow.  I covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.  He walked over and put His arm around me.  He could have said so many things, but He didn't say a word.  He just cried with me. 

Then He got up and walked back to the beginning of the files.  Starting at one end, He took out the cards and one by one began to sign His name over mine on each card.  'No, No!' I shouted, rushing to Him.  I pulled the card from Him.  His name shouldn't be on these cards.  But there it was.  Written in red.  So rich, so dark, so alive.   The name of Jesus covered by name with his blood.  He gently took back the card, smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards.  I will never understand how He did it so quickly. I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.  He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.'  I stood up.  He led me out of the room.   There was no lock on the door.  There were cards still to be written. 

How about you?  Are you ashamed of your cards of life?  Are your sins covered by the blood of Jesus?  If they are not, He is waiting.

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