Stars and Shadows
By Vanilla Tiger
A/N: Doyle suggested the pairing. I'm easily influenced. AU after Tabula
Rasa
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There's a girl and there's a boy. Shy, blond, geeky in their own way, there's a lot they have in common. The biggest thing is that when they fall in love they both become utterly devoted to the object of their affection. Perhaps that's why it's a good thing that they're in love with each other.
It wasn't always that way of course. There'd been another that she had loved, dazzling with power and light that was almost divine. The blonde thought she'd love her until the stars fell in. Then they had, but only the ones in her eyes. Her love was a goddess, that much was true, but the fact is that goddesses are terrible as well as beautiful. This one didn't even realise she was both, which made it all so much worse.
The goddess changed the world as she walked. She poured her light into everything, making the world the way it should be. The girl had loved her for that. She had grown up in the darkness where she hid herself and dreamt of the sun. Then her goddess tried to change her. The light, it burned and she knew she could no longer stay.
So the girl left her goddess and tried to make a life for herself. It was sad, hard and lonely but she'd done it before. She could do it again, and soon the crying would become less frequent. She could and would get through this.
He had loved before as well, a boy who was strong and dark and intense. The first boy was drawn towards him remorselessly as towards a black hole. He loved a genius, who loved in return only metal and straight lines and a woman who would never return his calls.
One time he thought he’d got his love. Rejected, tormented by thoughts of what he’d lost, the genius turned to him. The boy gave himself willingly and unconditionally, and was rewarded with hearing another name when he’d thought the whole world was the two of them.
It took the boy less time than then expected to accept the fact his love would never be returned. He’d half-expected it beforehand, although this of course could not lessen the hurt. He stayed though. Always the one left behind before, he could not conceive of doing the same himself.
Yet it was too painful for him to spend his days gazing after one who would forever be dreaming of another. The boy spent more and more time out of doors, aimlessly wandering the streets of the town, hoping to find a new focus for his life.
That’s when they met.
Terrified of drifting back into the shadows, she forced herself into the world, to mingle and mix with others. It was but another of the chores of everyday existence. She found no joy in the company of others. Her only real peace could be found sitting under the shade of an oak tree, delving deeper into the secrets her mother had first shown her.
The boy was pale and small, unsuited to this land of the burning sun. Seeking shade he stumbled upon the girl. They stuttered and babbled apologies at each other until the broken flow of words ceased. Then he saw her book, and at once knew her to be, like him, one of the few who saw the truth of things in their strange little town.
His chatter eased her mind and spirits. It was easy to relax around someone who was eager only to be liked, someone whose rejection she need not fear. She found herself talking freely about all the little things that meant so much to her. He laughed at the jokes that she thought would amuse none but herself. She listened attentively when he spoke of his dreams, and did not once think of mocking him. They might not understand everything the other said, but they understood the emotions behind the words. That’s all you need for a deep friendship to begin.
They met several times after that. Sitting in a coffee shop, they would talk of magic and mysteries, of fiction and fantasy. Eventually she spoke of the goddess she had loved and left, and he told of the genius who would always wish for another. She knew she should regard him as an enemy, but his schemes appeared innocent of any true malice. They were more born of ignorance, loneliness and a desperate need to be noticed. Perhaps she could educate him.
For his part, the boy was unable to associate his friend with his arch-nemesis. She was so gentle and kind, so much unlike that distant foe he had battled. But that was no matter now. He spent less time with his old friends and more with the girl until it seemed all that had seemed so vital before had been no more than a game.
They had other friends as well. Hard as it was, they encouraged each other to do so as they knew the dangers of putting all your faith in one person. All the same that could not change the connection between the two. It was something deeper and truer than the everyday, a relationship of equals.
He was too afraid of losing this friendship as well to act on his attraction. No one could stop their relationship changing however, and when she realised what these changes meant the girl knew what she was to do. Still she had fears of her own. Thus their relationship was trapped in the shadowlands between simple friendship and something a little more.
One night, the longing became too much. Returning from a night out, they stopped by a lamppost and kissed in its dirty light. Their touches were clumsy and awkward, each uncertain of the other’s desire. Once sure of each other, they went to her room where the increasing urgency of their want need not fear prying eyes.
That night they knew each other completely. When the dawn woke them, one glance at the other was enough to extinguish any lingering doubt. Their life together had begun. That afternoon he bought her flowers, which she wore in her hair. If others stared at the laughing couple, they did not care. It is possible that they did not even realise that those others existed, that anyone else exists apart from the two of them.
There’s a boy and there’s a girl. At one time they were lost and alone, but they have found each other and they are content. And that is all that needs to be said.