Self Esteem

This is an exerpt from 'The ZEN of Juggling' by Dave Finnigan. It's from the chapter on Self Esteen.

"Is it true that our accomplishments can bring us confidence, competence and joy?" asked Master Huang that evening.

We discussed the issue at some length. I was proud of our Assertion that success is a habit, and that the quality of each person's life is in direct proportion to his or her commitment to excellence. The students concluded that it was possible for us to achieve our way to a feeling of self worth. More accomplishments meant more self esteem. The Master finally intervened with a simple statement, "well that may be true for you, but I hope you will realize that my worth is not my work."

We were taken aback, and listened intently to the following explanation.

"Worth is absolute. Everyone starts with one human life, that's what you are worth. This worth cannot be increased or decreased as we go through life. No one is worth more than any one else. It is our divine nature."

"Self esteem is your level of acceptance of your worth. Respect for others shows your acceptance of their worth. Isn't it odd that self esteem is usually shaped by your feelings of accomplishment, competence or appearance in comparison to others. We feel we must constantly prove our worth and our value by showing others what we can do, by winning their praise, applause, acceptance or recognition."

"If you judge yourself based on your accomplishments, if your identity is not who you are but what you have done, then you will always fall short and lack self esteem. And even worse, you will judge others by their achievements, and categorize them as 'worthy' or 'unworthy.' The degree to which you recognize and accept your unlimited self worth and the unlimited worth of every other person is the true measure of personal cussess. Don't listen to or associate with people who chip away at your self esteem or put down others."

"Once you can accept yourself, you don't have to hit the mark every time. A near miss is not wrong; just remember that 'a drop is a sign of progress'. The only time a drop is wrong is when you don't pick it up and try again Let's value one another as human beings, not because we have learned a few tricks that others cannot do."

That night, after everyone else had gone to bed, I went out to the practice yard and sat on the steps. As I sat there in the dark, under the stars in the clear but moonless sky, I became aware of another person sitting on the steps staring out into the arena. I was surprised when I finally realized that it was Carlos who was sitting so quietly and reflecting so deeply. After quite a while he came over and sat down beside me. I realized when he began to speek that he had been crying.

"Today I was ready to quit," Carlos admited. "I was living up to my parent's expectations. My self esteem was awful, because I really beleived that I had to be great at some activity to be worthy, and that I had to force my partnes to recognize and accept that activity as worthwhile. Now I realize that I don't have to be a great juggler, and that it doesn't matter if my parents never appreciate my juggling. Today was a day that changed my life."

From that day on I never saw Carlos lose his temper.

Grant Fitz, fitzgr@geocities.com