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One sunny day
Jamie was walking down her lane ta go ta her best mates house and she seen some cute bloke watching every move she made and she just shrugged and kept walking. The bloke was all in black and was walking like a monkey and hidding behind stuff Jamie looked back and he was in a monkey outfit now and eating a banana and she just giggled. Later that day wit Jamie
I was sitting at me mate Melanie's house and I got up to change the cd and I looked out the window and ta me surprize there was that bloke but yet in a red suite like santa and I started laughing and Melanie came walking over and looked out the window. ' Jamie what are you laughing at?' Melanie asked me and I pointed out the window but the bloke was gone. 'Theres no one there or anything at that just the tree' Melanie replied and I looked at the tree ad Melanie walked away and just then I seen a huge monkey climb the tree and I bursted out laughing. 'MELANIE THERE'S A MONEY IN YA TREE' I yelled laughing. Melanie came running over and the monkey was gone, I'm so wigging out here. Wit the strange bloke
My name is Ritchie and I'm the best inspector around I inspect houses and I'm a private investigator, I'm the best at what I do............. I disguise meself as anything, anyone, any color, to get what I want, and I awlays get what I want, I catch the people how don't keep their house to the right regulations and I catch the bad guys, when they do bad guy things. Right now I have me eye on this girl named Jamie becuase she has been expected ta use too much soap when she washes her clothes, SHE IS RUINGING THE WASHING MACHINE sooooooo the manager of the building says.........., I will catch her I promise all the folks of Candor I will bring her to J.....U......S.......T....I......C.......E. I yelled and an ecco surounded me, and it scared me.
Back wit Jamie
I had decided ta just sit down because I was seeing weird things. Melanie was looking at me funny and I was laughing thinking of that bloke. 'So Jamie is tonight you laundry night?' Melanie asked me 'Ya it is, I hate these nights, can't they wash themselves' I giggled, 'Well I wont be doing mine tonight because I did it yesterday' Melanie replied 'Awwww Melanie ya were surpose ta do it tonight wit me' I replied 'Well sorry but I had ta I have a big date tonight and need some clean clothes' Melanie replied. 'Ok fine but I have ta get going because I have ta clean me flat up' I replied and grabbed me coat and took off. When I got outside there was no sign of what I had seen earlier.
Back wit Ritchie
I was at Jamie 's flat and I was looking around to find some kind of clue of her using too much soap, but I didn't find anything until I spoted and very big cup and it had soap, I would say Coast maybe, or Tide in it at the bottom. So I took out me plastic bag and put the cup inside for evidence and just then I heard the door open, and I scarbbled around looking for a place to hide and I seen this tall lamp so I grabbed the lamp shade and put it over me head. She will never notice me.
Wit Jamie
I had walked in me flat and went ta me room and grabbed me broom and started sweeping in the living room. I was sweeping away and me tall lamp was in me way and I hate that lamp, I'm gonna just move it a bittttttttttttttttttt. I said trying ta pick it up, but it was too heavy. 'Woahhhhh that's one heavy lamp, I'll just leave it there' I said ta meself and kept sweeping around the lamp. Just them me mate dave came in. 'Hey Dave wanna be me a favor, can ya please through that lamp out for me, it gives me the creeps' I replied pointing to me tall lamp and he said 'Sure' and he picked up the lamp and I followed him and Dave throw the lamp out the grabbage shout. Dave and I walked back ta me flat and started cleaning some more.
Wit Ritchie
I was laying in the trash dump thing and full of garbage, and she is one swift girl I tell ya but not swift enough for Inspector Ritchie , I said to meself as I layied low in the trash dump waiting for her to come out so I could fallower her.
Wit Jamie
I had to do me laundry but I couldn't find me soap cup so I just took a smaller cup instead and I left to go do me laundry.
Wit Ritchie
I seen Jamie come walking out wit a lkoad of laundry, she has some nice clothes. I said ta meself and followed her to the ouside of the building and then she stopped to talk ta one of her mates so I ran inta the laundry room and got inta one of the Dryers wit the big windows and I grabbed a see through top and put it infront of me so she wouldn't be able ta see me IIIIIIIII could see herrrrrrrrr' I though as I did it and watched as she walked in and started loading the washing machines up, she used two of themmmmmmm, how odd to have sooooo much clothes. It was getting kinda hot in this dryer but I had ta stick it out if I was gonna catch her. Well she used the right size cup for the soap and she did nothing wrong hhhhhmmmmm I wonder why I thought. Now she took all her stuff out and came over ta the dryers and opened the door where I was and through all her stuff in wit me and started the dryer and I was going arounddddd, and arounddddddd, and I was feeling kinda sick but I stuck it out. About an hour later I was so dried out and tired and she took all her stuff out and didn't fold her clothes just through them in her basket and left. So I climbed out and I feel to the floor all dizzy, and I looked in me hand and I had her bra in me hand and I found some soap mildew on it and pulled out a plastic bag and put her bra in it and I took off back to me office.
At the office wit Ritchie
I got back to the office only to find hme work mate Scott sleeping in a baby carrage sucking his thump and so I walked over to me work mate. 'Hey big baby come on I have a sucker for ya' I said in a baby voice 'Awwwww sucker gimme gimme' Scott replied in a two year olds voice, 'Awwww okkkkkkk' I replied and pulled out a suck from me pocket and handed it ta him and he opened it and started sucking on it 'Awwwww that's me Scott 'I replied and walked over ta me desk and he got up and came over ta me. 'So boss what is going on wit that girl' he asked me 'Well she is really swift mate, I think she knows what's going on' I replied looking suspicias 'So did ya get any clues?' Scott asked me 'Ya I did just check this out' I replied and pulled out the two plastic bags and put them on the table 'Woahhhhhh a bra and woahhhhh a big cup, she must have big boobs and use that big cup to do all the soap pouring' Scott replied 'No ya idiottttttttt she uses her bra ta put the soap in and then pours the soap in and then she uses the cup to drink out of and.....THENNNNNNN she just washed her bra, so this way no one knows how much because she doesn't us a cup she uses her bra' I replied 'Awwwww ya so smart boss' Scott replied 'I know that's why I do the thinking and investigating' I replied all happy wit me response.
Wit Jamie
I was sitting in me room listening ta music and I had ta get something ta drink so I went ta me kitchen and opened the door ta the fridge and there was nothing but cups of soap and I looked at all the cups weirdly and just laughed, 'Dave is soooo silly' I said and walked over ta me cupboards and opened then to get a class and all me classes were full of yep ya got it SOAP. So I decided ta go ta the store and get something. I got ta the store and walked ta the back where all the coolers were and I open the doors and reached me hand out and I turned ta look at this hot bloke and I grabbed a pop and then looked at me hand it was a bottle but wit YEP SOAP IN IT I screamed and took off running back ta me flat. When I shut me door and locked it there was a HUGE BOX OF SOAP about 5'11' sitting one me couch and it has legs and I screamed and ran inta me room and there was another box but about 5'9' on me bed and I screamed again and took off back to the livingroom and the box started talking ta me
' Jamie we know ya use too much soap, your just wasting us' the box said and i was freaking out, 'Ya Jamie ya have ta use less of us' the other box of soap said coming out of me room 'STOPPPPPPP' I yelled and they stopped moving 'WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON' I yelled 'Oh sorry' the boxes said and they took their boxes off and the were cute blokes under the boxes and so I sat on the couch ' Jamie we are private investigators I'm Ritchie and I'm Scott ' the bloke replied and I just smiled 'So why are us following me and in big boxes?' I asked them 'Well the managers of this building said you were using too much soap but they had no prof so they hired us ta find out if ya really were' Ritchie replied 'Well I'm not' I replied 'What about using you big bra for soap instead of a small cup' Ritchie asked me 'Well no I don't do that and how do ya know I have a big bra and all me bras are that big what are ya a freak' I replied 'No Jamie just trying ta get ta the bottom of this' Ritchie replied 'Well ya have the wrong girl maybe use should try looking at the tape that records everyone' I replied 'That's a good idea Jamie ' Ritchie 'Well ok smashing and you're cute Ritchie ' I replied 'Maybe after I'm done catching this person we can go have dinner' Ritchie replied and I agreed so her left wit Scott and I just sat back and laughed
A while later wit Jamie
I was sitting at home and me door bell rang and I opened the door and Ritchie was standing there smiling and actually looked normal and he was sooooooo cute. 'Hello Jamie are ya ready ta go out?' Ritchie asked me and I nodded me head and we left. We went out ta dinner and then went back ta me flat and we sat on the couch and started kissing and making out. ' Woahhhhh Ritchie ya such a good investigator' I replied 'Well I try, and what is this do I see and open socket' Ritchie replied and I started laughing 'Oh no looks like ya will have ta stay a while longer' I replied in a evil laugh 'Woahhhh I guess so' Ritchie giggled and we started making out again
THE END |
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