Loving a Saiya-jin
(An entirely different kind of
Romance…)
Brought to you by Furiza and Co.
Proud sponsors of the Ginuteers and other promoters of socially acceptable
behavior.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old pot bellied man sits in
front of his black and white television set, waiting for life to get
interesting.
>BLIP< {I wonder what’s on
TV today… Ooooh, a new DBZ movie- No. 13.22576… Hmmmm… well it’s better than
Puffy the Marshmallow Player or that new show Stillmore Whores…}
And Now for the Weekend Cinema
Theater Picture-show on FOX, the cause of all suffering and the source of the
Anti-Christ.
We now Proudly Present… A Saiya-jin
Romance: Dragon Ball Movie No. 13.22576
[Screen fades to black, rolls
credits, and movie begins…]
Vegita strutted into the living
room, his anger quite apparent.
“Woman, the gravity machine is
broken again. I demand you fix it at once!”
Bulma sat on her sofa, idly
munching on an apple (hey- it takes hard work to look this good!). She hardly
even acknowledged Vegita as she flipped through the hundreds of channels on her
giant High Definition television. Finally turning to the rampaging Saiya-jin, a
cold glint in her eye, she opened her mouth, allowing the foulest screech ever
to be created past her lips.
“Vegita, I spent all day on my
feet building machines that will revolutionize the way in which humans live! I
am not in the mood to waste any more of my valuable time and energy on your
stupid personal vendetta. Go bitch at somebody else, somebody who gives a
damn!”
“Woman! I’ll kill you!”
“You wouldn’t dare! And you know
it, so back off monkey boy!”
“You insolent bitch! How dare you
treat the Saiya-jin no Ouji with such disrespect!”
“Ag! I have no time for this! I’m
P.M.S.ing and Yamcha just did it with another hussy behind my back, I’m going
to bed, I’ll fix your damn machine tomorrow!”
“Woman! Don’t walk away from me!
WOMAN!”
Bulma has at this point stomped
out of her living room and strait to her bedroom door.
“And my name is BULMA!” with that,
she slams the door quite loudly.
‘I love it when she bitches!’
Vegita thinks to himself as he shouts insults at her from the living room.
“Mom! Have you seen my favorite
pair of green shorts?”
“Oh, why no, dear, I think
Vegita’s been hanging around the laundry lately so he might have seen them… why
I don’t know, but he’s such a lovely young man… Oh, my! What am I saying! I’m a
very happily married woman! Oh, dear!” Mrs. Briefs begins to giggle vapidly.
“Mo-om! Gosh! All I asked was where
my shorts were! Wait a second- why would mister high-and-mighty be hanging
around our laundry?”
“Oh, I don’t know! But I found him
a couple times down here in the middle of the night. Oh, my! My tea is getting
cold! Would you like some tea, Bulma?”
“Uh, no, mom…” Bulma’s eyebrows
drew together as she began to think on her mother’s words.
Mrs. Briefs ran to check up on her
tea, leaving a plotting Bulma behind…
‘Must train… Kakkorotto… rule universe… eat… must eat…
beeeeef… mmmmm…’
Vegita’s mind became clouded with
images of dancing steaks and blood drenched ribs, his focus lost as the feeding
frenzy took over.
Grabbing an ugly pink tee shirt,
which he hated of course, Vegita practically broke the sound barrier trying to
get to the kitchen.
“Ug, I hate cleaning these messes!
Why can’t that pig headed no account monkey man clean up after himself!” Bulma
cursed and pouted as she picked up assorted bits of food packaging left strew
across the kitchen floor after one of Vegita’s midnight fridge raids.
“Woman! I’m hungry! Fix me food,
now!” Vegita demanded as he sauntered into the kitchen, rain clouds
metaphorically following his bulky frame.
Bulma’s eyes narrowed, she could
feel a bitch session coming on…
“Fine, V e g i t a…” Bulma ground
her teeth, “I’ll just finish cleaning up this nasty pig slop mess you left for
me last night, then slave over a hot stove for half an hour making enough food
for a small village, only to have you eat it all in one gulp, and then rudely
leave me here to clean up yet ANOTHER royal mess of yours!”
The sarcasm in Bulma’s voice and
the small vein popping out of her forehead would have warned any normal man not
to mess with her, but Vegita is far from normal.
“Very well then, woman. Just hurry
up. I need food!”
This was it, Bulma could feel her
anger boil over…
“Take this you over grown turd!”
Bulma then threw the huge trash bag she had been filling with slimy food
containers all over Vegita, “Have a nice meal, come again!”
And with that, Bulma ran as fast
as she could, not waiting to see the prince’s reaction. It was definitely not
what you’d call a Kodak Moment.
‘I should just kill her… I don’t
need her for anything… except… no, I won’t kill her, yet…”
Bulma had decided to spy on
Vegita, her interest in his nightly activities piqued by her mother’s previous
statements.
‘I wonder what he does all night.
I don’t think he ever really sleeps… I’ll just set up this tiny camera over the
washing machine and see what mommy dearest was talking about…” Bulma giggled,
enjoying her little victory.
‘Ah! Everyone’s asleep… now I can
begin the PLAN…’ a cruel smirk played across the Saiya-jin’s lips as he snuck
towards the laundry room.
Bulma sat beside a flickering
monitor, waiting for Vegita to show. Cradling a large bowl of extra plain
popcorn in the crook of her arm, she began her ‘shift’.
At around one in the morning,
Bulma stared into the monitor and noticed a strange shadow fill the door way…
Bulky and short… It was Vegita. He came fully into view, his hair blowing in an
invisible wind, quite like a shampoo commercial.
‘Wow! Vegita’s magnificent! Look
at that bod! If he weren’t such a jerk, I might actually think about getting it
on with him…”
Bulma watched as Vegita bent over
a pile of dirty laundry. He seemed to be looking for something in particular…
Bulma gasped…
‘I just love these nightly
excursions, they make me feel so sexy…’
Vegita stood, his chest hair
flaring with testosterone, fully clothed in one of Bulma’s most feminine
Victoria’s Secret ensembles. Its purple lacey fringes perfectly complemented
his sharply defined muscles.
“Oh, I am so beautiful, aren’t I
Fufu-chan?” Vegita now began talking to his imaginary friends; each one had a
different name and theme song. “I shall be the most lovely boy in the land,
Kakkorotto MUST notice me now!”
Vegita began swirling and
twirling, allowing his long spiky hair to run wild with sadistic glee…
Bulma lay unconscious on the
floor, drooling in stupidity… She would never again wake up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A special message from our
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Fox Networks apologizes for this terrible molestation of the Dragon Ball universe, begging your pardon. Sumimasen. Gomen. Yadda Yadda…
{God! I can’t believe the crap
they put on TV these days! At least I still have the internet… Oh, joy! Hours
upon hours of soft porn and advertisements, right at my fingertips!}
The TV goes dead… >BLIP<
___________________________________________________________________________________
Personal note from the author:
this is a terrible terrible day- I have just written my first mess of wierd stuff. No longer
will my record be clean, now for every three okay stories I write I will be
forced to write one terrible fan fic based on supposed sexual
deviancy. Oh, well, at least I still have my long luscious hair… Oh, SHIT! That
dang monkey shaved it off!
“No one dresses Prince Vegita in
drag! Now die, evil fan fic writer!!!!!!!!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My career was
so young! I had promise!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“And now- the WORLD!!!!!!! Bwa ha
ha ha ha ha ha! Plants Rule, yeah!”
[By the way- if you are offended
by this fan fic, I don't care. Keep that in mind when you decide to flame me, k?
After having read numerous fan fics about Bulma and Vegita getting it on, I
decided to write my own. At first it was actually kind nice, but then I got
tired of all the silly mushiness and erased it all- only to create what you now
see before you. I want you crossdressers to know I've got nothing against you… it's just funny to think of Vegeta in drag, he he he!]