Exercise 1
Behind The Mask
Repressed sexual persona is the mask of what we “should” be that conceals the truth of who we really are. This exercise is an invitation to peal off the mask.
What are your sexual fantasies? Sexual feelings are extremely revealing. They are charged with the power to express who we truly are. This is an invitation to come out of hiding.
Here are some suggested steps to follow:
1. Write a list of sexual fantasies that you have never actualized or experienced to your complete satisfaction.
2. Write another list of things that really turn you on. Include things that you have experienced and things that you have yet to experience that truly excite you. This can be anything from fetish objects (shoes, underwear, leather, etc…) to locations (outdoors, elevators, dungeons and such), to smells (perfume, sweat, secretions, Spring, an armpit…). Use your imagination. This is an inclusive list that isn’t limited to any of the ideas I have already listed. Let yourself go and see what you come up with.
3. Write another list describing the kind of person or the kinds of people that really get you going. Who would you like to have sex with, and what would you like them to do to you? What would you like to do to them? This can range from romance to raunchy. It is all up to you. Don’t be shy.
4. What sexual roles would you like to experience? Write a list. Do you want to be dominant, submissive, versatile, oral, genital, bound and gagged, master, slave, top, bottom, all of the above, none of the above, something kinkier than even my twisted imagination could dream of. Write it all down. Enjoy!
5. Test-drive your fantasies. Try masturbating while you fantasize about something you have never dreamed to admit turned you on. Surrender to the details. Be as specific as possible while you are pleasuring yourself. Imagine who you are with (if anyone has to be there), where you are, what it smells like, tastes like, feels like. Is there a sense of danger present when you fantasize? Let it turn you on. Ride the wave.
6. Surrender your shame. Explore the resistance you have to your fantasies. What are your judgments? What are your fears? Write them down. Look at them. Question them. Transform them. Burn them. Release them in a ceremonious manner. Knock yourself out. Be creative.
7. Give yourself permission to express your sexual fantasies. Go shopping for your favorite fetish. Buy a new sex toy. Write an erotic memoir of things you have never done but would like to do. Pamper yourself. Spoil yourself. Reward yourself for knowing who you are. Celebrate the new naughtier you.
8. Imagine a way to experience one of your fantasies that is completely safe. As long as your desire should harm no one, including yourself (spankings and floggings only leave marks when they are dispensed by people who don’t know what they are doing), you are still following the golden rule.
9. Find someone to share your fantasies with. This could be as monumental as revealing your secret desire to a sex partner or potential sex partner, to finding a chartroom and talking about it anonymously online. Use your resources.
10. Just do it. Realize one of your fantasies. Take the leap of faith. As long as you have taken the necessary steps to make sure that you are safe and will harm no one, there is nothing to fear except for the unknown. Realizing your fantasies will definitely transform you.
11. Write about your experience. Make a list of the things you enjoyed as well as a checklist of details that need fine-tuning.
12. Go back to step one and continue discovering who you are behind the mask. Follow your bliss.