Episode 5, Outlawed
By Lady Starfire
Firon gave a little yelp of joy as she finished her incredible plan. Skipping over to Zifral, she gleefully handed her a handful of papers, saying, "Guess what, Zifral! I've come up with a wonderful new minion we could create that will destroy those filthy Scouts!" She said the last word like it was dirty.
Zifral thought that her plan was too complex to work (it's several pages!), but, not wanting to hurt Firon's feelings (and she wasn't doing anything else today), she decided to try it out. Calling over Aksan and Namonaki, the four of them began to create THE WEAPON.
Meanwhile...
Chrissy and Zach were at Chrissy's house. Where else would the story start? I'M writing it! The guardians (excluding Cronus, who was staying in human form to be with Amarus) were on the vacation that they had planned a while back while they were in Care Bear Land. Chrissy, hiding something behind her back, said, "Ooh, Zach! I've got a manly gift for you!"
Zach perked up and said happily, "What is it?!"
Chrissy pulled out something small out in front of her and cried, "LIP GLOSS!!!!!!"
Zach stared at her blankly.
"Look, look, Zachy! It's navy blue with a silver star. It's your colors and your symbol!"
"...Umm... it's Hello Kitty." When he said this, Chrissy's joy began to fade. Not wanting that, he said, "And I love it! Thank you so much, Chrissy!" Happy again, she said, "I'm so glad you like it! Do you want to try it on?"
Ohhhhh, poor Zach. Poor Zach. Being just too nice (yeah, WAY too nice...), and wanting to keep his girlfriend happy... "Oh... why, sure, Chrissy."
Just as he opened the lid, he was saved by the bell. Or the beep, rather.
"Oh, shoot," Chrissy said, "my communicator's going off." She answered it to see Sailor Curtain. She said, "Wow, Chrissy! You actually answered your communicator this time! In any case, you need to get over to Dementerville Park NOW. Zifral's got some plan, and it's... weird."
"No prob, I'll be there in a sec." And with that, she and Zach took off.
All the Scouts and Tuxies at the park...
"OH MY GOSH!" Sailor Dragonspaw squealed, "IT IS SOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!"
"I'm hungry," Sailors Starfire and Sandrock chorused. They were all looking at the enemy's new monster: a life size gingerbread man.
"Oh, he may look cute and cuddly, but Mr. Ginger is lethal!" Aksan said evilly.
Mary snickered, "Mr. Ginger, huh?"
Aksan's self esteem balloon popped and he began to whimper things about how he liked the name.
"Oh, get a grip!" Namonaki chided, "let them whimper, okay? Mr. Ginger will finish them off with THE WEAPON!"
All of the good guys gasped simultaneously. Sailor Icesis said, "What kind of a weapon is it?"
"Not a weapon, THE WEAPON!" Zifral corrected. "Blast them, Mr. Ginger!!"
Mr. Ginger reached behind him to pull from his back... nothing? Firon sweatdropped and said, "Umm, Zifral? We left THE WEAPON back at HQ..."
All the bad guys sweatdropped. Suddenly, Zifral yelled, "We'll be back for you later, senshi scum!!" and they disappeared into a portal made by Zifral.
During this, the Midnight Caper was talking with the guys, asking if Chrissy was serious with her gift. He was receiving the sad answer yes. Sailor Dragonspaw heard a mentioning of a gift and said, "Ooh, that reminds me! I bought you a gift, Steve! I'll bring it over to you later today, alright?" Even though that sorta wasn't alright (the guys were getting together at his place later), he said it was fine to make sure she didn't do anything scary.
The guys at Steve's house...
"My relationship with Katrina is getting much better," Steve said. "Yesterday, i stood up to her for 17 minutes!!" When he was responded with blank looks, he said, "Oh, come on you guys. How long are you able to stand up to your girlfriends?" When the guys thought about this, they realized that 17 minutes was pretty daggone good. They all gave congratulations and discussed their own pitiful times. The doorbell rang, and Steve let in Katrina.
"Oh, hey, Kat! How's it going?"
"Great, Steve! Ooh, here's your gift," Katrina replied as she gave him a green package with a silver bow. Steve opened it with a happy face that suddenly turned blank when he saw what it was. His eye twitched.
"Oh, thanks Katrina. Thanks a lot. It's a pack of 20 frog shaped baby toys."
"Yup!" Katrina said happily, "and you know what else? When they're all in this box, you can turn them all on at once when you press this button!" Katrina pushed a button on the top and the clear plastic box popped open, spilling out many ribbiting, hopping frogs all over the room. They even ate bits of paper and fluff with their sticky tongues. Steve bit his lip until it bled and made a muffled sound.
"Well, I'm really glad you like them, but I've gotta go. Sorry, Stevey. Bye bye!" Katrina called as she went out the door. The second she was gone, Steve screamed and jumped up on an end table to avoid the toy frogs hopping all over the room. "I--HATE--FROGS!!!" Steve screamed, and made a noise in his throat when a frog stuck it's tongue onto the end table's leg.
"AAAA!! Steve! Do something, they're your frogs! This one's got it's tongue stuck to me!!" Christian yelped as he lifted his arm, bringing a frog up with it. Steve told the other guys where in the kitchen the spatulas were, and they used them to gather up the frogs into the box. Once they were all in and the lid was down, they stopped moving. But just as they were sitting down to relax, they all got that freaky feeling that they needed to go help the girls fight.
At the park, again...
"Okay, you twerps! We've got THE WEAPON of your demise, now!!" Zifral cackled, "and there's no way to escape it. Mr. Ginger! ATTACK!!" Mr. Ginger pulled from his back a giant candy cane that he put on his shoulder like he would hold a bazooka. At the sight of THE WEAPON, Sailor Blossom couldn't contain herself and burst out laughing so hard she rolled on the ground, clutching her sides. Between bouts of laughter, she said, "That's your great weapon? You look just like the gingerbread man from Shrek with that thing!!!"
Mr. Ginger fired the weapon, ignoring this comment (or did he? It was pointing a bit more at Blossom...). The Scouts weren't total morons, so they jumped out of the way of a pink and white swirly beam. HOWEVER, Firon's extensive planning paid off when she thought that they would dodge. The beam had some sort of power it used to suck the Scouts back to it, so that they all got blasted full on! OH NO!! They all shook themselves, feeling a little odd but not harmed in any way. For whatever reason, this didn't surprise the bad guys. Namonaki looked up from the hand mirror she was holding to say to our heroines, "Ha! We gotcha! You may be feeling different right now, but that's just that shock. In 15 minutes, you won't be yourselves at all!!"
"Yeah, assuming you live that long!" Zifral laughed, "You're too overwhelmed right now to dodge THIS attack!" Zifral was about to blast the senshi when something fell in front of her. "Huh?" she said, "What's this?" The clear plastic box had fallen on its front, so a button was pressed and toy frogs sprang out everywhere!
"My gosh, Draco Knight!" Storming Phoenix said, "You threw your present at them!"
Ignis Bearnett snickered, "Gee, I can't believe you would sacrifice it..."
"Are you kidding?" Draco Knight muttered, "I brought it to get rid of it. I thought i could dump it in a lake somewhere."
The bad guys were NOT having fun getting mechanical frogs off of them. Namonaki had smashed several for "tainting her beautiful image with their horrendous presence". She broke two more by throwing her mirror at them.
"Aksan! Firon! Namonaki! Come back at once!" barked Zifral, "The tailor scouts or whatever won't be able to defeat us when THE WEAPON's blast kicks in. We can get them later... when we DON'T have to worry about these stupid stupid froggy things!!!!!!!"
As soon as they left via portal, the Storming Phoenix ran up to where Namonaki threw her mirror. He picked it up and began preening himself, much like an overly vain parrot would do.
"Are you alright?" the Gold Rouge asked the Scouts. They mumbled yes, and agreed to meet up at Steve's house once they had gone home and gotten anything they might need when they found out what it was this blast thing did to them.
At Steve's house, again...
"Okay, it's been 20 minutes," Alex said, "they should be here any second now."
As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Steve let in Katrina, who was dressed in a worn, grey, and horribly intricate Amish dress. It was so grey and drab, it put the word "dreary" into your mind. Katrina said in a monotone, "Am I dead yet?" As everyone stared at her blankly, she continued now in a slightly whiny monotone, "It's not like there's anything to live for. Everything here sucks. I saw some stupid ducks on the way here. They're dumb." "Katrina..." Steve said, appalled, "it's like your personality is the exact..."
"Opposite," Christian finished for him. The guys exchanged looks filled with sheer horror. If they could've gotten any more horror-filled, they did when the doorbell rang again. Steve opened the door again, this time cautiously, but once it was opened a crack, Mary shoved it open and said in a southern drawl, "Whah, h'lo, y'all! Ain't tuhday purty? Ah say, who's gonna c'mere 'n' gimme a good ole' welc'min' hug?" Not waiting for an answer, she squeezed Raoul in a bear hug and told him he was a "suga' buhn".
Suddenly, the door was kicked open by a girl in EXTREMELY baggy, saggy pants, a too-long Fubu T-shirt, a silvery bling-bling, and a bandana, who hollered, "YO YO, MAH DAWGS!!! AN-A IS IN DA HO-OUSE!!!!!!"
Christian screamed. The Tuxies sure are great at handling stress...
Ana strutted up to him and punched his shoulder, saying, "'Sup, G?" Christian held his shoulder and whimpered.
"Excuse me," came a quiet, barely audible voice, "your door was open, and so I was wondering if I am allowed to enter." Oh yes. It was Chrissy. She gracefully glided in, wearing a green pleated SKIRT and a teal sweater (why on EARTH would she wear the colors of her rival HURRICANE????!!!!!). Her beloved pigtails were gone, replaced by a green headband. She sat down next to Katrina quietly, her own perfect posture appearing even straighter compared to the way Katrina sagged down at an odd angle. Without making any sort of conversation or stupid comment, Chrissy merely sat there politely. She didn't even glance at the bowl of chocolates next to her, though Ana and Mary were helping themselves.
The door was still open, and the guys were considering closing it to end the madness. But before they could act, in strode--not walked, strode--Sandi. Her face was smooth with calm nobleness. Egad. She announced in a diplomatic voice, "I thank you, O kind Sir Stephen Lucian, for your generous hospitality of allowing me to visit here."
"Since when did you become a knight of the round table?!" Cronus cried.
Kyle became paranoid and looked out the door to see if any more terror was coming. Actually, it was waiting on the porch but was too shy to come in. "Brianna?" Kyle asked, afraid of what her opposite personality would be like.
"H-hello," she said meekly. That was it. She only said what she had to. Walking inside (probably just to avoid any conversation Kyle might want to introduce), Kyle noticed that her head was down and her height seemed diminished.
Kyle was still standing on the porch when a girl came up behind him and hugged him. "Oh, Kyle! How are you?" Janine asked in a higher, lighter voice than normal.
Staring at her, he answered, "Not so good, Janine. Not so good." Her cheeriness undaunted, Janine skipped--skipped?--inside where she exclaimed, "Hello, my friends! I have an announcement to make."
Katrina sneered, "Shut up, everyone! If I have to listen to this stupid 'announcement', I at least don't want to be distracted."
Janine continued, "I have decided that I am going to donate all of my money to charity!!!"
"What charity?" Chrissy politely inquired.
Beaming, Janine responded, "The National Gun Control Association!!" Remaining noble, Sandi said, "Why, Janine. I admire your generosity of so freely donating your hard earned makings. I applaud you!" and she did just that.
Not allowing the poor, poor guys a moment's rest, in came senshi number eight: a girl wearing a hot pink, glittery, floral Abercrombie & Fitch skirt with a matching shirt, hair ribbon (her hair was worn in a ponytail), and pair of high heeled shoes. She said in the most preppy voice on this planet, "Hi! Sorry I'm like totally late, but I like just had to go shopping! This outfit was just like, calling me, and it only cost, like, $270!!"
She was about to say more, but was cut off by an ear shattering shriek: FROM CRONUS. THAT'S RIGHT! It was AMARUS!!!! Looking at him, she said, "Wow! I like, totally don't know who you are, but you are like sooooo totally hot! Will you like, go out with me?"
Cronus didn't have any time to answer (not that he could... his mouth was just hanging open in a mortified sort of way), because who should walk in but the ninth Sailor Scout. Wearing an outfit made of tight black leather, she came in and began to roll up something made of whitish paper that was filled with powder. When she lit it, the paper burned faster than a fuse and the dark brown stuff inside fell out. She yelled, "Stupid --------- flokin' blunt!! Any kinda -------- coulda ---------!!!! YA' STUPID THING!!!"
"Umm, Carmen?" Steve asked tentively, "why are you trying to smoke a tea bag?"
She glared at him and was about to beat him up when Steve was saved by the last (THANK GOSH!!) Scout coming in. "Wooaaah, duuuude! Gnarley shack!" said Maria in a dumbed down voice. She was wearing baggy khaki shorts and a Hawaiian print T-shirt and pair of flip-flops. Zach was holding a bowl of chocolates to Chrissy, trying to get her to eat in case that would bring back some sort of memory, but when he saw Maria he dropped them and said, slightly angrily, "Okay, that's it! That stupid overgrown bakery good Mr. Cinnamon--"
"Ginger," Alex corrected, "it's Mr. Ginger."
Zach gave him a "you're-not-helping" look, then went on, "That stupid Mr. Ginger doesn't know who he's dealing with if he thinks that he can change what I love about my girlfriend, future-daughter, and eight other great friends!! LET'S GO CRUMBLE THAT COOKIE!!!"
The guys joined in the ralley with only a brief pause to think about how what Zach said sounded a lot like a familiar saying. While they were eager to enough to sprint to the park, they had to drag the girls along. They didn't see what was wrong with the way they were. "I believe that we should all love others for who they are," Janine said lovingly.
"I know," said Kyle, now getting annoyed. "That's why we're bothering to get you fixed."
At the park for the third time now...
"Bwahahahaa!" cackled Zifral, "back to surrender already?"
"Yeah right!" cried the Ice Lord, "we're here to get 'em back to nor.... well not normal. We're here to get 'em back to the way they were before!!"
"MAN! Ah say we don' wan' be backa like that!" Ana said with this weird little head bob. Several tuxies told her to shut up. After cussing indignantly, she went to some over to Carmen to complain.
"I don't care what happens," Katrina whined, "I just wanna curl up and not do anything but breath... if that."
"My good sirs," Sandi said in that overly regal voice, "we do quite appreciate thoust desire to restoreth our honor. Please understand, we feel not that our honor hast been offended."
Mary said, "Aww, shucks! Ya' don' gotta do notin' fer lil ole US er anethang!"
Brianna didn't say anything, but instead tried to hide behind a tree.
Maria said, "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. Sweeeee-ee-ee-ee-eeeeeeeeet."
Firon said, "See? They don't WANT to fight us!"
The Gold Rogue said, "Well, they will anyway!!"
Zifral wrinkled her nose in annoyance. "Well, in THAT case... Mr. Ginger: BLAST THEM!!!"
Now, hold up a sec. Mr. Ginger's intelligence, is, umm... to say this nicely, lacking. The words "blast them" have a specific meaning to him. He can's just THINK whether to throw a gumdrop or an M & M (DRACO KNIGHT NOTE: Hey, that's MY power.... *SS drags him out of the narrator's place*). Mr. Ginger needs stuff spelled out for him. And the last time Zifral said "blast them" was when she meant "fire THE WEAPON at the Scouts". So, figuring she means that again, he fires his good old candy cane bazooka at the girls.
"NOOOOO!!!" Aksan yelled, "if they get hit again, they'll go back to 'normal'!!!!!!!"
The girls WANTED to dodge, but they couldn't because they were being drawn to the beam again. Once hit, being their old selves wasn't any shock, so they were ready to kick butt right there!
They didn't have to.
"GAAAAA!! STUPID PASTRY!!!" Zifral screamed in fury, and began to destroy Mr. Ginger herself. Aksan and Firon figured that it'd seem like the failure was their fault too, so they helped destroy him. Namonaki wouldn't even THINK of touching a "big sticky calorie blob" (in her words). She didn't want calories to get into her through osmosis (....I've feared that before....), and she wanted frosting goo under her finger nails even less. Starfire approached Yui tentively, then asked, "Umm, Sailor Yui?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, with your red hair..."
"...Yeah?"
"And, I mean, you dress in all green..."
"...Yeah?"
"Umm, see, I was just wondering..."
"STARFIRE, SPIT--IT--OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Would you mind holding this for me?" With that, she thrust a box of Lucky Charms into Yui's gloved hands.
"What the--?!"
"NOW, STARSHINE!!!" Sailor Hurricane yelled. Sailor Starshine, loving photography, began taking snapshot after snapshot. Sailor Hurricane rubbed her hands together greedily and said, "Once I have proof of leprechauns, I'll be able to sell them for thousands--MILLIONS!!! Muahahahahahaaaa!!!" Then she ran over to Yui, grabbed her shoulders, and began to shake her, yelling, "WHERE'S YOUR POT OF GOLD???!!! TELL ME!!!!! TELL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!"
Sailor Starfire said, "Hurricane! YOU'RE HARASSING THE LEPRECHAUN!!!!"
"And blocking the shots!" Starshine said, but kept shooting.
"I am NOT harassing the leprechaun!"
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"YOU BOTH ARE HARASSING ME!!!!!" Sailor Yui yelled, then stomped off.
"WAIT!" Both Sailors yelled at the same time. ...They also jumped at the same time... into each other.
"OW!" Hurricane said, "it's all YOUR fault that she got away!"
"MY fault?!" Starfire cried indignantly, "no way! It's YOUR fault!!!"
While those two were beating each other up (ahhh, back to the way the were...), the Scouts and Tuxies alike were very happy that the villains undid their own work and then destroyed their own monster. They decided to treat their happiness to triple scoops of ice cream at a local ice cream parlor called Graeter's (mmmmmm!!).
At Graeter's...
Brianna vented her anger of being turned opposite by punching Alex ("OUCH!!!").
Katrina cornered Steve about why he was so willing to throw away his gift ("Heh heh heh... oh, I DIDN'T want to throw it away, I HAD to...").
Chrissy gave Zach nail polish to match his lip gloss ("........"). She also made a startling confession.
"Umm, Zach? I just wanted to say, that... well, sometimes I still miss Tim."
Ouch. Big blow to Zach. "YOU DO?!"
Chrissy sighed, "Yeah..." then suddenly perked up, "but my aim's getting better!!!"
"THAT'S what happened to my paint ball machine gun!" said Janine. "YOU STOLE IT FROM ME??!!!!"
"Noooo..." Chrissy said innocently, "...I paid Kyle to...."
---Details on how Janine and Kyle's relattionship is right now won't be given.---
The rest of the Scouts had relatively normal conversations with their Tuxies. The Scouts who didn't have boyfriends sat together and moped about it. Maria mentioned something with the name "Eavan" in it. Sandi raised her eyebrows, smirked, and said, "Ooh, and who's THAT?! ...And who would name their kid a weird name like Eavan?"
Katrina overheard that, and decided she liked the name. She put it away in her memory for some other time.
***
And so, the moral of this story is: even if your girlfriend has her personality turned opposite, there will be still be hope as long as there are stupid evil ginger bread men and mechanical frogs.
EL END-O!!!!
When will the insanity stop?!
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