A continuation of the Eyewitness logs

BALANCING ACT:

A Kathryn Janeway log.

It began two days ago, when Tuvok brought to my attention that Crewman Dalby had been involved in an altercation. I read the report quietly, then I read the other reports Tuvok had written, and I'd never seen. I summoned Dalby to my ready room.

Crewman Dalby walked in with a swagger. I looked up from my padd and stared at him for a couple of seconds. He started to look uncomfortable. I waited until he shifted his weight. "Crewman, it has come to my attention..."

Discipline for Crewman Dalby was extra duty shifts and loss of replicator rations for two weeks. He was not happy. "Dismissed" I said without looking at him. I then had Tuvok take care of the details.

Chakotay has been in charge of discipline since I appointed him First Officer. While I haven't found signs of favoritism in his discipline approach, I did wonder about his handling of Crewman Dalby.

I know that many of the problems have been handled quietly. That's typical--and out here, has usually worked.

But with Dalby...I'd looked through Tuvok's reports again. Five fights all involving Star Fleet personnel, but never the same person. I quickly checked the records for the others involved. At least he was consistent--there was no record of the fights under the others involved either.

I summoned Chakotay to the my ready room and asked him to fill me in on the past incidents with crewman Dalby. He looked at me, possibly with disappointment that I wasn't trusting his judgment. But he called up a secured file and displayed it for me to read. He'd noted a couple of incidents that Tuvok didn't have, but...

When I had asked him that perhaps Crewman Dalby was in too many fights, he'd laughed grimly. He noted that eight fights in almost three years, for Dalby wasn't bad. He'd use to consider it a good month if Dalby had only gotten into one.

I told him Dalby's punishment. He didn't say anything for a minute--I could see him keeping his temper under control. He's only lost it once in my presence. He finally asked for and received permission to leave.

He came by late that evening. We talked briefly: never moving from the door. He asked me if I trusted him. When I hesitated, he looked at me sadly and said goodnight. I heard voices as my door shut, but I was too upset with everything and everybody to pay much attention.

I'm sure everybody noticed our reticence on the bridge yesterday. I finally spent the day in my ready room--ostensibly to read reports--but in reality I was thinking.

This was one of the reasons that I had been hesitant about entering into a relationship with him. One disagreement, and we were uncomfortable working with each other. This affects the crew. The bridge was much quieter than usual, there was none of the usual banter. And I noticed it in engineering too, when B'Elanna was discussing the feasibility of modifying the warp core to use alternate fuels. B'Elanna is quite excited with her project and has done a lot of work. She was much more subdued than usual about discussing her favorite topic.

Even Neelix was quiet. The whole dining hall was quieter than usual. I was too pre-occupied to notice much. Kes came by my table and said hello. I think she was hoping I would talk to her about what had happened. But I wasn't ready.

We needed to talk, and now. The longer we let this go, the more likely it wouldn't be solved. Seventy years is, after all, a long time.

I went to his quarters last night. Tom was passing when Chakotay opened the door.

"Can we talk about this?" I'd asked.

He'd just nodded and let me in. We talked for two hours. We started with Dalby. It wasn't that I was disappointed in his handling of the previous incidents, but that I hadn't been kept informed. He has understood better than I, that in the middle of no where some things need to be sacrificed. Or changed. We can't transfer Crewman Dalby or anybody else for that matter. We'd never liked the idea of permanent confinement--even for Suder it had nagged at me.

We came to some-sort of understanding. He explained how he was handling the discipline, and agreed to keep me better informed. I promised to discuss discipline cases with him first. Perhaps we should have had this conversation two years ago. Who knows?

I stood and said good-night--he walked with me as I slowly made my way to the door. I did not want to leave, but wasn't sure if I should stay. I turned and looked at him. That's all it took.

Star Fleet uniforms are designed to be close to indestructible. They have survived fights with the Kazon, explosions, but last night mine...

I left his quarters about an hour before duty shift. I did not want to spend replicator rations on a new uniform, so I borrowed his robe. At that hour, I figured/hoped I could get to my quarters undetected.

But as luck would have it, I passed Harry on his morning run. He stood there, mouth open, I think he may have been more embarassed than I was. I knew that the story would probably be all over the ship by lunch, but it was funny. I did manage not to laugh and to keep myself calm. I said, "Good morning." He didn't respond, so I added, "At ease Ensign, before you sprain something." When I reached my door, I looked back. He was still standing there. I started laughing after my door had closed.

I suspect the crew thinks we spent today doing *other things* in my ready room, besides the reports, schedules, evaluations, and other mundane things related to keeping Voyager going.

I did tell Chakotay about Harry. He told me about his conversation with Tom the night before. We both laughed. We have both known for some time that our affair is not a secret. In the beginning we both had tried, but...

Now, if I could figure out how Tom always manages to be in the wrong or is that right spot.