No One Hates Them Cold

Disclaimer: Paramount owns all--I can't remember what studio produced the movie...

Tom opened his eyes slowly and moaned. A moan that echoed through the cold cell he'd awoken in. "Hello," he said in a soft voice. It still hurt his head.

There was an answering grunt from somewhere near by. "Harry?" Tom called out. "You here?"

"Yea." Tom could hear the scuffling as someone sat up. "What happened?"

"Ambush," Tom replied as he too sat up carefully. "I think Joe and Ayala got away. I don't know about Seven." He used the wall for support as he attempted to stand up. "What ever they used..." He sat down. He'd try again in a few minutes.

"My head is killing me. Tom, they took my communicator."

"Mine too." Tom quickly felt his chest. With any luck, Voyager would find them soon. He was about to try to stand again, when a click and grinding noise indicated that a door was opening. A small amount of light entered the cell. Tom could barely make out their small confines, and the tall alien in heavy armor standing in the doorway.

"What do you want?" Tom asked.

"Do not talk," the alien said. Two others stepped inside and dragged the two humans to their feet. "Come."

They were pulled out the cell into a dimly lit corridor. Tom noticed that Harry was also carefully noting their surroundings. They were taken to a small room. The tall alien pointed and said, "Wait here."

Tom just shrugged, but as soon as the alien had left, he was looking for another exit. He put a finger to his lips and pointed toward another door. With a jerk of his head, he indicated they should go that way.

They found themselves in a large empty room. Tom glanced around quickly and smiled. He picked up a thick brown robe. "Here, put this on." He found a light purple one for himself.

"Tom!" He turned. Harry was holding up a veil and wimple. "I think we found the Emperor's harem room. Tom...don't get any..." But Tom had pulled the material from Harry's hand and was fitting it over his head.

In a falsetto voice, Tom said, "This is perfect." He bent over and pulled off his boots and put on some of the larger sandals he found. "Harry, hurry up."

"You're kidding..."

He knew they had no choice--loud voices were approaching and a figure was thrown into the room and the door closed.

"Seven," Tom and Harry said at the same time.

"Tom? Harry?" She was dressed in a bright red robe with no veil. "Are you in disguise?"

"Yes," Tom said. He tossed her a pale green robe. "Change into this. It is less conspicuous." While she changed he helped Harry adjust his wimple and veil. Then he tossed one to Seven. They didn't have the equipment to add the large bump on the noses that all the Prosians had. Another quick search of the room showed no weapons, but Harry picked up an exotic looking instrument.

"Let's go." He went to the door and slowly opened it. No one was in the hallway.

Laughing from their left caused them to stop. Harry peaked into the room. The guards were enjoying a show.

"You must be more entertainment," a deep voice from behind them said. And they were pushed in.

"What do we do?" Harry asked in a panicked whisper as they were lead to the stage.

"We play. Think you can play that thing?" Tom said--meaning the instrument.

He looked at it, and nodded. "I think so."

"Play something exotic...Seven can you dance?"

He just knew she was looking at him disdainfully. "I do not dance."

"Oh." He picked up a hand drum. "Play this. You beat it."

"I..."

"We don't have much choice," Tom hissed.

"Very well." Harry and Seven stood on the left side of the stage and Tom took center stage.

Harry's first attempt at the instrument sounded like someone blowing his nose, but Tom started to move like a reed in the wind. Hoping that this would appease the guards. Harry blew another note. It wasn't much better, but this time he started to play. Seven started to beat the drum very fast to Harry's slow tune. Out of the corner of his eye, Tom watched Harry motion for her to slow down. She did. To something slower than a funeral march.

There was a boisterous laugh from the audience as Tom sashayed his way across the stage. He moved his hips and clasped his hands behind his neck and thrust his hips forward and to the sides. The guards were cheering and applauding. Fortunately drowning out the dreadful sounds from Harry's instrument.

He turned around so he was facing Harry and stuck his rear out to the audience. He motioned quickly for Harry to end the piece. He turned and faced the audience and did a couple more thrusts as Harry held the last note for two beats. Seven kept beating the drum for another second before she stopped.

The guards burst into raucous applause. Tom and Harry took a bow, while Seven just stood there. They each took an arm and dragged her off the stage to the lively applause. "We're a hit," Tom said.

"Let's take this show on the road." Harry replied.

As soon as they were off-stage and alone, they quickly headed out the door and down the hall.

"I wonder if they wanted an encore," Harry said after they'd entered the marketplace, about five minutes later.

"I hope not." Tom looked around. The fresh air smelled good. "And Harry, Seven...I would appreciate it if you didn't mention this...um...this in your reports."

"I do not understand," Seven said. "You want us to lie?"

Tom moaned as the continued walking. "Not lie. Just omit certain things. Like the dance number."

"I see. This incident will cause personal embarrassment?"

"Exactly." Tom rolled his eyes and hoped she understood.

#
#

She hadn't.

Tom took a deep breath as he stepped out onto the stage dressed in the same robes and veil that Voyager had beamed him up in. He wasn't sure who he would murder first. Seven, Neelix, B'Elanna were all top candidates.

The cheers from the audience brought his attention back to this moment. An encore presentation for Voyager's crew. He nodded to Harry who started to play. Harry had been practicing--the instrument sounded less like someone blowing their nose and more like someone sneezing. Tom started to twirl his hips--his mind plotting revenge.