Additional scenes for: Alter Ego, Coda, Blood Fever, Unity, Darkling and Rise.
Disclaimers: See part 1.
The galaxy surrounded them, unfamiliar stars and worlds, the familiar far away. Kathryn Janeway looked out her ready-room window and watched the streams of stars pass them by. She would be happy to leave this region--the Necrid Expanse--too much had happened here.
She turned to look at her door when the chime rang. "Enter. Kes, may I help you."
"Captain. Isn't your shift over?" She asked.
Janeway smiled. "About half-an-hour ago. I just wanted to finish-up my reports." She looked at Kes questioningly.
"I was hoping you would explain some of what has been happening recently."
"Is something wrong, Kes?"
"I'm just curious. Our experiences recently, I'm having difficulty making sense of them."
"Most of the crew have the same problem, the Borg..."
Kes looked up at the ceiling, "It's more than just the Borg. B'Elanna, myself have suffered from a loss of our ability to control our actions. I know I'm still feeling guilty, embarrassed by that experience and it was months ago. B'Elanna lost control on Tsikari--she won't talk about it..." She continued quickly to stop the Captain from speaking. "I know we've had this conversation before, but I still feel the guilt at putting the ship and crew in danger. I suppose I'll always wonder if I could have fought a little harder, done something differently. And then there is Neelix...We've never really talked about what happened, he's been distant..."
"Mind control is scary--there is that line between what the you know is real, right and what the controller wants...When the line smears, disappears..." She thought back to her own after-death experiences. Only by reading the reports had she really been able to distinguish what had really happened with what she saw. But the memories were still there, some more than others..."When that line between you and the controller vanishes, you no longer know what are your actions and what are the wishes of the controller..." She stopped and looked out the window again. Exactly what had happened to Chakotay on the planet...
Kes watched her a second before continuing, "When I was under Tiernan's control the line would disappear and then reappear. I wasn't always sure if it was the right line, sometimes it was crooked and always confusing. Finally, with the help of my friends I was able to completely rid myself of his influence." But you don't forget, she thought to herself, it doesn't help the feeling of guilt. "I've talked with the Commander. He is feeling guilty and used, that line disappeared for him too. He needs to know you still trust him."
"I don't know," Janeway whispered softly. "I'd like to think I do. That if something happened to me, Voyager would be in capable hands." She closed her eyes, it was more than trust at the command level.
"Talk to him Captain. This is not something best dealt with alone. One needs the help of their friends..." She added in a whisper, "...And their loved ones." She waited a minute for Janeway to respond, but the Captain was deep in thought. Silently, the Ocampan left.
****
Another restless night: finally at about 0300 hours she gave up trying to go back to sleep. At least this time it was a feeling of restlessness not a repeat of the bad dreams from the previous night. Kathryn Janeway started to work, but put the PADD down. Maybe Kes was right, a walk might do her good. She slipped out of her nightgown and put on a simple green dress and sandals.
The corridors were empty and in the silence she was aware of the background noise of the ship as she walked to the hydroponics garden. She hadn't been there for awhile.
The garden was dark, in its night cycle. There was just enough light to see where she was going, so she didn't bother to increase the illumination. The fresh smell of plants and the humidity were a welcome change from the day to day textures of the rest of the ship. She stopped walking to pluck a leaf from a lettuce-like-plant. One of the newer additions to the garden, she remembered. Neelix used it in his salads. She took a bite and continued walking. Randomly choosing an aisle to walk down--not really paying attention to where she was going--but yet she found herself by the tomatoes.
She closed her eyes and remembered the feel of the dirt on her hands, how the plants had looked when they had left New Earth--almost a year ago. She sat down on the container surrounding the liquid-growing-medium, leaned over and touched the plant. As she sat there, she became aware of another presence in the garden...
**
Chakotay had been standing on the far side of the garden. Not seeing the garden, simply wandering, thinking, staring. He'd been there about 15 minutes when he heard the doors open, then the gentle sound of footsteps. Not wanting to talk to anyone, but curious to know who it might be, he quietly followed.
Smiling ever so gently, he watched her as she sat down by the tomatoes.
"Commander," she said quietly not turning to face him.
"Captain," he said unsure of exactly what to say.
She turned to look at him, uncertain how to proceed. "How do you feel?"
He shrugged. "Doc cleared me to return to limited duty tomorrow. I finished the crew reports and schedules this afternoon."
She laughed, "I thought so. You were suppose to be taking time off."
"Must not agree with me." He paced slowly up the aisle. "You're up late."
She shrugged, "Couldn't sleep. And you?"
"Same." There was an awkward silence, as his footsteps came closer again. "Well...I don't want to intrude..."
"Stay." She turned her head to look at the tomatoes again.
He didn't move. Watching her turn away he wondered again how he could have become involved with the other.
She was very aware of him standing there, watching her. She resisted the urge to turn around a look at him.
"We need to talk," he finally said very quietly. Chakotay completed his restless pacing, stopping several meters from where she was sitting.
"Yes."
"I just don't know where to begin..."
Neither spoke: he was deciding what to say; she was waiting, not sure how much she wanted to hear.
He turned away, the whole thing was tearing him up on the inside. Every time he looked at her, all he could think of was his betrayal, all he could feel was his guilt. "The beginning maybe. We received a message and decided to investigate this planet. They had identified us as Federation, which, was very curious. When we landed and entered the square, we were attacked, and Ensign Kaplan was killed." He looked down at the floor. She'd have read his report, but he knew it wasn't very complete.
There was a long pause, and she began to wonder if he would tell her what had happened on the planet. Finally she added, "Please continue."
"Actually I'd rather it hadn't happened...God I'm sorry." He sighed. "I was injured in the attack: brain damage, neural damage." She nodded the Doc had noted the repaired cells and had been impressed that it could be repaired in the first place. "I didn't know who my rescuers were at first. Riley...Dr. Frasier introduced herself, I admit I was fascinated and curious. Humans, Klingons and other alpha-quadrant residents living on this planet. We talked while I was conscious. I guess it was a couple of days before I learned they were Borg. She is a remarkable woman, trying to create a life on that hell-hole for her and her group. I guess, initially, she reminded me in some ways of you."
Kathryn turned and looked at him, her eyes showed her disapproval at this justification. He was looking at the tomatoes, not her.
"You both work against overwhelming odds to unite different groups; to create a life and home far from what we had known before." He looked at her quickly before looking at the plants again, he didn't smile, but he had noted the sadness in her eyes. When he spoke again, his voice was very quiet. "By the time I learned who they were, I had come to trust them. And by then the neural damage was increasing. Their Doctor said they could cure me. I resisted for a while, hoping Voyager would come."
She looked down at the path and swallowed hard. "Our Doctor says that had we found you, we might not have been as successful in treating your injuries."
"He told me. It still doesn't make what happened any easier to remember or tell you...They brought me into their collective consciousness and used that consciousness to heal me. It was an incredible experience."
She glanced at him quickly, then looked down again.
He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and continued, "To share the memories and feelings of those people was...indescribable. The closest experience I can relate it to, is possibly your mind meld with Tuvok."
Kathryn turned from the plants to try to see if his eyes revealed something his words did not. "That was an overwhelming experience."
"Overwhelming, yes! I trusted them when they said that the link would only last a couple of hours..." Now came the hard part. "It was during that time that she, Dr. Frasier, came to me and we..." They had shared an incredible experience, sharing sensations, knowing each other like they had.
Kathryn closed her eyes, she had suspected this. No, she had known from the moment when she had first met Dr. Riley Frasier--he had been looking at the doctor with the kind of glances that had been reserved for her. She hadn't known then about the link, if she had she would have sent him to sick-bay, not back to the planet. The hard thing was that she too had been impressed by Dr. Riley. "How much was because of the link?" She asked hesitantly.
"I don't know. All possibly...none...I don't know. Doc keeps assuring me, I wasn't in control--so does Kes. But I should have been." He clasped his hands. "I believed in them, I believed in what they were trying to achieve. And looking back I was a fool, too trusting. I was used from the beginning. They used Riley to get to me, giving her a more *pleasing* human appearance--a wig, different clothes from what they normally wore...If the shuttle hadn't been destroyed by the others, I'm not sure they would have bothered even trying to save my life. But that's not what I felt then. I trusted them, but I can't say, 'it's not my fault.'" He looked down at his clasped hands. "Then they used that link again. Imploring me, no *willing* me to help them. I shot my best friend and betrayed the woman I love for an illusion." He walked to one of the fruit trees and sat down his back toward her--about 20 steps from where she was sitting.
Now what, she thought. There was silence. "Chakotay." She stood and walked to stand behind him. "I don't know what to say." Neither spoke for a minute, then Kathryn continued, placing her hands on his shoulders, "But, you have to forgive yourself. Guilt is a very *powerful* thing."
He pulled her right hand down and kissed it. "I seem to trust the wrong people...Seska, Riley."
"Me."
"You...True. When you offered to take my crew and integrate them into yours, I trusted you." He kissed her hand again only this time he kissed her fingers too. He felt her shudder. "I worked to gain your trust and then blew it with Seska. Now Riley."
"Commander, when I stop trusting you, Tuvok will be my First Officer." She froze when he pulled her other hand down and alternated kissing both hands. "Chakotay..." She pulled her hands away.
"Kathryn." He stood, keeping about a meter between them. "Well?" He looked at the floor and smiled self-consciously.
"Well."
"I'll see you on the bridge." Neither moved. The lights started to brighten, reminding them that their shifts began in a couple of hours.
She smiled, "On the bridge." She looked at him for a second, then turned and left.
****
Harry watched Neelix as he kneaded some dough, then turned to look around the almost empty mess hall. "Good-morning Neelix." He finally said, Neelix nearly jumped.
"Ensign, I didn't hear you. You're up early this morning."
"I have a report to finish. I thought I'd finish it over breakfast."
"And do I have a breakfast planned this morning. Terrapin Pancakes with Esarian syrup, fresh fruit, and Etalockian coffee. Have a seat, I'll make you a batch and bring it to you. The fruit is in the bowl on the counter."
Harry looked in the bowl, and cocked his head. "Did I miss something?"
"No, we've been five days without seeing any sign of the Borg, or hearing from them. Things seem to be returning to normal. Anyway, as my mother used to say, a good breakfast is important. Have a seat, the pancakes will be ready in a couple of minutes." Harry watched for a second as Neelix started to make his breakfast, then grabbed some fruit and the coffee, sat down and started to work on his report. *Normal,* he thought, shook his head, and started to read. He was so engrossed in the report, that he barely noticed Neelix placing his breakfast in front of him. And it was a full two minutes before he even noticed that Tom had joined him.
When Harry finally noticed him, Tom started to laugh. "What is that, something hot and steamy?"
"No, an analysis of the effects of the electro-magnetic radiation in the..."
"Don't continue. I think I read it. A bit lacking on character development and the plot has enough holes..."
"Tom, Harry, mind if I join you." B'Elanna didn't wait for an answer, she just sat down. Looking at her food tray, she commented, "Doesn't look too terrible."
"Actually its pretty good," Harry said just before taking another forkful of pancake. "How you doing?"
"Shoulder's fine, Doc says there was no permanent damage." She frowned and poked at her food.
"Something's bothering you?" Tom asked quietly.
She looked around the nearly empty mess hall twice before answering. "I guess it's Chakotay. I get the feeling he is avoiding me."
"He's avoiding everybody. After his shift, he just disappears," Tom responded, then added in a low conspiratorial whisper. "He's avoiding the Captain too."
"He needs to realize I...we don't hold what happen against him. I mean, he was under some sort of control..." B'Elanna muttered.
"You disappeared like that for a day or two, if I remember." Tom was rewarded with a glare. Harry smiled quietly at his fork, as he watched his two friends.
She looked at Tom, "Maybe I should go down there and drag him to out of his quarters." She smiled at Tom, then Harry. "Care to help?"
Harry shook his head. "Uh, no. This sounds a little too strange. A better idea would be to arrange to lock the *two of them* in the same room...Hey, I didn't mean it seriously." Tom had just given him a *that was a great idea* look. "We should just leave him alone." Harry looked back at his still unfinished report. "I've got to get this finished. Sorry to eat and run." He picked up his PADD and tray. "See you on the bridge, Tom."
Tom watched him leave, then turned and smiled at B'Elanna. "Are we still on for dinner tonight?"
She looked up from her tray and nodded. "I might be a little late."
He nodded, "You're going to talk to the Commander. I like Harry's idea better."
"Can't be done, too easily traced." She smiled at him. "See you later." She too stood and left.
****
Chakotay stood as the shift ended. His first full day back--nothing had happened except that Tom and Harry had spent the day recalibrating the navigational systems. Nothing serious that. The Captain had spent much of the day in her ready room. He suspected that she was avoiding him as much as he was still avoiding her.
As he walked to the lift, he thought about that. They had talked in the garden, but he still felt there was a wall between them. Not professionally. She had treated him like usual--or almost, there had been none of the half smiles or looks she had given him the in past.
She had said, he needed to forgive himself. There was so much to chose from--Riley, shooting B'Elanna and Tuvok, reactivating the Borg ship, recondemning thousands to the collective's will. Or all. There had been something terribly seductive about the link: the shared feelings, passions...Yet it had been equally frightening: the deaths, the fears. To have learned so much about someone in that short of time--as they had learned about him.
The lift stopped and he walked to his quarters. He still did not know how much he had been in control or hadn't been. The only comforting thought was that he would not do any of it now. Or so he hoped.
Maybe this evening he would try to contact his spirit guide--for the first time since everything, he might be able to contact her. He entered the key-codes and entered his quarters. He didn't bother turning up the lights. Since returning to Voyager this had become his evening routine. A simple dinner, work, try to contact his spirit guide, try to sleep, and then a walk in the hydroponics garden. Except after meeting Kathryn there, he'd been avoiding that too. He looked out the window. All that reminded him of was the wild images of the link.
He was debating ignoring the first ring of the door chime, when it rang twice more. He turned, "Enter."
B'Elanna stepped into the darkened quarters. "You planning on staying in your hole, or joining us for dinner?"
"I thought I'd try to get caught up on personnel reports this evening..."
"Yea. You need to get out and rejoin the crew."
"I will"
"You worried about what people will say? Since when?"
"B'Elanna..."
"We've been friends for a while. I'm going to have my say. You were under the control of the Borg. They used you. We've all been used, Voric used me, then I tried to use Tom. Hell, you even shot me." He turned away. "But I also realize that you weren't in control, even the Captain knows that."
"Was I really that much under their influence? I wonder, especially in the beginning..."
"Riley? Don't look so surprised, anybody who saw you with her would have guessed." And probably did.
"Damn it B'Elanna, I could have said no, I should have..."
"Died? They could have waited until you were unconscious and made the link then. You once told me that you can't go through life second guessing yourself. Yet here you are." She glared at him. "I've got to get going, I promised Tom that I'd have dinner with him." She smiled slightly at his reaction to the admission of her date with Tom. *Good,* she thought. "Perhaps you should find yourself a date. Must be some senior officer on this ship who wouldn't mind sharing a bottle of champagne with you." She ducked out the door, laughing. The look on his face was priceless. Especially after the dour looks of the past several days.
****
His spirit guide was being elusive: again he had failed to contact her. Silently he gathered his spirit bundle and put the few treasures he had in the leather bag. It hadn't been a complete failure, for a few minutes he'd been at peace, a calmness returning to his soul. A calmness that did not leave him immediately. He continued to sit on the floor, his thoughts dwelling on the present, not the immediate past. His duty to this ship, his Captain. His love. He smiled slightly as he thought of B'Elanna's parting quip only a few hours earlier. Well, he supposed everybody knew about that night. It had marked the beginning of a slow change in his relationship with Voyager's Captain. And for the first time since his encounter with the Borg, he believed that he hadn't blown it. Wounded it, but not destroyed that relationship.
That he had hurt her had been obvious when he'd been in the briefing room with Riley. She'd been bothered, then the other night in the garden. They'd both found it difficult to talk. He looked down at his hands as he clutched them in front of him. He continued to sit on the floor under the dim lights, waiting.
It wasn't long--the door chime rang and he quietly said, "Enter."
Kathryn looked at him sitting on the floor. "I'm interrupting?"
"No, I was done. What can I do for you, Captain?" He saw her wince slightly at the formality of his tone.
"Neelix was worried when you didn't show up for dinner." She stopped and looked down at the floor. "I wanted to talk..." She moved to sit on the floor beside him. He noticed that she was again out of uniform. She sat staring at the empty space in front of her. "Were you successful in contacting your spirit guide?" She asked with a slight nod toward his spirit bundle.
"No and yes." He looked at her slightly puzzled. She looked at him quickly and smiled slightly.
"I haven't contacted mine recently."
He had been watching her as she spoke, but looked away when she finished.
Kathryn continued, "We started to talk in the garden," she said in a very quiet voice. "Actually you're the one who poured his soul out, I listened." She looked at her hands as she rubbed her fingers nervously. "How do you feel now?"
"Better. I wonder what monster I've unleashed upon this region."
"I doubt it leaves the planet. Their choice of home is a very bleak and barren one. We'll never know what happens, but reconnecting the link, may have been the only way they can survive."
He nodded slightly, "Possibly. But does the end justify the means."
"No, but to them it probably does." She looked at him, then looked away. They both stared at the floor in front of them.
They said each others names at the same time and smiled at each other. She looked away quickly. *I hadn't realized how much I missed his smiles,* she thought.
"Kathryn," he reached over and took her hand in both of his. "I've made a mess of this. Please..."
She looked at their hands and took hers out and held it toward him, her palm facing his. He lifted his hand and entwined his fingers in hers. "When I realized what had happened between you and her, I was hurt." She looked at her free hand. "I knew that I had no right to expect you to..." She didn't finish the sentence, still a little hesitant to bring up his encounter with Riley. "I know now that you were under the influence of the link, but it still hurts."
"Kathryn, I wish I could take back everything that happened..." He released her hand and clasped both of his in front of him and closed his eyes. For once there was no collective memories, no foreign images, it was black--blank. Smiling he opened them and stood. He reached down and pulled her up. "Good-night, Kathryn. And thank-you." He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it.
"You too. She looked at the hand he had kissed. "Thank-you?"
"I might actually sleep tonight."
She smiled. "Then I'd better be leaving." She looked at his face. "Same here." She reached up to touch his cheek. "Good-night."
He watched her leave, and smiled. Somehow he'd found some of the answers he sought. Perhaps his spirit guide had come.
**
She walked silently back to her quarters, where she again looked at her terminal. She'd been sitting here working on her reports and had started browsing through the database. Not looking for anything, and yet finding something. The words were still on her screen, she smiled as she reread them.
**
*Which overflowed the soul was passed away,
A consciousness remained that it had left,
Deposited upon the silent shore
Of memory, images and precious thoughts,
That shall not die, and cannot be destroyed.*
**
William Wordsworth, "The Excursion Book VII"
**** **** ****
**** **** ****
"Captain's log stardate 51703. We left orbit today. The information we received from the Travellers has caused us to change our plans. We will be making several detours. The first will be to an asteroid field that has beryllium and possibly other minerals we are constantly using on Voyager. The other involves adding several months to the journey--but we would be avoiding a group called the Tarkeens. Zahir has been very helpful in explaining the dangers and resources of this sector of space.
"Personnel note, Kes has decided to stay with Voyager. She had spent several days thinking about this. Zahir was disappointed, so was Kes. The crew is delighted she will be staying. I am too, even though I understand the turmoil she went through to make that decision.
"The Doctor's program has been purged of the extra personalities he had added. While his intentions were good, the results were not. The terror he inflicted on B'Elanna and Kes must have been horrifying. Neither young woman has pressed charges or talked about their experiences.
"These past few months have made me very aware of the lack of support services here in the Delta Quadrant. The Doc and Kes make an excellent medical staff, but we don't have a counselor. They both try, but there are times when this ship needs a fully trained counselor aboard. To that end I've started reviewing personnel records to determine if any of the crew have even the slightest background or interest in this area."
She clicked the record button and leaned back in her chair with a yawn. She wasn't sleeping again. The events of the past three days had been tiring. Plus the Doctor's behavior had triggered her own memories of her *near-death experiences.* So much had happened in the interim, *really* happened, that she hadn't thought about it much. But last night she had dreamed again of the Vidiians and the phage...She'd woken early: when she had been unable to go back to sleep and worked on reports.
B'Elanna had been ordered to take the day off, and Janeway hadn't been surprised when she learned that Tom had arranged to swap his shift so he could have the day off too. She remembered another image from her *near-death experiences,* that of telling the alien she wanted to see Tom and B'Elanna stop squabbling long enough to become friends. Interesting how some things come true. She thought again of Chakotay and how she had watched him hold her body...
Riley Frasier. The Borg. She and Chakotay had talked about that. Guilt is a potent emotion, she knew that all too well.
Despite the Doctor's assurances that he hadn't been in control, despite her own attempts to let him know she was willing to forgive him, he was still struggling with his sense of guilt.
She looked at his report of the investigation on the planet--his sarcastic sense of humor was starting to show again. He had described his role in the investigation as 'being a crutch for Zahir.' Fortunately Zahir and the innkeeper had both decided not to press charges against the Doc. How does one punish a hologram? Especially one who was not himself.
She stood, her shift had ended an hour or so ago. Now to do something very daring. Sample some of the culinary treats Neelix had picked up on the planet.
****
Kathryn woke, her dreams fresh in her mind. Again she had been in Sick-bay, listening to the Doctor explain that he had no choice--struggling to not breathe the poisonous air, collapsing...
She threw off the covers and stood. It was only 0130. She thought about going to sick-bay and asking for a sedative, but the Doctor would want to know why. Bad dreams probably wouldn't be enough.
She decided to work for half an hour before trying to go back to sleep. She had a wide selection of reports to pick from. She walked over to her desk and looked through the reports--which one was going to be the dullest. She grabbed one and looked at the title and shook her head. She didn't feel like reading.
Maybe a walk.
**
Several minutes later she left her quarters. She had changed into a blue dress and sandals. She was walking slowly, stopping every so often to just look around. Something she didn't do often. She went to engineering, where she was surprised to see B'Elanna.
"Captain."
"Lieutenant, what are you doing here?"
"Catching up, and looking over what minerals we will be needing. And you Captain?"
"It looks like I'm checking up on my Chief of Engineering. You are suppose to off duty for another 6 hours. How long have you been here?"
"Not long."
From behind them, one of the engineers shouted, "Four hours, Captain."
B'Elanna looked down. "That long..."
"B'Elanna, you should be asleep. You need your rest."
B'Elanna shook her head, "I couldn't sleep--I guess it's spending the day relaxing...Anyway, Captain--I could say the same about you..."
Janeway looked at B'Elanna carefully. "Bad dreams?"
Reluctantly the engineer nodded. "I keep remembering being paralyzed on the bio-bed. Not being able to control the situation--the feeling of intense helplessness. I didn't like that."
Janeway glanced around. "Let's walk." B'Elanna needed to talk. When they had left engineering, she turned and asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"
B'Elanna stopped, "I don't know. The Doctor wasn't himself, I knew such program interactions were possible--but I have never seen one so extreme to be a completely new person. Or so completely demented. It was terrifying. The Doctor may be irascible and annoying, but I had trusted him..."
"And now?"
"I don't know, it isn't like I have much choice...He only remembers bits and pieces...And all traces of his personality additions have been deleted. But I think the worst feeling was knowing I was in his complete control--that he could do anything..."
*Remarkably similar to her own experience,* Janeway thought. "I know," she said aloud. "My experience may have only been a vision, but at the time it seemed so real. It still wakes me up."
"From when the alien tried to..." Only parts of the Captain's experiences had become public knowledge.
Janeway nodded. "The Doctor's recent behavior brought this memory back. I had the phage, there was no cure and for the good of the ship, the Doctor killed me. An incredible feeling of helplessness--not being able to do anything. Not knowing what was going on." She looked up at the ceiling. "It helps to talk to somebody."
"The Doc and Kes are too closely involved...And I think the Doctor is embarrassed by what happened. Anyway I wouldn't feel comfortable..."
The Captain smiled. "A close friend. Someone you can trust to tell your deepest secrets to."
B'Elanna shook her head, "It still seems so unreal...I don't know who I can talk to. I just don't know..."
"Whatever you decide, I order you not to continue working. If that means pounding on someone's door until he lets you in or returning to your quarters--you are off duty."
B'Elanna almost smiled, "And you Captain?"
Janeway belatedly recognized the opening she had given B'Elanna, "I'm just going to walk, then return to my quarters."
"Then good-night." Just as she turned toward the lift she spoke very quietly, "Maybe you should follow your own advice."
Shaking her head, the Captain continued her walk, until she found herself at the hydroponics garden. She hadn't been there since that night almost a month ago.
The garden was in its night cycle, the shapes of the plants blurring in the near darkness, yet she found her way to the tomato plants. Since that night the fruit had started to set, but in the darkness she couldn't tell if any was ripe. She gave one a gentle tug--it resisted.
There was a laugh behind her. "Neelix was wondering who was stealing his fruit."
She smiled at the sound of his voice--it had been a long time since he'd teased her. "I'm innocent. I just touched it. Anyway its not ripe."
"That's what they all say." There was a long pause. "You're up late."
"So are you," she added defensively then turned to look at him. "I couldn't sleep and the 'Bi-Monthly Comparative Analysis of Dilithium Crystal Usage' just didn't appeal to me."
"So what does appeal to you?"
"Chocolate is always good, caramel brownies in particular--hot," she replied ignoring any other interpretation of the question.
"Oatmeal cookies, hot or cold." Chakotay added.
"Do they help?"
He shook his head, "No, but they tasted good." They both laughed. He stepped forward, "You look tired--I noticed that earlier today."
"I'll be OK. I just haven't slept well."
"Any particular reason?"
She looked at her hands, that she had clasped together. "I was thinking of the Doctor and the phage." And of other things, she added to herself.
"I was wondering. The whole thing was bizarre." He reached and touched her cheek. "Is that all you were thinking about..."
"No." She closed her eyes as his fingers stroked her cheek.
"No--as in that was all, or no--as in you were?"
She opened her eyes and almost stuck her tongue out at him, but instead with a wicked smile, she reached her hand up behind his neck and pulled his head down. "No as in I was..." Their lips met in a gentle kiss. She stepped back, "I think that answers your question?"
He reached out and took hold of her shoulders. "No, I think not." He pulled her back to him and wrapped his arms around her. His mouth touched hers. He pulled back a couple of inches to look at her, then their lips met again.
It was when her hands went to the top button of his shirt that she stepped back. "Chakotay," she whispered breathlessly, "Not here..."
****
They slowly walked back to her quarters. They didn't hold hands, but there was a connection between them, a spark. Kathryn was convinced that if anybody saw them together at that moment, whoever would know exactly what was going to happen. To her relief, they didn't pass anyone.
As she keyed in her entry code, he placed his hands on her shoulders and whispered in her ear, "Are you sure?"
She smiled and looked at him. "Positive." The door slid open and they stepped inside. Before it had shut they had embraced again.
She moaned softly as his hands ran through her hair and down her back and pulled her closer to him. Her fingers returned to his buttons and slowly she began undoing them.
His mouth left hers and carefully began nibbling her cheek then her neck. Stopping long enough to slide her dress off her shoulders. They looked into each other's eyes--glassy with love and desire. She touched his face, traced a finger along his cheek to his tattoo. They both smiled as he picked her up and carried her to her waiting bed.
****
Kathryn rolled over and looked at him sleeping peacefully beside her. She touched his face, gently tracing his lips with her finger. His eyes opened and he smiled. "Good morning," she said with a kiss.
"Morning," he said as he kissed her back. "Sleep all right?"
"When I finally was allowed to..." She started laughing as he wrapped his arms around her.
"I suppose it's time to get up?" When she nodded her head he groaned as he let her go.
She lay beside him a few seconds before grabbing her robe and standing. "While I'm showering--you can make breakfast."
"Yes ma'am." She picked up a pillow and tossed it at him.
****
Tom was sitting at the conn looking over the report from the previous shift when the Captain entered the bridge. "Good morning, Captain," he said without looking up.
"Good morning. Please inform the senior staff we will have a briefing in 15 minutes."
Tom looked up. "I thought it was scheduled for 0900 hours?"
"It was--I'm going to be tied up with Stellar Cartography all morning." *And why am I explaining this to you,* she thought as she smiled.
"Yes ma'am." He smiled quickly as he turned back to his station. It would be a good day--usually was when the Captain started the day smiling. But his mind started to race as to why she was smiling...
The briefing was short, B'Elanna brought up the ever-constant supply needs of engineering. Neelix's morale report was positive--despite everything, crew morale was moderately high and he had scheduled another crew talent show for later in the week.
Janeway watched B'Elanna, the young woman seemed a bit more at ease than she had last night. She wondered if the half-Klingon had followed her advice. She glanced at Tom--whom she noticed had been studying the Commander. *Well, if anybody would guess,* she thought, *It would be Tom.*
The Captain looked around quickly, "If there is nothing else, I'll be in Stellar Cartography all morning--Commander you have the bridge."
"Aye Captain," he responded with possibly a wisp of a smile. They stood to leave.
"Captain," B'Elanna said at the door. "About last night--or rather early this morning..."
Tom caught both the Captain and Commander look at each other then at B'Elanna--both were flustered or surprised. He looked away so they wouldn't catch him--but he couldn't stop the big grin on his face. He left the briefing room quickly.
"Yes B'Elanna?" Janeway responded.
B'Elanna smiled, she wondered if the Captain had followed her own advice. "Our conversation. I really appreciated it. Thanks."
Janeway smiled, "You're welcome. If you'd like to talk, my door's open."
Chakotay smiled--so much for secrets. Just before he left he whispered, "Door's always open?" His voice full of innuendo.
"I'll expect a full report later, commander. With lots of detail."
"Aye Captain." He winked at her and returned to the bridge, leaving Kathryn in the briefing room trying not to start laughing.
****
Tom took a spoonful of the thick purple soup and watched it spill back into the bowl. The way the droplets spread as the bounced across the surface was interesting--it beat eating the stuff.
"Didn't your mother tell you not to play with your food?" B'Elanna asked after he did this a second time.
"She also cooked better. And I thought leola root had been bad."
"I'll replicate you some Gak."
Tom took a spoonful of the soup. "Mmm. Delicious." B'Elanna laughed. After forcing several spoonfuls down he looked at her and smiled. "So what do you think?"
"Of what. Avogadro's Number, Piernatherian Integration, the lack of good looking men..." She smiled wickedly at him.
"Of the Captain and Commander." He returned the smile.
"It's none of my business." She said in a monotone, as she continued to eat her sandwich. She tended to avoid any purple foods. Her smile indicated her delight with recent developments though.
He raised his eyebrows. "So what did you and the Captain talk about early this morning."
She growled at him. "If you really must know, we talked about the Doctor. She suggested I talk with somebody about it."
He looked at her, his eyes full of concern now. "If you want to talk, B'Elanna..."
She smiled at him. "I might." She started to stand then looked at Tom. "Dinner tonight?"
He grinned. "When and where?"
"My quarters 1800 hours. And I will not be serving Gak." She quickly left, leaving Tom to stare at his plate in surprise.
****
Tom waited outside of B'Elanna's door waiting. She was taking a lot of time to answer. He was reaching for his comm-badge when the door finally swooshed open.
She was wearing red dress that he found quite appealing. She blushed when she noticed he was staring at her. "Hello."
"You look lovely." She stammered something--he wasn't quite sure what. "Here, these are for you." He handed her the small bouquet of flowers.
She blushed even more. "Thanks." He took her hand and pulled her toward him and kissed her quickly. "What's for dinner?"
"Harry said you like prime rib and cherry pie."
**
Chakotay leaned back in the couch and watched her. And remembered what it was like to wake up with her in his arms. He smiled. "Sit down Kathryn."
She smiled as she turned to look at him. "You have a report for me."
"Uh huh." He pulled out a PADD and started to read from it. "Let's see. At 0814 the briefing ended, I returned to the bridge. Lieutenant Paris reported that we were traveling at warp 7.4 on a course to the asteroid field. At 0816 Ensign Kim reported a slight fluctuation in the warp core so we slowed to warp 5, while engineering checked. At 0856, Lieutenant Torres reported the problem was fixed so we increased speed back to warp 7.4. At 0917..."
"Enough Commander. At that rate this report will take all night."
"Exactly." He put the PADD down and stood-up. Standing behind her, he gently kissed the back of her neck.
**
Tom smiled at B'Elanna as he kissed her good-night. This time the kiss was slower, and they held each other close. They both stepped apart and smiled. She looked down at the floor and closed her eyes--knowing she wasn't ready, but still wishing she would ask him to stay.
"Good-night B'Elanna. I had a lovely time. Keep that cherry pie recipe." He smiled at her before kissing her cheek and leaving.
Tom thought about going to the holodeck--there was some sort of tournament at the resort, but that would mean talking to people--and right now he wanted time to think.
**
The Captain was decidedly not behaving as a stalwart, isolated Star Fleet Captain should, she finally decided as she closed her eyes. His arms were still wrapped around her, his deep rhythmic breathing indicated he was asleep. But these *parameters* were definitely much more pleasant than the ones she had never had a chance to say a year ago.
They had talked briefly about telling the crew and had agreed to let themselves adjust to their new situation before telling.
Except, she figured, everybody would all know in a day or two...
Home was after all, a lonely, small-Federation ship in the middle of Delta-Quadrant.
**** **** ****
Neelix smiled as he stirred the evening's stew. Tuvok had, as only the Vulcan could, acknowledged his abilities--and almost as importantly the Captain had acknowledged them.
Just two hours earlier she had publicly thanked him for his invaluable assistance, the ambassador had shaken his hand. It had been a heady moment, and for the first time in almost three years Neelix really felt he belonged on Voyager. He thought back to his initial decision to stay. A large part of that decision had been because of Kes. She had been so readily accepted by the crew and had fit in so easily. To be honest, he'd been a little jealous at the ease she had made friends and settled in. When they had split up, he had considered leaving--but to where? The thought of crossing Vidiian and Kazon space, alone, did not appeal to him. Up to the Necrid Expanse he had been useful. But at that point his usefulness had ended--or so he had thought.
Now he felt useful again.
****
Captain Kathryn Janeway sat down in her ready room and sipped at her coffee. It had been an interesting couple of days. And again they had left a planet where they had made friends.
Life in the Delta Quadrant often seemed like one encounter after another with some unfriendly group. It was a pleasant feeling to know they had made another friend so far from home.
She leaned back in her chair and smiled. The Delta Quadrant was an experience unlike anything--and yet she actually enjoyed life out here--and suspected many of the crew felt the same.
Yes, the Delta Quadrant was a very *interesting* place. And recently, for her anyway, had become even more interesting.
Her door chime rang. "Enter," she sang out--possibly a bit to happily.
Neelix entered. "Good morning, Captain."
"Neelix?"
He smiled. "I just wanted to thank-you for everything. And to show my appreciation, I'd like permission to throw a party tomorrow evening"
She nodded. "Why not. We saved a colony; we even rescued our shuttle craft." Though if they lost too many more, Kes could have another shuttle bay for a garden.
"Thank-you Captain. Tom is designing a program. I'm going to ask some of the crew to provide entertainment. You wouldn't be interested..."
She shook her head, then grinned. "But Commander Chakotay would be."
Neelix almost laughed, but caught himself before he revealed just how much he knew about how the relationship between the commanding officers had changed. "Perfect, I was hoping he would *volunteer,* especially after your exhilarating performance of the Dying Swan."
Janeway laughed. "Excruciating perhaps." Definitely not exhilarating.
"Captain, the crew raved..."
"There are advantages of being Captain."
"Thank-you Captain. It should be a most interesting evening."
"Yes it should." She watched Neelix leave and her First Officer enter.
"Good morning Commander," Neelix said quietly with a knowing smile. Chakotay looked after him then turned to look at the Captain.
"Commander," she said with a big smile. "Neelix appreciates you volunteering to help with the entertainment."
He shook his head, "*That* was probably a mistake, but it would explain his smile." He looked at her and smiled. "B'Elanna gave me the shield-modification plans at breakfast." He placed a data PADD on her desk. "It looks good. She wants to run a simulation using data collected from the attack the other day."
Janeway nodded. "Good. I'll contact her later this morning. Was there anything else?" She asked as she looked down at the PADD. His eyes were definitely too merry this morning.
He grinned. "No. Well, you left this morning a little quickly--I didn't get my good-morning kiss."
She didn't smile by sheer will power. "Maybe Commander if you would set your alarm a little earlier." She tried very hard to sound stern. "Especially when it goes off twelve minutes before my meeting with stellar cartography." She wasn't too successful.
He continued to grin. "I didn't get a chance to reset it..."
She shook her head, her retort cut-off by Tuvok's voice. "Captain, we've detected two Etainian ships approaching."
"Red alert." She looked at Chakotay and they exited for the bridge.
****
"Status," the Captain said as she sat down in her chair.
"Two Etainian ships approaching. They are on an intercept course," Tuvok said quietly.
"Tom, set a heading three-four-five. Let's avoid anymore entanglements with them," Chakotay said. He looked at his terminal. "The technical information provided by Neelix is still accurate. The Etainians must not realize we have this data."
"Good," Janeway responded.
"Captain," Tuvok said. "The two ships have changed course--they are again on an intercept course."
*They were definitely not just passing by,* both commanding officers thought.
"Arm phasers," Janeway said. "Tom set a new heading of three-five-two warp 8. Maybe they'll realize we don't want to play."
"They have adjusted their course, Captain," Tuvok responded.
Janeway shook her head. "Harry, monitor their activity and adjust our shields and weapons accordingly. Mr. Tuvok, open a hailing channel." She waited for Tuvok to acknowledge the channel was open, then stood. "This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. "
No response. "Captain, the Etainians have armed their weapons. And have increased their speed to warp 8.6. They will be within firing range in five minutes." Tuvok looked at the screen at the two approaching ships.
Janeway looked at her first officer and smiled slightly. "Well, so much for not getting in a fight. Increase power to the shields. Slow to half impulse." The Etainians were technological advanced, their weapons and shields were highly sophisticated and as good as Voyager's. Without the information provided by Neelix, Voyager would have been in *serious* trouble in the last battle. Janeway hoped they hadn't reworked their systems too completely...
The two Etainian ships split-up and the first one started its attack run. "Evasive maneuvers, Mr. Paris, alpha two." Chakotay said as the second ship started it's run. There was flash and the ship shook.
"Return fire. Mr. Tuvok, target their weapons systems."
They watched the screen as Voyager's phaser hit the first ship.
"Moderate damage to the first ship's weapons," Harry called out. "The second ship has changed it shield configuration to match our phasers. Adjusting phasers. Our shields are holding." There was a second flash and again the ship shook as the 2nd ship attacked.
"Fire at will," Janeway ordered as she released her grip on the chair. Tuvok returned fire, the second Etainian ship shuddered to a halt and just sat there.
"Captain, the second ship suffered major damage to their weapons systems and propulsion. They've contacted the first ship for help."
"Tom, take us out of here heading three four six, warp seven." There was a slight lurch as Voyager changed direction and increased speed. "Ensign?" Janeway turned slightly to look at Harry.
"They are not pursuing," Harry responded.
She looked at Chakotay, "I wonder what that was all about?" She asked quietly.
"They may see us a threat or competition..."
"Competition..." She shook her head. "Damage?"
"Shield integrity is at 95 percent. No injuries," Tuvok answered.
"Very good. Stand down from Red Alert. Maintain Yellow Alert. Continous scans."
****
The Etainian ships faded out of sensor range. Harry spent the rest of the shift continously monitoring the sensors. The Etainians had proven themselves to be elusive and able to blend into the background. So he also used the information supplied by the Nezu to adjust the sensors to cut through any camouflage the Etailians might be using. After six hours of nothing, the ship's routine returned to normal.
**
Commander Chakotay sat on the floor in his darkened quarters. Tomorrow morning he would tell Neelix that there was no way he would be part of the entertainment.
Except...
Years ago, on Dorvan V, he had been reasonably good at playing a Native American flute. He'd replicated one, and had tried to remember some of the songs. He'd remembered a couple. And was trying to remember another very specific song. He was fingering and experimenting when he was suddenly aware he was not alone, he put the flute down. "How long have you been there?"
"Only a couple of minutes." Kathryn smiled. "That was beautiful--what was it?"
"A song my grandfather taught me. I only wish I'd paid more attention." He turned to look at her and motioned she should sit beside him.
As she sat, she asked, "Is this what you will do tomorrow?"
He grinned. "I had another idea for entertaining the crew--I figured I wouldn't go."
She frowned, "How is that entertaining?"
"Because, I'd make sure you were with me. The crew would have a wonderful time with the gossip."
She laughed. "Only if I can watch you try to explain to Neelix why you were absent."
"I'm sorry Neelix, but the Captain and I were in middle of some very delicate discussions and decided to miss the entertainment. I'm sure the crew had a great time. We did." He winced as she ribbed him. "Or perhaps I should just say that we were..."
She kissed him. "No, I think we'll attend. Anyway I want to hear that piece you were playing." She started to stand.
He grabbed her hand, "Where are you going?"
"I have work to do..."
"So do I, actually. Stay here to work."
She smiled and looked around. "All right." She removed her hand from his and walked over to his computer terminal and sat down. "I hope you don't need the computer."
"Not right away, but we'll have to get a second terminal." He smiled suddenly. "Or put a door in the wall."
She smiled to herself, "Computer display fuel consumption reports for past week." She started to look at the data and worked to ignore the man who shared the room with her. And ignoring the significance of putting a door between their quarters.
****
"Commander...Chakotay, are you planning on ignoring me. If so..." B'Elanna growled as she thought about dumping the strange colored liquid--Neelix was serving with breakfast today--on his head.
"B'Elanna, I'm sorry. Please join me."
She sat down. "Sleep well?"
"B'Elanna, you were never any good about being subtle. What do you want?"
"Lost in thought and now irritable. I just wondered what you were going to do for tonight's talent night. I hear you're scheduled."
"So I hear..."
B'Elanna raised her eyebrows and smiled. "Well you still have a few hours yet to think about it." She sipped her drink and took another bite of her muffin. "You have quite a challenge, topping the Captain's performance. I don't think there was a dry eye in the house." She looked up at him. "You've been a terrible influence on her. The Dying Swan as comedy--I gather it's suppose to be a tragedy."
Chakotay laughed, remembering that night, then stopped as he remembered their conversation on the shuttle and all that had happened since. "So, what will you be doing?" He asked her.
"Me, I don't perform. And you might want to reconsider volunteering me. I suspect the warp core might develop a high level neutrino leak that night." She laughed. "I did notice Tuvok is scheduled for bridge duty tonight."
"Yes, he's loaning me his copy of the Vulcan epic *T'Derl's Lament.* It supposedly takes six hours, though if I embellish it, it might go seven."
She laughed. "I can arrange for some tomatoes. Why don't you sing. Or better yet sing a duet." His look dared her to continue. "You have to sing better than the Doc, and we've already been subjected to his interpretation of 'Celeste Aida'."
"B'Elanna, how much does the crew know?" He asked.
She looked at him, all innocence. "Know?" Her smile changed when she saw Tom enter. "Almost everything, Commander," she added very quietly, before leaving to go sit with Tom.
****
Kathryn looked around the crowded holodeck. Neelix and Tom had altered Sandrine's for tonight's party. They'd added a small stage in the back, and removed the pool tables. The number of tables had been increased. She smiled when she noticed that Tom and B'Elanna were sitting at table in the back and holding hands. Her smile increased when she saw her First Officer sitting alone at a table in another corner. She decided to avoid creating any additional rumors and would sit elsewhere, when Neelix intercepted her. "Good evening Captain. We're delighted you decided to come. I even have a seat reserved for you. Please come this way."
She was not surprised when he showed her the empty seat at the Commander's table. He stood and smiled at her. She turned away. Gods this would have the crew gossiping. She noted that several of the crew were watching, and even worse, smiling. She felt herself blushing. She turned to look at the table.
"Captain." Chakotay nodded, there was just the trace of a grin on his face.
"Commander. You still planning on performing?" She asked as they sat down.
"If you insist." The grin was a little bigger.
She looked around, suddenly suspicious. "Chakotay, what..."
He almost laughed, he would have taken her hand, but noticed that most of the crew were observing them. "B'Elanna and Tom sit unnoticed in the back--he's even kissed her once. No one noticed--but everybody is watching us. I wonder why."
"I noticed. Maybe we shouldn't be sitting together."
"Neelix would be disappointed if you left now. He went to a lot of work to for this party."
"I suppose." She looked around rather self consciously. "They know?"
He nodded. "You didn't expect to keep us a secret?"
She shook her head. "I was hoping we'd have a little more time before they figured it out." The audience clapped. It looks like Neelix is ready."
"Welcome everybody," Neelix said as he waved his hands to stop the applause. "Not too many people volunteered for this evening. So Tom and I have an additional surprise." He noticed Tom signal him. "But before our one guest, Tom wants to make an announcement." He sat back down at the bar and watched Tom being *helped* to the stage by Harry and B'Elanna.
Paris looked around a moment, cleared his throat several times, before he began. "Uh...Maybe this can wait..." Harry shook his head. "Well, what can I say. Tonight several people will be delighted and I may be shoved into an air lock..." There was laughter from the crowd. "Almost three years ago we arrived out here and...Certain parties started...an...uhh...a guessing game. There were a variety of topics and bets were made...Usually the winners have received their...uhh...prizes quietly." Despite the show of nervousness, Tom was enjoying himself. "Several bets were placed on...well...were placed. Three of us will be splitting a rather substantial pool. And for obvious reasons, the house will not be taking his usual cut." There was more laughter from the crowd. "Myself, Samantha Wildman, and Kes. I've already programmed the replicator rations into our accounts." He started to step down, but Harry stopped him. "Oh, yes. It seems Harry also entered into another *guessing game* and was one of two people who will be receiving rations from another pool. The other only used a codename." He smiled, "Considering what the *guesses* were about, I guess it is only appropriate that she should be one of the winners." He lifted the glass he was holding. "I'd like to propose a toast. May the objects of these friendly wagers please be kind to a certain handsome young pilot and not throw him out an airlock." He paused and looked solemn. "To Voyager."
The crew stood and there was the echo from everybody. Kathryn was trying to decide whether to lock her chief navigator in the brig or laugh. Or possibly both. She noticed that Chakotay was also trying not to laugh. "I wonder how many replicator rations were involved..."
He looked at her, "Tom said he's completed the transfer, perhaps you could just look." Then he winked. "Unless you meant the other pool."
"Perhaps you would both like to share a cell."
Neelix was signaling for quiet again. "I am pleased to present tonight's performer. Commander Chakotay"
There was applause as the commander walked to the stage carrying his instrument. He looked around quickly and focused on one woman. "I'm here under duress. So as not to destroy the festivities, I'm only going to play three pieces. My Grandfather taught them to me years...And years ago." He sat down on the stool and took his flute (about the size of a tenor recorder) and started to play.
The low contemplative notes filled the room. Kathryn watched him, noticing that all the while his eyes hadn't left her. She didn't bother to look, but could sense that everybody in that room realized that he was playing for only one person.
He finished and acknowledged the applause before going back to where the Captain sat.
"Lovely," she said as he sat down. "I like the last one."
He smiled, "I played that one especially for you." He reached over the table to take her hand and was surprised when she let him. "Do..."
He was interrupted by the sound of a small band from the stage. Neelix had introduced a holo-band and several couples were already dancing. Chakotay looked at her and she nodded. Together they moved to the dance floor where he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Lost in their own little world, they ignored the smiles and knowing looks.
Tom watched the Captain and Commander as they started to dance, then looked at B'Elanna. She was also watching them.
B'Elanna spoke first, "I guess I'll submit some of the plans we've been working on to combine their quarters."
Tom chuckled. "Well, well. Would you care to dance?"
She smiled as she shook her head. "I'd thought I'd try to get to sleep early..." She almost laughed at his look of disappointment. "But somehow I doubt I will..."
Tom looked at her and grinned. "Be careful what you wish for Lieutenant..."
She laughed. "You mean I might get some sleep?"
"No, just the opposite..."
**
Kathryn slipped out of her bed and went to the window. Silently she watched the streams of light flow by. She didn't hear him come up behind her. "Couldn't sleep?" He asked.
She nodded. "I was thinking."
He stood behind her and put his arms around her. "About anything in particular?"
"Life. Fate. Peace."
They stood there for several minutes, thinking about their life in the Delta Quadrant, the different paths they had taken to get to this moment. Of what it meant to both them, of what they meant to each other.
And how, together they had found the true meaning of peace...